The Best of Jacqui?

Mandy Gets the Decorators In

Lord Meddlesome has wasted even more of our taxpayers money by deciding to have his office redecorated AGAIN. Makeover Mandy, not content with the £20,000 already daubed on his walls prior to taking office, has spunked out another 57,000 of our precious pounds to have his Whitehall wank palace re-tarted.

Fuck me! (no not you Mandy)

The fucking nerve of the extravagant twat is beyond belief.

Frittering away our money on his turd polishers paradise whilst telling the jobless to fuck off to Europe and get work.

Incidentally, taxpayers have now forked out over £390,000 in the last year so that the man munching Meddlesome and his junior ministers can relax in luxury at the Department for Business Enterprise and Regulatory Reform.

'Changing Rooms', my fucking arse!

The Condemned Man Ate A Hearty Meal

Here's a couple that I thought Fido might enjoy . . . 

Perceived Social Isolation

Thanks for this posting goes to

it's either banned or compulsory who says . . . . 

G.O.T., try staying calm and rational after reading this article which points the finger at the latest group of NHS Resources ABUSERS:

Loneliness as harmful as smoking and obesity

In outline this states that single people get ill because they lack companionship, they get as ill as smokers and the obese. Because they are single they lack self-control and are therefore more likely to 'comfort eat', give up on exercise regimes, have a second or even third 'comfort scotch' to combat feelings of loneliness and depression.

The reason they are single is because they lack social skills (which might be interpreted as being anti-social).

Statisics show that the largest number of households by size = 1
They are easily identifiable because they will have signed up for single discount Council Tax ( ie data-base already in place, cunning huh !)

Single people. The New Jews.

G.O.T. says:

Calm? Rational?

Not a fucking hope in hell.

Perceived Social Isolation!

Where the fuck did that come from?

Its called LONELINESS you scientific twats!

Why do you have to think up stupid names for things that means we have to ask what they mean which means you might as well have used the original meaning in the first place.

AND, more importantly, how many more ways are they going to find to preclude people from receiving care via the NHS. And anyway what the fuck is wrong with being single. It's not a twatting disease, you can't fucking catch it! Some people would fucking well prefer to be on their own.

AND, as EBC points out, this is yet another way for the Government to segregate innocent members of the population by stealth.

Finally, if loneliness is such a bad thing I hope Gordoom Brownfinger finds it soon by fucking the fuck off and leaving us all alone. Come to think of it he's already a fat fucker so maybe he's already half way there.

One can only wish.

How's My Driving

For many years now, to relieve the boredom of driving and of course to have some fun, I've been playing something called 'The Game'.

The idea is to piss off as many drivers as you can, in the queue behind you, whilst collecting as many points as you can. Sometimes it can be fucking hilarious especially when the innocent 'players' start leaning on their horns, gesticulating and going ballistic.

Fuck me, if they knew I was actually doing it deliberately they'd be catatonic.

Like I give a fuck!

This is how to play 'The Game':

1. Take a pivotal position and avoid being trumped.
2. Collect at least four cars in your wake.
3. Collect the following bonus points depending on which type of vehicle you are driving at the time. You can also collect bonus points for the type of vehicle that is five places behind:

Tractor/Farm Vehicle  10pts

Royal Mail Van  9pts

HGV  8pts

Milk Float  7pts

Van  6pts

Coach  5pts

Taxi  4pts

4x4  3pts

OAP Vehicle  2pts

Car  1pt

Further bonus points can be collected for the following:

• Going particularly slowly (good way to start The Game)  4pts

• Stopping for no reason with five or more cars in tow   10pts

• Every 30 seconds of being stopped without a car passing  3pts

• Stopping for a chat, with a car coming the other way  2pts

• Each hooter sounded behind you  1pt

• Indicate to pull over, slow down, then move off quickly whilst still indicating 4pts

4. In town centres pull over suddenly without indicating and park opposite another vehicle, thus stopping any other vehicle from getting through  4pts

5. Indicate to turn at a roundabout, then carry straight on  2pts

6. At a T junction or roundabout, for correctly guessing the intended direction of the vehicle behind and laboriously turning the same way  3pts

7. Parking in vehicle behind's intended parking spot  5pts

8. Leave one or both indicators on at all times  2pts

9. Trump another player (pull into pivotal position) 15pts

10. When pulling into trumping position, slow right down and then speed up suddenly (this is also an excellent way of counting the vehicles behind you)  5pts

11. Generally speed up and slow down continually  3pts

12. Swerve from side to side  2pts

13. Flash your headlights at someone to go through a gap and then go yourself  4pts

14. The game is over when a) you have been trumped or b) you have reached your destination.

Have a go.

It's a right fucking laugh and if you have a passenger, so much the better, they can keep score giving you more time to rev some fucks into the poor blood vessel bursting bastards behind you!

Waitrose Dot Con?

Waitrose.

The very essence of middle England.

I was surprised to learn that Ocado, the delivery company used by Waitrose, have recently accepted a £10m investment from the Bank of London and the Middle East (BLME).

BLME advertises itself as being 'sharia'a compliant'.

It all seems a little strange doesn't it?

Does this mean that Waitrose, the bastion of fine wines and high quality meat for the higher middle classes, are going to have to put a halt to the delivery of 'pigs and booze' in order to receive the investment?

Apparently not, according to a spokesman from Ocado.

Ok then, so how can an Islamic bank justify such an investment arrangement? I would have thought that if BLME were truly Islamic then it should be avoiding anything which is deemed forbidden.

Pork and alcohol, for instance.

Why pretend to be different to any other bank otherwise?

Hypocritical twats!

Incidentally, the John Lewis Partnership pension fund owns 25% of Ocado.

New kitchen anyone?

Sorry, no wine racks.

It's 1983 & All Is Well . . .

Fuck me!

The G.O.N.T is back.

Heard this on the radio today during my travels and whilst trying to rack up loads of points playing 'The Game'. The memories came flooding back (again) and even the blood pressure dropped a bit. Oh, and I managed to score a hefty 29 points, not bad for a Monday.

Fucking result.

And does anyone remember the launch of the very first one of these?