Monday, 30 November 2009

Google Sensor Climategate

I shit you not, try it for yourself.
Enter C-L-I-M-A-T-E-G-A-T-E into google search and all you see is this . . .

 . . . but if you hit enter, amazingly you get this . . .

. . . that's right, 12.1 million returns!

So what the fucketty fuck is going on there then?

Who the fuck has decided to remove all the 'suggestions' from Google when anyone starts to type 'Climategate'? More importantly who the fuck has ordered them to do it!

Thanks to cbullitt for the tip off

NEW Marks and Spencer Christmas Advert

Following hot on the heels of my adaptation of the original Marks and Spencer Christmas Advert, they have just launched a new, shorter version based on the same format.

So, guess what? Here is my new sequel too . . . .

Sunday, 29 November 2009

David Cameron First Official Portrait

Recently completed by artist Jonathon Yeo, son of former Conservative minister Tim Yeo. Is this the portrait of our future Prime Minister?

Looks a bit fucking murky to me.

Just saying.

Advert Campaign Act On Co2

You may have noticed that I haven't had much to say yet about the climate change, AGW, global warming, Act On Co2 or whatever the fucking else those money grabbing, kiddie hoodwinking bastards are calling it these days. It strikes me that if they don't stop using the word green six times a twatting sentence, every time they open those gob shite lying gannet holes of theirs, they'll wear the fucking word out.

I'm sick and fucking tired of seeing that 'Act On Co2' scaremongering shit being rammed into our childrens' innocent heads, in a blatant attempt to use our own kin as some kind of 'conscience leverage'.

OOoo drowning puppies, poor thirsty rabbits, look at those floating kittens. It's all the grown-ups fault. Turning on light bulbs. Flying in big metal birds. Watching the TV. Eating ickle lickle moo moo cows. Oh, and heaven forbid, using an evil motor car to get to work.

Fuck off!
Fuck the fucking fucketty fuck off!

I'm sick of the humongous bollocksing hypocrisy of the whole twatting lot of them. The patronising politicians, the low life 'leaders', the holier than fucking thou do-fucking-good-ers. It's ok for them to swan around the fucking globe, by the hundred with their sycophantic hangers on, burning energy like there's no cunting tomorrow and then they proceed to scare the fucking shit out of our kids about how much energy WE are wasting.

Give me fucking strength!

So here is my version of the 'Act On Co2' advertising campaign.

It's the biggest project that I've tackled so far, mainly because I'm so incandescent with rage I just wanted to find a way of fighting back against the government brainwashing.

I'm hoping that as many people as possible will run with a few of these adverts by posting them on blogs and emailing them to anyone they think will be interested, in an attempt to flood the blogosphere with this alternative message.

Far be it from me to tell you all what to do, it's not my style, we should all still have the freedom to do what we think is right for us and our families but I am deadly fucking serious about all this. I'm really trying my best to do something constructive. Something that might make just make a difference.

Thank you.


Apologies for the images being a little on the small side in this post
but there are just so many of them.

Please click on any image to enlarge and view full size
and/or download them.

If this all manages to gather a bit of momentum
I have plenty more ideas for further adverts.

ADVERT UPDATE 2nd December
Non-sweary ones for a change ;-)

 ADVERT UPDATE 6th December
More new adverts added to the campaign  HERE

Watch the video HERE

Just for the record here are the official UK climate change con websites:
Act On C02   Act On Copenhagen

For more detailed info on the great Climate Change Con and CRU,
I suggest you check out Barking Spider,  Banned Fausty.
These bloggers are all carrying informative posts with excellent videos
and further links to more detailed hoax material

+++UPDATE 2+++
Many thanks to one of our commentors, MicroDave,
for sending in this picture of his newly adorned Fiat Panda.
Fucking nice one!

If anyone else has good pics of the adverts on their cars
or anywhere else, feel free to email them in ;-)

Saturday, 28 November 2009

+++Coming Soon+++

A new advertising campaign for

I've been busy ;-)

Friday, 27 November 2009

Cherie Blair Gets Fucked

Rik Mayall reprises his role as Alan B'stard MP in one of my all time favourite pieces of video mockery. Knowing Rik, as I do, just makes the whole fucking thing (pun intended) even funnier. If you have never seen this before you're in for a treat. A classic piece by Alison Jackson.

EUSSR Caption Competition

Fuck me! Don't faint but I'm actually giving away a prize for today's caption competition. It will be a guest post, on this blog, for the person who (in my fucking opinion and possibly TheEye's as well) comes up with best effort.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

(No) Thanksgiving Turkeys

Here is something for all my American readers,
cross-posted from one of my other haunts . . .

Obviously, we don’t do the Thanksgiving Day turkey thing in the UK but I sure know what a useless lame turkey looks like when I see one. So here’s a video with a few of America’s finest(?) examples of mangey gizzard, good-for-nothing, basted bastard dumb fucks, for you to throw into a red hot oven. Oh, and a turkey . . .

Hope you and yours have a great Thanksgiving and don’t spend too many of your hard earned dollars, down the store, on (half) Black Friday

Twatco Value

The Labour Press Office have confirmed that several additional products have now been added to their couldn't give a fuck what the fucking plebs think low value Twatco range. As a result, it appears that all the equivalent items that were previously available in the Great British Finest range, have now either been completely fucked to infinity and beyond irrevocably superceded or discontinued.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Robin Hood Banker Avoids Jail

Fucking brilliant!

A German bank manager has been given a suspended sentence after being found guilty of taking money from the accounts of rich clients and giving it to the poorer ones.

Fair result, I would say.

Robin Hood banker, very good!
Robin Blind wanker, very fucking bad . . . .

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

The New Susan Boyle Album . . .

. . . 'I Dreamed A Dream' is set to become this year's biggest selling album. People of all ages seem to be buying it, and it's clearly going to be one of the must-have gift items this Christmas.

Gordon Brown's version of 'I Dreamed A Dream' is set to become this year's biggest flop. People of all ages just aren't buying it, and it's clearly going to be disappearing from the shelves just after Christmas.

Monday, 23 November 2009

Offensive M&S Christmas TV Advert

The Advertising Standards Authority have been receiving complaints, from a handful of fuck-all-better-to-do righteous retards, about the latest Christmas TV advert from Marks and Spencer. Apparently the fucknuts find it 'offensive', 'sexist' and 'demeaning'.

What a load of old bollocks!

I can't see a problem with it. Can you?

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Policing Pledge

What the Government really means . . .

The originals can be found here

Saturday, 21 November 2009

What The Fuck. Literally.

"I have a huge grin on my face all the time, and it's not just because of the orgasms" says Michelle, the 300 orgasms a day woman who has finally found a man to satisfy her exhausting sexual requirements.

What the fuck, indeed!

Now I've heard some pretty varied excuses for work shy, lardy arsed chavs to avoid hard graft, whilst we pay for their Stella, fags and plasma TV's via the benefits system, but this one takes the fucking biscuit.


This permanently vibrating piece of lard had to quit her job at the biscuit factory because the machines kept 'setting her off'. Lazy cunt. Actually that's wrong, it's just the rest of her that is.

This video interview is something else. Watch and weep . . . .

And what does Andrew the stallion do for a fucking living?
He's an industrial cleaner.

Fucking priceless!

Jacqui and Hazel discuss their new exercise bike.
Apparently it's called the Harriet Harmoniser

Harriet Harman Mad Woman Driver

Good to see that the man hating, Labia Party, Quims Cuntsellor is going  up before the beak because of her 'hit and run whilst talking out of her on her CrackBerry' incident. So let's celebrate with this excellent piece of video wizardry from Mish Masher . . .

However, I wouldn't be at all surprised if the hateful Harperson scratched a few backs (female ones obviously) and got away with it though.  Oh, and if you're up for a bit more video mockery of the vaginal monolgue vixen, check this out ;-)

Friday, 20 November 2009

+++Another Blogger Forced To Close+++

A Scottish blogger has been forced to close down
following allegations made by the News of the World.

So, that'll be more slime added to the slippery slope then.

Ireland Get Replay Against France

Not if there's any poetic justice, they fucking won't.

So, the Irish are getting all high and fucking mighty about Thierry Henry, being a cheating French cunt, because he handled the ball prior to France scoring the winning goal in some football match or other. As a result the Irish are up in arms and are calling for the match to be replayed. They want a second chance.

Oh yeah? Let's wind the clock back a bit shall we.

Last time the Irish were given a second chance, they fucked it up. The hopes of all of us rested on the bog trotters doing the right thing. They didn't. As a result we are now being lauded over by a Belgian Bun and yet another unelected British politician, whose only claim to fame was to come a close second to Margaret Beckett in a Grand National winner looky-likey competition.

So, thanks for nothing you bunch of bollock brained, bog trotting, twats. What goes around comes around. So stop your fucking moaning and shut the fuck up. You lost. Live with it.

However, I will agree with you on one thing, Thierry Henry is a cheating French cunt only interested in advancing his interests at any cost. He must take after Sarkozy then.

Finally, at the risk of repeating myself . . .

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Children In Need

Happy Birthday But No Cigar Yet

Just realised that GrumpyOldTwat is one year old today.

My grateful thanks to the many thousands of you who have read this shit, reposted this shit, followed this shit, left comments on this shit, generally supported and encouraged me to produce this shit and sent emails to me about this shit. Much appreciated.

So, to commiserate (no celebrations until Gordon has fucked the fuck off) I will endulge myself by reposting a few of my favourite piss taking videos . . .

Strictly Come Gordon - YouTube Cunt

No BBC News
by GrumpyOldTwat

Fuck You Gordon Brown
by GrumpyOldTwat

Many thanks to the ever inspirational David
for his Gordon Arse pic at the top of the post.
Cheers mate ;-)

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Barack Obama Visits South Korea

Dirty fucker!

Queen's Speech Lite

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Afghan War. What's It For?

Read about the last blog entry
of the latest soldier to die in Afghanistan.

And weep.

Kills All Known Germs

646ml of political correction fluid.

Well we can but dream I suppose . . . .

click image to enlarge
Courtesy of Lawson

Monday, 16 November 2009

Lesbians Make Better Parents

Is that fucking right?

I would have thought that there were too few lesbian parents, compared with the number of traditional man/woman parents, to be able to conduct any worthwhile research into making valid comparisons.

So . . . fuck off!

Oh sorry, you can't can you.
Well, not without using a strap-a-dick-to-me or some other such implement. Either way it's a good excuse to show a picture of some lesbians ;-)

John Prescott Crash Diet

Oh dear, it appears to have gone horribly wrong.


Btw, nice tits John.


For fuck's sake John, put your tee shirt back on!

Sunday, 15 November 2009


Saturday, 14 November 2009

I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Not.

Oh and look . . .

The others are finally starting to catch on ;-)


Friday, 13 November 2009

Edukayshun, Educaishen, Eddyoukayshin

I'm sick and fucking tired of the fuckwits who are supposed to be running this Country and their apparent inability to grasp the basics of reading, riting and rithmatics. Not to mention their ever increasingly pathetic attempts at using the internet to try and 'educate us'.

So, I came up with this idea, set at a basic enough level that even those child minded fuckwits might begin to understand.

It may be a regular series, who knows, but one thing is for sure . . . .
it's more fucking fun learning with Gotty!

Thursday, 12 November 2009

David Dimbleby Replaced on Question Time

+++Breaking News+++

Dimblebore is to be replaced on tonight's BBC Question Time by John Humphrys because of this incident.

You couldn't make it up.

Please leave your best one-liners in the comments ;-)

Wednesday, 11 November 2009


Oh for fuck's sake!

How many more titles is this unelected, self gratifying, power crazed shit stain going to give himself?

Meet the new Minister for Information who is set to make history as the first minister to make weekly televised briefings.

Welcome to Mandeslon TV.

I can hardly fucking wait.

+++EXCLUSIVE+++ Gordon Brown OS

Gordon Brown's computer operating system has finally been revealed. It's no wonder that our under funded, under supported Armed Forces are losing personnel hand over fucking fist . . .

Oi, Prime Mentalist!
Stop this phoney war now you unelected, pant pissing, illiterate, warmongering, global gonad gobbling, rectal easing, widow making piece of shit.

I'm sick to fucking death of seeing you and your droopy eyed fizzog prancing around the 'world stage', performing in yet another platitude-a-thon, in a vain attempt to find someone somewhere that would be head fucked enough to befriend you. You sure as hell haven't got any friends left, back here in Broken Britain, have you?

Bring our troops home.


You cunt.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Just Popping Out For A Takeaway

Hmmm, I think I'll have a Chinese tonight . . .

Monday, 9 November 2009

Gordon Brown. Yours Insincerely.

I am so fucking angry about THIS.
Watch the video there and see if you feel any different.

And this is no fucking better either.

Monday, 2 November 2009

That Is All

It's been fun ;-)