Twattery

I can't even be fucked to say thank fuck it's friday, this week, but I do have a mish mash of twattery that I'd like to share. Most of it has boiled my piss, no fucking change there then, but I'll start with something which should be far more entertaining:

• It's that time of year again where we can all get our votes in for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award ... fuck that! It'll be much more fun getting your votes in for the Cunt of the Year Awards 2010 instead. There's even five different categories to have a go at ... so, if you fancy a bit of cuntishness, you can vote for your 2010 cunts HERE.

• I hesitated before posting on this because the cunt really doesn't deserve the oxygen of publicity but he's really making my piss boil this time. Flaunting everything that he's been buying with the benefit money that we've all earnt for him. The axe murderer has been filming himself for YouTube again.

• The islamic arsewipes that are building a mosque, only two blocks away from the Ground Zero site, have applied to the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation to secure federal funds set aside for post 9/11 rebuilding projects.

• An elderly lady lies on the tarmac twitching and moaning slightly. So, when asked for assistance, Tesco do everything they can to help the poor woman in distress ... right. Nope. What a wretched country we have become.

• I thought Cameron said that we all had to pull together to reduce the enormous budget deficit that's going to burden the UK for generations to come. Presumably when the spineless, chinless, gutless, duplicitous dickwipe says 'we' he actually only means us. Why else would this sort of thing still be going on then!

Fuck it! Fuck the the fuckers who are intent on fucking us all 'til we're fucked. I'm off to tackle industrial quantities of red wine with an occasional interlude to bang my head up the fucking wall and clamp a bag of frozen peas to my bladder region.

Meanwhile ... I'll finally leave you with this ...

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Help Yourself

Due to my continuing internet access problems, no thanks to this bunch of broadband fucking arsewipes ......

.... and by way of a change, I've selected a few items from around the blogosphere for you to take a look at and pass comment on, either here or there. Some are new, some are older but, IMHO if you haven't come across them before, they offer an excellent choice of piss boiling, un-fucking believable and amusing posts:

The Paedophile and The Labour Politician

"Convicted paeodophile Derek Slade, 61, escaped police for years using an alias with the knowledge of a Labour politician at the heart of Britain’s justice system" Calling England

How Far Away Is Far Enough?

"To clarify for those who close their eyes and ears to such things, here's how close human remains were found to the proposed Mosque" All Seeing Eye

Child Abusers and Snuff Rings

"These fucking animals are peppered throughout our government, our courts, our police, and our legal establishments" Captain Ranty

Selection of Papal Visit Souvenirs

"Just throw your intoxicating mixture into our '3 Hail Marys Cocktail Shaker' and shake away for a perfect drink and instant absolution" Dioclese

PCSO Ahmed Butt

"I'm actively trying to get the terms "PSCO", "Ahmed Butt" and "lazy cunt" to stick together in search engines" Corrugated Soundbite

Research Has Found

"Is there so much money floating around that they have to throw it at “research” that is not only an incredible waste of money and time, but provides results that are utterly useless?" Grandad

Oh, and ISAC had it's 100,000th visitor today. Cuntishness, with regard to the cuntitude of others, is obviously quite popular then ;-)

Pakistan Cricketer Named In Bribe Shock

The world of cricket has been shocked by the revelations that one of the Pakistan Test Team is not bent as a 9 rupee note. Opening fast bowler Abu Googlie was reported not to have taken a bribe of £20,000 to bowl no balls in the final test match at Lords. Googlie (30) was offered the bribe by an undercover newspaper reporter who was posing as a Police Community Support Officer, as part of a “sting” at the team’s hotel. Unknown to Googlie, however, the conversation was being recorded. Googlie can be distinctly heard telling the PCSO to “fuck right off”.

Spokesman for the Pakistani Cricket Board, Osama Bin Laden, said that he was “shocked and appalled” by the allegations, which flew completely in the face of Pakistan’s long and honourable tradition of playing test cricket. Speaking from his cave, near Kandahar, Bin Laden (52) said “If this is true it’s appalling. How the hell is anyone going to be able to place a spread bet and make a few dishonest rupees if one of our players is found to be as honest as the day is long! This throws the whole reputation of Pakistani cricket into question.”

Meanwhile, following a long lunch of tofu, organic parsley, quails eggs and polenta, Labour Leadership candidate David Millipede (13 and three quarters) added his own comments. “It’s very sad but it’s a slow news day and I’ll jump on any bandwagon I can because I hate my fucking brother so much. He is a complete cunt, by the way.”

Those still wishing to collect donations for the Pakistan Flood Appeal should direct their inquiries to the rest of the Pakistani Cricket Team. They've got shit loads of cash to spare.

via our International Sports and Cricket Correspondent, Randy Hack

Another Shit Load Of Crap!

A couple of weeks ago we heard about this.

Now there's THIS.

Hmmm ...... there obviously seems to be a pattern developing here. Perhaps those in the know are getting ready for the major influx of arsewipes and shitwipes from Turkey.

Oh, and another thing ..... I thought this bastard lot had been banned!

Well ..... if that's the case, what the cunting fuck is this then?

Oh, for fucking fuck's sake! 

STOP PRESS:

The Islamic satellite channel al-Daleel has announced the groundbreaking launch of a new express service that delivers fatwas around the clock, to muzzie fuckwits everywhere, during the holy month of Ramadan.

I shit you not.

Friday Night Nosebleed News ++Updated++

As this blog has got more and more popular (for which I thank you all) my inbox receives many items of interest sent in by fellow bloggers and regular commentors. Problem is that being a GrumpyOldTwat means a lot of them tend to boil my piss or give me nosebleed (please keep then coming because I'm never happier than when I'm having a fucking good moan). So here we go with a recent selection of news that's had me reaching for the snot rag or a packet of frozen peas....

Fuck Off. Literally.
Ampers tells me that pharmacists can now refuse to prescribe contraceptives if it clashes with their religious beliefs. WTF! Not much fucking good if you're desperate for a morning after pill is it,only be told to come back tomorrow. Do they even do a morning after the morning after pill?

You couldn't make it up
The Vienna Boys Choir are the latest group of young boys to be arse raped by the clergy, according to Joe Public. Now as if that wasn't bad enough you'd have thought that the Times would have shown a little discretion when it came to the name on the journalist's byline?

Word Quiz
How do you get from the words Yorkshire to cunt in four easy steps? Well I asked myself this question after a few people queried a recent comment made on a post at 'my other place'. Suffice to say, the answer is this:
Yorkshire - Yorkshire Pudding - Batter - Fanny Batter - Cunt.

+++UPDATE+++

It appears that a Socialist fuckwit from 'upt narth' disagrees with me and has now retaliated by calling us all Nachtkrabbler . Ooh, scarey stuff indeed ;-)


Wankathon
Finally, someone dropped me a line (sorry, can't remember who) to draw my attention to a right pair of tossers that appear to be in such a wanking frenzy over this, this and this, that they'll surely go fucking blind before the week is out.

Good.


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Tory's Latest Poster Campaign

Here we go again!

The Conservatives have launched a new series of campaign posters today which I picked up on via Sue's place, where she has already done a version of her own.

So, here's my starter for ten ;-)

The original Tory posters can be found here.

Gobby Gayers

Following an excellent post by a fellow blogger which touched on the subject of Stonewall and their deliberately provocative, heterophobic advertising campaign, I have decided to produced a couple of posters in response . . . .

Share this ;-)

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Bringing The Medical Profession Into Disrepute

The Bansturbators Malignant Arssociation wants to impose more hardship and misery on everyone.

The Filthy Smoker lets rip at them here.

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GOT has some family stuff to attend to and may be away for a little while.
The Eye and myself will be keeping his seat warm until he comes back.

Lawson.