Back After The Break But Not For Long

It's been a couple of weeks now since I last posted anything on this blog and in the comments of that post I mentioned "Gotty's keyboard has been hung up. It's tired and all twatted out, just like Gotty ...".

I thought the break would do me good.

Nothing has changed. So it's time to call it a day.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read all my blog shite and/or leave comments on all my blog shite and I'm also grateful to those who have recommended all my blog shite to others. A special thanks to others in the blogosphere who have helped me to make this blog the success that it has become. You know who you are.

An extra special 'fuck the fucking fuck off and die' goes to the few that have done all they can to try and fuck this blog in the arse. You know who you are ... and more importantly so do I, you two faced arsewipes.

The Grumpy Old Twat blog may be dead but the blogger behind him certainly isn't so maybe you'll come across him in the blogosphere again one day ... somewhere else ...
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Throwing In The Towel

"For the last eighteen months I have been trying to wake up those who are comfy, safe and warm, firmly wrapped up in their fluffy duvets. I am tired now of prodding, and poking, and shaking those who do not wish to be awoken."

I know exactly how he feels.

It's hard work.

Personally, I think he has made a huge contribution to the blogosphere and still has plenty to offer us all in the future. Even if it's a swift kick up the arse to all those who would rather bury their heads in the sand in the hope that all the bad stuff will just 'go away'.

It won't.

Maybe we can persuade him not to hang up his keyboard?

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Nothing To See Here ...

... for another day or so. Two at the most.

Feel free to talk amongst yourselves or move along.

Meanwhile ...

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Blogging With A Difference

I have just finished reading the first major post on a interesting new blog that has appeared on the scene. I found the whole concept totally fascinating ... an approach to political blogging that I hadn't come across before.

"A cleaner, a thinker, an artist and very, very pissed off"

Don't just take my word for it, why not pay ArtCo a visit ... see what you think.

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Thank Fuck It's Friday [Part 14]

The weekend starts here which means I've managed to survive yet another week on the internet without my broadband connection, no thanks to B-fucking-T who have now been royally fucked the fuck off,  but the dongle thing is just about hanging on in there. Although I'm getting rather pissed off with having to re-boot the bastard thing once an hour or so. Ah well, beggars can't be choosers, eh.

So, as usual, red wine will be taken in industrial quantities while I kick back and reflect on a fairly typical shit stick of a week. Have a great weekend yourselves, wherever you happen to be on the internet ....

Click image to view the ridiculously large version

PS. I'd give a hat tip to the sad twat that spent hours and hours putting this map together in the basement of his mother's house but can't find out who the fuck is responsible for it. Perhaps the 'billy no mates geek' just doesn't want us to know ;-)

Matt Wardman Wire Less : Where's He Gone?

The highly respected Wardman Wire and Matt Wardman websites are both showing the same message .... "This account has been suspended". His Twitter and Facebook accounts are still active but neither have recent entries.

Any ideas?

Bloggers, in general, seem to be dropping like flies at the moment.

What the fuck is going on?

Is this thing contagious? Do I need to disinfect my google reader or something?

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The Final Words Of Anna Raccoon

I received an email from Anna Raccoon this morning asking me to publish her reply to the eulogy that I posted yesterday, which attracted so many well deserved comments from supporters of her now deleted blog. This, of course, I have done with pleasure .....

I am humbled, truly.

Reading through these comments I am reminded of the many exceptional people that exist on the internet. Good people, talented writers – yes, you Gildas – don’t you dare give up! – and big hearts.

Unfortunately, there are also a myriad of talentless, embittered souls, the pimply faced youths of Andrew Marr’s comment, spewing bile and negativity, metaphorically pulling the legs off any spider they happen to pass – just because they can. Because it’s free. Because it is a lawless area. As it should be – and that very freedom that they abuse will be at risk one day because of them.

I am not speaking of the obsessive adolescent ramblings of John Demetriou and his imaginary friend - ‘only I can see you Kevin’. They are pussy cats compared to the truly deranged that are out there in the blogosphere – I understand they are claiming credit for the demise of my blog – unfortunately I never read them, it was only after I had closed the blog that they wrote their latest poison missive and someone pointed me in that direction thinking that they had punctured my hide terminally. No such luck Demetriuzela.

No, out there in the ether, there are some seriously dangerous people, who targeted me many months ago for daring to hold a different opinion from them. They didn’t just ‘out’ me, they have continued to dig obsessively into my life, fantasising where they were unable to obtain information. They imagine, I suppose, that they were hurting me, punishing me for not agreeing with them. In fact the damage is far wider than that. They also cause intense pain amongst those I am related to. For although I have not known my family, they are out there, and had started the long journey of truth seeking which is a search for far flung members of your family.

They too, were Googling, and reading that I was a paedophile, a government agent, a ‘sleeper’ planted in the blogosphere to prevent the truth emerging (Jesus!) – faux psychiatric reports on me emerged, discussing the severe mental illness that apparently occasioned my adopting ‘different disguises’ – the allegedly ‘eminent psychiatrist’ responsible for that one had obviously never come across a woman who had been married three times and changed her name each time in accordance with British law! My National Health records were accessed - I know there are laws against this sort of thing, but the people concerned are mentally ill. Laws won't stop them.

My unknown family learnt that everything I did was in shallow pursuit of ‘hits’, that nobody ever linked to my work because they liked it, only because I had ‘brown nosed’ them. They learnt that I only ‘claimed’ to be a Quaker.

I could go on but I shan’t. Suffice it to say, that nervous as they were about making contact anyway, they have decided that it would be better not to have contact with such a patently despicable creature as me. That pains me for myself and them. I, in turn, realised that much of what has been written about me is because I had become better known. Others have had dissenting voices, but not the thousands of readers, so I became a particular target – and that could only get worse as time went on.

It has been like a lead weight on my shoulders, knowing that every day as I tried to write, amongst you good people there were also these utter snakes who visited the blog only to see what they could purloin, twist, plagiarise, take out of context, cause mischief with, denigrate. Last week-end I was plagued with e-mails demanding this and demanding that as the price of not writing any more about me. It completely overshadowed my delight at the Sheila Martin result. I stared at the screen for hours, feeling very, very alone in my battle with these people, and finally decided to just 'pull the plug'.

There is an intensely negative side to the Blogosphere; confrontational, aggressive. I had hoped to establish a political blog that was not so testosterone driven, where women – 50% of the public – were welcome. Some will say I should have stood up to the bullies, that letting them win is, well, letting them win – but the personal price I was paying was too high for me.

I have stood up to them for a long time, my illness started at the end of last year; there have been many days when the only thing I have done is write the blog, only to read from Demetriou that there was nothing wrong with me, my ‘alleged illness’ was merely a ‘drive for hits’, and then creep back to bed, pausing only to throw breakfast up on the way as I struggled to live through the treatment. Hashimoto Disease for your information you pathetic little dolt Demetriou.

I didn’t make any closing statement for precisely that reason – I knew that anything I said would be quoted and misquoted, pilloried by the likes of Demetriou. It wouldn’t have been my choice and was not with my permission that Obnoxio made the statement he did; but now that he has done and it has engendered this gracious response from Gildas and the many kind comments, it is only fair to say farewell. I shan’t be back, there is no cache of my work, no record, nothing for anyone to tease apart and take another meaning from, no more fun to be had baiting Anna Raccoon, she no longer exists. Nor will I be writing under any other name or on any other web site as some have suggested.

The air is fresher in the real world, it is full of real people (here in France anyway!) that wish you nothing but well. They seek to heal, not hurt, to help not hinder. They are honest and truthful, not furtive and secretive. When they do have feuds it is over something important like the menu for the Rugby Club dinner.

So if you’ll excuse me folks, I’m back off to gulp great lungfuls of fresh air.

Fare thee well folks ....
you were some of the best commentators to appear on any blog.

+++ UPDATE+++

Gotty says : Former contributors of her blog have just launched an "open home for all the fans of Anna Raccoon, hopefully to allow the continuation of the spirit of her blog".  Why not pop over and take a look to see what would have happened if the Chilean miners had been trapped in a British mine ;-)




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Anna Raccoon

A Eulogy by Gildas The Monk

Dear Brothers and Sister of the Blog

Many years ago, too many to remember, when the land was threatened by the barbarian, when law and justice were in danger, and when the nation had been betrayed by the corruption and incompetence of its political classes (sound familiar?), a man stepped forward who was willing to resist the decline into the coming Dark Ages, and who with courage and virtue took up arms.

He is known to the modern world as Arthur, and he was dux bellorum, leader in battles. The name Arthur was probably a “battle name,” a nickname or pseudonym – from the welsh “Arth”, meaning “bear”. So we had a noble leader, courageous and true, and going by the name of an animal.

Now it is said that Arthur did not ever really leave us and pass from us into that eternal night that awaits us all. Wounded, he merely departed the field of battle temporarily, and, so it is said, lies sleeping, awaiting the call should Britain ever again face ultimate calamity. He is thus ARTHURUS, QUONDAM REXQUE FUTURUS; Arthur, the once and future king.

This week Anna Raccoon closed her blog. Her Facebook and Twitter accounts are closed too. She departed the blogosphere suddenly and without warning on Monday.

I am relatively new to the Blogosphere. I merely stumbled across it at a time of great personal crisis for me, whiling away the hours. I do not remember making any conscious choice to seek it out, but merely found a variety of sites which by varying degree amused, informed, provided catharsis and engaged.

However, the Anna Raccoon site was very special. If I say that the Blog had a Libertarian bent, I may be doing it an injustice. I am not a political expert, and have no fixed affiliations. What I discovered was a Blog which boasted a cadre of free thinking, independent minded commentators and freedom fighters. Anna herself, of course, but also Thaddeus J. Wilson, Andrew P. Withers and others. Common themes were the protection of freedom, the exposure of injustice by the state, and the cause of the Common Man. The writing was always of the highest quality, and there was quantity too. I do know that Anna herself worked tirelessly to review a host of daily sources and keep up the volume of posts. And these were not your ordinary pithy internet posts, but full on eloquent essays. It was less of a blog and more of a magazine. Hell, it was almost a lifestyle!

But it was never purely political. There could be a hilarious and moving essay Anna’s somewhat eccentric family one minute; a polemic on the evils of petty bureaucrats or foolish local councils the next, or a scabrous satire on a political figure and then a simple diary piece the next. There was wisdom, life experience, brilliance, insight, humour and courage. There was what the Romans called civic virtue.

There was always vigorous debate, contribution and plenty of humour.

Anna had a passion for the defence of the weak and for upholding liberty. In that regard she was in particular a hawkish observer and critic of the murky workings of the Court of Protection. She was an active campaigner too. She played a leading role in the campaign to free Landlord Nick Hogan from jail for breaching the anti smoking legislation, and recently smote the Stasi at the Sandwell Council, forcing them to withdraw their threat to prosecute a pensioner for allegedly dropping cigarette ash. On a personal level she was endlessly kind and encouraging to me, and even gave me the pleasure and the privilege of posting a few of my scribblings. She did recommend I should drink less, but I never said she was perfect.

Anna has now hung up her blogging hat - for whatever reasons. We do not know, although I do know that keeping up such a prodigious output and maintaining the site, sometimes in the face of the abuse and backbiting that can come with blogging, was very, very hard work.

She has departed, like Arthur, silently and mysteriously into the mist, a great figure of courage and virtue no longer with us, but, I hope, not finally departed either. Perhaps she will return. She will certainly never be forgotten. And so I can think of no finer tribute to you Anna, if you read this, than to hail you thus:

HIC ANNONA PROCYON LOTOR ERAT;
REGINA BLOGGORUM QUONDAM REGINAQUE FUTURUS!

Or in English:
This was Anna Raccoon; the once and future queen of the blogs!

Good luck Anna, from all of us.

Gildas the Monk

Gotty says:
Anna is fine but for personal reasons she felt that now was the right time to quit blogging. Best wishes Anna for whatever you decide to do in the future .... and thank you ;-)


+++UPDATE+++

The final words of Anna Raccoon
and the reasons why she has quit blogging can be found HERE

Marr, He's Making Lies At Me

I've been 'inadequately' slow in my response to Andrew Marr's childish attack on bloggers mainly because I preferred to spend time squeezing blackheads in the bathroom rather than follow my mother's instructions, yesterday, to tidy up the mess in my bedroom. Her response to my disobedience was, of course, to lock the basement door and hide the key thus depriving me of that all important internet access. I eventually found the key, 24 hours later in the chest freezer, in amongst the chicken nuggets and the IcePops whilst mum had popped out to Millets to buy a replacement for my somewhat aged and rather seedy looking anorak.

Hurrah!

I'm back in the basement, back in amongst the booze and back on line.

Leaving aside the Andrew Marr view on bloggers' general appearance (I mean we can't all have the good looks of a well honed Adonis can we Andy) what's all that about us being 'citizen journalists'. I can't speak for anyone else but I am not, nor ever wish to be, a journalist. I prefer the freedom of speech and independent voice which blogging can afford me, not the hands-tied-behind-the-back Westminster village, lefty lickspittle, propaganda that you're so keen on.

I could go on but, due to my aforementioned tardiness, other right thinking bloggers, and the well balanced views of their commentors, have more than adequately covered Marxist Marr and his derision of the blogosphere.

If you have a few minutes to spare, I've picked out three blog posts on the subject which are well worth a read .... including all the comments:

Propa Journalism, innit?

Marr's Attack

Seedy Bloggers?

Finally, before I jog off to pay for that hairpiece I won on EBay, I have to say that I appear to have done rather well by getting through this post without ranting, swearing, or mentioning a super injunction which is alleged to involve a BBC presenter and someone who has a vague resemblance to Felicity Kendall.

How about that then Andy?

You jug eared cunt.

Grumpy Old Twat Internet Deniers

Rather entertainingly, and totally without warning, I lost my broadband connection yesterday (and I still don't have it back). Never fear though, I thought, a quick call to those well informed and helpful people in Mumbai, or some such fucking shithole, and I'll soon have it all sorted.

Yeah right.

Oh for fuck's sake you mongtard, I know what the fucking weather is like in the UK and no I haven't changed any of my settings or fucked about with my router ..... just FIX MY FUCKING BROADBAND SUPPLY! "Ahh, OK sir .... I see what the problem is now ..... there is a fault at our end, which our technical department seem to be aware of, and we are trying to fix the problem as soon as we can." Oh, OK then, so how long will it take? "It will all be up and running again within 7 to 10 days"

*long silence*

*deep breath*

SEVEN-TO-TEN-FUCKING-DAYS!!!!

Fortunately, thanks to TheEye, I had in my possession an emergency phrase in Hindu* which he assured me would be most useful if such a situation were ever to arise ..... "Mein teri maa ko teri bhen ki choot mein chodoonga aur tera baap laltern lekar aayega", I said.

The line went dead.

So, until I can get those useless broadband fucking ISP fucktards to fix whatever the fuck it is they've fucked ... I'm fucked .... apart from a dingly dangly dongle thing which I pinched from a loved one, which means I can get some sort of sporadic connection to the internet, depending on whether Pigsy can be arsed to stand on one leg, on a stool, waving aforementioned dongle (via a USB extension lead) outside of the spare bedroom window. Assuming the big fuck off Yew trees aren't swaying in the wind and blocking the fucking signal, of course, and that I don't need her to fetch me another bottle of red.

Meanwhile, I can still pick up your emails and post comments via the TwatBerry device and those of you who are awaiting replies to emails, bear with me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I'll also be trying to reply to all your post comments too ;-)

Also. many thanks to everyone who ran with, and linked to, that Richard Curtis video I posted yesterday ..... it seems to have been very popular. Good. The fucking eco fascist 10:10 terrorist twats! Hey .... you don't think that ...... no ..... surely not ...... they wouldn't do that would they? Hmmm, the mongtard in Mumbai was a bit fucking sketchy about why my broadband service had been totally disconnected .... and they were having to re-supply me from scratch.

Well then, just in case I'm not being paranoid, I'd better give you these handy new blog sidebar graphics while I still can .....

Now where's that tin foil hat ......

*translation available here

It's About Time ....

.... that this bloke had his own fucking blog!

Fuck me! Looks like he's finally taken the plunge HERE.

Good ;-)

Thank You

Despite the fact that I have in no way touted for votes during the fat poof's 'Annual Reach Around Contest'(©ASE), it appears that this blog seems to have done rather well by finishing 28th in the Right Wing (whatever the fuck that means) Political Blog listings.

Personally, I wouldn't normally give a flying fuck about how well, or how badly, I do in any poll or list or ranking ..... but this time it's different. There is only one reason that I can think of for having done so well in this year's 'contest'. Many, many readers of this blog must have taken the time and the trouble to email in their votes.

So, the very least you deserve from me is a THANK YOU.

More than that I cannot say because, to be honest, I'm just too fucking embarrassed and this kind of thing ain't too good for maintaining a high level of grumpiness.

Having said that, there is more than enough fuckwittery about the place to keep me grumpy ad infinitum but sometimes it just gets so bad that it's much better to laugh than to cry tears of anger. Unless you're this twat of course, in which case I would just stick to the crying ....

Help Yourself

Due to my continuing internet access problems, no thanks to this bunch of broadband fucking arsewipes ......

.... and by way of a change, I've selected a few items from around the blogosphere for you to take a look at and pass comment on, either here or there. Some are new, some are older but, IMHO if you haven't come across them before, they offer an excellent choice of piss boiling, un-fucking believable and amusing posts:

The Paedophile and The Labour Politician

"Convicted paeodophile Derek Slade, 61, escaped police for years using an alias with the knowledge of a Labour politician at the heart of Britain’s justice system" Calling England

How Far Away Is Far Enough?

"To clarify for those who close their eyes and ears to such things, here's how close human remains were found to the proposed Mosque" All Seeing Eye

Child Abusers and Snuff Rings

"These fucking animals are peppered throughout our government, our courts, our police, and our legal establishments" Captain Ranty

Selection of Papal Visit Souvenirs

"Just throw your intoxicating mixture into our '3 Hail Marys Cocktail Shaker' and shake away for a perfect drink and instant absolution" Dioclese

PCSO Ahmed Butt

"I'm actively trying to get the terms "PSCO", "Ahmed Butt" and "lazy cunt" to stick together in search engines" Corrugated Soundbite

Research Has Found

"Is there so much money floating around that they have to throw it at “research” that is not only an incredible waste of money and time, but provides results that are utterly useless?" Grandad

Oh, and ISAC had it's 100,000th visitor today. Cuntishness, with regard to the cuntitude of others, is obviously quite popular then ;-)

New Independent Video Site For Bloggers

Thank fuck it's Friday again and thank fuck I don't have to upload my videos to YouTube anymore, only to have them banned on the whim of some lefty, freedom of speech fucking, UAF fuckmong or other.

Following a recent post on the subject and many more hours of work by ASE, and his helpful band of testers, our brand new independent video site is now available to anyone who would like to upload, view and embed videos without fear of interruption from the freedom fucking thought police.

http://eyetube.me

EyeTube will have a policy of free speech. Of course this works both ways....if your work is insulted or has a complete new arsehole ripped out in the comments, you'll be stunned how little the Administrators* will give a fuck. You may even find that they've joined in!

For more details and a handy little widgetty thing for your blog sidebar, please pay a visit to the All Seeing Eye HERE and if you have any questions or just want to let us know what you think, then feel free to let us know in the comments here .... or drop us a line by email to EyeTube.

Now to business.
Here's a video that I've uploaded to the new site and if this doesn't scare the crap out of you then nothing will. It may have been filmed before the last general election but I don't see anything that will change their long term plan, not whilst Cleggeron are at the helm. So ..... who's for a muslim UK Prime Minister then?

* That'll be G.O.T. and TheEye then ;-)

Choosing A WiFi Network Name

Always a difficult one this. What name to give your WiFi Network without being totally boring and predictable. Things like 'Home 001' or 'John Smith' or 'Chez Nous' all lack inspiration and show no thought at all to the fact that all your neighbours (and all those free loading WiFi hunters with mobile scanners) will be able to see and read it too.

Fear not! The Grumpy Old Twat has a few suggestions for you, which should liven things up a tad in your neighbourhood. Why not use the opportunity to send a message out to those fuckwits across the road or just let everybody know what the fuck you get up to behind closed doors. Anyway here's a few of my favourites and they're all genuine. Click any image to enlarge ... if you dare:

From a selection supplied by our Internet and Computer Technology Correspondent, Micodave.

Blog Twats Poll Results 2010 [Part 2]

Many thanks to the dozens of blogs who promoted it and the hundreds of voters who took part in the Blog Twats Poll 2010. I was genuinely surprised by how much interest it generated with over 80 different blog and twitter twats being nominated and an excellent cross section of the political spectrum being proposed as blogosphere twats.

The votes are all in and they have been counted, checked, verified and tampered with* which means I now have a definitive list of the Top 20 Blog Twats in the political blogosphere, as voted for by you.  I scored each list of votes by giving 10 points to the top one, down to 1 point for the maximum of ten allowed. So ..... here are your most twattish blogging and micro blogging twats from position 10 right up to the all important Number 1 Blog Twat :

10  Alastair Campbell (Twat soup)

  9  Obnoxio (Not so scary now)
 
  8  Boatang & Demetriou (Pair of twats)
 
  7  Tax Research UK (Richard Murphy twat deductible)
 
  6  Guido Fawkes (Lost the plot)

  5  Bloggerheads (TwaTim Ireland)
 
  4  Terry Kelly (The twat cuntroller)

  3  Liberal Conspiracy (Not so sunny Hundal)
 
  2  Kerry McCarthy (Ex Twitter twatter tsar twat)
 
  1  Iain Dale (Hissy fitting twat)

Positions 11 through to 20 can be found in the previous results post HERE.

What do you think of the results then?
Personally I thought that there were one or two surprises, in amongst the more predictable of the blogging twats.

As for the Number One spot?
Hmmmm, I couldn't possibly comment ;-)

*for any twatmongs that would possibly think otherwise, obviously that's a fucking joke!

Blog Twats Poll Results 2010 [Part 1]

First of all, many thanks to the dozens of blogs who promoted it and the hundreds of voters who took part in the Blog Twats Poll 2010. Considering it was a bit of a last minute twattish idea I was quite surprised by how much interest it generated. Over 80 different blog and twitter twats were nominated and there was an excellent cross section of political blogosphere twats put forward for nomination and quite a few surprises too.

So ..... the votes are all in and they have been counted, checked, verified and tampered with* which means I now have a definitive list of the Top 20 Blog Twats in the political blogosphere. I scored each list of votes by giving 10 points to the top one, down to 1 point for the maximum of ten allowed. So, here are your most twattish blogging and micro blogging twats for positions 20 to 11 :

20  Tory Bear (hi mum I'm on the telly)
19  Devils Kitchen (knife, fork or whatever)
18  Lancaster Unity (duplicitous Denise Garside)
17  Looking For A Voice (is that blog still invite only?)
16  Labour List (more like lost)
15  Socialist Unity (Andy 'nutjob' Newman)
14  Tom Harris (it's just not fair)
13  Old Holborn (why he stop swearing and shit)
12  Acacia (Andrew Gatward aka Doubting Richard)
11  Ellie Gellard (twitter twat with a twat)

The Top 10 will be published during the next couple of days .... maybe Sunday, depends how much I've had to drink and when I can be arsed ;-)

*obviously that's a fucking joke but just in case some high and mighty wankmong thinks I'm being serious ..... then fuck off, you obviously don't know me well enough.

No More Internet Bills : Free Broadband

TiSP : Going with the flow

Google TiSP (BETA) is a fully functional, end-to-end system that provides in-home wireless access by connecting your commode-based TiSP wireless router to one of thousands of TiSP Access Nodes via fiber-optic cable strung through your local municipal sewage lines.

Installing TiSP

Installing a typical home TiSP system is a quick, easy and largely sanitary process -- provided you follow these step-by-step instructions very, very carefully.

1 Remove the spindle of fiber-optic cable from your TiSP installation kit.

2 Attach the sinker to the loose end of the cable, take one safe step backward and drop this weighted end into your toilet.

3 Grasp both ends of the spindle firmly while a friend or loved one flushes, thus activating the patented GFlush™ system, which sends the weighted cable surfing through the plumbing system to one of the thousands of TiSP Access Nodes.

4 When the GFlush is complete, the spindle will (or at least should) have largely unraveled, exposing a connector at the remaining end. Detach the cable from the spindle, taking care not to allow the cable to slip into the toilet.

5 Plug the fiber-optic cable into your TiSP wireless router, which has a specially designed counterweight to withstand the centripetal force of flushing.

6 Insert the TiSP installation CD and run the setup utility to install the Google Toolbar (required) and the rest of the TiSP software, which will automatically configure your computer's network settings.

7 Within sixty minutes -- assuming proper data flow -- the other end of your fiber-optic cable should have reached the nearest TiSP Access Node, where our Plumbing Hardware Dispatchers (PHDs) will remove the sinker and plug the line into our global data networking system.

8 Congratulations, you're online! (Please wash your hands before surfing.)

Note: If you have any difficulty installing, operating or simply living with TiSP, we suggest joining the TiSP Help Group.

Advanced TiSP Options

Professional Installation Service

You can also choose to request our professional installation service, which dispatches an army of factory-trained, sub-contracted nanobots from the TiSP Access Node. The nanobots travel with exhilarating nano-speed through the sewer system and into your home to perform the installation service, which should be complete within 15 minutes. Note: For your own physical safety and emotional well-being and in consideration of the nanobots' working conditions, please make absolutely certain that your toilet is unoccupied at the scheduled appointment time.

In-Commode Package Delivery

With professional installation service, you can also have your Google Checkout purchases delivered directly through the sewage network into your bathroom. Each package comes pre-sealed in a watertight and nanobot-resistant bag made of biodegradable corn-based plastic. For a limited time, TiSP subscribers who sign up for a Checkout account will receive free bathroom delivery on their first ten Checkout purchases.

TiSP for Enterprise

We're actively developing a higher-performance version of TiSP specifically tailored to small and medium-sized businesses, including 24-hour, on-site technical support in the event of backup problems, brownouts and data wipes.

Learn more about TiSP: Frequently Asked Questions

Always Happy To Help Another Blogger

"Make me feel ashamed. Make me feel humiliated. It's the only option!"

Oh .... ok then ..... if you insist.

Click image to enlarge,

especially if you want to read the Twitter updates ;-)

Blog Poll Awards 2010

Looks like the Blog Poll season has kicked off in earnest then. So far we appear to have the annual fat poof Right Wing Love-in Poll, the twisted Lefty socio-militant Worst UK Political Blog Poll and the seemingly pointless Biggest Liars in British Blogging Poll from Buggerheads. I mean, aren't we all a little economical with the truth, from time to time.

I have decided there is a gap in the market.

Twats!

There's shit loads of the fuckwitterers, out there in blogosphere land. Left wing, right wing, Libertarian, Coalition, Tofu eaters, MSM journos, MP's, MEP's, BNP, UAF, Commies, tree huggers, warmists, Muslim fanatics, tin foil hat wearers, deluded dickwads, etc., etc., ... the list is endless.

There's a twat in every in every port!

So here is your chance to vote for who you consider to be the biggest twat in the British blogosphere, bar fucking none.

I like simple rules, so here they are:

1. Vote for as few blogging twats as you want up to a maximum of ten.

2. Twattish twittering micro blogging twats are also allowed

3. Votes must be ranked in order of twattishness. Worst first.

4.Votes can be left in the comments here, for all to see, or, if you prefer, you can use this dedicated  email address : blogtwatspoll@gmail.com

5. No Anonymongs, no repeats. Poll closes midnight Friday 6th August 2010.

If you have your own blog and want to encourage your readers to nominate a few Blog Twats, so much the better. Here's the HTML code you need to add the above graphic to your posts or sidebars which will automatically send them to this instruction page, when clicked ....

<a href="http://grumpyoldtwat.blogspot.com/2010/07/blog-poll-awards-2010.html"><img src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_yc-Lk62n49w/TEAR9ukA8jI/AAAAAAAAFFE/dvyY2IgTtr0/s800/Blog%20Twats%20Poll.jpg" style="border: 0;" alt="Click here to vote in the Blog Twats Poll 2010" /></a>

If you want to tell your readers who you voted for, that's fine, I couldn't give a shit. It's still a free country and you're entitled to share your opinion with anyone that'll listen.

The results will not be appearing in any magazine or book and will not be announced during a newspaper  review on Sky News or some backwater Radio station or other.

The Top 20 Twats of British Blogging will be published here sometime after the Poll closes and when I'm good and fucking ready. So .... spread the word and get voting but, above all else, have fun.

blogtwatspoll@gmail.com