Get Off Your Fat Arse You Lazy Bastard

I very much doubt that IDS had this lazy, fat fucker in mind when he was referring to all the piss taking, workshy, wankers who have choosen to live off the state ... but what's the fucking difference then?

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Look Who's Back And Look Who Else Is Back At Work Too

After nearly 200 days of the current Parliament the snot munching, pant pissing, mono eyed, unelected prime mentalist is finally going to stand up and speak in the House of Commons today. Yes, Gordon 'I saved the world fucked the UK' Brown is finally turning up to do what he is paid for.

He will be trying to defend the jobs of those working at his local shipyard, on those two aircraft carriers that we've heard so much about. The BBC, of course, are wanking themselves silly over how the deluded twat is going to do everything in his power to stop the 50-year maintenance contracts on HMS Queen Elizabeth and HMS Prince of Wales going to France.

However, they don't seem to mention anything about the £38 billion black hole that the duplicitous dickwipe left in the defence budget. Strange that. He wasn't so keen on 'British jobs for British workers' at that time, was he. The cunt.

And, if that wasn't enough great news to warm the cockles of your heart on a dreary Monday morning, another New Labour fuckwit has crawled back out from under her stone too. Yes, Jacqui Smith has finally got herself a job. Well, two actually.

One as a 'consultant' with KPMG, which won a highly lucrative contract while she was still Home Secretary, and the other is an advisory role with Sarina Russo Job Access, (fucking ironic or what?) a company run by a close friend of Tony and Cherie Blair.

Well, well, what a fucking surprise!

Jobs for New Labour mates or fucking what.

I bet Richard Timney is rubbing his hands together, so to speak, just thinking about all those new porno films that the 'Rancid Rasher from Redditch' will now be able to buy him again ... on the expense account.

New Labour.

Lying, cheating, troughing, duplicitous fucking bastards ... one and all.

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Ryder Cup Trivia #137

Apparently this pair of 'five-a-day' dodging, socially retarded, bad tempered, media inept, sexually deviant, miserable jockanese twats are thought to have been separated at birth.

Can't say I'm surprised.

Incidentally, we're still not allowed to even discuss that super injunction nonsense. Perhaps it'll all come out into the open once the Ryder Cup is over. Especially if we lose.

Just saying ;-)

Chilean Miners In New Peril?

This is a genuine screen grab (not 'shopped, honest) and the site I spotted it on can be found here. How the fuck Jonah Brown's ugly fizzog got on that report, fuck only knows, and if all those Chilean miners weren't doomed before they certainly run the risk of being so now. On the other hand ..... maybe they should send the pant pissing, pill popping, global gonad gobbling twat down there for good ..... once they have fetched up all the miners of course.

Cue your very best 'brown miner' jokes .......

I Wonder What He's Saying ......

.... and what she is thinking?

Thank Fuck It's Friday [Part 10]

Well I saw some comical 'news' today that brightened up my week no end. Apparently, via Gary Gibbon, Gordon Brown is all set to be the 'warm up man' on the saturday prior to the forthcoming Labour Conference. He feels it would be right to say a few words before handing over the torch to the new Labour leader. Torch? Fuck me! Considering the forgone conclusion that is the Labour leadership election, I think Billy has a much better idea.

Either way, I shall certainly be setting my hard drive to record during that event as, apart from typically  excessive uses of the word 'global' (place your bets on how many), it will almost certainly prove to be a comedy goldmine.

I also heard a rumour, via the ever satirical Lakelander, that the swivel eyed McSnotty may well be busy on another 'saturday project' very soon. In conjunction with the BBC (Brown's Broadcasting Channel) he plans to launch 'Mincing With The Stars', where various sporting has-beens, soap-opera performers that nobody has fucking heard of and clapped-out politicians that no longer have troughing rights, will all be taught the dubious skills of the mince by a suitably renamed Gordon Du Brown.

That 'news' instantly reminded me of a video I did just over a year ago and seeing as it's Friday, thank fuck, I thought I'd give it another airing ......

Quote of the Day

"History will pass judgment on these foreign adventures in due course, but in my view Gordon Brown's malign intervention, when Chancellor, on the SDR by refusing to fund what his own government had agreed, fatally flawed the entire process from the outset." ..... "Tony Blair lacked the moral courage to impose his will on his own chancellor"

General Sir Richard Dannatt

Labour Leadership Non Contest

So, according to a recent article, Tony Blair has been grooming David Miliband to be his successor since Dubya made it clear, in 2006, that they [the USA] would have 'big problems' working with Gordon Brown. (well who fucking wouldn't). In an interview at the time, Saint Tony of Bliar even described Fyffes Dave as “my Wayne Rooney”.

How sweet.

Well, as we all know now, Miliband Major failed to grow a fucking pair and hid in a cupboard under the stairs whilst the one eyed, pill popping, gonad gobbler became an unopposed and unelected Prime Mentalist. So, 3 years or so later, after we have all been metaphorically reamed in the arse (without lube) and McSnotty is busy doing sweet fuck all and getting paid handsomely for doing it, Two Faced Tony from Bliarshire is finally about to bring on his star substitute. Wayne Millitwat.

We all know that 'Bananaman the Spinless' is going to 'win' the Labour Leadership Election don't we, it's been a foregone fucking conclusion since the day Gordon grabbed a couple of young boys and fucked off back to Scotland. I mean 'Election', that's a fucking joke for a start, the whole thing is a total sham. Going through the motions, just for the pathetic and totally unconvincing sake of appearances.

So that's it then, Billionaire Blair will, in essence, once again be at the helm of the Labour Party, despite what the fuck any of the lying spintards say in public. New, old, borrowed or fucking blue it'll make no fucking difference once 'Me Mini Me MiliBliar' gets in to his stride, having benefited from years of grooming via his mendacious mentors ... Lord and Lady Tony of Duplicity and Slotgobshire.

However, there is but one thing standing in the way of Bananaman and his utlimate goal of reaching the heady heights of MiliBliarism ...... The Cleggeron Coalition. Otherwise that jug eared, spineless, cock sucker of Saint Tony will be waving a whole fucking case full of bananas, outside the door of Number 10. Which, in time, will undoubtedly lead to much more of this sort of thing. And this, this and fucking this.

Finally, I'll leave you with a soundbite/spinshite which was taken from a recent article here (well worth a read for the bullshit entertainment value) where David 'fyffes rooney minibliar' Miliband proclaims .... "Politics should be about getting out into the community and speaking to people. It should be about people and policies, not about spin and press releases."

They just don't fucking get it. Do they. Any of them.
Deluded, arrogant, duplicitous and aloof ... as ever.

Back Soon

Apologies for the lack of blogging activity recently but I've had other more pressing issues that seem to have stolen my time of late. Abnormal service fuckwittery will soon be resumed but in the meantime here is a 'shopped picture of Tony Bliar and Jonah Brown that I did a while back and never got around to actually using.

Perhaps you could come up with a caption or two or just take this opportunity to rip this pair of UK fucking, duplicitous, book writing, New Labour dickwipes a new arsehole or two ;-)

A Message For Ramadan ++++ Updated +++++ Banned By YouTube What A Surprise

To say I'm fucking orbitally angry would be bastard well under statement of the year material. I mean, last year's rama-fucking-dan message from the pant pissing, pill popping prick of a prime mentalist was fucking bad enough but you kind of expected it from the twat.

Un-kucking-believably Billy bastard Hague has now decided to follow in the footsteps of bum boy Brown and joined in the islamic cock sucking rama-fucking-dan-message-mongathon. His offering this year is virtually word for fucking word of the snotty shitwipe's wankfest. What the fuck .... What. The. Fuck. I mean what the fucking fuck is going on? Allah fucking Akbar my fat hairy arse!

Fuck that bollocks here's my re-edited version. The cunts.

* and breathe *

++++ UPDATED ++++

What a fucking surprise!
Less than 24 hrs after I posted that video, YouTube have banned it.

So much for freedom of speech then in this lefty, quango ridden, minority supporting shit hole of a country that we live in. It's not the first time the freedom fucking fuckers have done it to me .... remember all this bollocks?

Anyhow, as always I am prepared for such fuckwittery and have re-posted it onto DailyMotion. Stick that up your arse Lees or Gatward or whoever the fuck else has been whining to the nearest quango of diversity dick breaths .....

A Message For Ramadan
Uploaded by GrumpyOldTwat. - Watch the latest news videos.

Meet Joao Vale de Almeida

He is the first of the new EU ambassadors to be officially appointed, following the ratification of the controversial Lisbon Treaty which gave the EU sweeping new powers.

This man has now been formally installed as the EU's ambassador to the US, and has already suggested that American officials should regard him as their first point of contact for all transatlantic discussions. This will, of course, mean that this Portuguese man now 'represents' Britain on all foreign and security policies in America.

Meanwhile, the tax payers of Britain will continue to pay for this privilege without even being fucking well consulted and, presumably, the British Government will be relegated to discussing how British actors are portrayed in Hollywood .....
or some such shit!

The InFamous Five

A Summary Of The Main Characters

Andy : Andy is the youngest of the five, 3rd cousin once removed to Ed and his older brother Davey. Tall, thin and cheeky as well flouncy and immature, sometimes a bit effeminate. He is the weaker of the group and very protective and possessive of his eye liner collection. At the start of the series, Andy is 12 years old; the final book does not state how much the children have aged, but if you count the years in which the series run, then he will be 16 and three quarters. He showed his adolescence in Five Go Squabbling On The Hustings

Blinky (Ballsy or Ed): Blinky has a sick sense of humour, but is also untrustworthy and bossy in nature. He is three years older than Andy and one year younger than Davey. Blinky is very caring of no-one but himself and does his best to bully any fucker that gets in his way. He also has good truth gymnastic abilities which he has used in numerous dilemmas. He had a non-heroic role in Five On A Treasurey Island.

Davey : Davey is the eldest boy in the group, and generally shows an air of aloofness during the Five's various adventures with foreign types. He is more likely than the others to become Bliar like and famously dislikes the childish adventures that the Five constantly encounter. He is 16 years old in the first book of the series and 20 and a half in the last. He is known to be very forgetful sometimes and often walks around clutching a banana. In Five Have A Fuck Up To Solve, he acted as a brave and responsible person but let the others sort it out and took the credit. A known claustrophobic since he is frightened of being in encroached spaces with his own ego.

Ed (Eddie or Minor): Ed, sometimes called Minor, is Davey's younger brother. Ed is the archetypal wanker of a kid brother, very insignificant, undecided and sycophantic to the Five and to Davey in particular. He provides semi-intellectual deflection for the other children on multiple occasions. Ed's mummy adores him and thinks that he is the best little boy in the world. In the first book of the series, Five Go Off To Camp, Ed and Davey's parents have forbidden them to wear a traditional Polish dress. After the end of the Five's first adventure, their parents relent and also let them change their birth names.

Diane (Flabby) : Diane is single minded and insists that she is always right, despite her duplicity. With her big mouth and portly figure she is often mistaken for the World Junk Food Eating Champion, which displeases her enormously. Like her father, George Galloway, she has a fiery temper. She is fierce, headstrong and very abusive when cornered. She is sometimes extremely unmanageable and causes trouble during the Five's adventures. She is the oldest of the Five and in Five Have Plenty of Fun, she left the Blue Lagoon Club at 9.30pm, leaving the others to dance the night away. She said she was tired and wanted to go home to bed and flick her bean, whilst she still had a little energy left.

Aunt Harriet : Harriet is foster person to Andy, Blinky, Davey, Ed and Diane. Called Aunty Hatty by the InFamous Five (and 'devil's dyke' behind her back) she is married to Uncle Fagan, an equally nasty omnipotent piece of work. Through most of her Blighton stories, she is the principal maternal figure in the lives of the five children and treats them all equally. Although, during Five Go To Twat Cove, she did seem to have a soft spot for Diane. The four boys came home early one afternoon, after riding their bikes, and caught them munching the rug together in the front parlour. Nothing was said.

Uncle Gordon (McSnotty) : Uncle Gordon's private life, a rather sordid affair by all accounts, is kidnapped or held hostage in several of the children's adventures. He possesses a quick temper and has little tolerance for children on school holidays, but is nevertheless just as heartless as he may at first seem. In the third book of the series (Five Climb The Greasy Pole) it is established that Gordon is the one-third brother of Davey and Ed's father's 2nd cousin. This followed a rather unfortunate accident with an adult nappy and a miniature rocking horse, which had been discovered in Blinky's back passage. The rest of the Five carried on drinking ginger beer and eating chocolate fingers, turning a blind eye to Gordon's fondness for kiddy fiddling. As always.

Note:
I can't seem to remember any of the other titles in the 'Five' series. Can you?

Lost Screen Tests

Samuel L. Jackson auditions for a part in Titanic .....

Or how about Paris Hilton, trying out for the lead role in 'The Queen' ....

Also heard a rumour that Roy Chubby Brown will be auditioning for the much anticipated biopic, 'Gordon Brown : Prime Mentalist'

Gordon Brown : Out Of Africa

So the last we heard, Gordon Brown was going to become a hard working back bench MP and devote his time and energy to the needs of his constituents in Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath. So what better way to do this that than give your first major speech, since resigning as prime mentalist, from a village in Africa. For fuck's sake .... how much fucking further away, from the place where we are all STILL paying the free loader to work, can you fucking well get!

Never mind, he insists that he's "very cheerful as a back bench MP" (has anyone actually seen the jock cunt sitting in the Chamber yet?) and he came to terms with losing the election "very quickly" (is that fucking right?). The deluded mono eyed, pant pissing, nokia chucker then went on to say " You accept it and then move on and say look, there are other things you can do to make a difference". (like what, you useless lardy arsed, bollock tickler?)

I'm sure we can think of few ideas though, eh......

Anyhow, thanks to Sarah Brown and her TwatPic account, I've snaffled a couple of images showing Gordon moving among the voters in his constituency villagers in the back of beyond:

... but what the fuck are they reading?

.... but what's the poor little girl thinking?

On an even more depressing note I hear that we can expect the fuckwit, who is responsible for creating Britain's biggest ever debt mountain, to be easing himself into a top job with the International Monetary Fund .... any time soon. (didn't realise the IMF HQ was in Kircaldy)

And I ain't fucking joking!

Incidentally, if you'd like to tell the deluded twat what you think about all this then why not drop him a line here. I'm sure he'd love to read what you have to say, just as soon as he gets back from Westminster Kampala.

On A Positive Note ...

... it's good to the that the USA can be just as fucking spineless as the UK Government, after they withdrew Tony Blair's 'invite' to appear before a Senate enquiry into the release of the Lockerbie Bomber. Still, it's good to see that 'slippery' Jack Straw has received his invitation although he does say that he hasn't decided whether to 'attend' or not yet.

He'd like to consult with Gordon Brown first and then have a cosy chat with the nice chaps at the Foreign Office about those leaked letters.

So he won't be going then.

Slippery cunts.

Gordon Brown's Leaving Present

Oh dear, what a fucking shame. The unelected ex prime mentalist with a penchant for snot gobbling, pant pissing and buffing glass eyes is still awaiting his leaving present from his former Cabinet colleagues fucktards.

And apparently .... get this ..... it's being cited as the reason for his total lack of enthusiasm to keep in touch because they neglected the tradition of having a whip around for him when he stepped down  was fucked the fuck off as prime minister. Aww bless, he's feeling unloved and unappreciated.

Well we can't have that now can we. So .... following an excellent suggestion by one of our regular commentors, here, I think we ought to put forward a list of suitable ideas for leaving presents, for the economy fucking, self centered, freedom fucking, decision dodging, war mongering, bully boy of an ex prime mentally mong.

Money no object, we're not paying for a change, the super rich ex-cabinet members can dig into their sizable, tax payer funded pockets for a change ;-)

I'm going with my previously mentioned F.O.A.D. gun and a bottle of ridiculously over priced single malt Glenfiddich. They can afford it.

How about you?
Don't forget to be imaginative and above all do your worst!

Gordon Returns To Frontline Politics

Breaking news is that Gordon Brown will head up a new political party
consisting mainly of disaffected, union funded MPs who have lost faith in
the ideals of New Labour.

More here.

Arise Lord Pies

Gordon Brown has yet to decide when his resignation peerages will be published but a close ally has said "The Team Gord list of Lord and Lady fuckwits includes John Prescott and Sue 'blame me for bigotgate' Nye. it's just a question of when McSnotty feels like taking the piss and releasing it".

Other names rumoured to be included are Ruth Kelly, Des Browne and Anna Healey. Ms Healey, who has most recently fagged for Harriet Harman, is the wife of John Cruddas who is expected to join the Labour Party leadership contest. Oh, and let's not forget that Ms Nye's husband, Gavyn Davies, is a former investment wanker banker and chairman of the BBC and a one time landord of Gordon's partner in grime .......... Lord Lob On of Fondleboys.

Give me fucking strength!

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Any Final Words For Gordon . . .

. . . before I start on Dave Cleggeron and Nick Camerlegg who are currently involved in a 'let's-see-if-we-can-grow-a-pair-between-us' love in. There's got to be a caption or two in this picture somewhere..... Snotty, the wicked witch, two little boys (fnarr) plus Balls, bad Al and Lordy Bumcheeks who are clapping and gurning like the fuckwit fucktards that they all are, until the bitter end ......

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Gordon Brown : The Very Best Bits