Good News For Some

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Bad news for others. I guess it just depends who the fuck you are.

Gotty is back. For 6 days. Holiday relief for another old bastard blogger.

My first offering can be found HERE.

Enjoy ;-)

Thank Fuck It's Friday - Grumpy Old Bastard Edition

Thank fuck it's that time of the week again ... and hasn't it been a busy one, eh. So much fuckwittery from so many fuckwits! So, I reckon it may be a good idea to lighten up a bit with a few grumpy old git/bastard/fucker/twat jokes which should help to lower the BP a bit (and the tone) ... along with a bottle or two of vin rouge, of course ;-)

• On hearing that her elderly grandad had died, Katie rushed to her 98 year old grandmother's house. She asked how he had died, gran replied, "He had a heart attack during sunday morning sex." Katie was aghast at her 2 grandparents risking their lives making love. Her grandmother continued, "We did it to the church bells. Nice and slow. 'In' on the ding and 'out' on the dong", she paused for a moment to to wipe away a tear, "He'd still be alive today if that fucking ice cream van hadn't come along!"

• As a family I'm trying my best to keep up with all the latest technology ... so I bought my son an iPod, my daughter an iPhone and treated myself to one of those iPad thigies. Then I felt sorry for Pigsy,  so I bought her a top of the range, no expenses spared iRon ...  and that's when it all fuckin kicked off. What an ungrateful bitch!

• Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman. She asked me if I preferred legs or breasts. I replied, "Well, what I really like is a shaved snatch" .... I'm no longer welcome in my local branch of KFC, apparently.

A Gotty Grin to Caratacus, Joe Public and Steady Eddie for their contributions ;-)

 Oh, and I almost forgot, for those of you who would rather keep your piss boiling at an even temperature, an official police document has surfaced on how they should [differently] handle the arrests of muslims and non-muslims. It beggars fucking belief! Barking Spider has the details.

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Thank You

Despite the fact that I have in no way touted for votes during the fat poof's 'Annual Reach Around Contest'(©ASE), it appears that this blog seems to have done rather well by finishing 28th in the Right Wing (whatever the fuck that means) Political Blog listings.

Personally, I wouldn't normally give a flying fuck about how well, or how badly, I do in any poll or list or ranking ..... but this time it's different. There is only one reason that I can think of for having done so well in this year's 'contest'. Many, many readers of this blog must have taken the time and the trouble to email in their votes.

So, the very least you deserve from me is a THANK YOU.

More than that I cannot say because, to be honest, I'm just too fucking embarrassed and this kind of thing ain't too good for maintaining a high level of grumpiness.

Having said that, there is more than enough fuckwittery about the place to keep me grumpy ad infinitum but sometimes it just gets so bad that it's much better to laugh than to cry tears of anger. Unless you're this twat of course, in which case I would just stick to the crying ....

Temporary Break In Blogging

If there's one thing that really pisses me off it's spending hours carefully crafting one of my Gottish images, in photoshop, only to discover that there are odd blemishes on it and then having to spend more time fannying around trying to remove the annoying little snots ...... only to discover they are actually pieces of crap on my computer screen.

Worse than that, no fucking thanks to Grandad, I have now realised that the aforementioned works of art are also being blighted by random effluvia stuck to the screens of anybody viewing them on my blog.

So..... I refuse to publish any more of my world renowned, creatively witty and incisive images until you dirty fuckers have ensured that your computer screens are totally free from crud.

Please CLICK HERE NOW to get them thoroughly cleaned.

I thank you.

Blog Changes

I thought it was about time that I got up off my lazy arse (and sat down on my lazy arse) to give the blog a bit of an overhaul. As you can see it's changed a fair bit ... and not just cosmetically.

I've also changed the comments system too which will now enable you to upload images and YouTube clips into any of your postings. Some of you may have used the system on other blogs and some may not but please give it a whirl and see how you get on with it.

I'll still be arseing around with the template for the next day or two, so please bare with me and feel free to ask any questions and/or leave any suggestions or comments about the new set up. Your feedback would be most welcome either in the comments here or via email to the usual address.

Thanks ;-)

Grumpy Old Twats Are Superior

Thanks to an email inbox facility and the eagle eye of Joe Public, a regular commentor here, I can now confirm what grumpy old twats like me have known all along: Grumpiness is a sign of advanced civilisation.

Vindicated at last!

Mind you, it doesn't say anything about fucking swearing or behaving like a complete cunt and I'm not too over shitting joyed about being compared to a chimpanzee either but it's nice to see that I'm a bit higher up the evolutionary ladder than most fuckwits would give us grumps credit for.

Fuck me, I wonder if Grandad has seen the article yet?
Perhaps somebody should tell him ;-)

Google Search of the Week

I have seen many weird and wonderful Google searches, on my sitemeter, which have resulted on the searcher landing on my blog. However, the latest one just has to be one of the best that I have ever seen:

fucking hell im so fucking pissed off for gods sake im fucked off bastard bitch and cunt hole

Unsurprisingly I appear to be 'top of the shop' for that one:

Good to see that I haven't lost my touch then ;-)