Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Not Plastic Fantastic

Will somebody kindly explain to me what the fuck relevance that bollocksy Barclaycard advert has to do with fucking well using or having a Barclaycard.

Some curly haired, speccy four eyed, geeky twat wearing a pair of two sizes too small, 70's style swimming trunks - going down a wanking great water slide.

What has a credit card got to do with the aforementioned twat pulling his ill fitting trunks from out the crack of his arse and casually waving at his work mates (who, I might say, would probably report him to HR for perving about the place if this was in the real world).

The whole thing just gets even more head fuckingly ludicrous when Mr micro trunks leans over the side of the water slide and picks up a bastard banana. Then, fuck me jacob, he pays for it with his twatting credit card. Where the fuck did he whip that out from? His arse crack?

A bastard banana!
Where the buggery bollocks is he going to put that then? The mind absolutely boggles but it can't be up his arse because I assume the Barclaycard is already nestling against his sphincter and any additional items that were inserted would surely cause a certain amount of 'jostling' resulting in irreparable damage to the ring-piece region. 

Judging from the disdainful 'good grief he looks like he might be pleased to see me' look on the librarian's face, my bet is that the the curly headed cretin has shoved the bastard banana down the front of his shrink in the wash speedos.

Then, why the fuck does he need to pay for the sodding Subway? I didn't see the goggle eyed twat get on a twatting train at any twatting time, did you?

And if all of that shit wasn't a enough to make my poor tiny brain spin faster than Alastair Campbell after a Brownfinger fuck up, the shitting soundtrack is just that. Shit!

Don't get me wrong I like the nostalgic 70s & 80s thing, as you know, but 'Let Your Love Flow' by The Bellamy Brothers! What a load of fucking old bollocks! So what the fuck is that mini trunked twat up to on that water slide then? Fucking hell, don't tell me he's 'knocking one out' for his deposit account. Why doesn't the dirty 'credit card in the arse' pervert just be content with pissing in the pool, like any normal person?

Bollocks. It's all total bollocks.

Furthermore, how the fuck does the the tiny trunky twat get back to work again in the morning and what's he going to wear? He left his work clothes in the office. Does he go in the trunks or does he put another suit on? If he puts another suit on, where the buggery bollocks does Mr taut trunks store all the clothes that he keeps leaving at work?

Fucked if I know.
Too many questions. Head is fucked.

Leave it with you.

I'm off to eat a muffin.


banned said...

I don't have a telly and your link does not appear to work but I can picture the scene that you so elegantly describe.
I do wonder about the people who go to a shop for the Daily Express and a packet of Polos who have no cash and so pay by credit card; have they no fucking sense at all ?

Screech said...

whoa dude, watch the blood pressure lol, yeah i can see why that ad gets your goat, it is a steaming pile of rancid baboon shit. Time for me to trawl the ads i think, see what else can make my blood boil, fuck im venomous sometimes.

Anonymous said...

Ooops, sorry about the link, it was my fault.
Should be all Ok now.

suzy_wong said...

Ha I thought this advert was rather funny even if I didn't get the point of it. Who pays for a banana with a credit card when they cost like 30p the charge for using the card would be more!

That twat going down the slide is Jason from Gavin and Stacey!

I would love to go down that slide do you thinks its real!! lol

Anonymous said...

Yeah, should have mentioned about the twats who spend a fucking quid in the paper shop and then get out their credit card.

Are they just compete fucking idiots or are they so skint that they can't even scrape up a quid.

Check down the sofa cushions you twats, there's always a bit of loose change there!

banned said...

It's working fine now, thanks; he is extremly slappable and the ad does nothing to make me wish to re-establish my Ex-relationship with Barclaycard.

Anonymous said...

It is a totally pathetic advert I agree with you entirely.