Cowboy Builders Banned

A story based on The Three Little Pigs has been rejected by a Government backed awards event because the judges have decided it might offend Muslims . . . . .

. . . . . and builders!

What? Fuck off!

We mustn't upset Cowboy fucking builders.

We might offend them.

What? (again) Fuck off! (again)

You must be having a fucking giraffe.

They are one of the 'scum groups' of the earth for fucks sake! Along with those other  lowlifes, The Chavs and The Pikeys.

Ask The Eye. 

He certainly won't be tawtting well amused at having to take the poor sensitive feelings of those money swindling, home wrecking, couldn't give a shit, Cowboy Builders into consideration!

Also, the same book has been criticised by judges of the event because "the use of pigs raises cultural issues".

How many more times are these 'minority mong' muslim defenders going to keep fucking telling us all what to do every five minutes. And what not to do too, for that matter.

Sick of it.

Sick and fucking tired of it.

Sick and fucking tired of minority groups trying to run our lives. Muslim this, Islam that, racist the other.

Oh, and while we are on the subject, that pussydick, Dolly Draper has jumped on the 'fuck off you racists' band-wanker-wagon by all accounts.

Dolly Draper.

A prime example of a complete, catergory A, class one twat who is way beyond the meaning of the word cuntishness*

Halal Hath No Fury Like A Pizza Scorned

I was absolutely fucking incensed by this post from Tory Poppins about the range of 'slit an animals throat' pizzas, that have been foisted upon us by those minority loving mongs at Dominoes Pizzas.

According to the President of the Halal Food Authority, "It's good news for Muslims . . . "

So what about the rest of us meat eating fuckers who are still in the majority?

I'm not a particularly big fan of pizzas. I just like to have one every so often but that's not the point. Freedom of choice is what it should be all about.

Read it and weep.

That is all.

Fabulous News for Joe Townsend

Please watch this video clip.

I know, I know.

Noel Edmonds is normally right at the top of my 'twat list' too but this clip is one of the most heart warming things that I have seen in many a year.

I was originally made aware of the plight of Joe Townsend via this post by the All Seeing Eye.

I too was so incensed that I was amongst the many people who took the time to contact Wealden District Council to demonstrate my disgust at the way they were treating this 20 year old Marine, who had lost both his legs during a stint in Afghanistan.

It now appears that so many people were outraged at this ridiculous situation that the Council have now had to rethink their approach.

And rightly so.

I don't mind telling you that, after watching such a marvelous outcome, there was distinct evidence of wetness around the G.O.T.'s eyes.

Rare tears of joy after witnessing such a magnificent display of human kindness.

It just goes to show that this Country hasn't completely 'gone to the dogs' yet.

The New iRant Keyboard

Not Plastic Fantastic

Will somebody kindly explain to me what the fuck relevance that bollocksy Barclaycard advert has to do with fucking well using or having a Barclaycard.

You know the one.

Some curly haired, speccy four eyed, geeky twat wearing a pair of two sizes too small, 70's style swimming trunks - going down a wanking great water slide.

What has a credit card got to do with the aforementioned twat pulling his ill fitting trunks from out the crack of his arse and casually waving at his work mates (who, I might say, would probably report him to HR for perving about the place if this was in the real world).

The whole thing just gets even more head fuckingly ludicrous when Mr micro trunks leans over the side of the water slide and picks up a bastard banana. Then, fuck me jacob, he pays for it with his twatting credit card. Where the fuck did he whip that out from? His arse crack?

A bastard banana!

Where the buggery bollocks is he going to put that then? The mind absolutely boggles but it can't be up his arse because I assume the Barclaycard is already nestling against his sphincter and any additional items that were inserted would surely cause a certain amount of 'jostling' resulting in irreparable damage to the ring-piece region. 

Judging from the disdainful 'good grief he looks like he might be pleased to see me' look on the librarian's face, my bet is that the the curly headed cretin has shoved the bastard banana down the front of his shrink in the wash speedos.

Then, why the fuck does he need to pay for the sodding Subway? I didn't see the goggle eyed twat get on a twatting train at any twatting time, did you?

And if all of that shit wasn't a enough to make my poor tiny brain spin faster than Alastair Campbell after a Brownfinger fuck up, the shitting soundtrack is just that. Shit!

Don't get me wrong I like the nostalgic 70s & 80s thing, as you know, but 'Let Your Love Flow' by The Bellamy Brothers! What a load of fucking old bollocks! So what the fuck is that mini trunked twat up to on that water slide then? Fucking hell, don't tell me he's 'knocking one out' for his deposit account. Why doesn't the dirty 'credit card in the arse' pervert just be content with pissing in the pool, like any normal person?

Bollocks. It's all total bollocks.

Furthermore, how the fuck does the the tiny trunky twat get back to work again in the morning and what's he going to wear? He left his work clothes in the office. Does he go in the trunks or does he put another suit on? If he puts another suit on, where the buggery bollocks does Mr taut trunks store all the clothes that he keeps leaving at work?

Fucked if I know.

Too many questions. Head is fucked.

Leave it with you.

I'm off to eat a muffin.

Will You Ever Get The Message, You Twat

Phoney

False, a sham, intentionally untrue, intending to mislead, deceiving, not faithful or loyal, lacking sincerity, inaccurate, artificial, based on mistaken ideas, inconsistent with the facts, threateningly deceptive, intending to defraud, arousing suspicion, dishonest, having no basis in fact, not essential, not genuine, not the real thing . . . . .

. . . .  and un-fucking-elected!

Tractor Stats - Anybody Know Why He's Gone?

Oh dear, Tractor Stats seems to have disappeared from the Blogosphere.

I really hope that it is not something sinister and everything is OK with him.

Does anyone have any info?

Really hope to see him back soon, don't you?

Fingers crossed.