Thursday 25 November 2010

Teaching Maths In Britain

Teaching Maths In 1970 
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?

Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?

Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?

Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Maths In 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the application for the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something.. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.

When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail again the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a departure BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and leave behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting.

The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub-prime mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot, with only some government money left to pay a few million-pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses.

The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry.
However, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonuses are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.
You do the maths.

Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة
> الانتاج 80 من
>الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟= 20


A brand new abacus goes to Ampers for the maths lesson ;-)

20 comments:

Andrew Ampers Taylor said...

Hahaha... I hope some other fuckers rouin their keyboards as I ruind mine reading this!

I'll send you my address by email for the abacus, but an iphone has a calculator and weighs less in the post... :)

Ampers

Captain Haddock said...

Bloody hell Gotty ..

You certainly do have the "gift" ..

Any chance of this week's Lottery numbers ? ....

MTG said...

Almost spilled my tea, Gotty.

Joe Public said...

Teaching Maths 2012:

Below are two boxes labelled 80% and 20%.

Tick both of them.

Captain Haddock said...

Or write your surname in capital letters ...

Caratacus said...

Teaching Maths 2020:

"ev ye chopped thet tree down yet, ye thikke knarr? Maister be waiting in the Big Hall"

"But Oi chopped un down s'mornin Seneschal, an another vour besides.... surely Oi be allowed a pot o' gruel now?"

"Vuck off ye bloody peasant. Tid'n yer turn ver gruel til termorrer. Vuck off I say, less'n I call ver the Cuntstable an 'im with 'is bleddy great gun too"

CDC said...

Excellent and verrrrry true - superb - keep campaigning -- but banging your head on a brick wall is easier.

Dazzler said...

teaching maths in Wales 2010, "so where do you english fucking colonists want this wood delivered to then? (using the very thick north walian twang)

banned said...

Was familiar with this up to, but not including, 2010 update LOL =-O

Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة
> الانتاج 80 من
>الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟= 20

2017. that long?

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Titter titter.  How on earth you haven't been arrested yet, Gotty, for upsetting the PC brigade, I'll never know....

In the increasingly likely event that it happens, would you like us to visit you in prison?   

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Titter titter.  How on earth you haven't been arrested yet, Gotty, for upsetting the PC brigade, I'll never know....

In the increasingly likely event that it happens, would you like us to visit you in prison?   

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Titter titter.  How on earth you haven't been arrested yet, Gotty, for upsetting the PC brigade, I'll never know....

In the increasingly likely event that it happens, would you like us to visit you in prison?   

Anonymous said...

Love it!

Doesn't only apply to Britain, it is pretty much the same here in Australia and I suspect many other countries.

Is it possible to reverse the trend or do we have to wait until the peasants are revolting?

Great blog, thank you.

Captn Swing said...

Nice one Gotty-how about doing a similar one for History.

I have asked a lot of people and 60% are in agreement with you,30% are not sure and the other 23.2% disagree.Doh!!!

Granville said...

Oh how I laughed at 2009/10.............. At 2017 oh how I sobbed.

Excellent stuff Gotty.

Captain Haddock said...

Another good "maths" type question might be ...

"How many generations of your family need to have been on the Dole / in receipt of Job Seekers Allowance / iffy Disability Benefit .. before the entire family qualify for an automatic invite to the Job Centre Staff Christmas Party" ???

Non-indigenous students may ignore this question as being Not Applicable ..

Anonymous said...

الذهاب مص القضيب

(google translate is your friend)

Gildas said...

Just returned from the wonderful winter world of Bradford. Loved the festive "Happy Eid" lights :'( :(  

Bring On The Revolution said...

Absolutely brilliant Gotty as always, just about says everything you need to know about this cancerous Muzzie/pikey/chav scum/ Guardianista leftie infested fucking shit hole of a "Cuntry"!!!!

Anonymous said...

<span><span>Registrar</span> <span>sells</span> <span>a</span> <span>truckload</span> <span>of</span> <span>lumber</span> <span>for</span> <span>$ 100</span><span>.</span> <span>The</span> <span>cost of</span>
<span>></span> <span>Production</span> <span>80</span>
<span>></span> <span>the price</span><span>.</span> <span>What</span> <span>is</span> <span>his</span> <span>profit</span><span>?</span> <span>=</span> <span>20</span></span>