Andy Burnham Fail On Adam Boulton Show

Did anyone else see Andy Burnham on the Adam Boulton Sunday Show, being questioned on the Pope's decision to allow condoms in certain circumstances? I thought it was a classic case of someone not engaging their brain before opening their mouth ...

Marr, He's Making Lies At Me

I've been 'inadequately' slow in my response to Andrew Marr's childish attack on bloggers mainly because I preferred to spend time squeezing blackheads in the bathroom rather than follow my mother's instructions, yesterday, to tidy up the mess in my bedroom. Her response to my disobedience was, of course, to lock the basement door and hide the key thus depriving me of that all important internet access. I eventually found the key, 24 hours later in the chest freezer, in amongst the chicken nuggets and the IcePops whilst mum had popped out to Millets to buy a replacement for my somewhat aged and rather seedy looking anorak.

Hurrah!

I'm back in the basement, back in amongst the booze and back on line.

Leaving aside the Andrew Marr view on bloggers' general appearance (I mean we can't all have the good looks of a well honed Adonis can we Andy) what's all that about us being 'citizen journalists'. I can't speak for anyone else but I am not, nor ever wish to be, a journalist. I prefer the freedom of speech and independent voice which blogging can afford me, not the hands-tied-behind-the-back Westminster village, lefty lickspittle, propaganda that you're so keen on.

I could go on but, due to my aforementioned tardiness, other right thinking bloggers, and the well balanced views of their commentors, have more than adequately covered Marxist Marr and his derision of the blogosphere.

If you have a few minutes to spare, I've picked out three blog posts on the subject which are well worth a read .... including all the comments:

Propa Journalism, innit?

Marr's Attack

Seedy Bloggers?

Finally, before I jog off to pay for that hairpiece I won on EBay, I have to say that I appear to have done rather well by getting through this post without ranting, swearing, or mentioning a super injunction which is alleged to involve a BBC presenter and someone who has a vague resemblance to Felicity Kendall.

How about that then Andy?

You jug eared cunt.

This Blog Post Sounds Angry

Are you are one of those people that say 'what the fuck use is that to anybody' whenever you see someone has invented an apparently useless gadget or a 'who the fuck in their right mind is going to use that' piece of software or app?

Well then, you're in for a treat because some anally retarded code writing geek has decided that we are all going to need this pointless piece of shite.

G.O.T. also understands that they are considering  a similar version for blogger comments too.

Now pin yer bastard lugholes back and listen to this, Mr 'don't-get-out-in-the-daylight-much-socially-dysfunctional-when-I-meet-real-people-too-much-fucking-time-on-my-fucking-hands-sad-twatty-techy-geek' ..... no-one needs a piece of software to decode the tone of MY emails and comments.

When I say 'fuck the mother fucking fucketty fuck off, you cunting pile of shit piss smeg wankstain .... I don't mean 'have a nice day, old bean'.

G.O.T. it!

Meet The Flintsones

This was spotted in the comments section of a typically hypocritical 'Blinky Bollocks' article, which appeared on the Groaniad webshite. Although the figures are totally unchecked I still thought it was well worth sharing :

BALLS

You have left this country FOUR TRILLION pounds in debt.

Four trillion.

4,000,000,000,000

Let’s get 'trillion' into perspective.

One trillion seconds ago Neanderthals stalked the plains of Europe.

Two trillion seconds ago no known hominid used anything other than a stone tool.

Four trillion seconds ago the homos had not migrated from Africa.

(although they were all over Glasgow like a fucking rash recently)

Thanks to Billy for the original spot.

A rising star in the blogosphere, IMHO ;-)

The Barack Obama Birth of Hope Doll

This is genuine.

I shit you not.

Join the queue! Everybody will want to own one of these beautifully handcrafted tributes to the man who brings us hope and change ..... and shit. They're bound to be selling out like hot bagels on a Washington winter's day, at only a little under £100 plus carriage, a positive bargain for all admirers of the first African American President of the United States.

On the other hand if you're anything like me (after I followed the link Microdave originally provided to this cute dolly-wolly) you'll probably choke on your brunch, scream 'what the fucketty fuck' and bang your head up the wall until you're sick with rage.

So let me get this right then .... this is the same jug eared, half black, Kenyan fuckwad that's ramming Socialism down the throats of everyone that doesn't want to listen. The same bollock brained, half white, muzzie hussain that's agreed to have a mosque built on Ground Zero, with an opening date of 9/11. The same nope and deranged, TOTUS dependent, dick for brains that even has his own BP Oil Spill blog. The very fucking same freedom fucking fucktard that's about to take charge of his very own Internet Kill Switch.

This is genuine.

I shit you not (again).

His very own 'shut down the whole fucking world wide web if I don't like what they're saying about me' Internet Kill Switch.

On reflection I think those deluded doll making dickheads need to go back to the fucking drawing board, quick smart. So I thought, with kindness of heart, that it would be good to give them a hand with this revised promo of the doll that they should be making ......

There.

That's much better.

Meanwhile, any more takers for the Coalition Tankard?

Are You A Floating Voter?

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Mosque Firing Range

A Muslim group has demanded an apology from the British Army after it emerged that replica mosques were being used on a North Yorkshire firing range.

What the fuck is wrong with that then.
Seems fine to me.

Oh, hang on a minute, yes there is something wrong.
The Bob Ainswoth targets are missing .........

There, that's more fucking like it ;-)

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England Won't Win The World Cup

24th March 2010, Downing Street
The Prime Minister signs a giant England shirt that is travelling around the country before it is sent to the World Cup in South Africa this summer.

That's it then.

We're fucked!

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Gordon Brown Visits Afghanistan ++Photos++

Pictures of the Prime Mentalist's latest escape from the critics trip to Afghanistan have just been released on the Downing Street website. There seems to be some sort of recurring theme developing here:

This from March 2010, where he appears to be trying to shake hands with the ghost of a dead soldier . . . .

. . .  and this from December 2009, where he appears to be trying to shake hands with the rear end of a helicopter . . .

For fucking fucketty fuck's sake will someone please 'slot' the useless fucker! It's alright, he won't see you coming. The twat's blind as a fucking bat. He can't even see the blood on his own hands.

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Bizarre Barrymore Bollocks

Michael Barrymore appears to have lost the fucking plot during a recent appearance on an Irish chat show, hosted by Brendan O'Connor. Following a claim that he was the Leader of the Sheep Society (whaaaaat the fuck) he then went on to insist that he is the real father of Jedward (whaaaaat the fucketty fuck).

However, Barrymore failed to mention anything about taking Stuart Lubbuck up the arse and then dumping him in the swimming pool.

Share this ;-)

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Paul Flynn Handshake Assault ++Update++

Paul Flynn, Labour MP for Newport West, says people who administer bone-crushing hand-shakes to prove the strength of their personalities should be charged with assault.

What the fuck!

Speaking spewing out the usual inane bollocks on his blog post today, he also stated that shaking hands was getting less popular. A bit like you then Paul, you worthless piece of shit. Now if you think that's a bit harsh then I suggest you pop over to Fido's place, who lives in the withering wankstain's constituency, amongst other things he ain't too fucking chuffed about all the expenses that fuckwit Flynn has been pissing up the wall.

"Good riddance," Flynn the fucktard continues, "They are unnecessary, unhygienic, germ-spreading intrusions. Again, a bit like you and any other corrupt, cash troughing MP then Mr Flynn.

Finally the weak wristed wanker announces "Who will be the first person to be charged with assault by handshake?" Who gives a fuck! I'm more interested in which MP is going to be the first person to be charged with assaulting tax payers money.

Btw, Flynn, if I ever have the pleasure to meet you, it's not your hands you will need to worry about when we 'shake' . . .  it'll be your scrawny little champagne swilling neck.

Limp wristed wanker.

++UPDATE++

I thought it might be appropriate to leave a comment on Mr Flynn's blog post, and here is a screen grab of it . . .

Ten minutes later it had gone.

So it looks like 'Huw The Deletinator' has been up to his old tricks. Oh and he's changed the title of the original blog post and made subtle alterations to the comment.

You couldn't fucking make it up ;-)

++UPDATE 2++

So I posted another comment . . .

. . . and of course that was deleted too. Then, rather predictably, this comment from Paul Flynn MP appears . . . 

Run for cover, the slack jawed peasants are revolting!

Oh, and notice the timestamp for Flynn's comment. Hmmm, strange then that it wasn't there when I left my comment at 10.14pm.

No, surely not. He wouldn't, would he?

MP's.
Dontcha just fuckin' luv 'em ;-)



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Cadbury's Shares Plummet . . .

. . . after ad agency insider leaks exclusive photo of new 'Flake' girl!

image by Lorenzo

Airport Scanner Porn

Barack Obama releases pornograhic nude family photos
and, by all accounts, it won't be long before
Gordon Brown gets in on the act too . . .

via ukwebspider


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Gordon Brown Vetoed Helicopters

It's been disclosed that our glassy eyed, pill popping, Nokia wear-testing, trouser wetting, fiscal fucking, unelected prime minister, vetoed the purchase of vital military helicopters.

Ministerial letters, leaked to The Sunday Times, show Brown personally overturned earlier Treasury assurances that the Ministry of Defence would be free to spend extra cash on troop-carrying helicopters for Iraq and Afghanistan.

The leaked letters show that Gordon Brown’s outrageous actions, whilst he was Chancellor of the Exchequer,  resulted in military chiefs being unable to purchase the new helicopters. Helicopters that should have now been in service in Afghanistan. Helicopters that would have minimised British Troop movements by road. Helicopters that would have undoubtedly avoided countless deaths and limb losses from exposure to the Taliban iEDs.

How the fuck does that unelected, cold blooded, troop maiming, cunt bubble of a prime minister sleep at night?

Barack Obama Collects Peace Prize

I see that Bollock Obummer has flown into Oslo to pick up his Nobel Peace Prize, in person, this morning. Quelling rumours that he was going to send a predator drone to collect it.

The prize was awarded to the jug eared Kenyan for, and I quote, "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and co-operation between peoples". The presentation of the award comes only a few days after the war mongering wankstain sent another 30,000  troops to Afghanistan.

MP Expenses : Gordon Brown ++Updated++

It's 'snouts in the trough time' again this morning, as the latest list of MP perks expenses has now been published online. The alphabetical list, of each MPs handouts allowances can be viewed here.

One thing I did notice was that Gordon Brown seems very keen to let the tax payer regularly cough up for his dry cleaning and grass cutting bills, along with a little pruning, edging and weeding of course. Not to mention his regular Domestic Services visits every Monday. I'm surprised he hasn't claimed for a new Hoover. The fucking thing must be jammed with bits of ink jet printer and Nokia parts by now.

Oh, fuck it! Might as well get the piss stains out of the carpets as well, eh. That's only another 168 notes from the tax payers pocket. Oh, and I say! The summerhouse could do with a lick of paint. The fucking plebs can pay for that too, it's a bargain, only 500 quid.

Incidentally, what's with all those phone calls to the USA in the space of a few minutes? Perhaps Obummer just kept putting the phone down on him ;-)

One final thought.

You might also like to know that we paid for a Sky TV feed to be installed into his bedroom. Ahem, I know what you dirty fuckers are thinking but I couldn't possibly comment.

 ++++ Update ++++

If you can stomach it, Fido has further examples of the latest batch of troughing bastards, including a re-appearance by our old friend, Jacqui Smith, who seems determined to fleece the fuck out of us right up until the day she gets voted out of office. As for the expense claims of Quentin 'fat fuck' Davis, it's the Old Holborn favourite so far!

iFail

iFail
by GrumpyOldTwat

Barack Obama Beer

Should Have Gone To . . .

So, Gordon Brown's eyesight is causing some concern.

Apparently his aides have revealed that at the Labour spring conference Gordon Magoo took a wrong turn off the stage and failed to find the exit and when he was about to meet a line-up of war veterans recently, the former minister John Reid had to be moved out of the way because Gordon "would have confused him with a veteran".

Fuck Specsavers, I've got a better idea!

Why doesn't someone take the useless, unelected, optically challenged, throw it up the wrong 'un, pant pisser of a fucking liar for a nice walk on Beachy Head.

Just a thought.

Gordon Brown: Flower Or Weed?

Tug of the sporran to Dazed N Confused