Tuesday 9 November 2010

Tesco Twat Of The Week

We can only admire the resourcefulness and determination of Tesco who managed to build a brand new store from scratch, and have it open for business, in just 13 days. Ok, so it wasn't all about helping those poor Cumbrians, Tesco did stand to lose a shit load of cash ... fair fucking play though, all the same:



Hmmm ... but I still can't help but wonder where the fuck they find some of their staff from though. Most of us have been subjected to the twattishness of a Tesco Twatco twat from time to time, haven't we?


Killemallletgodsortemout recently dropped me a line to pass on a 'jobsworth experience' that his lad had the other day in Tesco. He'd just used a self-service checkout to scan two packets of paracetemol ...

Fat slut-bitch waddles over and says:
"You're only allowed two packets of paracetemol."

Killemall Jnr says:
"I've only got two packets."

FSB:
"Yes, but just so you know, you're only allowed two packets."

Killemall Jnr:
"You've just wasted your breath in saying that, haven't you?
I'VE ONLY GOT TWO PACKETS.
Anyway, what are you, the paracetemol police?"

FSB:
"There's no need for that."

Killemall Jnr:
"There's every need for that.
Keep your interfering, jobsworth beak out of my life."

FSB:
"I'll call the manager."

Killemall Jnr:
"Call who you like. You'll be calling them for absolutely no good reason, won't you, and I'll take great pleasure in letting them know how you harassed me for no good reason. In fact, I think I might sue the company. In fact, come to think of it, calling the manager might be a good idea and I might end up with free groceries for a year or two, all thanks to you interfering unnecessarily in matters that are of no concern to you whatsoever ... and harassing shoppers as they go about their lawful activity of spending money in the store for which they are responsible, the customers of which pay your wages."

No manager, no free groceries ...
but his lad now DETESTS the legacy of New Labour as much as he does.
..

18 comments:

Angry Teen said...

Jesus. What a knob.

Dave said...

The tesco tale reminds me of how easy it would have been for the stasi to recruit block wardens, The checkout supervisor was probably yearning for a high vis jacket and a big red hat with the word "Warden" on it in big letters. There are probably people who would work for expenses only if you gave them the accroutrements of authority.

Groompy Tom said...

Killemall Jr would have done well to ask Fat slut-bitch 'why' ?

That usually fucks 'em every time.

Although if Kllemall Jr happened to stumble upon one with one-half an iota of intelligence, one that actually could answer the immortal question of 'why' well I bet Killemall Snr would have taught him well enough to march straight back to that place where the paracetamol is stored, scoop about 50 packs of the stuff into his trolley with one swoop of his arm, spin on trolley with heel, march back to Fat slut-bitch with head held high and say 'Is that more than two' ?
Then walk away and never grace that evil place nor that placebo in a box ever again.

RantinRab said...

To be fair, she was only doing her job.  All supermarket checkout staff have been trained to be totally paranoid about selling restrictions imposed by the nanny state.

The cashier will lose her job and be fined a hefty wedge. 

I think the target of the rage is misplaced in this case, but I am biased...

Captain Haddock said...

Happens in every Pharmacy in the country now .. every white-smocked jam-rag thinks they have power ..

The last one who did a similar thing to me came out with the classic .. "I have a duty of care" ..

To which I replied .. "No, you have a duty to serve me .. you could be working on the bacon counter at the Co-Op next week" ..

Anyway , I let her ring the sale up, put the items in a bag .. and then said .. "Ahh bollocks, I've changed my mind" .. and walked out ... ;) :-D :-D

Dave said...

The automated checkout only allows you to scan two packets of paracetamol anyway? And if you are buying just one packet it informs you that you can only buy two, so unless there was something else going on there would have been no need for the machine supervisor to say anything?

Akvavitix said...

Well the first thing I have to say is that at least they admit in the video it was a "Temporary Store". Then the second thing we have to marvel at is "Where's the Public Sector Equivalent of amazing feats like this? (Same cost please)". Ah! That's right, there's fuckin' none!

So in my book, while it's common place these days to take a swipe at Tesco, until some other cunt comes up with a better Public or Private Sector quality deliverer I can't knock it.

BTS said...

Good work that chap. Although I'd probably have gone with 'Of course I've only got two packets. I've just crushed the rest up and mixed them into the baby food..'

Captain, do they really employ someone at the Co-op to count the bacon? Is that by the packet or each individual rasher? It's just I'm looking for job with real prospects..

LOL said...

http://www.youtube.com/v/1IevLaMPaxM" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="170" height="140

Chris W said...

This temporary store thing puzzles me. I mean full marks to Tesco for such speed and organisation, which is truly exceptional in a third world country like this. But wouldn't it have been cheaper for them to have simply built a temporary bridge so people could get to the existing store?

microdave said...

If it's a <span>"Temporary Store" they will naturally knock it down when the bridge is re-instated.......</span>

It's probably a trial run for a method they could use elsewhere. Just think, why bother putting in for planning permission, knowing full well the time it could take. Build the fucker anyway - by the time the Tesco sign goes up it will be too late for the council to do anything....

And if you are buying anything by weight, keep an eye on the checkout girl - or you might get overcharged:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1327966/Shopper-overcharged-Co-op-assistants-breasts-resting-scales.html

Anonymous said...

killemall lives near me......i had the same shit......if i wanted to commit suicide i could go to the drinks sector and down a bottle of vodka in one,like some twat did in the papers two weeks back!

the checkout stopped me from buying forks! ie cutlery........same shit.if in wanted to kill someone i would have picked up a garden fork or shovel that they sell and used that. or smashed someone over the head with the now empty vodka bottle!

or glassed someone with tesco pint glasses?

i wonder when the cunts are going to stop selling petrol in case i have an accident?
cakes? i mean i could feed them to children-they might die from obesity!
pillows? they come in plastic bags and children could be suffocated!

all of this crap and they sell river cobbler.have you seen how these poor creatures are treated?

http://www.dietmindspirit.org/2008/01/30/why-you-shouldnt-eat-this-fish-pangas-pangasius-vietnamese-river-cobbler-white-catfish-gray-sole/

it's useless crap dreamed up by empire building beaurocrats that couldn't hold down any other job.

banned said...

Yes, like refusing to sell Xmas Crackers to you in case you might share them with children in contravention of the 18something Gunpowder & Explosives Act (true!).

banned said...

I read somewhere this morning that the temporary store has to close soon because it only has temporary planning permission that is due to expire and The council, for whatever reasons, don't want to extend it.

I had a pile of shopping at a Tesco Metro
SA. "Have you got a Nectar Card? at all"

B. "No"

SA "would you like to have one?"

B. "No"
SA "If you had one you would..." :-[
B. "Why would I wish to share my shopping experience with Barclyacard and BP >:o ?"
SA "I don't want to get into a discussion about that :-E "

B. "WELL YOU STARTED IT"

I think Tesco have now abandoned Nectare in favour of their own store card and I don't have one of those either although the same staff ask me the same question about it every time I go there and they do recognise me because they know what I smoke and what I drink, automaton fools.

RantinRab said...

You need to be either 16 or 18 to buy party poppers!

It's mental.

Captain Haddock said...

Hi BTS ...

No, they probably don't any longer .. Its an old "Yorkshire-ism" ..  ;)

Had another laugh in a Pharmacy today .. I went to buy some of my usual painkillers, which contain Paracetemol & Codeine ..

As I approached the counter, I noticed that the fat-slap behind it was deep in conversation with her mate, barely even glancing at me .. I asked for a pack of 30 tablets .. and as she was reaching for them from the shelf (still maintaining her conversation)  she said .. "Can I ask what you're using these for" ? ...

I mean, they're clearly labelled as being Painkillers .. what else would I want them for FFS ? ..

I couldn't resist saying .. "Suppositories" ..

It didn't even register with her .. (well, her mate was bunnying at the time, which was obviously of far more importance) ..

I paid & walked off pissing myself .. I wonder whether, sometime later, it dawned on her what I'd said ? ... =-O :-D :-D

BRICKBAT said...

Been reading a minute by minute (poor little bobby)robert enke suicide shite in the (sun)bild zeitung :o(11.50 he´d bought a rope at obi (b&q)16.45 his mrs bought a fuckoff steak and figs (his favourite)for his tea as seen by witnesses and verified by the spastic plastic
moral is what happened to the fucking rope(waster) and his mrs was getting shagged by his best m8 and is now coining it :-$

Fascist Hippy said...

"It's probably a trial run for a method they could use elsewhere".  Like labour camp accommodation you mean?