Thank Fuck It's Friday [Part 11]

Yes! Thank fuck for that and I can finally get down the local tonight for a few pints and a decent bit of pub grub. Mind you, I don't think I'll be swinging by The Golden Fleece Inn at Tremadog, for a burger, anytime soon.

After watching this highly informative documentary, which has now been banned by YouTube, you can probably see my point .....

Look out for the dog at the end of the film ..... says it all really. Priceless!

Incidentally, this isn't the end of the 'shittiest burger in Wales' story, there's much more to tell. Watch this space for the next installment ;-)

Ellie Sucks Up To Balls

Unless you can think of a better caption of course?

How very progressive. Ellie Gellard gives Balls the benefit of her deft fingertip skills during yesterday's live webchat on Mumsnet which actually involved all 5 of the Labour leader candidates, in yet another pointless display of 'huffing and puffing, before Dave MiniBlair is duly 'elected'.

If you look at the same webchat from another angle, you will see that Balls is the only one incapable of typing for himself. Fuck me, even his prime mentalist mentor managed the odd stubby finger or two on such occasions!

However, Balls did manage a rebuttle of his unshakeable bullying tag: "If you have a surname like mine, you know what bullying is like when you are a child. I hate bullies I think they are cowards. So if you don't shut the fuck up I'll rip your fucking ears off and use them for ashtrays".

Other highlights included a laptop malfunction for Andy Burnham, after he spilt mascara all over his keyboard, and Diane Abbott announcing: "I have no advisors on this campaign, isn't though, I'm quite capable of finking for myself, innit, and writing my own speeches. Dew get me?" Oh, and Dave MiniBlair's biscuit of choice is a custard cream but rumours that Ed MiliMinor still enjoys a rusk dipped in warm milk were unconfirmed.

Thank Fuck It's Friday [Part 6]

After the fucking shit bag of a week I've had, never has that saying been more welcome than today. Nothing major, I'm still breathing, but it's just been one little piece of shit after another which eventually covered me in a shower of stinking shit .... if you know what I mean.

Anyway, fuck all that, it's Friday and the weekend starts here and I've twat loads of posts that are waiting to be finished and posted. In the meantime, first up for tonight, I have managed to obtain an exclusive picture of the Fat Poof's new personal assistant, hurriedly making his way to FPHQ....

Tip of the saddle to our resident paparazzi, MicroDave, for managing to capture it ;-)

After I've taken a quick visit to my new favorite supplier of Mind Bleach, I'll be catching up with your emails and your comments from my last few posts ..... then I'll be putting the finishing touches to another #TFIF post. I warn you ... it's a piss boiler and a fucking half so you'd better start knocking back a few stiff ones now (so to speak) ;-)

Another Shit Load Of Crap!

A couple of weeks ago we heard about this.

Now there's THIS.

Hmmm ...... there obviously seems to be a pattern developing here. Perhaps those in the know are getting ready for the major influx of arsewipes and shitwipes from Turkey.

Oh, and another thing ..... I thought this bastard lot had been banned!

Well ..... if that's the case, what the cunting fuck is this then?

Oh, for fucking fuck's sake! 

STOP PRESS:

The Islamic satellite channel al-Daleel has announced the groundbreaking launch of a new express service that delivers fatwas around the clock, to muzzie fuckwits everywhere, during the holy month of Ramadan.

I shit you not.

2012 Olympics Quote Of The Day

"When the party is over, the canoe courses, the velodrome and numerous other purpose built structures will slowly fall into decay or be converted to halal abbatoirs or Madrasses to cater for "local needs".

What a bag of shite."

Old Holborn

London 2012 Olympics

Shit Caption Competition

.

Dulux Colour Chart - New Range

Inspired by a few words in an article from Matthew Norman . . . 

click image to enlarge

If you have any better suggestions ( and I'd be fucking disappointed in all you sharp witted bastards if you didn't) then please feel free to leave your ideas in the comments section.

I will then promise to update my 'rip-the-piss-out-of-Labour' Colour Chart to include all the best suggestions and then re-post it during Silly Week. Credit, where it's due, will of course be given.

So, crack open a bottle of your favourite head fuck juice and get stuck in!

Smear Twats Dot Com

A little bit more here.

Damian McBride Bin Ends

It is almost certain now that Damian McBride will be fucked off into obscurity, by Brownfinger's army of spin doctoring dickwipes, in a desperate attempt to disassociate the one eyed snot gobbling twat from a shit smearing campaign he, more than likely, had his own stubby little Brownfinger in anyway.

So, to celebrate , I thought I would open a bottle of this . . . 

"Well, how do you do, young Damain McBride?
Do you mind if I sit here, down by your graveside?
And I'll rest for a while in the warm summer sun,
I've been walking all day, Lord, and I'm nearly done."

Off to the wine rack now to see what I can crack open next in anticipation of Dolly 'pussydick' Draper's welcome departure to No Man's Land too.

***** Update *****

According to Guido, McBride has now been fired!

Nice.

So, please form an orderly queue Messrs. Draper, Watson and Brown.

Twats!

Hat Tip Damian McBride

All Fools Day

68 Percent Say Fuck Off

Absolutely astonished to learn today that Sir Fred Goodwin, smug twat of the year, has been given even more of our cash. Just in case the £13,000 a week pension isn't enough for the cash laden piece of corporate wankstain to live on, RBS thought that they would chuck even more of our hard earned at him and give him  another £3 million in cash!

WE own 68% of that bollocksing excuse for a bank, no thanks to Gordoom the Goofer!

Somebody is taking the fucking piss here.

And there's more.

On top of the 3 mill, the old spunkers at the Royal Bank of Spunkstains are spurting another load of our spondoolies up the bollocking wall by agreeing to cover the cost of the smug twat's tax bill.

That'll be yet another £1.8million of our hard earned then.

And another thing about all this, that has also given me one a hell of a head fuck.

Some shit for brains twat at the Royal Bank of Shitwipes sanctioned Twatwin's cash bonanza of a pension to begin at aged 50 instead of 60 only TWO DAYS before he was dumped for being an incompetent cunt.

What the fucking fuck is fucking going on there then!

Ah well, at least we can be safe in the knowledge that under the new FSA rules, announced today, this sort of thing won't be able to happen again.

Yeah right.

They will need to recruit more staff to cope with the extra workload that will be generated by the new monitoring system so no prizes for guessing where these new wonderboys will be coming from then.

Yes, that's right, the fucking wanking banking sector!

Fuck off!

Another Waste of Tax Payers Money

Fuck me sideways!

Have you seen this heap of shit?

This has cost us £40,000 pounds!

It's a half finished shed that took 2 fucking years to build and is supposed to be a work of art!

Click here, if you want to see the twats that commissioned this load of bollocks.

They are so proud of this fucking heap of shit that they've made a short film about it.

Even more money wasted!

At no point do they mention that it cost the tax payers FORTY THOUSAND POUNDS.

These art group tossers are called FirstSite and have apparently had £millions of tax payers money.

The best bit?

It's only temporary and will be knocked down in February.

Whose the twat here?

1. The artist, for taking the piss?
2. FirstSite, for wasting our money on shitty self indulgent bollocks?
   
3. The poxy Government, for letting them have our money?
   

This is a classic case of three strikes and you're out.

They're all twats!