Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Is Islam Misunderstood?

Apart from some minor editing by me, this post consists of an email which I received from one of our regular Grumpy Old Twat commentors. I thought I would share it with you .........

I'd like, if I may, to bring up the subject of "Moderate Muslims".

The BBC constantly inform us that, other than a few pesky Jihadi hot heads, Islam is truly a peaceful and benevolent religion, and we must all show humility to these wonderful people .... in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

New Labour set up many a quango, giving generous public grants to these Islamic beacons of hope. Allegedly, the core message was to be tolerance, peace and understanding, to prove to us all that Islam was indeed misunderstood.

One of these government funded beacons of hope was the Muslim Public Affairs Committee charged with bringing the true message of Mohammed into many an Infidel home.

And that message is of course that: "Islam is Peace".

Imagine my surprise then whilst searching for the true message of God, from our peaceful Islamic brethren, I was perusing the British government funded M.P.A.C.U.K. website, and on surfing through the comments section of one of the "peaceful" articles, "Viva Palestine in Bradford", I happened to espy a message to me if I should so choose to comment.

Try it for yourself, with any of the articles at

Islam and it's "moderate" publicly funded Muslims,
truly do bring to us a "message of peace".

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Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Gordon Brown's Leaving Present

Oh dear, what a fucking shame. The unelected ex prime mentalist with a penchant for snot gobbling, pant pissing and buffing glass eyes is still awaiting his leaving present from his former Cabinet colleagues fucktards.

And apparently .... get this ..... it's being cited as the reason for his total lack of enthusiasm to keep in touch because they neglected the tradition of having a whip around for him when he stepped down  was fucked the fuck off as prime minister. Aww bless, he's feeling unloved and unappreciated.

Well we can't have that now can we. So .... following an excellent suggestion by one of our regular commentors, here, I think we ought to put forward a list of suitable ideas for leaving presents, for the economy fucking, self centered, freedom fucking, decision dodging, war mongering, bully boy of an ex prime mentally mong.

Money no object, we're not paying for a change, the super rich ex-cabinet members can dig into their sizable, tax payer funded pockets for a change ;-)

I'm going with my previously mentioned F.O.A.D. gun and a bottle of ridiculously over priced single malt Glenfiddich. They can afford it.

How about you?
Don't forget to be imaginative and above all do your worst!

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Chris Huhne Minister for Windmills ++Update++

I’ve been trying to think which politician on earth I would rather have less in a cabinet post in the current Coalition than Chris Huhne. And with the possible exception of Hugo Chavez, Kim Jong Il or Salma “Mrs Duckham” Yaqoob, I really can’t think of any.

Ain't that the truth ......

My thanks to D-Rex for the inspiration, check out his original idea here

+++ UPDATE +++

Following an excellent suggestion in the comments,
here's a Phil Jones version.......

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Monday, 28 June 2010

G8 Summit In Pictures

President Bollock Obummer manages to hop his way
to the G8 summit following an accident in which he
lost his right foot, after slipping on an oil slick

The judges of the G8 Summit Knobbly Knees Competition
appear to have their minds on anything but the task in hand
whilst the two finalists wait patiently for a decision

 Obummer joins the Canadian Prime Minster in an
attempt to 'high five' the short arse frog, knowing full
well that he can't reach. Result: A Sarkozy sulk.

The Canadian PM employs his ring finger to goose some woman
who's dressed as a grape. In the days before the Euro that surely would
have left a mark, but nowadays it probably just stings a bit.

France's Frog du Bastard accepts the generous gift of a number 8
from Canada's Moose in Chief, as a touching momento of short arse
Sarkozy's average height difference in comparison to the other delegates.

Note: At the time of this posting no pictures of David Cameron
were available after the specially chartered 737 DHL cargo flight,
carrying his make up, was delayed after an unexpected re-fueling
stop in Greenland following excess weight problems.

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Gordon Returns To Frontline Politics

Breaking news is that Gordon Brown will head up a new political party
consisting mainly of disaffected, union funded MPs who have lost faith in
the ideals of New Labour.

More here.

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Sunday, 27 June 2010

England Played A Blinder

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No, No, No, No, No And Again No

28,000 frontline police officers to be axed.

Council waste £130,000 on a pedestrian crossing.
You can't fucking use it.

Council ban 7 foot teddy bear.

Britain's biggest wind farms paid thousands of pounds a day.
NOT to produce electricity when the fucking wind is blowing.

Britain's top judges oversee court hearings in Mauritius.
5 times in 5 years with their wives and guess who's fucking paying.

£800,000 for lavish gourmet food and champagne hospitality at Wimbledon.
Paid for by the bank that had 20 fucking billion quid of taxpayers' cash.

Give me fucking strength!

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BBC News Quiz No.71

Can you spot the difference between the first police statements, with regard to the description of the perps, and the one issued by DC Tara Powell?

Same sort of idea as last time.

click image to enlarge

My thanks go to Joe Public for spotting it

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Saturday, 26 June 2010

Sexist Advert of the Week

Fuck BA.
It's low cost budget airlines for me, from now on, but there's so much choice.

Fuck Easyjet.
Fuck Ryan Air.
Fuck BMI Baby.
It's Avianova for me, from now on.

Haven't a bastard clue what they're saying in this advert and that infuriatingly catchy 70's style backing track* is a tad nauseating but who gives a flying fuck, they sure know how to keep their cockpits clean (fnarr) ;-)

*"It's Such A Good Night (Scoobidoo Love)" by Paul Rothman, if you're at all interested.

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Friday, 25 June 2010

Meet The Parents: Part Deux

Following on from my previous post, as promised, here are a few more examples of the ultimate in dodgy parenting skills and child care. By the time you get to my top 3 parenting failures, you'll soon realise that the kids don't always come first ;-)

So the here are the top 3, in a suitably twattish reverse order:

Finally we have the winner ..... now I've been around a bit and not a lot takes me by surprise but the final example takes first place, hands down, by a length. So .... just to show that I can be a tad decent, from time to time, I've decided to provide a link to the cream of the crop so that you can't say I didn't warn you.

The Grumpy Old Twat Parenting Skills of the Year Award

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Meet The Parents: Part One

Yes it's "Meet the parents day", here, at Grumpy Old Twat. A chance to sit back and marvel at some of the amazing parenting skills and reflect on the devoted child care exhibited by doting mums and dads from around the World.

Feel the love!

Part Deux follows later when I'll be stepping up to a whole new level and revealing my top three examples of 'What the Fuck!' parenting techniques.

However bad you think it's going to get, it'll be worse ....
and definitely NSFW ;-)

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Thursday, 24 June 2010

Schools Low Carbon Day +++Updated+++

Just a reminder that it's Schools Low Carbon Day today brought to you by those nice kiddy brainwashers via a 'fake charity' called, Cool The World. When I say 'fake' I mean that we have been unable to find any evidence that the 'charity' is official, despite searching for them here and also banging in a few FOI's to the relevant local authorities. In fact they even seem to be absent from the list of fake charities. What the fuck!

However, we did managed to find that the woman behind all this is an owner of an online garden centre. Check out the advert in the top left sidebar of the website. Yes! That's the one, right next to the piccy of a great big, fuck off sized, outdoor patio heater .... one of several models that they appear to be selling. What the fuck! Hypocrisy? No, surely not.

So ..... if your kids are unlucky enough, to be amongst the 600,000 attending one of the 1600 schools that have signed up to this shit, then they can expect Act On Co2 action-a-plenty today as their little brains are gently washed in a solution of guilt and green taxes.

Just a thought but it might be worth re-considering which school you give you all those 'schools vouchers' to (that you collected at the local supermarket) before you actually hand them over ;-)

And another thing ..... after yesterday's lack of lessons, this also means that there'll be yet another day, where the children of this country will be attending school, without any danger of actually being properly educated.

Just look at my young cousin's school timetable for this week:

Teacher Training (stay at home)
Diversity and Sharia Law in the morning and how the budget affects you, in the afternoon. With particular emphasis on cigarette, alcohol and green taxes.
Talk about the England match all morning, watch it all afternoon
Low Carbon Day: Make windmills out of papier mache and harness fart gas in old jam jars, for use as a renewable energy source. Tree hugging in the afternoon, if it's a nice day.
History: WWII, the Germans and how a game of football, in WWI no man's land, relates to a match being played in the World Cup on Sunday.

What the fuck!

At this rate it's going to take another 13 years to eradicate the Broken Britain legacy of 13 years of New Labour breaking Britain and, more importantly, finally get the education of this country's future back on track.



It appears that the main subjects of this post are avid readers of this blog.

It could be a coincidence, I suppose, but the intro on the Cool The World "fake charity" website has now been altered to read "Voluntary organisation with charitable status" :

Hmmm, that's strange, I could have sworn that Cool The World originally stated they were a "registered charity". Oh yes ...... good old Google cache appears to confirm that a recent adjustment has been made. Here's how it looked originally:

A subsequent call to the HMRC charity helpline, unsurprisingly, yielded little information although she did say that they didn't have any records of them, but there may be an application in the system.

Yeah, Right!

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Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Obama Is A Shit : New Evidence

Apart from this, I mean.

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Where's Gordon?™

What the fuck! ©

Cheeky fucker ©

That's been used before ©.... June last year ©

Not that I give a fuck ©

Just saying ©

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England Closes For A World Cup Match

Schools across the country are all set to finish lessons early and businesses everywhere will be shutting down the machines and closing offices, well before the end of the normal working day.

And for what.

A buggery bollocksy football match of bugger all twat significance to anyone except the half soaked, thick as shit, self centered, arrogant, talentless, over paid, gobby, arsewipes who will be running around the pitch like headless chickens in the dark ... who are only worried about losing the squillions of pounds of sponsorship money that'll be wiped off their bank balance, if they don't win.

Not because they are bursting with pride and not because they give a fuck about their country. Have you seen those retards when the National Anthem is playing? They can't even be fucking bothered to stick out their chests and sing for all they are worth.

The economy is fucked, money is tight, jobs are at at premium. Oh, I know, let's shut the country for a football match that we haven't got a hope of winning. What a fucking joke.

I could kind of understand if we'd struggled through to a final or some such shit but we haven't. It's just a fucking 'see-if-we-can-scrape-through' 'cos we're twatting well talentless, kind of game.

Get back to school. Get back to work. Get a fucking life.

Incidentally, if you were in any doubt about how retarded some of the England Football Team really are .... take a look at the following video of that scouse cunt bubble, Jamie Carragher. Apparently he's 'been in a relationship' with Andy Burnham for some while now (what the fuck!) and can't wait for him to be Prime Minister.

Is that before or after you've had his babies, Jamie?

Give me fucking strength .....

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Appeal Refused

That'll be some good news for a change then.

Now .... perhaps someone will be kind enough to throw the fucking key away.

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Tuesday, 22 June 2010

ConDem Nation Budget ++Update++

I'm no expert on the economy, as I will readily admit, but I do know a lie when I hear/see one. There have been far too many rumours circulating in the run up to today's Emergency Budget, about an expected hike in VAT.

I do hope that this is just some sort of 'spin double bluff'. You know the tactic. Politicians will leak that something bad is going to happen but then don't actually carry it out, in the devious attempt to render the minions so relieved that they won't notice all the other cluster fucks that are flying around.

I hardly need to remind you that we were told "there are no plans to raise VAT", in the run up to the May election so, presumably, that means the LibCon are fully aware they have no mandate to do so and they wouldn't possibly have lied to us would they.

BTW, still waiting for my cast iron EU Referendum, Dave.

Anyhow, as Calling England rightly points out, "under EU rules the government can raise VAT as much as it likes and when it likes but to reduce it again it must have permission". Hmmm, I guess we shall soon see what the outcome will be but I can't help thinking I need to check if I have any vaseline to hand .... just in case I feel like I've been shafted.

Apologies if you were kind of expecting to see a Live Blog on the Budget today, I just haven't been able to get around to organising it. So please feel free to use this post as an open thread for all things budgety bollocks where you can rant and rave to your heart's wallet's content. Or sing it's praises perhaps ;-)

++UPDATE++ 17:40
So there you have it.
Budget over, no pain, no gain blah blah blah, no surprises.
One thing bothering the fuck out of me though.
Am I almost alone in the fact that we've been lied to about the VAT increase? Don't get me wrong, it's not the actual increase that's boiling my piss tonight, it's the U-fucking-turn by Cleggeron. I've only seen one other blogger, so far, that is fucking furious about it.

Why is that?
I can only assume that being lied to sits pretty comfortably with those that agree with the end result. So what the fucketty fuck happened to principles then? Fucked if I know.

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