Monday 25 October 2010

Message To Hellesdon Hospital Norwich

Oi! Hellesdon Hospital in Norwich!
Will you stop wasting tens of thousands of pounds, of tax payers' money, on these 'Sit and Slim' vibrating Miruji chairs. Just how many of these fuckers are you intending to buy, using our cash, at £5,000 a fucking pop anyway? 


On second thoughts, I don't want to know, I'm trying to keep the blood pressure down today. Oh, and don't give me all that bollocks about how much cheaper they will be compared to forking out £15,000 for some fat fuck or other to have a gastric band fitted instead.

Fuck the chairs, fuck the gastric bands ... just tell all the fat bastards to get up off their lardy fucking arses, get some regular excercise and stop filling their gargantuan gut buckets with pizzas, pork pies, takeaways, coca-fucking-cola and any other junk shite they've been shoveling down their gullets. That way they'll save money, we'll save money and the fat twats will get shot of all that fucking lard they're carrying around.

Now get back to work, fuck the chairs off, fuck the gastric bands off, and re-direct our money to pay for much more vital resources, that will benefit the more deserving people who really are sick ... and not just self-fucking indulgent, tardy blubber mountains.

I thank you.

.

21 comments:

Bill Sticker said...

The most cost effective alternative is to let the lard-arses die.

AnonyTwat said...

"while tape recordings reprogram their relaxed minds to think thin"

That might be difficult - Hellesdon is a psychiatric hospital, so the patients minds are already pretty fucked up....

thespecialone said...

I cannot stand it when fatties say 'it's in me genes, innit' whilst larding on another pie.  I am 50 yrs old but still manage to exercise regularly and eat reasonably healthy without going over the top.  I still love the odd pie & chips washed down with a bottle of red though.

Eat less, exercise more. Fucking simple really isn't it?  What a waste of taxpayers' money.

Melton Mowbray said...

Fuck yes.  And you'll be similarly opposed to giving liver transplants to piss-heads like you, no?  And blood pressure pills because you're addicted to anger and not doing owt.

Now pass me a MELTON fucking MOWBRAY pork pie and bottle of  Margaux.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Fetch your own you lazy bastard!

Angry Teen said...

Just privatise the system!

That way you won't have to pay for the fat fucks, and the fat fucks will have an incentive to change the fact they are fat fucks.

Plus, competition will push down the price of healthcare, so that people who "really are sick" (and the fat fucks, come to think of it) will have less to pay for their illnesses.

What's not to like?

Melton Mowbray said...

Maybe - health care is pretty resistant to competitive price pressures though, in places such as the USA.

But why stop with fatties?  Why not boozers, cyclists, drivers too?  Any twat who endangers themselves can just fuck off and die.

And those with genetic problems - let the cunts die.  Why didn't their parents get tested before having sex without a johnny.

As you're a teen, I'm pretty sure you suffer wankers cramp and possible carpal tunnel syndrome because of your madly excessive onanism.  Well fuck you if you want treatment, I say.  And if you take a bad pill or sup yourself to death on some shite which you imagine is cool or cross a drug dealer then just quietly fuck off and die.  You'll be the happier for it.

Captain Haddock said...

Its not just fancy chairs on which our taxes are being squandered Gotty ..

Have a look at this ...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1322413/Crematorium-incinerator-super-sized-cater-fat-people.html

Melton Mowbray said...

Fuck no.  Got the help to get it - I'm busy reading the news and despairing.

Melton Mowbray said...

I'll have 'em if they can be buried under my rhubarb.

Joe Public said...

The same effect is achieved by adding 100gm weights at one point on each of 4 wheels of their ambulance. And driving at 60 mph around the outer-ring-road. They can treat 6 patients at a time that way.

Captain Haddock said...

Unless you happen to live in or near Nottingham ..  ;)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1323617/Paramedic-arrested-drink-driving-emergency-7-car-pile-up.html

Captain Haddock said...

I do love a nice Rhubarb crumble .. with lashings of custard ... :) :)

Brenda said...

The chairs in Norwich are food value compared to a reply from a FOI request on the cost of 'smoking related litter and damage'
They employ 2 people at a cost of £34,000 per annum plus spend £16,000 per annum on repairs and damage done by smokers.
 I still have the email reply from Norwich

Brenda said...

Please change typo above from food to good !!

banned said...

The Telegraph puts it, as their official diet, "Eat Less, Walk more".

banned said...

Hell yeah! And rugby players and fucking rock climbers too, and skiers, self injuring cunts and pedestrians who run in front of cars, wankers..

banned said...

I was going to mention that Captain, dunno if it's a municipal Crem or privatised but they should have a weight/size  limit and any dead cunt over it should be put in the forest to rot down to mulch thus enhancing Biodiversity.

SadButMadLad said...

I bet the chairs only cost a few hundred to make. They're sold by an entrepreneur who is probably also very good at selling coal to Newcastle. They're sold on the basis of pseudo science. They are nothing more than standard massage chairs with an MP3 player stuck in them. They do nothing to make people loose weight. The hospital has been taken to the cleaners.

AnonyTwat said...

According to the local paper these chairs are for the benefit of the staff, not the patients. And they have negotiated a free loan of one of them.

http://www.eveningnews24.co.uk/news/stressed_mental_health_workers_put_chairs_to_test_1_705642

sadbutmadlad said...

Who's more mental. The staff (or rather the management) for thinking that NLP works or the patients?