Many A True Word

Picture from TractorStats

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. This will certainly make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of the letter 'k'. This should klear up any konfusion. It also means that komputer keyboards kan have one less letter.

Publik enthusiasm for the new language will be growing in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with the letter 'f'. This will make words like fotograph 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplicated changes are possible.

Our Government will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and should b removed.

By the 4th year people wil b reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan b dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensible riten styl.

Zer vil b no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

You may laugh but if Lord Meddlesome gets his way it won't be long before he ditches the pound for the fucking Euro.

This will then leave the way clear for Gordoom Brownfinger to complete his obvious quest to turn Great Britain into a fascist state by ultimately introducing a new language.

Spreken ze Deutch?

Golden Brown

During a 3 year period, whilst Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordoom managed to piss another £4.7billion of our money up the wall by selling gold bullion when its value was at a 20 year low.

Between 1999 and 2002 he auctioned off nearly 400 hundred tons of the fucking stuff for £2.2billion. The price of gold has since soared and at today's prices those same gold reserves would have been worth £6.9billion.

Gordoom Brown, the man with the mug us touch.

Twat!

Nulabore Prefer Pikeys To War Veterans

Absolutely fucking enraged by this article which was spotted by the

All Seeing Eye & St Crispin. I won't go into all the sordid detail again here, so please try and read it.

What really fucking wound me up was the fact that a group of Royal Navy veterans are being turfed out of their clubhouse to make way for Pikeys.

Yes that's right. I shit you not. 

Hazel Blears would rather ride roughshod over people who risked life and limb for this country so that she can support the very scum of this country.

What the fucking buggery bollocks is that all about then?

And that bitch is throwing another £26m of tax payers money at those filthy fuckers because it will reduce the disturbance caused by illegal camps.

I still shit you not.

Pikeys are selfish, worthless pieces of shite.

These filthy, disgusting inbred fuckers are constantly copulating with each other to produce ever more vile mutants of the most brainless, thieving, scrounging, gob shitting creatures know to man.

The sole purpose of this mother fucking bunch of parasites is to suck us dry in every possible way that they can. Then laugh in our faces.

And, it would seem, all with the blessing and funding of mindless Government wankers.

And, most definitely in this case, at the expense of decent, ordinary people who have served this country well.

Once again Gordoom, (and that short arsed  poison dwarf of yours)

I am fucking disgusted at the way you continue to treat people with such utter derision.

And you wonder why people call you a cunt?

I've Just Pissed Myself

Gordon comes out in desperation to stay on top

Many thanks to tractorstats for making me laugh so much,

all due to this fine piece of artwork.

'Tis not an easy task to amuse a Grumpy Old Twat.

Have a look at many other excellent offerings  here.

You won't be disappointed.

Easter Eggs! Jesus Christ!

You have got to be shitting me!

The poor bloke has only just been born and now the supermarkets already seem to be celebrating his death. Popped into the local Morrisons to get a beef joint for lunch and there were shelves filled with fucking Easter eggs! For Christ's sake, it's another 14 weeks until Easter, you twats.

Saddest thing is that I always used to get my kids their Easter eggs from Woolworths.

Guess that won't be happening this year then.

Thanks for that Gordoom.

Oh and by the way Mr Brownfinger, how do you eat yours?

I heard that you like sticking your big fat finger right into the chocolate.

Twat!

Laurel & Hardy

Saw this photo of Laurel and Hardy

and thought it would be ideal for a caption competition.

Add your own pithy and offensive captions

via the comments link below.

I'll start you off with:

"For fucks sake darling, some of your bullshit has just flown into my eye!"