Seedy Gonzales

Fuck me sideways!

The Chavs would make a fortune doing this over here.  And there'd be a drink or two in it for them. No pizza though.

Apparently a 'Mexican entrepreneur', from California, decided to sell his 14 year old daughter. The guy even enlisted the services of a third party to broker the unusual 'wedding' deal.

The price?

$16,000, 160 cases of beer, 100 cases of soda, 50 cases of Gatorade (some kind of sports drink made by Quaker Oats - WTF!), two cases of wine and six cases of meat.

Unfortunately it all went a bit 'chilli' when the prospective 18 year old bridegroom, of the 14 year old girl, didn't live up to his end of the deal. So the father called the Police.

Oops. Our clever Mexican, in his haste to complain, must have forgotten that his daughter was 4 years under the legal age of consent in California. So it all kicked off.

The police subsequently discovered that the couple hadn't married but they had 'engaged in sexual relations'.  How politely put.

Stupid Yank twats!

Imagine if this had happened over here.

Fuck me. Nanny would have a stroke.

I don't expect social services would be bothered

to stretch out and reach though.

Bone idle twats!

Sad About David Vine

I was so sad to hear of the death of David Vine today, he was 73.

I have always had more than a passing interest in most things sporting and I felt he was an ever present part of my formative years and beyond.

Grandstand, Question of Sport, Ski Sunday, Rugby Special, Wimbledon, Superstars and of course who can forget the good old days at The Crucible.

It didn't seem to matter which programme he presented or commentated on, he always came across as a true gentleman, informative and professional. Qualities that seem sadly lacking in most of the sports presenters that we have been burdened with in more recent times.

On a lighter note.

I will never be able to forget those dreadful jumpers he used to sometimes wear.

God Bless.

Carry On Signing Again

Here are a few signs that are utterly pointless,

as far as I'm concerned

but Nanny just seems to love them.

As for this one? Its fucking ridiculous, read it closely . . . 

. . . . the real message is almost lost in amongst

the Health & Safety bollocks.

Twats!

Carry On Signing

Following an excellent signpost by the Lone Voice

I decided to gather together a few of my favourite UK road signs.

And, of course, I couldn't leave this one out . . . . 

Sir Lord Ugly of Eurovision

"You have got to be shitting me Pigsy!", I said, as she drew my attention to yet another advert on the BBC.  Apparently it was about the Eurovision Song Contest.

"Your Country needs you!", it exclaimed gleefully.

"Maybe it does", I moaned, "But I need this pile of shite like a fucking hole in le bollock".

It was bad enough when Sir Wiggy Irish Fat Fucker was involved with it but now it appears that we have to put up with some 'light on yer toes' twat named after a motorbike. Something to do with the Le Pink Vote, according to Pigsy.

Humph!

Now, as if that wasn't bad enough, the BBC have decided to pissoir even more licence fee payers money up the fucking wall by asking Sir Lord Ugly of Publicity Jockeys to pen a suitable ditty.

Pound to a pinch of shit it'll be called 'Le Doo Dee Dah Dee Dum Dum Doh', or some such bollocks. Sung by a pair of minge munching twins that no fucker has ever heard of, nor will again.

Who the fuck cares about some vote rigging, Euro karaoke pantomime that we have absolutely no chance of winning. With or without the help of Sir Lord Ugly with Pubes for Eyebrows.

Stop wasting our money you twats.

C'est rien que de la merde.

Va te faire enculer.

Quelle Surprise!

What did I tell you?

Lord Meddlesome of Man Muncher has indicated that tax payers money may be used to prop up the car industry in this Country.

That'll mean it fucking well will be then.

The Minister for Backdoor Agendas was quoted as saying "Commercial loans or guarantees from the Government to assist them to bridge a very difficult period may be needed but that is not what I would call a bail out"

What the fucking, buggery bollocks is it called then?

It's a fucking bail out you cretin!

Nothing more, nothing less.

Golden Brown

During a 3 year period, whilst Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordoom managed to piss another £4.7billion of our money up the wall by selling gold bullion when its value was at a 20 year low.

Between 1999 and 2002 he auctioned off nearly 400 hundred tons of the fucking stuff for £2.2billion. The price of gold has since soared and at today's prices those same gold reserves would have been worth £6.9billion.

Gordoom Brown, the man with the mug us touch.

Twat!