Thursday, 20 November 2008


Now don't get me wrong, I love cats. Especially so when I was younger. There's something very therapeutic about stroking a nice pussy. Trouble is that when you get older it gets harder to find one that will keep still long enough for you to gain some comfort from it.
Anyway, I digress, what I fucking hate about cats is the unbelievable stink of their shit!
Have you ever in your whole life had anything that rips the fuck out of your nostrils than the smell of a cats bowel movement? There I am relaxing in the evening enjoying a nice glass of red and exchanging the details of my exciting day with Pigsy . . . and then it hits me! "Is that you dear?" I ask in a controversial kind of way, knowing that I'm going to regret it. Sure enough "Fuck off!" comes the reply "Are you sure it isn't you?". The Scrapster looks the other way and then confirmation of the real culprit reaches my ears.
Its the sound of cat litter being manically scattered at a vast rate of knots in a vain attempt to cover the almighty fucking stench of the cat's shit! Trouble is 75% of it ends up on the floor (Thats the cat litter not the shit). Its so nice having a gravel driveway for a hall!
What really gets my fucking goat is that the cat has been outside all day and I've just let her in. The first thing she fucking does when she comes in is take a fucking dump! What's that all about? Why couldn't she do it outside and preferably in a neighbours garden. If I was paranoid (which I'm not, am I?) I'd think she was giving me a head fuck!
What's even worse is that her name is Sweetie . . . . who the fuck thought of that name? (Can't say). I suggest that next time we have a cat we need to wait and see how bad her shit smells before we name her.
And another thing, as soon as you clear away the offending article, wearing 3 clothes pegs and using a pair of barbecue tongs, the next thing she does is park her fucking tea again!
Where does it all come from? What the fuck is she eating? Whiskers? More like Shitty Kat!

P.S. I wish my cat could do this (and flush afterwards!)

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