Why England Lost The 2018 World Cup Bid

From the very moment that this picture was taken, back in May 2009, England's chances of winning the bid to host the 2018 World Cup were totally doomed.

The curse has struck again!

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Fabio Capello : Exclusive Interview

If you thought there had been some football on this week, you were wrong .... England were playing. However, Grumpy Old Twat's Chief Sports Reporter, Gildas Axelrod, managed to grab a quick post match interview with the England manager Fabio Capello:

Capello in a typically Alan Partridge stance
relaxing in his hotel room post match

Axelrod: Fabio, obviously it’s a disappointing result ...
England 0 Lady Boys of Bangkok 0 ... what went wrong?

Capello: No....eeeeee....ahhh.....yeees... I think they play....well...er...nooo...

Axelrod: Fabio, why are England such shit?

Capello: Scusi!?

Axelrod: You know. Utter and complete fucking shite. Merde. Scheisse. Merda. Why is that?

Capello: Eeeeeehh...ahhhh...no...I think....yeees...maybe eeeess pressure...

Axelrod: Do you think it’s cos you’re a cack handed Italian twat that nobody can understand? Or are the players just total shit anyway?

Capello: No...er...Rooney...play good...maybe...no...Yes...

Axelrod: That was Colleen Rooney, Fabio. Wayne’s been in the changing room shagging grannies all evening.

Capello: She play well....maybe...yeees...good catalogue maybe...

Axelrod: Do you think it was a mistake not to name the team until forty minutes into the second half?

Capello: No...eees no problem...is yes...no...scusi?

Axelrod: Fabio, a lot has been made of your inability to speak good English. Do you think it could be a factor?

Capello: Scusi? I no...errr.......yeeeees....maybe...I think problem, no.

Axelrod: Fabio, can you tell us how much you earn?

Capello: It’s a six million pounds a year basic with a euro lock in currency exchange hedge, coupled with a no win full fee index linked under performance bonus of 200 per cent with an integrated transnational image right package paid via a specially incorporated Single Purpose Vehicle domiciled in the Cayman islands for maximum tax efficiency plus car and pension.

Axelrod: I think that says it all. Thank you.

Capello: Grazi. Now vaffanculo!

Axelrod: Itie twat!

England Played A Blinder

England 2010 World Cup Song

Following the cock waving antics of the England Football Team Captain John Terry, Fabio Capello has finally settled on a suitable World Cup song for the upcoming FIFA tournament in South Africa. It's actually a slightly re-worded version of the original Frank Skinner, David Baddiel and Lightning Seeds classic . . .

He's cumming home
He's cumming home
He's cumming
Terry's on the bone
x4

Three lays on the shirt
Terry's knob still gleaming
30 Years of hurt
Never stoppped him creaming

The official England Team shirt manufactures Umbro, a subsidiary of Nike, have denied speculation that they will be including the famous slogan "Just Do It" on the new World Cup shirts. However, they have confirmed a re-design of the England Team shirt badge to reflect the lyrics of the new England World Cup song . . . .

Hat tip to The Lakelander

for the image and the inspiration

Other news from the world of sport:

Andy Murray has today confirmed that he is Scottish.

Not British, just like Gordon Brown.

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