Saturday, 29 November 2008


I went to buy a box of Weetabix.
What a fucking performance!
  1. I don't like shopping
  2. I don't like supermarkets
  3. What's fucking super about them
  4. I don't like change
First of all I have to avoid all the morons tear arseing around with their trollies - where's the fucking fire! Nobody told me that Tesco are on the F1 Grand Prix calender. 

Then there are the kids, those snotty nosed little shits with no manners whatsoever, who just seem to do and say what the fuck they like. Its no wonder when you see their chav mothers, in velour shell suit bottoms, trying to decide how many cans of vodka Red Bull to buy. Those Katona lookalike bitches make no fucking attempt to restrain those twatting little Whitney, Britney and Shitney bastards. I fucking hate 'em, mainly because those brainless tossers have got loads more money to spend than I have because they're all on fucking benefits!

Coffin dodgers!
Dithering about the place whilst conducting a master class in how to be frugal.
Have you ever seen them buying one rasher of bacon, half a sausage and 3oz of tripe? At least they don't need bog roll - they're still using a commemorative copy of The Daily Telegraph that was published the Sunday after
The Titanic sank!

Finally I get to the breakfast cereal aisle! No shit!
There must have been ten different types of fucking Weetabix on those shelves.
What the twatting, bollocksy, fuckwank is going on here?
I just want an ordinary box Weetabix!

Weetabix Gold
Gold? Gold what? Is that why it's so fucking expensive.
Weetabix Organic
Please don't tell me it's got cow shit and sheep piss in it.
Weetabix Fruit & Fibre
If we needed a good shit we'd have had a curry last night.
Weetabix Minis
Fuck me, they make small cars out of this stuff now.
Anyone seen one on the road?
I bet they're fucking useless in the wet!
Weetabix Bitesize
What tosser decided how big a bite is then?
Kids bite? Adult Bite? Love Bite, Fucking dog bite?
Weetabix Chocolate Crisp
A kids birthday party feast all mixed up together in a bowl.
That's sure to make the little bastards puke all over their Wii.
Weetabix Honey & Nut
For fuck's sake put honey on your toast, like any normal person and scratch your nuts whilst your eating it you tossers!

Then there's all the cheap shite Tesco versions
and the Oat-a-fucking-bran-a-nutri-wank-a-flake versions.
Don't even start me on
Cornflakes, Ready Brek and Special K.
Talk about a head fuck!


Ahh, at last, that's the one I'm after!

Just need to go through the checkout now
(tell you about that another time).


No comments: