Funniest MMGW Story Of The Year

A fire that caused $1.1 million worth of damage to a warehouse, filled with rock legend Neil Young's music equipment and memorabilia, appears to have been caused by his hybrid car which was also stored at the site.

Bwaahahahahahahahahahahaha!

And as if that wasn't ironic hilarious enough, the music legend had just returned from an appearance at the Specialty Equipment Market Association car show in Las Vegas ....
where he had delivered a 'talk' on his hybrid electric Lincoln.

"I love my car!" he told the audience.

A hockey stick of his choice goes to C Monster for the heads up ;-)

NUS Students Set Up A Self Pity Blog

What the fuck!

Some friends of the fire extinguisher wielding 'attempted murderer' have set up a blog where we can all show our solidarity for the actions of the rioting students. Apparently the mood was good spirited, with chants, singing and flares ... and shit.

Well that's alright then ... so let's have a look at the huge list of names who are supporting this bollocks so far, shall we:

Mark Bergfeld, NUS NEC

Sean Rillo Raczka, Birkbeck SU Chair and NUS NEC (Mature Students’ Rep)

Vicki Baars, NUS LGBT Officer (Women’s Place)

Alan Bailey, NUS LGBT Officer (Open Place)

Kanjay Sesay, NUS Black Students’ Officer

Matt Bond, NUS Disabled Ctte (Open Place rep)

Michael Chessum, Education and Campaigns Officer UCL SU

Jade Baker, Education Officer Westminster Uni SU

Cameron Tait, University of Sussex Students’ Union President

Nathan Bolton, Campaigns Officer Essex University Students’ Union

Clare Solomon, ULU President

Jim Wolfreys, UCU NEC

Dr Marion Hersh UCU NEC and Scottish Executive

Alex Gordon, President, National Union of Rail, Maritime & Transport Workers (RMT)

Lee Hall, playwright ‘Billy Elliot’

Hilary Wainwright, Transational Institute

Alex Callinicos, Professor of European Studies King’s College London

So was it one of those fuckers that threw the extinguisher then?

Who knows but TheEye has much more on this story and he ain't too fucking chuffed.

.

Green Gadget Guide

I spotted an article on the Telegraph website the other day ... Green Gadget Guide it was called. What a load of fucking bollocks! Basically, it was just a way for some green spunk monkey or other to sound all fucking pretentious about so-called energy saving devices and provide a vehicle for Amazon to flog, to all those gullible green mongs, a shit load of twatting tat.

Here is a small selection of their 'Top Ten' ... with my Gotty Green Gadget Guide (money saving alternative) following each cash wasting 'energy saving' item:

Water Pebble

Sits in your shower, recording the amount of water you use per wash. Using a system of traffic lights, it tells you when you’re using more than average and gradually cuts down the time until the amber or red lights come on. Cutting a shower from 22.5L to 18L uses one third less energy, but you probably won’t even notice.

Price : £7.25

Shower every other day. Uses 50% less energy and you probably won't even notice.

Price : Twat all

Ecobutton

Works simply by allowing you to press it once to switch them into their most efficient mode. It connects to your computer via a standard USB port, and is an illuminated reminder of how easy it can be to save electricity. To waken your computer from its ecoslumber, however, just one key press makes it come back instantly. It can save you up to £50 per year.

Price : £8.25

Go to preferences control panel and select energy saving mode. When you're not using your computer it puts itself to sleep. To waken your computer from it's 'ecoslumber', just press any key ... or click the fucking mouse. It can save you up to £100 per year.

Price : Sweet fuck all

Wattson Silver Lining Energy Monitor

A clip attaches to your home’s main power supply, and then the main monitor itself can be sited anywhere to display your energy usage in power and financial terms. This information can precipitate 20 per cent savings.

Price : £123.45

Look at your electricity bill when it arrives, it will display your energy usage in power and financial terms. If it's a huge fuck off bill it can precipitate 35% savings.

Price : Bugger all

Dell Latitude E6510

Unlike many ‘rugged’ laptops, which confuse durability with bulkiness, this Dell Latitude is sleekly styled but incredibly robust, thanks to reinforced hinges and latches and an almost indestructible display. Longer-lasting laptops mean less recycling.

Price : £1959

Treat you current laptop with respect. Don't use it as a TV dinner tray or as a frisbee while you're on the beach. The hinges and latches will be just fine if your name isn't Gordon Brown. Longer-lasting laptops mean less recycling.

Price : Fackawl, innit

Breville Hot Cup

Kettles are fundamentally inefficient pieces of technology: you guess how much water to put in, then you boil all of it without reference to how much you’re actually going to use. Water heaters, while not looking too attractive in the main, work by dispensing the perfect cupful from their tanks. It’s a simple, elegant solution.

Price : £44.95

Take cup, or mug, fill with water from tap. Empty cup, or mug, of water into kettle. Boil kettle. Using same cup, or mug, make your preferred hot drink. Easy to multiply by number of hot drinks required. It's a simple, efficient solution. It could well be elegant too, depending on the design of cup, or mug, you are using.

Price : (you guessed it) Fucking fuck all!

Green fucking gadgets!

What a fucking load of absolute twatting bastard bollocks!

Or .... as 'crosswordkid' more politely stated in the comments of that article :

"Green gadgets". In other words, how can we assuage your misplaced middle-class guilt and at the same time extract as much money as possible from your wallets?

Oh, and these things are a waste of fucking time, money and energy too.

.

Climate Change Deniers Day

I recently watched some PowerSmart climate change tv commercials and they kind of got me thinking .... why should it just be the tree hugging, tofu eating, warmists that have their own climate change events. You know the sort of thing..... save this, stop using that, poor ickle polar bear days .... and shit. And who can forget those 10:10 eco terrorists, with their day of global doing, including that video which threatened to blow up up anyone (including children) that didn't believe in all that man made global warming bollocks.

So... "fuck it!", I thought ..... how about a climate change Deniers Day?

A chance for the rest of us to display our total disregard for that 'science is settled' nonsense and turn things on their head. A day where, instead of saving 10%, we can go about our normal everyday business using an extra 100% or more .....

What do you reckon .... an idea you could warm to perhaps?

.

Fabio Capello : Exclusive Interview

If you thought there had been some football on this week, you were wrong .... England were playing. However, Grumpy Old Twat's Chief Sports Reporter, Gildas Axelrod, managed to grab a quick post match interview with the England manager Fabio Capello:

Capello in a typically Alan Partridge stance
relaxing in his hotel room post match

Axelrod: Fabio, obviously it’s a disappointing result ...
England 0 Lady Boys of Bangkok 0 ... what went wrong?

Capello: No....eeeeee....ahhh.....yeees... I think they play....well...er...nooo...

Axelrod: Fabio, why are England such shit?

Capello: Scusi!?

Axelrod: You know. Utter and complete fucking shite. Merde. Scheisse. Merda. Why is that?

Capello: Eeeeeehh...ahhhh...no...I think....yeees...maybe eeeess pressure...

Axelrod: Do you think it’s cos you’re a cack handed Italian twat that nobody can understand? Or are the players just total shit anyway?

Capello: No...er...Rooney...play good...maybe...no...Yes...

Axelrod: That was Colleen Rooney, Fabio. Wayne’s been in the changing room shagging grannies all evening.

Capello: She play well....maybe...yeees...good catalogue maybe...

Axelrod: Do you think it was a mistake not to name the team until forty minutes into the second half?

Capello: No...eees no problem...is yes...no...scusi?

Axelrod: Fabio, a lot has been made of your inability to speak good English. Do you think it could be a factor?

Capello: Scusi? I no...errr.......yeeeees....maybe...I think problem, no.

Axelrod: Fabio, can you tell us how much you earn?

Capello: It’s a six million pounds a year basic with a euro lock in currency exchange hedge, coupled with a no win full fee index linked under performance bonus of 200 per cent with an integrated transnational image right package paid via a specially incorporated Single Purpose Vehicle domiciled in the Cayman islands for maximum tax efficiency plus car and pension.

Axelrod: I think that says it all. Thank you.

Capello: Grazi. Now vaffanculo!

Axelrod: Itie twat!

Richard Curtis Talks About The 10:10 Mini-Movie No Pressure

In this short documentary Richard Curtis, the man behind Comic Relief and the writer responsible for the 10:10 No Pressure mini-movie, gives us his insight into the making of the 'splattergate' eco fascist film. It also includes cameo appearances from Franny Armstrong, the film's director, and that tree hugging marxist and Forrest Gump impersonator, Red Ed Miliband.

Incidentally, following a tip off from a commentor here, I'm rather looking forward to today's official statement from Sony who have taken the decision to disassociate themselves as one of the official partners of the 10:10 project. I see their name has already disappeared from the list of sponsors and funders. Hmmm, I wonder if the BBC, as producers of Comic Relief, will also be withdrawing their support any time soon?

No pressure ;-)

+++ LATEST +++

Via The Filthy Engineer,
I see that the 'splattergate' outrage is starting to go global .....

My previous posts on the 10:10 eco fascists
can be found HERE and HERE.

Climate Change : The Final Solution ++++Updated++++

Much better than the original 10:10 mini-movie version .......

No pressure!



+++ UPDATE +++

How exciting!

I see those 10:10 fuckwits have got a 'Make Your Own Poster' facility on their webshite. Well .... it'd be fucking rude not to, wouldn't it. Here's mine ......

Have a go yourself HERE ;-)

No Pressure ++Updated++

Does anyone out there know what effect industrial quantities of boiled piss has on the habitat of polar bears ..... I can't think it does the seal scoffing furry fuckers many favours. So perhaps the likes of Richard Curtis, Gillian Anderson, Radiohead and a group of fucktard Spurs football players might like to think about that before they start trying to brain wash our kids with this load of scaremongering bollocks:

How the fucketty fuck do 10:10UK suppose that this self gratifying, holier than fucking thou, delusional, over indulgent, warmist wankfest of a 'mini-movie' is going to help reduce environmentally damaging emissions.

1. The 40 or so strong film crew all walked to the locations and used solar power to run all their lorry loads of equipment, did they.

2. They hadn't reckoned on a tsunami of boiled piss sweeping all before it every time I watched that load of liberal lefty propaganda, causing untolled environmental destruction.

3. MMGW is total bollocks anyway.

Oh, and if you'd like to tell those 10:10 twats what you think via Twitter then you can twatter the twatting twats right here ..... @1010 ..... No Pressure.

+++UPDATED+++

As mentioned in the comments, due to the uproar, 10:10 have already pulled the video from YouTube but they're fucking well  mistaken if they think it's going to disappear that easily. MicroDave has already uploaded a copy to EyeTube, so here it is:

Richard 'the climate cunt' Curtis and his warmist mutual masturbation mongs have also issued an apology of an apology and, courtesy of SadButMadLad via the comments, here's what it says:

"Today we put up a mini-movie about 10:10 and climate change called 'No Pressure’.

With climate change becoming increasingly threatening, and decreasingly talked about in the media, we wanted to find a way to bring this critical issue back into the headlines whilst making people laugh. We were therefore delighted when Britain's leading comedy writer, Richard Curtis - writer of Blackadder, Four Weddings, Notting Hill and many others – agreed to write a short film for the 10:10 campaign. Many people found the resulting film extremely funny, but unfortunately some didn't and we sincerely apologise to anybody we have offended.

As a result of these concerns we've taken it off our website.

We'd like to thank the 50+ film professionals and 40+ actors and extras and who gave their time and equipment to the film for free. We greatly value your contributions and the tremendous enthusiasm and professionalism you brought to the project.

At 10:10 we're all about trying new and creative ways of getting people to take action on climate change. Unfortunately in this instance we missed the mark. Oh well, we live and learn.

Onwards and upwards,

Eugenie, Franny, Lizzie and the whole 10:10 team"

What a load of fucking bollocks.
Free? Free my fucking arse. Here are the financiers .....

ActionAid
The Carbon Trust
The Energy Saving Trust
The Guardian
O2
Sony
Kyocera

They have all helped to fund the 10:10 Campaign.



My piss hasn't stopped boiling yet.

Guest Speaker of the Day

I see, via TheEye, that today is a big day if you're a member of the The British Stammering Association because their London Open Day event is taking place in Bethnal Green. All are w-w-w-welcome.

The main highlight, of course will be the attendance of their s-s-s-special guest speaker, Ed 'blinky' Balls, who has t-t-t-taken time out from his desperate attempt not to finish last in the Labour Leadership Election busy schedule to take as long as possible to say a few words.

The day will also be offering attendees an eclectic mix of workshops and presentations (or so they say) with various topics that will include:

• Stress: to react or respond?
• Neuro-linguistic programming
• McGuire Programme and Starfish Project
  (I do hope that's not a chocolate one?)
• Workshops dealing with public speaking, belief system, non-avoidance
   and schools etc.

What the fuck!

And as TheEye points out ..... Public speaking? Belief system? Non-avoidance? Is B-B-B-Balls going as a speaker or as a fucking patient? Well, one thing's for fucking sure, he won't be needing any of those skills when he comes last in the Labour Leadership election. Despite his delusions of grandeur, it's still a straight race between the one who looks like a rapist and the one who has borderline Down's Syndrome.

You're Nicked!

Albeit very, very slowly.

Lincolnshire police farce has unveiled its latest weapon in the fight against crime. They've even fitted it with a flashing blue light, just in case of a high speed chase.

Is it just me or has the whole world gone fucking mad.

Balls The Builder

Still denying that debt then, I see.

Quotes of Quimishness

"As we tear through the statute book, we'll do something no government ever has. We will ask you which laws you think should go,"

But, of course, we're not going to take any fucking notice. We'll just cherry cunting pick the ones that we wanted to have anyway. As this hypocuntical, coaltion, cock wipe, clearly demonstrates here.

"Of course, there are suggestions which aren't going to be taken up by this government whether it's .... I dunno [shrug], changing the smoking ban"

That's just one popular suggestion that's been ignored. How many others will there be I wonder? Sadly, I'm not surprised of course but it doesn't make me any less fucking angry to be proved bastard well right ....

Renewable Reality

A wind turbine was installed at Southwell Community Primary School, Portland, about 18 months ago thanks to a grant from the Department of Energy and Climate Change and, as John Shades imagines, it probably went a bit like this:

(1) We believed you when you said CO2 was a threat,

and that windmills were part of the answer.

(2) We believed you when you said children in primary schools

should be told of climate threats.

(3) We believed you when you said our wind turbine

would kill only one bird a year.

But then renewable reality reared its ugly head.

14 dead birds in six months.

Headteacher coming in early to clean them up before the children arrived.

Children being upset by birds killed during the school day.

So ...... the wind turbine is shut down.

"We've tried so hard to be eco-friendly but now we can't turn it on."

"We can't get rid of it either because when we bought the turbine we had to apply for grants and the grant from the Department of Energy and Climate Change states that it has to stay on site for five years."

Now perhaps the teachers, having realised that (3) was in fact a total lie, will review what they have done on (2), and that will hopefully lead them back to (1) and the dawn of a shocking realisation: Humanity's CO2 has a negligible effect on climate, but it does benefit plants, and thus in due course, insects, birds, bees, herbivores, and people.

To try and put things into perspective MicroDave was despatched to Portalnd in the GottyCopter to see if he could get a picture of the big green killing machine ...... and here is what he came back with:

This is the tiny turbine that has so far killed 14 birds, mentally disturbed a school full of children and also wasted £20,000 of taxpayers money. Oh, and let's not forget, they can't get rid of the fucking thing either!

Incidentally, if you're looking for that nice bit of irony, which so often accompanies a story like this, then believe me when I say that you're not going to be disappointed this time either. Another 'tip of the turbine' goes to MicroDave for discovering who awaits you when click on to the front page of the School's own website.

You couldn't fucking make it up!

Chris Huhne Minister for Windmills ++Update++

I’ve been trying to think which politician on earth I would rather have less in a cabinet post in the current Coalition than Chris Huhne. And with the possible exception of Hugo Chavez, Kim Jong Il or Salma “Mrs Duckham” Yaqoob, I really can’t think of any.

James Delingpole

Ain't that the truth ......

My thanks to D-Rex for the inspiration, check out his original idea here

+++ UPDATE +++

Following an excellent suggestion in the comments,

here's a Phil Jones version.......

ConDem Nation Budget ++Update++

I'm no expert on the economy, as I will readily admit, but I do know a lie when I hear/see one. There have been far too many rumours circulating in the run up to today's Emergency Budget, about an expected hike in VAT.

I do hope that this is just some sort of 'spin double bluff'. You know the tactic. Politicians will leak that something bad is going to happen but then don't actually carry it out, in the devious attempt to render the minions so relieved that they won't notice all the other cluster fucks that are flying around.

I hardly need to remind you that we were told "there are no plans to raise VAT", in the run up to the May election so, presumably, that means the LibCon are fully aware they have no mandate to do so and they wouldn't possibly have lied to us would they.

BTW, still waiting for my cast iron EU Referendum, Dave.

Anyhow, as Calling England rightly points out, "under EU rules the government can raise VAT as much as it likes and when it likes but to reduce it again it must have permission". Hmmm, I guess we shall soon see what the outcome will be but I can't help thinking I need to check if I have any vaseline to hand .... just in case I feel like I've been shafted.

Apologies if you were kind of expecting to see a Live Blog on the Budget today, I just haven't been able to get around to organising it. So please feel free to use this post as an open thread for all things budgety bollocks where you can rant and rave to your heart's wallet's content. Or sing it's praises perhaps ;-)

++UPDATE++ 17:40

So there you have it.

Budget over, no pain, no gain blah blah blah, no surprises.

One thing bothering the fuck out of me though.

Am I almost alone in the fact that we've been lied to about the VAT increase? Don't get me wrong, it's not the actual increase that's boiling my piss tonight, it's the U-fucking-turn by Cleggeron. I've only seen one other blogger, so far, that is fucking furious about it.

Why is that?

I can only assume that being lied to sits pretty comfortably with those that agree with the end result. So what the fucketty fuck happened to principles then? Fucked if I know.

Ed Balls Reveals The Terrible Truth

With thanks to Billy for the inspiration

Grumpy Old Twat Doesn't Like .....

....... automated voice mail messaging services with it's press 1 for this and press 2 for fucking that and they never seem to have the selection that you really, really want. However, I recently came across an educational one that is a tad better than the usual bollocks .......

.

Alarmist Headline of the Decade

The headline in question was written nearly 3 years ago and considering it's the most fucking ridiculous piece of global warming, alarmist, scaremongering bollocks that I've ever seen, I can't believe it didn't come to light a tad sooner:

Over 4.5 billion people could die from Global Warming related causes by 2012

It carries on to say "..... as planet Earth accelarates [sic] into a greed-driven horrific catastrophe"

What the fuck!

So let me get this right, there are 6.7 billion people in the World and 4.5 billion of them are going to die because we've had the odd barbecue summer or two (or not as the case may be). All those people are going to die within 5 years because they couldn't be fucked to drive a Prius* or switch their Sky+ box off standby?

The not-so-easily-shockable Anthony at WUWT
ain't too fucking impressed either.

Shit! I've just remembered that this story is 3 years old so now we only have 2 years left to pay all those billions of pounds of green taxes to our Governments because that's the only thing they say will save us.

Quick! Quick! Run the fuck around now!

Yeah right.

*I reckon more people have died just because they HAVE bought a Prius.
Take this example for instance ..... death by 13amp plug ;-)

Balls Of Steal ++Updated++

How well do you know Ed Balls?

What do you really know about Gordon Brown's bully boy in chief

and Labour candidate for Morley and Outwood?

Claiming £33 for poppy wreaths is fucking disgrace!

The Sunlight Centre for Open Politics has bought advertising space in
the Yorkshire Post, Yorkshire Evening Post, Morley and Outwood Observer
and Wakefield Express, attacking Ed Balls for expenses abuse.

More details here.

Ed Balls: Have Your Say Part Deux

Do remember this post the other day, where we discovered that Ed Balls YouTube channel had 'comments on' and no moderation? Well there's another nice little opportunity to 'have your say with Ed', all you need is a Twitter or Facebook account.

He's out on the hustings and has been posting on his TwitPhoto page this morning. Once again, the comments are on and there's no moderation (will that totally out of touch twat ever learn?). Here's my comment on the lastest photo.....

Why not have a go yourself here.

Go on, you know you want to ;-)

.