Ed The Red Or Bananaman The Yellow?

Forest Gump or The Alien?

The "big" announcement is due in exactly one hour.

Will it be the one who looks like a rapist or the one who looks like he has Down's Syndrome? A nation waits with baited breath, and other oral disorders.

Victory by the younger irritating wonkish one would delight the BBC and others who think that freedom is overrated, and a triumph by the other one would dismay hair-dye manufacturers everywhere. Considering how skilfully they both dodged a big inheritance tax bill, accountants will be delighted whatever the result with all the extra business that bad publicity generates. Bring on the attack dogs!

You can cut the tension with...a..blunt cutty cunty thing.

Cross posted from HERE

Thank Fuck It's Friday [Part 10]

Well I saw some comical 'news' today that brightened up my week no end. Apparently, via Gary Gibbon, Gordon Brown is all set to be the 'warm up man' on the saturday prior to the forthcoming Labour Conference. He feels it would be right to say a few words before handing over the torch to the new Labour leader. Torch? Fuck me! Considering the forgone conclusion that is the Labour leadership election, I think Billy has a much better idea.

Either way, I shall certainly be setting my hard drive to record during that event as, apart from typically  excessive uses of the word 'global' (place your bets on how many), it will almost certainly prove to be a comedy goldmine.

I also heard a rumour, via the ever satirical Lakelander, that the swivel eyed McSnotty may well be busy on another 'saturday project' very soon. In conjunction with the BBC (Brown's Broadcasting Channel) he plans to launch 'Mincing With The Stars', where various sporting has-beens, soap-opera performers that nobody has fucking heard of and clapped-out politicians that no longer have troughing rights, will all be taught the dubious skills of the mince by a suitably renamed Gordon Du Brown.

That 'news' instantly reminded me of a video I did just over a year ago and seeing as it's Friday, thank fuck, I thought I'd give it another airing ......

Ellie Sucks Up To Balls

Unless you can think of a better caption of course?

How very progressive. Ellie Gellard gives Balls the benefit of her deft fingertip skills during yesterday's live webchat on Mumsnet which actually involved all 5 of the Labour leader candidates, in yet another pointless display of 'huffing and puffing, before Dave MiniBlair is duly 'elected'.

If you look at the same webchat from another angle, you will see that Balls is the only one incapable of typing for himself. Fuck me, even his prime mentalist mentor managed the odd stubby finger or two on such occasions!

However, Balls did manage a rebuttle of his unshakeable bullying tag: "If you have a surname like mine, you know what bullying is like when you are a child. I hate bullies I think they are cowards. So if you don't shut the fuck up I'll rip your fucking ears off and use them for ashtrays".

Other highlights included a laptop malfunction for Andy Burnham, after he spilt mascara all over his keyboard, and Diane Abbott announcing: "I have no advisors on this campaign, isn't though, I'm quite capable of finking for myself, innit, and writing my own speeches. Dew get me?" Oh, and Dave MiniBlair's biscuit of choice is a custard cream but rumours that Ed MiliMinor still enjoys a rusk dipped in warm milk were unconfirmed.

Guest Speaker of the Day

I see, via TheEye, that today is a big day if you're a member of the The British Stammering Association because their London Open Day event is taking place in Bethnal Green. All are w-w-w-welcome.

The main highlight, of course will be the attendance of their s-s-s-special guest speaker, Ed 'blinky' Balls, who has t-t-t-taken time out from his desperate attempt not to finish last in the Labour Leadership Election busy schedule to take as long as possible to say a few words.

The day will also be offering attendees an eclectic mix of workshops and presentations (or so they say) with various topics that will include:

• Stress: to react or respond?
• Neuro-linguistic programming
• McGuire Programme and Starfish Project
  (I do hope that's not a chocolate one?)
• Workshops dealing with public speaking, belief system, non-avoidance
   and schools etc.

What the fuck!

And as TheEye points out ..... Public speaking? Belief system? Non-avoidance? Is B-B-B-Balls going as a speaker or as a fucking patient? Well, one thing's for fucking sure, he won't be needing any of those skills when he comes last in the Labour Leadership election. Despite his delusions of grandeur, it's still a straight race between the one who looks like a rapist and the one who has borderline Down's Syndrome.

Labour Leadership Non Contest

So, according to a recent article, Tony Blair has been grooming David Miliband to be his successor since Dubya made it clear, in 2006, that they [the USA] would have 'big problems' working with Gordon Brown. (well who fucking wouldn't). In an interview at the time, Saint Tony of Bliar even described Fyffes Dave as “my Wayne Rooney”.

How sweet.

Well, as we all know now, Miliband Major failed to grow a fucking pair and hid in a cupboard under the stairs whilst the one eyed, pill popping, gonad gobbler became an unopposed and unelected Prime Mentalist. So, 3 years or so later, after we have all been metaphorically reamed in the arse (without lube) and McSnotty is busy doing sweet fuck all and getting paid handsomely for doing it, Two Faced Tony from Bliarshire is finally about to bring on his star substitute. Wayne Millitwat.

We all know that 'Bananaman the Spinless' is going to 'win' the Labour Leadership Election don't we, it's been a foregone fucking conclusion since the day Gordon grabbed a couple of young boys and fucked off back to Scotland. I mean 'Election', that's a fucking joke for a start, the whole thing is a total sham. Going through the motions, just for the pathetic and totally unconvincing sake of appearances.

So that's it then, Billionaire Blair will, in essence, once again be at the helm of the Labour Party, despite what the fuck any of the lying spintards say in public. New, old, borrowed or fucking blue it'll make no fucking difference once 'Me Mini Me MiliBliar' gets in to his stride, having benefited from years of grooming via his mendacious mentors ... Lord and Lady Tony of Duplicity and Slotgobshire.

However, there is but one thing standing in the way of Bananaman and his utlimate goal of reaching the heady heights of MiliBliarism ...... The Cleggeron Coalition. Otherwise that jug eared, spineless, cock sucker of Saint Tony will be waving a whole fucking case full of bananas, outside the door of Number 10. Which, in time, will undoubtedly lead to much more of this sort of thing. And this, this and fucking this.

Finally, I'll leave you with a soundbite/spinshite which was taken from a recent article here (well worth a read for the bullshit entertainment value) where David 'fyffes rooney minibliar' Miliband proclaims .... "Politics should be about getting out into the community and speaking to people. It should be about people and policies, not about spin and press releases."

They just don't fucking get it. Do they. Any of them.
Deluded, arrogant, duplicitous and aloof ... as ever.

Balls The Builder

Still denying that debt then, I see.

The InFamous Five

A Summary Of The Main Characters

Andy : Andy is the youngest of the five, 3rd cousin once removed to Ed and his older brother Davey. Tall, thin and cheeky as well flouncy and immature, sometimes a bit effeminate. He is the weaker of the group and very protective and possessive of his eye liner collection. At the start of the series, Andy is 12 years old; the final book does not state how much the children have aged, but if you count the years in which the series run, then he will be 16 and three quarters. He showed his adolescence in Five Go Squabbling On The Hustings

Blinky (Ballsy or Ed): Blinky has a sick sense of humour, but is also untrustworthy and bossy in nature. He is three years older than Andy and one year younger than Davey. Blinky is very caring of no-one but himself and does his best to bully any fucker that gets in his way. He also has good truth gymnastic abilities which he has used in numerous dilemmas. He had a non-heroic role in Five On A Treasurey Island.

Davey : Davey is the eldest boy in the group, and generally shows an air of aloofness during the Five's various adventures with foreign types. He is more likely than the others to become Bliar like and famously dislikes the childish adventures that the Five constantly encounter. He is 16 years old in the first book of the series and 20 and a half in the last. He is known to be very forgetful sometimes and often walks around clutching a banana. In Five Have A Fuck Up To Solve, he acted as a brave and responsible person but let the others sort it out and took the credit. A known claustrophobic since he is frightened of being in encroached spaces with his own ego.

Ed (Eddie or Minor): Ed, sometimes called Minor, is Davey's younger brother. Ed is the archetypal wanker of a kid brother, very insignificant, undecided and sycophantic to the Five and to Davey in particular. He provides semi-intellectual deflection for the other children on multiple occasions. Ed's mummy adores him and thinks that he is the best little boy in the world. In the first book of the series, Five Go Off To Camp, Ed and Davey's parents have forbidden them to wear a traditional Polish dress. After the end of the Five's first adventure, their parents relent and also let them change their birth names.

Diane (Flabby) : Diane is single minded and insists that she is always right, despite her duplicity. With her big mouth and portly figure she is often mistaken for the World Junk Food Eating Champion, which displeases her enormously. Like her father, George Galloway, she has a fiery temper. She is fierce, headstrong and very abusive when cornered. She is sometimes extremely unmanageable and causes trouble during the Five's adventures. She is the oldest of the Five and in Five Have Plenty of Fun, she left the Blue Lagoon Club at 9.30pm, leaving the others to dance the night away. She said she was tired and wanted to go home to bed and flick her bean, whilst she still had a little energy left.

Aunt Harriet : Harriet is foster person to Andy, Blinky, Davey, Ed and Diane. Called Aunty Hatty by the InFamous Five (and 'devil's dyke' behind her back) she is married to Uncle Fagan, an equally nasty omnipotent piece of work. Through most of her Blighton stories, she is the principal maternal figure in the lives of the five children and treats them all equally. Although, during Five Go To Twat Cove, she did seem to have a soft spot for Diane. The four boys came home early one afternoon, after riding their bikes, and caught them munching the rug together in the front parlour. Nothing was said.

Uncle Gordon (McSnotty) : Uncle Gordon's private life, a rather sordid affair by all accounts, is kidnapped or held hostage in several of the children's adventures. He possesses a quick temper and has little tolerance for children on school holidays, but is nevertheless just as heartless as he may at first seem. In the third book of the series (Five Climb The Greasy Pole) it is established that Gordon is the one-third brother of Davey and Ed's father's 2nd cousin. This followed a rather unfortunate accident with an adult nappy and a miniature rocking horse, which had been discovered in Blinky's back passage. The rest of the Five carried on drinking ginger beer and eating chocolate fingers, turning a blind eye to Gordon's fondness for kiddy fiddling. As always.

Note:
I can't seem to remember any of the other titles in the 'Five' series. Can you?

Meet The Flintsones

This was spotted in the comments section of a typically hypocritical 'Blinky Bollocks' article, which appeared on the Groaniad webshite. Although the figures are totally unchecked I still thought it was well worth sharing :

BALLS

You have left this country FOUR TRILLION pounds in debt.

Four trillion.

4,000,000,000,000

Let’s get 'trillion' into perspective.

One trillion seconds ago Neanderthals stalked the plains of Europe.

Two trillion seconds ago no known hominid used anything other than a stone tool.

Four trillion seconds ago the homos had not migrated from Africa.

(although they were all over Glasgow like a fucking rash recently)

Thanks to Billy for the original spot.

A rising star in the blogosphere, IMHO ;-)

Diane Abbott Is Fucked

With a friend like this, who the fuck needs enemies .....

"From what I can see she stands where I do on every issue and she is closer to the Labour traditions than any of her opponents. She would take the party in a leftward route, back to our roots in the working class communities and lead the fight back which is urgently needed. She would provide a new impetus; she is a charismatic intelligent fighter for Socialism, oh! and did I mention that she is black and that she is a woman? She and Labour have the chance here to make history let’s go for it."

You can read the rest of Diane Abbott's death nell here but for fuck's sake don't tell Brillo about it, he'd have a fucking field day ;-)

Incidentally, may I remind you of this sentence from a recent post:

He called a black woman a liar for talking about racism and then proceeded to ban all women from commenting on his blog .... on the grounds 'they were thick'.

Coincidence or just hypocricy?

England Closes For A World Cup Match

Schools across the country are all set to finish lessons early and businesses everywhere will be shutting down the machines and closing offices, well before the end of the normal working day.

And for what.

A buggery bollocksy football match of bugger all twat significance to anyone except the half soaked, thick as shit, self centered, arrogant, talentless, over paid, gobby, arsewipes who will be running around the pitch like headless chickens in the dark ... who are only worried about losing the squillions of pounds of sponsorship money that'll be wiped off their bank balance, if they don't win.

Not because they are bursting with pride and not because they give a fuck about their country. Have you seen those retards when the National Anthem is playing? They can't even be fucking bothered to stick out their chests and sing for all they are worth.

The economy is fucked, money is tight, jobs are at at premium. Oh, I know, let's shut the country for a football match that we haven't got a hope of winning. What a fucking joke.

I could kind of understand if we'd struggled through to a final or some such shit but we haven't. It's just a fucking 'see-if-we-can-scrape-through' 'cos we're twatting well talentless, kind of game.

Get back to school. Get back to work. Get a fucking life.

Incidentally, if you were in any doubt about how retarded some of the England Football Team really are .... take a look at the following video of that scouse cunt bubble, Jamie Carragher. Apparently he's 'been in a relationship' with Andy Burnham for some while now (what the fuck!) and can't wait for him to be Prime Minister.

Is that before or after you've had his babies, Jamie?

Give me fucking strength .....

Ed Balls Reveals The Terrible Truth

With thanks to Billy for the inspiration

Whites Only. No Blacks Or Asians.

Before any of the righteous PC fucktard brigade start calling me a racist, take a look at this and tell me if the inference of the opening sentence is any different to the title of my blog post.

So ..... if I've got this right then, they're pleading for people to nominate Diane Abbott purely on the basis that she is black?  Well, that's all well and fucking dandy but what would happen if the white shoe was on the other white foot, so to speak?

I'm sure that Nick Griffin would like to know the answer to that one.

 via muffled vociferation

+++ Ed Balls Leadership Campaign Poster Launch +++

Having finally reached the 33 nominations that are required for him to get onto the ballot paper, Ed Balls has now officially joined the race to be the new leader of the Labour Party. Wouldn't it be marvelous for us all if Blinky were to make it to the top spot and be at the helm for the next election. 

So... without a moment to waste, here is your first look at the officially approved* Ed Balls Labour Leadership Campaign Poster:

Join in the campaign on Twitter using #balls4leader

where the delightful Sally Bercow has already come out
in support of the "hard hitting and fluent" Ed Balls.....

Update: Diane Abbot still has just the one nomination

and her Campaign Poster can be found here.

*officially approved by Pigsy whilst she was cooking my sausage sandwich this morning

.

+++ Diane Abbott Leadership Campaign Poster Launch +++

Do you know, I found myself beginning to feel a bit sorry for Diane Abbott this morning. Not too much, just a tiny bit you understand, after all she is your typical left wing Labour fucktelle. Even so, she appears to be lagging well behind in the 'race' to become the next leader of the Champagne Swilling Socialist Party.

Bringing up the rear, Diane has only received 2 nominations so far out of a required 33 if she is to make it to the ballot paper. Way out in front are the two Miliprat boys with Banana Custard on 59 and Little Big Brother's Even Littler Little Brother on 48, so plenty of fans down at the school tuck shop for that pair of snotty nosed kids then. The remaining cuntenders are filling in the gaps with John McLefty on 5, Maybeliene Man on 15 and Gordon Brown Balls with 25.

So, as I was saying, I felt a tiny weeny bit sorry for the London Loon and decided to try and give her campaign a shove from behind with the benefit of suitably 'outside of the box' campaign poster. All FOC and everything. I do hope she likes it and doesn't find it too sexist or racist or anything ........

click image to enlarge it but it's probably big enough already

No need to thank me for all my hard work Diane, that's just the kind of guy I am, always thoughtful of others and willing to help out whenever I can. Oh, and you might find this catchy slogan rather useful too, whilst you're out on the hustlerings........

Butt Not Balls!

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