Twattery

I can't even be fucked to say thank fuck it's friday, this week, but I do have a mish mash of twattery that I'd like to share. Most of it has boiled my piss, no fucking change there then, but I'll start with something which should be far more entertaining:

• It's that time of year again where we can all get our votes in for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award ... fuck that! It'll be much more fun getting your votes in for the Cunt of the Year Awards 2010 instead. There's even five different categories to have a go at ... so, if you fancy a bit of cuntishness, you can vote for your 2010 cunts HERE.

• I hesitated before posting on this because the cunt really doesn't deserve the oxygen of publicity but he's really making my piss boil this time. Flaunting everything that he's been buying with the benefit money that we've all earnt for him. The axe murderer has been filming himself for YouTube again.

• The islamic arsewipes that are building a mosque, only two blocks away from the Ground Zero site, have applied to the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation to secure federal funds set aside for post 9/11 rebuilding projects.

• An elderly lady lies on the tarmac twitching and moaning slightly. So, when asked for assistance, Tesco do everything they can to help the poor woman in distress ... right. Nope. What a wretched country we have become.

• I thought Cameron said that we all had to pull together to reduce the enormous budget deficit that's going to burden the UK for generations to come. Presumably when the spineless, chinless, gutless, duplicitous dickwipe says 'we' he actually only means us. Why else would this sort of thing still be going on then!

Fuck it! Fuck the the fuckers who are intent on fucking us all 'til we're fucked. I'm off to tackle industrial quantities of red wine with an occasional interlude to bang my head up the fucking wall and clamp a bag of frozen peas to my bladder region.

Meanwhile ... I'll finally leave you with this ...

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Piss Boilers! Is There An App For That?

Each human produces 2 tonnes of CO2 annually just by eating and defecating, Spanish scientists determine. Fear not though ... an eco fucknut has the answer.

Just stop eating and all our problems are solved.

Army cadets have been left ‘bitterly disappointed’ after being banned from carrying rifles on a Remembrance Day parade, following complaints from 'the public'.

It glamorises weapons and might upset onlookers.

Children who haven't had the MMR jab should be banned from schools, according to Dr Sohail Bhatti, a director of one of the largest health trusts in Britain.

It's the only way to ensure a higher uptake of the vaccine.

OFSTED praises Muslim schools for their contribution to 'community cohesion', even in the case of a school which openly states that Muslims “oppose the lifestyle of the West”. Akram Khan-Cheema, an OFSTED inspector, is also chief executive of a radical Muslim educational foundation, the IBERR.

Perhaps that's just a coinincidence?

Do you post stuff on your blog or Facebook or Twitter late at night, when you're absolutely pissed and then regret it the next day? (Gotty: "Nope! Never regret it.")
Well ... there's a fucking app for that!
Oh, for fuck's sake, it could only happen in America ....

Social Media Sobriety Test from TDA_Boulder on Vimeo.

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Piss Boiler Of The Day

Those do-gooding, righteous, minority supporting mongtards really are taking the fucking piss this time.' Tear down that extractor fan, the smell of cooked bacon offends muslims', they cry.

Oh, for fucking fuck's sake ... that's another bladder full of piss that's about to boil dry then. I'm off out for a bacon sarnie before it get's too fucking hot in here.

Packet of smokey bacon to Dazed and Confused for the video ;-)

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Lazy Education In Norwich

Or. if you prefer, 'Gotty's Piss Boiler of the Week'.

It appears that Norwich County Council have the perfect solution to help bone idle teenage students achieve educational greatness, and deliver outstanding results, in the ever competitive arena of university places and/or full time employment.

The City Academy Norwich, or CAN as it's now become known. 

So what the fuck will be going on in this CAN which, incidentally, is set to cost more than 24 million quid to implement? More hard graft? Longer hours? Improved discipline? Better teachers?

Nope.

They're going to give the lazy little bastards even more lie-ins and turn the classroom (oh, sorry that should be 'learning space') into a "well motivated child's bedroom" by chucking out the traditional school desks and chairs and kitting them out with bean bags, round tables and sofas. (No mention of half eaten bits of toast, dirty underwear, shit loads of make up, a roll-on deodorant mountain or soiled tissues - as yet)

And if that wasn't enough, they're not even going to bother teaching the little scrotes anymore either. Staff will 'delivering the lessons' with a 'project based approach to learning' with the aid of 'learning spaces' that have flexible walls (what. the. fuck.) and a giant 30ft interactive screen that students, staff and parents will use to access the internet and check on timetables and lessons online gaming forums.

click on image to read more - if your blood pressure can take it

I don't know about anyone else but my piss has all but boiled dry, after reading that, and there are definite forehead imprints appearing on my desk as I finish conveying it in this post.

Twenty four fucking million quid! For what?

Give me fucking strength.

Piss Boiler Of The Week

School dinners for thousands of pupils in Britain will contain only halal meat from next month. This will now mean that more non-Muslims will be consuming halal meat in Britain than Muslims.

Fuck the mother fucking, fucketty, fucking, fuck off!

Piss Boilers Football Treasure Abortion

• I'm no lover of premiership football, with all those namby fucking pamnby, overpaid, overrated, oversensitive, thick as fucking shite, prima dona dickheads that 'play' the 'game' but what the fuck is going on this week.

Portsmouth FC have gone into administration, probably because of their £52m a year wage bill but that's not my point. How can a 112 year old institution be in grave danger of disappearing like this? It's New Labour's fault. They are only interested in the professional classes with money - which is why they used our tax payers' cash to bail out the banks. The greater majority of football fans are lower and middle classes, many of whom, although well fairly well off, are not filthy rich, so New Labour just aren't fucking interested. The problem is far too working class for them these days, they couldn't give a flying fuck.

Oh, and that Bridges and Terry thing, what the fuck is that all about. Get real and grow up, you pair of soppy cunts.

• Buried treasure anyone?
'This is a landmark case and it sends a clear message to those who fail to report Treasure. It shows that the police and the coroners' service give Treasure and archaeological heritage law a high profile and will take proactive measures against those that disregard it.'

What the buggery bollocks!
For fuck's sake, she was only nine years old and her mother had just died.

Just fuck off you righteous fucktards!

•Abortion ?
'Hey, it's just not that bad', says the woman who broadcasted the pre-meditated murder of her unborn child, live on Twitter.

You have got to be shitting me!


*leaves room to puke ring and staunch nosebleed*


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Piss Boilers

The first piece of piss boiling news is an article in The Tampon by Sundial. What fucking planet is he from? He starts off by accusing the BBC of being "climate denier bias" (you fucking whaaaaaaat!) and then goes on to to say "climate change deniers are no different to 9/11 truthers".

Is it April the fucking first or is that twat deliberately trying to wind the fuck out out of me? He bastard well must be because he also tells us that ". . . it [the BBC] remains deeply institutional and right wing".

Right wing! Right fucking wing!

Fuck off!

Then there's the Norwich City Council Housing Chief who abused her position by moving into sheltered accommodation, paying just £47 a week in rent. Kristine Reeves, who was earning £62,000 a year at the time, was subsequently dismissed for gross misconduct.

Where's the boiling piss there then, I hear you ask.

Well, she launched an appeal for unfair dismissal (you fucking whaaaaaaat!) and her former employers have just settled out of court to the tune of £41,000 (whaaaaaat the fuck for?)!

Oh, so no full independent inquiry now.

Why the fuck's that then?

Everybody in Norwich happy that your council tax is being pissed into Kristine Reeves fucking handbag JUST BECAUSE she did something WRONG? I'm buggery bollocksy well not and I don't even live there!

Rather interestingly there are now no details of this settlement left on line and even a Daily Mail link has rather mysteriously fucking vanished. Unfortunately for Norwich City Council, one of my readers has emailed me a hardcopy of an article, from yesterday's Evening News, which contains all the info.

It's a bit fucking difficult to pull a newspaper after it's gone to print . . .