Message To Hellesdon Hospital Norwich

Oi! Hellesdon Hospital in Norwich!

Will you stop wasting tens of thousands of pounds, of tax payers' money, on these 'Sit and Slim' vibrating Miruji chairs. Just how many of these fuckers are you intending to buy, using our cash, at £5,000 a fucking pop anyway? 

On second thoughts, I don't want to know, I'm trying to keep the blood pressure down today. Oh, and don't give me all that bollocks about how much cheaper they will be compared to forking out £15,000 for some fat fuck or other to have a gastric band fitted instead.

Fuck the chairs, fuck the gastric bands ... just tell all the fat bastards to get up off their lardy fucking arses, get some regular excercise and stop filling their gargantuan gut buckets with pizzas, pork pies, takeaways, coca-fucking-cola and any other junk shite they've been shoveling down their gullets. That way they'll save money, we'll save money and the fat twats will get shot of all that fucking lard they're carrying around.

Now get back to work, fuck the chairs off, fuck the gastric bands off, and re-direct our money to pay for much more vital resources, that will benefit the more deserving people who really are sick ... and not just self-fucking indulgent, tardy blubber mountains.

I thank you.

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Who Are You Voting For?

If you haven't already done so, tomorrow (Tuesday 20th April) is the last day that you can register to vote in the forthcoming General Election. This includes postal votes.

Incidentally, I see that 'vote rigger' Jamshed Khan has been out on the campaign trail, in a key marginal, with Eric Pickles and a couple of shadow cabinet ministers you may have heard of.

Just saying.

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Alex Salmond Is Irrelevant

Yes, apparently, he has been described as nothing but "a two-bit player" within the context of the forthcoming UK General Election.

That's as maybe but who on earth would have made such a statement?

Well, fuck me sideways with a large haggis and a year's subscription to Alex Salmond's pork pie and deep fried Mars bar rations, it was none other than Nick Cleggover.

Err . . . . pot, kettle, black I think.

b3ta.com


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New Scotland Lard Arses

Many thanks to one of my regular commentors for sending this one in. I nearly choked on my full English breakfast when I saw it! Absolutely fucking priceless . . .

click image to enlarge

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Someone in Ipswich Shoot the Fat Bastard!

He's already cost us over a £1 million!

This gut bucketing fat fuck is costing the taxpayer over £100,000 a year. Yes! We are paying for 6 or 7 healthcare (?) workers, on a 24hr rota, to fill this fat bastards face with chips, burgers and takeaways and now we are expected to foot the bill for his NHS 'stomach banding' operation. Oh, and then there's the cost of providing a reinforced ambulance/crane/forklift to transport the Ipswich Lard Mountain to the nearest hospital.

Why the fuck didn't the carers (?) just reduce Blubber Boy's food intake in the first place?

Give me fucking strength!


+++UPDATE+++
Here's another fat bastard that needs shooting!

Gordon Brown Vs Susan Boyle

Does My Arse Look Big In This?

YES!

Now fuck off.

You lard ridden, pocket lining, freedom fucking, kebab gorging cunt.

Run Fat Boy Run

Red Face Day 1

BBC News Impartial - Fat Chance

Another day of hard graft saw me 'flat out like a lizard drinking', paying attention to detail, taking pride in my work, customer is king (or queen) etc, ethics which are standard issue to all of us normal 'work-fucking-hard'-for-a-living-and-you-shall-be-rewarded' types.

Anyway, whilst I was doing this, my customer happened to switch on the TV for the BBC news.

I was absolutely fucking well astonished!

The 'top story' was all about fat fucking chavs getting diabetes because they were all so lardy arseingly fat! Sitting around on their doughnut infested bulging buttocks is apparently the main cause for 'catching' type 2 diabetes. 41,000 of the fat fucks in the last few years.

Makes fucking sense to me but who gives a fuck? Eat + no excersise = fat fucker. Why is it headline news? And why did they spend at least ten minutes discussing it? Well, when I say discussing I mean interviewing five a day green grocers, doctors who hadn't eaten for 10 years and humungous whale looking wankers with half a cow and a sack of king edwards in their fat chav gobs whilst drinking 'atlantic' sized Pepsis sucked through a hosepipe.

Anyway, I'll tell you why, and this was the reason my astonishment was absolutely fucking. Further down the list of news items was the story about Jack Straw refusing to release the Cabinet minutes relating to the start of the Iraq war!

Yes that's right. The British Broadcasting Cunteration were literally burying an item of 'actual importance' under a pile of jelly on a plate, gut bucketing, lardy cake snaffling lardy arses that feed their fat fucking faces with lard fucking sandwiches all day whilst claiming benefits instead of working for a living.

That's why I was fucking astonished.

I just can't tell you which, out of the three useless wankers, I was most cross about.

1. The BBCunteration for trying to distract me from/fucking bury the 'real news'
   
2. The junk food jerk offs who get diabetes just because they are all lazy cunts
3. Jack 'zip it' Straw for vetoing the release of the Iraq war Cabinet minutes which immediately leads you to think, 'what the fuck are you hiding you untrustworthy bunch of Nulabore nonces?

My conclusion?

Another classic case of the British Broadcasting Cunteration helping Gordoom Brownfinger, and his band of useless tossers, to bury news that they'd rather we didn't know about.

Oh and fat, benefit blagging chavs are all cunts.

That'll be all three then.

Twats!

Perceived Social Isolation

Thanks for this posting goes to

it's either banned or compulsory who says . . . . 

G.O.T., try staying calm and rational after reading this article which points the finger at the latest group of NHS Resources ABUSERS:

Loneliness as harmful as smoking and obesity

In outline this states that single people get ill because they lack companionship, they get as ill as smokers and the obese. Because they are single they lack self-control and are therefore more likely to 'comfort eat', give up on exercise regimes, have a second or even third 'comfort scotch' to combat feelings of loneliness and depression.

The reason they are single is because they lack social skills (which might be interpreted as being anti-social).

Statisics show that the largest number of households by size = 1
They are easily identifiable because they will have signed up for single discount Council Tax ( ie data-base already in place, cunning huh !)

Single people. The New Jews.

G.O.T. says:

Calm? Rational?

Not a fucking hope in hell.

Perceived Social Isolation!

Where the fuck did that come from?

Its called LONELINESS you scientific twats!

Why do you have to think up stupid names for things that means we have to ask what they mean which means you might as well have used the original meaning in the first place.

AND, more importantly, how many more ways are they going to find to preclude people from receiving care via the NHS. And anyway what the fuck is wrong with being single. It's not a twatting disease, you can't fucking catch it! Some people would fucking well prefer to be on their own.

AND, as EBC points out, this is yet another way for the Government to segregate innocent members of the population by stealth.

Finally, if loneliness is such a bad thing I hope Gordoom Brownfinger finds it soon by fucking the fuck off and leaving us all alone. Come to think of it he's already a fat fucker so maybe he's already half way there.

One can only wish.

We're Not All Fucking Chavs

The Grumpy Old Twat has been shocked to the core, yet again, by some marketing mong or other who has decided to 'fix' something that just isn't fucking broken.

Most of you will all ready know that I don't like change for change's sake and it certainly fucks me off big time when some spotty faced twat, fresh out of marketing school, decides to fuck around with perfectly adequate existing foodstuffs that have been happily available in the same traditional way for donkeys years.

Well, Walkers 'jug eared smug twat lineker' Crisps have decided we now need some new flavours with which to tickle our taste buds. Oh no, Ready Salted, Cheese & Onion, Salt & Vinegar and Smokey Bacon just aren't fucking good enough for us anymore.

Ok, ok, so I admit to the odd packet of Tomato Ketchup flavour but it appears that those who know best at Wankers Crisps have decided that we have now all become lardy arsed, gut bucketing, 50" plasma watching, fat fucking freeloading, tasteless Chavs and we now need these 6 new flavours to suit our benefit fueled lay-about lifestyle.

1. Onion Bahji
   
2. Fish & Chips
   
3. Cajun Squirrel
   
4. Builder's Breakfast
   
5. Chilli & Chocolate
   
6. Crispy Duck & Hoisin
   

I fucking shit you not!

Whaaaat the buggery, fucking, bollocks of a planet were these 'fuck up our food' fuckers on when they thought of this pile of shit? And what kind of sad fuck sits down in his laboratory, whips out his tasteless taste buds, and decides what fucking squirrel should taste like?

Just fuck the fuck off, get a new life and leave our crispy comestibles alone!

It's enough to drive me to drink.

Oh, ok then, just a bottle of Islay single malt with the top off and a straw inserted . . . .  oh, and perhaps a few Twiglets would be nice. No 'funny fuck' flavours though.

Twats!

Top Gear's The Stig is Finally Revealed

So what.

Who gives a fuck?

I certainly don't. I don't even watch the blessed programme anymore.

That Jeremy Clarkson gets right on my tits these days. That self opinionated fat fuck of a dickhead is more interested in wasting BBC licence fee payers money, going on pointless jaunts to the 4 corners of the World, than actually telling us anything interesting about cars.

Anyway, the real identity of the Stig is Ben Collins.

Who the fuck is Ben Collins? Well apparently he is a little known sports car driver from Bristol with a particular skill for driving in the wet. His other main claim to fame is that he was the stunt driving double for Daniel Craig in The Quantum of Solace.

That's fucked Jeremy Twatson up the arse anyway.

The only interesting talking point to be generated by Twat Gear in recent years was trying to guess who the Stig was. So what next?

Like I give a shit.

Twatson Twat!