Friday, 17 December 2010

Back After The Break But Not For Long

It's been a couple of weeks now since I last posted anything on this blog and in the comments of that post I mentioned "Gotty's keyboard has been hung up. It's tired and all twatted out, just like Gotty ...".

I thought the break would do me good.

Nothing has changed. So it's time to call it a day.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read all my blog shite and/or leave comments on all my blog shite and I'm also grateful to those who have recommended all my blog shite to others. A special thanks to others in the blogosphere who have helped me to make this blog the success that it has become. You know who you are.

An extra special 'fuck the fucking fuck off and die' goes to the few that have done all they can to try and fuck this blog in the arse. You know who you are ... and more importantly so do I, you two faced arsewipes.

The Grumpy Old Twat blog may be dead but the blogger behind him certainly isn't so maybe you'll come across him in the blogosphere again one day ... somewhere else ...

Saturday, 4 December 2010



Friday, 3 December 2010

Nothing To Fear Nothing To Hide

Britain is already one of the most heavily surveilled nations in the world and now 'Internet Eyes' is up and running. It's a private company with private citizens earning pin money. Three cheers for Cameron's small government, big society scam!

LiarPoliticians2, who posted this video, has been having problems with the Press Association and YouTube. His account was deleted together with 3,200 videos. He won his case but the videos are gone forever. He obviously hasn't heard about EyeTube yet.

Cross posted from Calling England

+++ Grumpy Old Twat UPDATE +++

Following on from the Wikileaks DNS problems with the freedom of speech police and their successful website resurrection, I now see that Alex Jones of InfoWars fame has been having fun and games with Google. A couple of days ago they put a 'freeze' on his YouTube account but after what he describes as a 'media storm', Google have now reversed their decision.


It just goes to show once again that the government, any government, just don't fucking get it. When are they going to realise that it's impossible to control freedom of speech on the internet.

Where there is a will, there is always a way.

In the meantime, Big Brother, ....

Lighter Later 10:10 Are At It Again

That child killing group of eco terrorists 10:10 are at it again. This time they are behind a campaign called Lighter Later which is supporting the Daylight Saving Bill, due to be debated in the HoC today. They all want us to switch to Berlin time rather than use the British tradition of GMT. Oh for fuck's sake, so there goes a bit more of our sovereignty then. 

Oh, and apparently, they reckon they have the support of Vince Cable on this one ... hahahahaha ... well that won't do the fuckers much good will it. He might say he'll support the campaign but he'll probably abstain on the vote anyway. Just like the new student fee legislation.

Anyway ... getting back to the 10:10 eco fascists, I presume they would rather see our children run over in the morning, in the pitch black, as opposed to in the evening. I dare say that Franny Armstrong is putting together  some sort of 'children being mowed down by a gas guzzling 4x4 blood and guts video', as we speak.

"What a difference an hour makes", they say on their website, "everybody loves the sunshine. But every year we set our clocks so that we get less of it in our lives, sleeping through the sunlit mornings while we use expensive, polluting electric lights to keep out the dark nights."

Oh just fuck off will you!
You can't produce more daylight by fucking around with the clocks. It's still the same amount of sunshine you fuckwits, whatever the twatting clock says. Just get the fuck up earlier in the mornings. As for the rest of that darkness bollocks, Captain Swing has an excellent remedy for that in his last paragraph here.

In the meantime I suggest that the 10:10 eco terrorists go fuck themselves ...
... with a grandfather clock.

No pressure.

+++ UPDATE +++

I've just heard that Parliament have passed the second reading of the Daylight Saving Bill with a majority of 82 votes. *sigh*


Freedom Of Speech Has A Number

It appears that Wikileaks now has a new website address following the decision by to withdraw its DNS support. The new address is However, free speech does have a number  and if the new website address should also disappear you can still access Wikileaks via its IP address of


Thursday, 2 December 2010

Why England Lost The 2018 World Cup Bid

From the very moment that this picture was taken, back in May 2009, England's chances of winning the bid to host the 2018 World Cup were totally doomed.

The curse has struck again!

World Cup Snow Balls

Like a lot of people in the UK at the moment, I seem to be at the mercy of that mild autumn weather that the Met Office promised us all. Yep! This grumpy old twat is knee fucking deep in flakes of global warming and unable to get to work (a-fucking-gain).

So I popped on the Sky News to catch up with all the latest headlines MSM filtered fuckwittery  and ... what the fuck! I was greeted with some be-spectacled, suit wearing, numbnuts in Zurich banging on nineteen to the fucking dozen in dago-ese or some such bollocks. Apparently I had arrived just in time to hear the live presentation of Spain and Portugal's World Cup bid... or some such shit.

What's worse is that I very soon realised that all this 'live' World Cup bid bollocks is going on all fucking day! This is 'news' is it? Who the fuck cares? Oh, how silly of me, I almost forgot that's why the the Twat Boy Three are over there .... England are making a bid for the World Cup in 2018 *yawn*. Yes, iDave the spineless euro cock sucker, Willie (whose name sounds like a cock and has a big cock) and Becks a bottled lager a  talentless cock who once kicked a bladder around on some grass for 90 minutes (like a complete cock), are trying to secure the bid to host the 2018 World Cup in England.

The only reason they are there is 'automatic qualification'. England are so shit at football they don't stand a fucking chance in qualifying any other way. The over payed, talentless, tosspots are far to busy drink driving their Bentley's and taking their teammates' wives up the wrong 'un to have the where with all to actually do what they are fucking paid for!

Now where was I? Oh yes ....

Oi, Highways Dept desk jockey jerk offs ... pin your fucking ears back!
We don't all live within 6 fucking feet of a motorway or drive a big fuck off 4 x fucking 4. When the fuck are you twats going to get your act together and clear the sodding snow off the roads so that I can get back to work and earn some fucking money!

We're not all work shy employees of the state you know.
Some of us REALLY do want to work.

I've paid my car tax, I've paid my council tax. So I suggest that you lardy arsed, desk jockey jerk offs  get the fuck on with what I've fucking well paid you to do!

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Throwing In The Towel

"For the last eighteen months I have been trying to wake up those who are comfy, safe and warm, firmly wrapped up in their fluffy duvets. I am tired now of prodding, and poking, and shaking those who do not wish to be awoken."

I know exactly how he feels.
It's hard work.

Personally, I think he has made a huge contribution to the blogosphere and still has plenty to offer us all in the future. Even if it's a swift kick up the arse to all those who would rather bury their heads in the sand in the hope that all the bad stuff will just 'go away'.

It won't.


Son Of Brown

David Cameron on Red Ed Miliband @PMQs :
"I'd rather be a child of Thatcher than a son of Brown"



Is The X Factor Fixed? ++ Updated ++

Why are England so bad at football? Is the X Factor fixed? Who is Justin Bieber? What does the Grumpy Old Twat do for a living*? Where is Raoul Moat? These are just some of the all important questions that are worrying Jill and Joe Public, across the UK at the moment.

Oh for fuck's sake! Is that really what the majority of the UK are worried about these days. What about the Afghan War, the demise of decent Justice in this country, the corruption of the European Union and the continuing islamification of the UK which is eroding our sovereignty, the total bollocks that is MMGW ....

.... or the state's 24/7 surveillance of everything we do or say?


There are for more important things afoot.
Just look at the full Top 20 list of 'rising questions' on the Ask Jeeves website:

1. Why are England so bad at football?
2. Is the X-Factor fixed?
3. What is the Government going to cut next?
4. Who is Justin Bieber?
5. Did I vote for the right party?
6. Do all footballers cheat?
7. Should I buy an iPad?
8. What is Glee?
9. Why didn't Coleen leave Wayne?
10. Will Big Brother ever come back?
11. Why didn't Cheryl put Gamu through?
12. Where can I buy a micro pig?
13. Will I still get child benefit?
14. How are the Chilean miners surviving?
15. Where is the ash cloud?
16. Why did that woman put the cat in the bin?
17. When will the recession end?
18. Who killed Archie Mitchell?
19. Where can I buy a vuvuzela?
20. Where is Raoul Moat?

Give me strength.

Will all the fuckwits who are living in cloud-fucking-cuckoo land, please wake the fuck up and smell the twatting coffee! If you don't do it soon it'll be too fucking late and then you'll be asking the question: "I was watching X Factor at the time and didn't notice a thing but when was it exactly that we all became totally fucked?

+++ UPDATE +++

And that's from someone who actually won the very first X Factor! Fair play to him for taking the trouble to comment although I object to being compared to Alf Garnett. He was a reactionary, mean-spirited, selfish, bigoted, anti-Irish, anti-Catholic, racist, misogynistic, homophobic, West Ham supporting anti-Semitic played by a Jewish actor ... wasn't he?

Perhaps Steve just meant I was a reactionary ;-)

*I made that fucker up, obviously.

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Bizarre Police Report Of The Week

Melissa Lee Williams has uttered a line never previously recorded in a police report before. Well, not one that the Grumpy Old Twat has come across before anyway. The West Virginia woman faced assault and weapons charges after allegedly waving a knife at two men who declined her demands to engage in sexual conduct.

"Eat my pussy", she demanded of the two men before she "commenced to undress herself". One man "declined said invitation" but the other man told cops that he "agreed to perform at her request." However "he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odour emitting from Melissa Williams" and, understandably, "declined to proceed any further."

Fair enough.

It was as this point that Williams allegedly "produced a lock-back folding knife," opened it, and then uttered the line never previously recorded in a police report before:
"Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat."

I take it that she was pretty well gagging for it then but unfortunately for her though, by all accounts, the poor chap involved was gagging at it rather than for it.

Further details of the incident, if you're feeling brave, and that all important photograph of the sleazy seductress are available here.


Free pack of *ahem* odour eaters goes to Joe Public for the tip off, just in case Williams should ever corner him in a Hotel somewhere ;-)

BBC : Hate Crime Figures

Just spotted a report on the BBC webshite about the recently published 2009 Hate Crime Figures. Call me a grumpy old twat if you like but the unattributed BBC report has gone into bias overdrive using the phrase "An Acpo spokesman said 703 crimes were anti-Semitic but the religions of the other victims were not known".

No mention of indigenous, white, christian, heterosexuals being targeted of course but even though this is the very first time that Hate Crime Figures have been published, the bias BBC still manage to squeeze this little beauty in to the report ... "Although data was not collated nationally before 2009, Acpo says it believes there has been a rise in all five types of hate crime."

'Believes'! Fucking 'believes'!
Who fucking 'believes' there's been a rise which you can't fucking prove?

BBC report unattributed and quotes from 'a spokesman'.
Oh yes, the Bias Brainwashing Channel at it's very finest dontcha think.

Monday, 29 November 2010

WikiLeaks Cable Ends Turkey EU Ambition

Once this WikiLeaks US Embassy cable does the rounds, it'll be quite obvious that there is not a snowball's chance in hell of Turkey being able to join the EU. The US assessment of Turkey's Islamist influence begins from paragraph 10:

¶10. (C) AKP's lack of cohesion as a party and lack of
openness as a government is reflected in the range of murky,
muddled motives for wanting to join the EU we have
encountered among those AKPers who say they favor pursuing
membership...or at least the process. Some see the process
as the way to marginalize the Turkish military and what
remains of the arid "secularism" of Kemalism. We have also
run into the rarely openly-spoken, but widespread belief
among adherents of the Turk-Islam synthesis that Turkey's
role is to spread Islam in Europe, "to take back Andalusia
and avenge the defeat at the siege of Vienna in 1683" as one
participant in a recent meeting at AKP's main think tank put
it. This thinking parallels the logic behind the approach of
FonMin Gul ally and chief foreign policy advisor in the Prime
Ministry Ahmet Davutoglu, whose muddy opinion piece in the
Dec. 13 International Herald Tribune is in essence a call for
one-way multi-cultural tolerance, i.e., on the part of the EU.

You can read the cable in full here.

The Turkish leader, Erdogan, who Cameron seems to be so 'in love' with, is described as having "hunger for absolute power and for the material benefits of power" . He has "a sharp authoritarian style and deep distrust of others" and he surrounds himself "with an iron ring of sycophantic (but contemptuous) advisors". As a result, he has a "susceptibility to Islamist theories". And this is supposed to be the Secular leader who 'Call Me Dave' assures us will lead Turkey - and the EU - to a better age!

So, Mr Cameron, what the fuck are your chances of giving your beloved Turkey a shoe-in to the corrupt ranks of the European Union now then? Fuck all, I'd say.

It doesn't end there though. There's more, much more, tucked away in that same cable which will undoubtedly set Cameron, Van Rompuy and all the other EU fuckwits, setting their spin machines to 'max'.

Katabasis has done a complete breakdown and an excellent, comprehensive analysis of the cable, and what it means to the future of the EU, right here.

Please take time to read it and then spread the word far and wide!

Get Out Of Europe

"I don't want an 'in or out' referendum
because I don't think 'out' is in Britain's interest"
David Cameron

My thanks to Xen347 for producing the video

WikiLeaks : Nurse Galyna Kolotnytska Pics

The recent release of classified documents, from the Wikileaks US Embassy Cables, reveals that Galyna Kolotnytska is identified as a “voluptuous” blonde nurse who is the constant companion of Libyan leader Muammar al-Qadhafi.

Apparently, Colonel Gaddafi states that he cannot travel without Galyna Kolotnytska, as she alone “knows his routine.” Well, from these photos of her, I can certainly see why that might be although I'm not too keen on finding out anymore details about Gaddafi's "routine".


Sunday, 28 November 2010

Creepiest Christmas Underwear Advert

Looks like Christmas isn't the only thing that's just around the corner. What the fuck is Father O'Leary doing, hiding behind the door, in this Brazilian underwear advert?

Whatever it is ... it's surely going to end in tears.


Saturday, 27 November 2010

German Chancellor Responds To EU Euro Crisis

The EU is undeniably in a state of deep shit. Watch this exclusive footage of the German Chancellor's official response, to the current EU Euro bailout crisis, and how best to deal with the problem :

Friday, 26 November 2010


I can't even be fucked to say thank fuck it's friday, this week, but I do have a mish mash of twattery that I'd like to share. Most of it has boiled my piss, no fucking change there then, but I'll start with something which should be far more entertaining:

• It's that time of year again where we can all get our votes in for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award ... fuck that! It'll be much more fun getting your votes in for the Cunt of the Year Awards 2010 instead. There's even five different categories to have a go at ... so, if you fancy a bit of cuntishness, you can vote for your 2010 cunts HERE.

• I hesitated before posting on this because the cunt really doesn't deserve the oxygen of publicity but he's really making my piss boil this time. Flaunting everything that he's been buying with the benefit money that we've all earnt for him. The axe murderer has been filming himself for YouTube again.

• The islamic arsewipes that are building a mosque, only two blocks away from the Ground Zero site, have applied to the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation to secure federal funds set aside for post 9/11 rebuilding projects.

• An elderly lady lies on the tarmac twitching and moaning slightly. So, when asked for assistance, Tesco do everything they can to help the poor woman in distress ... right. Nope. What a wretched country we have become.

• I thought Cameron said that we all had to pull together to reduce the enormous budget deficit that's going to burden the UK for generations to come. Presumably when the spineless, chinless, gutless, duplicitous dickwipe says 'we' he actually only means us. Why else would this sort of thing still be going on then!

Fuck it! Fuck the the fuckers who are intent on fucking us all 'til we're fucked. I'm off to tackle industrial quantities of red wine with an occasional interlude to bang my head up the fucking wall and clamp a bag of frozen peas to my bladder region.

Meanwhile ... I'll finally leave you with this ...


Thursday, 25 November 2010

Teaching Maths In Britain

Teaching Maths In 1970 
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?

Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?

Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?

Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Maths In 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the application for the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something.. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.

When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail again the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a departure BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and leave behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting.

The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub-prime mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot, with only some government money left to pay a few million-pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses.

The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry.
However, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonuses are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.
You do the maths.

Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة
> الانتاج 80 من
>الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟= 20

A brand new abacus goes to Ampers for the maths lesson ;-)

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Student Protests : You Won't See This Version In The MSM

Police kicking out at what appear to be peaceful protesters and then deliberately forcing them back towards the trouble ? What the fuck is that all about then? Anyone would think that they were under strict instructions to incite a riot ... rather than try their best to prevent one.

What say you?


The EU. What's In It For Me?

Oh for fuck's sake! Do you really need to ask?

Well apparently the EU have decided that, yes, we do need to know and have launched a brand new website which tells us it's "A No-Nonsense Guide for UK Citizens to what the European Union Delivers." Really? Excellent! So we can look forward to seeing detailed accounts of how much of our fucking money they're pissing in the wind, without giving a flying fuck about the sovereignty of the UK, then.

Sadly no, and as already mentioned at Muffled Vociferation and All Seeing Eye, the new site is nothing more than pure propaganda. Yet another attempt by The European Commission to brainwash Britons into how much they are benefitting from EU membership.

Like laying to rest all those important myths such as "Brussels rules mean that tightrope walkers have to wear hard hats" and "Politically correct EU will stop bingo callers using the terms “Two fat ladies”. What the fuck!

And I thought the sub section they have about how to reduce blood pressure was particularly ironic, considering the fact that the EU gravy train is one of the main reasons mine is so fucking high. I haven't come across any plans, as yet, on how the EU plan to quell my boiling piss though.

However, there is one small ray of sunshine peeking through the dark clouds of EU domination that are are hanging heavy over the UK ... the new webshite does mention that "This is your chance to tell us your stories about any aspect of the work the EU and Commission do, so get in touch now."

Go on, you know you want to ;-)


Tuesday, 23 November 2010

The Must Have Christmas Toy For KIds This Year

Well, when I say 'must have', I mean that your kids 'must have' a penchant for a board game that includes a plastic dachshund which produces fluorescent yellow shit, every time they squeeze the pump action handle. What the fuck! And who says that Germans don't have a sense of humour.

And the name of this game?
Kackel Dackel. I shit you not.

Goliath Games have got previous when it comes to producing kids' games that include an unsavoury discharge .... this is one of theirs too!

Revised Emergency Statement From The Irish Prime Minister

This revised Emergency Statement, from the office of Taoiseach Brian Cowan, supercedes all other previous statements appertaining to 'The Bailout of Ireland' and related matters.

Issued  23rd November 2010 at 08.30hrs +1

"I am making an official 'Euro wide' appeal for everyone to donate as many seed potatoes as you possibly can, so I do. Check behind your sofas, under your beds, at the back of your cupboards and inside your sheds. We're feckin' desperate, so we are.

Bejesus! It's an emergency! Ireland is totally broke, so it is. We need to go back to our roots and grow as many feckin' potatoes as we can, then sell them all back to the plantation owners, so that we can clear our debt (again), so we can.

Please email your seed potato pledges to me, directly, at:
and I'll get back to you asap, so I will. Might be a few minutes though ... I'm just trotting off to the bog .... must be something I swallowed"


Monday, 22 November 2010

Why Haven't We Seen This On British TV?

Muslims Against Crusades protesters running riot on the streets of London. Disrupting yet another homecoming parade of British Troops who have recently returned from Afghanistan. This time it's 1st Battalion of the Royal Anglian Regiment who are being attacked and abused by British muslim fanatics.

Why the fuck isn't all this stuff being reported on the BBC and the wider British MSM? Why is it that only the Russian and Amercian broadcasters are covering this? They must be wondering why the fuck we aren't doing anything about this total disrespect for our British way of life.

Watch it all to the very end and then tell me they're not fucking laughing at us!

Who the fuck is responsible for keeping this outrageous and sickening behaviour out of the British Press? Come on people, wake the fuck up, this is REALLY happening on our streets and someone, somewhere, is hiding it from us all. If they're not going to broadcast it then it's up to us ... spread it far and wide, tell everyone you know to watch it ... especially all the XFactor junkie generation who need to have their fucking eyes open to what's really important to the future of this country!

Or am I just wasting my fucking breath?


Sunday, 21 November 2010

The Euro Isn't Working


Andy Burnham Fail On Adam Boulton Show

Did anyone else see Andy Burnham on the Adam Boulton Sunday Show, being questioned on the Pope's decision to allow condoms in certain circumstances? I thought it was a classic case of someone not engaging their brain before opening their mouth ...

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Politictionary© : A Brand New Political Game

I've just invented Politictionary© ... an exciting(?) and very simple game where I post a description of a political figure of note, which I have found within a blogpost or its comments, and you have to try and guess who it is. More than likely it'll be an unflattering but accurate quote (IMHO) about some fuckwit or other connected with politics but I'm sure you'll get the general idea.

Ok then, so here's my first offering:

"Simply put, he's a politically correct halfwit who doesn't know what he's letting himself in for. He'll ignore the warnings, scream "racist", and in 20 years time, when he's getting old, he'll suffer at the hands of those he defended against those who warned him."

So, who do you think it is then?

Yes, yes, I know ... you want the answer now and you can't be fucked to try and guess who it is ... in which case I might as well tell you now then ... I found the quote in amongst the comments here.

Hmmmm, on second thoughts Politictionary© isn't really that exciting is it and it's just too fucking simple for words when you can go straight to the answer without even having one single guess. In fact, the more I think about it ... the more I realise that Politictionary© is no more than a glorified 'Quote of the Day' kind of thing.

Oh well ... 'twas fun while it lasted.

Perhaps I should just stick to posting stuff like this then ....

... which Dr Unbewachter emailed in to me after spotting it on EBay recently?


A New Low For The United Nations

"Pakistan distinguishes itself on the internet by leading the world in Google searches for 'animal sex', 'child sex' and 'rape sex'. . . . How wonderfully inclusive of the United Nations to hand the fox the keys to the hen house, yet again. Yes, ok, so these countries may well treat women like dogs but hey that's their culture right and we gotta respect it don't we?"

Friday, 19 November 2010

BBC Children In Need

I see that those politically correct cretins at the BBC aren't satisfied with just having Pudsey anymore .... this year our kids have been introduced to another bear called Blush.
It's *ahem* dark furred and female. 

Oh for fuck's sake, where will all this righteous PC fuckwittery end!

To be honest, I don't really give a fuck. My own children will be in need, and their children, and their childrens' children, for years to come ... they're fucking bankrupt, no thanks to 13 years of New Labour and the total inadequacies of the LibConDem Coagulation.

So BBC Children In Need can fuck the fuck off.
Charity begins at home as far as I'm concerned.


The World's Most Powerful Breasts

Thank fuck it's Friday again!
Apart from the fact that the UK seems to be even more fucked than it was this time last week, I've had another one of those weeks I'd rather forget. I won't bore the arse off you with the details but suffice to say that I do actually have a broadband connection today. Fucking hurrah!

So, let's kick the weekend off with Busty Heart, possessor of the world's most powerful breasts apparently. Judge for yourselves but it's definitely a 'what the fuck' moment, if ever I saw one. Not for the faint hearted and the looks on those judges faces are just fucking priceless!

All the squashed beer cans he can drink go to Joe Public for the titillation ;-)

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Sergeant Mark Andrews Cleared Of Assault ++Update 2++

I shit you not.
Sergeant Mark Andrews, who was caught on CCTV assaulting Pamela Somerville at Melksham police station in Wiltshire, has had his earlier 6 month jail sentence quashed after 'winning' an appeal today.

Lets have a look at the evidence again ....

What. The. Fuck!
I must be seeing things then because the Judge Bean at Oxford Crown Court has now said, after a four-day hearing, that he was satisfied Sergeant Andrews did not intend to throw Ms Somerville into the cell and that the injuries she suffered were probably caused by falling down the stairs the door frame.

Meanwhile, Sergeant Shitwipe remains suspended from duty on full pay pending the result of an internal police enquiry. Yeah right ... any guesses to the outcome of that then?

We are all so fucked .... or as Old Holborn would say, welcome to East Germany.

+++ UPDATE +++

And how they rejoice in rural Wiltshire!

"There are three excellent consequences to this decision. First, Andrews is exonerated. Second, the handwringers will go absolutely orbital, which will be fun to see and finally, Wiltshire ACPO have been shown to be more interested in public image than truthful reality."

Oh, just fuck off back to your tea and doughnuts will you.

+++ UPDATE 2 +++

I thought that this fairly recent quote from James Bulger's mother was rather apt,
in the current circumstances :
"Once again justice has not been done"

She said it after John Venables had been given a sentence of only 2 years, from a possible maximum of ten, after being convicted of child porn offences. Apparently, this was because the crimes were blamed on the "isolation and fear", that Venables felt, while living under a false name after his early release from jail for killing James Bulger.

Oh, do fuck off! Some of the photos that 'aroused' Venables were of two year olds .... the same age  James Bulger was when brutally murdered by Venables.

Why tell you all this now?

Well ... who do you think the fucking judge was?

All previous posts on Sgt Andrews can be found here

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Funniest MMGW Story Of The Year

A fire that caused $1.1 million worth of damage to a warehouse, filled with rock legend Neil Young's music equipment and memorabilia, appears to have been caused by his hybrid car which was also stored at the site.

And as if that wasn't ironic hilarious enough, the music legend had just returned from an appearance at the Specialty Equipment Market Association car show in Las Vegas ....
where he had delivered a 'talk' on his hybrid electric Lincoln.

"I love my car!" he told the audience.

A hockey stick of his choice goes to C Monster for the heads up ;-)

Helicopter Pilot To Marry Cabin Crew Descendent

If you've been watching Sky News or the BBC News Channel, over the last 24 hours or so, then you'd be forgiven for thinking that there was absolutely nothing else going on in the world ... apart from Prince William's engagement to Catherine Middleton

The great and the good (?), and plenty who are neither, have been queuing up to give their opinions on the big announcement. Here's a small selection of the worst best :

The Queen : "Catherine the commoner! We are so not amused."
Prince Phillip : "Kate Moss was it? Bit old isn't she? Could do with a square meal too, the scrawny bitch. Christ! One would have to wrap her in duck tape on the wedding night ... in case she split."
Prime Minister David Cameron : "I received the news in a call from Buckingham Palace during a cabinet meeting and it was greeted with a great cheer as we suddenly realised that we'd be able to bury shit loads of bad news ... everyday for the next fortnight."
Gordon Brown: "I send them all my best wishes for a long and happy married life together. It'll be a great success!"

Prince Charles : "At Last! I'm obviously thrilled. They've been practising long enough! Many a time nanny has caught Willy practising after 'lights out' with a dog eared photo of Kate, posing topless on the freshers' bar at St. Andrews."

Lembit Opik : "I've had her!"

Herman Van Rompuy : "Great! Something else for the UK to waste taxpayers' money on. Perhaps that'll divert attention away from my UK taxpayer funded, EU gravy train for a while."

Iain Dale: On my LBC show tonight from 7 ..." 

Red Ed Miliband: "Over-privileged toffee nosed twats!"

Prince Harry: "I am delighted that my brother has popped the question! It means I've gained a sister, with a ring like my mother's, who is not averse to a having a chopper land in her back garden ... which I have always wanted."
At the time of posting, pictures of Kate Middleton's ring were still unavavilable but I did manage to find one of the helicopter pilot's chopper .....

Prince William pictured with his chopper, earlier today

Monday, 15 November 2010

Nothing To See Here ...

... for another day or so. Two at the most.
Feel free to talk amongst yourselves or move along.

Meanwhile ...


Sunday, 14 November 2010

Remembrance Day

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Vince Cable Dictates Leader Of Libertarian Party UK

Well, maybe that title is a tad unfair ... but what Vince Cable, predictor of 23 of the last 11 economic recessions, does appear to be doing is dictating who CAN'T be the next leader of the Libertarian Party (LPUK). Namely .... Andrew P. Withers.

Now, before I go any further, and just in case you are new here, I'll repeat the fact that I have never had any affiliations to any political party. Ever. I am my own man. Therefore, I don't really give a flying fuck who is going to be the next leader of LPUK. It's no skin off my nose and it's none of my damn business either to be honest.

However, what I do give a flying fuck about is the basic principle that's involved here. The fact that some jumped up Limp Dumb Coagulant of a fascist fuckwit, namely St Vince of the Cable sweater, is dictating to ANY British political party, whether a minority one or not, who they can or can't have as their chosen party leader.

Here's a quote from an emailed letter received from Vince Cable’s Solicitors, Osborne Clarke, dated 12th November 2010 to the Bristol District Registry:

‘Our Client does not consider that Mr Withers has currently demonstrated sufficient need for leave in respect of the (Libertarian Party)’

What the fucking fuck is that all about. Who the fuck does Vince Cable think he is? I was under the impression that we still live in a democracy here, despite the apparent efforts of our government and the EU to ultimately deny us all of of this.

I dunno ... maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree here but IPJ has all the latest developments over at his place .... see what you think. Meanwhile, I remain totally fucking stunned by the long term ramifications, of this kind of fascist intervention, into the democratic election of any leader of a British political party.

Fuck me!
I thought New Labour lost the last general election.
They did .... didn't they?


A Guide To Taxation And Economics

As I have probably mentioned before I am no financial expert, far from it, but here's what I thought was an excellent explanation of how people in the higher tax bracket will benefit the most from having a tax reduction ... and ultimately, I guess, so will we.

But what do you think? Or is it all totally irrelevant now, due to the fact that our taxation system is gradually being taken over by the EU anyway?

Suppose that once a week, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this ...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1
The sixth would pay £3.
The seventh would pay £7.
The eighth would pay £12.
The ninth would pay £18.
And the tenth man (the richest) would pay £59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every week and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until, one day, the owner caused them a little problem. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your weekly beer by £20."

Drinks for the ten men would now cost just £80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free, but what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the £20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share? They realized that £20 divided by six is £3.33 but if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then not only would the first four men still be drinking for free, but the fifth and sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fairer to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage. They decided to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so, the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (a 100% saving).
The sixth man now paid £2 instead of £3 (a 33% saving).
The seventh man now paid £5 instead of £7 (a 28% saving).
The eighth man now paid £9 instead of £12 (a 25% saving).
The ninth man now paid £14 instead of £18 (a 22% saving).
And the tenth man now paid £49 instead of £59 (a 16% saving).
Each of the last six was better off than before with the first four continuing to drink for free.

But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got £1 out of the £20 saving", declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, "but he got £10!"

"Yeah, that's right!" exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a £1 too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get £10 back, when I only got £2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute!" yelled the first four men in unison, "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next week the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. When it came to paying the bill, they discovered something important, they didn't have enough money between all of them to pay for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just might not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Professor of Economics.
For those who understand, no explanation is needed
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.


Friday, 12 November 2010

Thank Fuck It's Friday - Grumpy Old Bastard Edition

Thank fuck it's that time of the week again ... and hasn't it been a busy one, eh. So much fuckwittery from so many fuckwits! So, I reckon it may be a good idea to lighten up a bit with a few grumpy old git/bastard/fucker/twat jokes which should help to lower the BP a bit (and the tone) ... along with a bottle or two of vin rouge, of course ;-)

On hearing that her elderly grandad had died, Katie rushed to her 98 year old grandmother's house. She asked how he had died, gran replied, "He had a heart attack during sunday morning sex." Katie was aghast at her 2 grandparents risking their lives making love. Her grandmother continued, "We did it to the church bells. Nice and slow. 'In' on the ding and 'out' on the dong", she paused for a moment to to wipe away a tear, "He'd still be alive today if that fucking ice cream van hadn't come along!"

• As a family I'm trying my best to keep up with all the latest technology ... so I bought my son an iPod, my daughter an iPhone and treated myself to one of those iPad thigies. Then I felt sorry for Pigsy,  so I bought her a top of the range, no expenses spared iRon ...  and that's when it all fuckin kicked off. What an ungrateful bitch!

Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman. She asked me if I preferred legs or breasts. I replied, "Well, what I really like is a shaved snatch" .... I'm no longer welcome in my local branch of KFC, apparently.

A Gotty Grin to Caratacus, Joe Public and Steady Eddie for their contributions ;-)

 Oh, and I almost forgot, for those of you who would rather keep your piss boiling at an even temperature, an official police document has surfaced on how they should [differently] handle the arrests of muslims and non-muslims. It beggars fucking belief! Barking Spider has the details.

Stone The Crows! It's Yasmin Alibhai-Brown

Oi, Yasmin Alibhai-Brown!
Shut the fuck up you over-sensitive twat!
It's just a fucking joke, like this #twitterjoketrial thing ... or this #iamspartacus thing ...
ok, so maybe there's a tad more bad taste involved than you'd like but satire's a bit like that sometimes.

Fucking live with it!

Nothing more to see here ... move along ;-)