If you thought there had been some football on this week, you were wrong .... England were playing. However, Grumpy Old Twat's Chief Sports Reporter, Gildas Axelrod, managed to grab a quick post match interview with the England manager Fabio Capello:
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| Capello in a typically Alan Partridge stance relaxing in his hotel room post match |
Axelrod: Fabio, obviously it’s a disappointing result ...
England 0 Lady Boys of Bangkok 0 ... what went wrong?
Capello: No....eeeeee....ahhh.....yeees... I think they play....well...er...nooo...
Axelrod: Fabio, why are England such shit?
Capello: Scusi!?
Axelrod: You know. Utter and complete fucking shite. Merde. Scheisse. Merda. Why is that?
Capello: Eeeeeehh...ahhhh...no...I think....yeees...maybe eeeess pressure...
Axelrod: Do you think it’s cos you’re a cack handed Italian twat that nobody can understand? Or are the players just total shit anyway?
Capello: No...er...Rooney...play good...maybe...no...Yes...
Axelrod: That was Colleen Rooney, Fabio. Wayne’s been in the changing room shagging grannies all evening.
Capello: She play well....maybe...yeees...good catalogue maybe...
Axelrod: Do you think it was a mistake not to name the team until forty minutes into the second half?
Capello: No...eees no problem...is yes...no...scusi?
Axelrod: Fabio, a lot has been made of your inability to speak good English. Do you think it could be a factor?
Capello: Scusi? I no...errr.......yeeeees....maybe...I think problem, no.
Axelrod: Fabio, can you tell us how much you earn?
Capello: It’s a six million pounds a year basic with a euro lock in currency exchange hedge, coupled with a no win full fee index linked under performance bonus of 200 per cent with an integrated transnational image right package paid via a specially incorporated Single Purpose Vehicle domiciled in the Cayman islands for maximum tax efficiency plus car and pension.
Axelrod: I think that says it all. Thank you.
Capello: Grazi. Now vaffanculo!
Axelrod: Itie twat!
