Sunday, 8 February 2009

We're Not All Fucking Chavs


The Grumpy Old Twat has been shocked to the core, yet again, by some marketing mong or other who has decided to 'fix' something that just isn't fucking broken.

Most of you will all ready know that I don't like change for change's sake and it certainly fucks me off big time when some spotty faced twat, fresh out of marketing school, decides to fuck around with perfectly adequate existing foodstuffs that have been happily available in the same traditional way for donkeys years.

Well, Walkers 'jug eared smug twat lineker' Crisps have decided we now need some new flavours with which to tickle our taste buds. Oh no, Ready Salted, Cheese & Onion, Salt & Vinegar and Smokey Bacon just aren't fucking good enough for us anymore.

Ok, ok, so I admit to the odd packet of Tomato Ketchup flavour but it appears that those who know best at Wankers Crisps have decided that we have now all become lardy arsed, gut bucketing, 50" plasma watching, fat fucking freeloading, tasteless Chavs and we now need these 6 new flavours to suit our benefit fueled lay-about lifestyle.
  1. Onion Bahji
  2. Fish & Chips
  3. Cajun Squirrel
  4. Builder's Breakfast
  5. Chilli & Chocolate
  6. Crispy Duck & Hoisin

I fucking shit you not!

Whaaaat the buggery, fucking, bollocks of a planet were these 'fuck up our food' fuckers on when they thought of this pile of shit? And what kind of sad fuck sits down in his laboratory, whips out his tasteless taste buds, and decides what fucking squirrel should taste like?



Just fuck the fuck off, get a new life and leave our crispy comestibles alone!

It's enough to drive me to drink.

Oh, ok then, just a bottle of Islay single malt with the top off and a straw inserted . . . .  oh, and perhaps a few Twiglets would be nice. No 'funny fuck' flavours though.

Twats!

5 comments:

Tory Poppins said...

Oh my fucking God - I just peed my Tory pants!!!!! THAT'S classic! ;-)

Screech said...

Bravo!!!! i Was watching the ad with the Queer one not half an hour ago, and i said to her "how can i rant about this pile of shit?". But you Sir have done a grand job. My rant though was going to be about, why vote for one? keep them all if people like them, personally i was happy with the old bbq flavour they used to have, the new one is shite.

Conan the Librarian™ said...

Marmite rice cakes are my beer snack of choice.

But I'm a middle class twat.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Sorry TP, just checking. . . .
was that a bodily function you had or was it an excellent suggestion for a new flavour of crisps?
Hee hee.

And yes Screech, the old BBQ was acceptable as was Roast Chicken come to think of it. Thanks for the kind words. If we can't have a laugh from time to time then we are all definitely fucked beyond redemption!

Conan, I fucking love Marmite but have never tried the rice cakes. They are now on the shopping list. Thank you for stopping by.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Happily not an issue for me since I don't eat 'potato based snacks'.