Tuesday 6 July 2010

Open Letter To Raoul Thomas Moat

Dear Mr Moat

Just wanted to let you know that I have seen your ex-girlfriend shagging:
Lenny Henry
David Miliband
Wayne Rooney
Vernon Kay
Ed Balls
Billy Bragg
Claire Balding
and that twat off the Go Compare adverts.

Also please note that traffic wardens and PCSOs
are very similar to policemen.

Kind regards
The Grumpy Old Twat

ps Douglas Hogg wants to know if he can claim you on his expenses.


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96 comments:

Billy Blofeld said...

Ed Balls shagged her twice if that helps you prioritise Mr Moat.....

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty GOT, naughty but funny.

Ranter said...

Naughty but funny!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Can't do any harm ..... unless your name's Balls of course :-D

Catosays said...

You bastard Gotty, I've just wet myself laughing!!

Accept a bollocking.....rotfpmsl

All Seeing Eye said...

<p>...in fact, to be helpful we've actually done a website listing everyone your ex has been shagging here. Just start at the top and work downwards (like she does).
</p>

microdave said...

Why stop at Ed Balls? Why not the entire Liebor party?  Even Snotty, in fact Especially Snotty....

Catosays said...

'Ere what's going on? I left a comment and now it's disappeared.

Anyway...bloody funny Gotty. Ty muchly. A bill for wahing my underwear is on its way.

All Seeing Eye said...

Actually, Mr Moat we've already written a helpful site listing all of the people your ex has been getting off with. Just start from the top (like she does).

GrumpyOldTwat said...

It can't hurt to mention it .... unless your name's Balls of course ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

TFR!

Indyanhat said...

To trivialise this mans obvious pain and distress in such a way is...funny as fuck, class post GOT, can we add Brown to the list he is only a few clicks north of Moats present position!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Definitely link of the day ;)
Brilliant!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Hope it's still warm.
Nothing worse than cold piss ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

PLEASE NOTE:
Apologies for any fucwittery that you may be having with the comments system at the moment. I can assure you all that I have not deleted anything. It appears that Echo has snorted a few lines of coke and has gone mental. I've had 35 notifications of 'Ranters' comment (so far) FFS and others keep disappearing and re-appearing.

Maybe I've just pissed someone off and they're jerking me around.

Fair play, I suppose ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Fuck me!
It's even removed the letter 'k' from fuckwittery, in the comment above ;)

The Grim Reaper said...

Something similar's been up with Blogger for much of today. All very curious.

Ampers said...

Was Raoul a hacker by any chance? Brill Gotty, you've surpassed yourself.

And you owe me one china mug and one keyboard!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

I did think about Snotty but even I couldn't wish that kind of sexual experience on anyone ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Apologies Cato, see my reply above, or below or wherever the fuck else it's decided to appear at any given moment.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Still the best link of the day ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Sometimes I can even surprise myself at just how sick I can be but not on this occasion though ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

ASE has just mentioned that too. Also noticed that Obo reports being fucked around in his comments but I didn't take much notice at the time as that's par for the course for him ;)

JB said...

Original...

Captain Haddock said...

Gordon Brown also tried to give her one ..

But she claims to have put him right by telling him it was a criminal offence to have sexual intercourse with a mental defective ..

But I think she's a lying old slapper .. Just shoot the Jock fucker anyway ...

GrumpyOldTwat said...

"<span>Was Raoul a hacker by any chance?"</span>

Only when he's run out of bullets! (boom, boom)

China mug... thank fuck it wasn't your best cut crystal glass ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

"<span>Just shoot the Jock fucker"</span>

We could send him down to negotiate, wearing an "I 've shagged your ex up the wrong 'un" t shirt. That should do the trick.

Captain Haddock said...

Douglas Hogg MP has just announced a £2,115 reward for this man .. Dead or Alive ..

He says he knows exactly what he's doing, as he's had "previous experience in claiming to have Moats cleaned up" ..

Dazed-and-Confused said...

I hate to break the news to Mr Moat, especially when he's lost the plot completely, and is running around seeking vengeance on any fucker that he perceives to have wronged him whilst in stir, but there's a nasty rumour circulating at the moment, that the kid that he thought was his by his Ex girlfriend, was actually fathered by one Andrew Gatward.

Now obviously it's just a rumour, that will hopefully come to nothing.

Mr Moat!.....MR MOAT!........MR FUCKING MOAT!.....Can you hear me? 

St Paul said...

I need to Google-up Vernon Kay but the rest are fair game.
Claire Balding seemed quite pleasant, but, I'll go with the majority on that one.

Wayne Bridge said...

I heard John Terry's car has been parked outside her house too.

Norman Spack M.D. said...

Oh Bollocks

Barking Spider said...

I heard that too, Dazed! ;)

Barking Spider said...

I saw Will Self and David Dimbleby shagging her, too - both of them at the same time! :-P

Gildas said...

Now that's a post that's got me off to a good start to the day!
Mind you, I heard she'd gone the bi-curious route and had a no holds barred afternoon with Harriet Harman, assisted by Jack Dromey - no, it doesnt bear thinking about, but Jacqui Smith's husband has the video      

Woman on a raft said...

Are you sure it wasn't Jonathan Dimbleby?  Their arses are very difficult to tell apart. 

ERM said...

I heard Jacky Smith & Hazel Blears had been there as well - and Gordon Brown & Peter Mandelson.

RantinRab said...

Ricky Gervais and Russell Brand said you are a wanker, Mr Moat.  Honest.

Captain Haddock said...

And whilst we're at it both the Mounted Band of the Household Cavalry and the Ship's company of HMS Ark Royal have been seen sniffing round her ...

GrumpyOldTwat said...

TFR, Cap'n!
Hence the ps in the original post ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Definitely true and not a rumour Mr Moat.

Lock and load ..... lock and fucking load!!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Vernon Kay = lanky streak of piss married to an equally vaccuous blonde fuckwit

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Yep, I heard that, it was shortly after Steve Gerrard

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Best to cover all bases there WOAR.
What's the odd Dimbleby between friends, eh ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Mind bleach! Where's the fucking mind bleach!

Arrrgh, too late :(

GrumpyOldTwat said...

All at the same time ..... I shouldn't wonder.
Filthy fuckers!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Hmmmm, needs firming up Rab .....
"ugly, gay wanker with a penchant for Brazillian teenage boys"

That should do it ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Steady on Cap'n or you may encur the wrath of ASE?
I'll let him be the judge of that though ;)

Captain Haddock said...

Nah .. No probs Gotty ..

Given where ASE lives, I doubt he was a "Donkey-Walloper" & if he was in "The Mob" (unless of course he was a "WAFU") .. He'll undoubtedly see the humour in it ...   :-D :-D

Gildas said...

;)

Gildas said...

;)

Captain Haddock said...

Ayethangyou ...  ;)

Captain Haddock said...

Mind you .. would you surrender, if you thought that this might be waiting for you ?

Jack said...

No tories in the list?!?

Gildas said...

Looks like the Cybermen are running Northumbria police (they move about as fast well)
Gildas the Monk

The Grim Reaper said...

Oh well, the John Demetriou troll (who seems more realistic than the one that claims to be the real one most days) is keeping us amused over there...

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Frightens the fuck out of me!
Imagine waking up next to that in the morning and what the fuck's going on with the hair? Perhaps she rides a motortrike .... no helmet and all that.
(in more ways than one ... fnarr, fnarr ..... I should imagine)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

I'm sorry, I was under the impression that Douglas Hogg was an ex Conservative Cabinet Minister .... but what the fuck do I know, eh.

microdave said...

<span>If they don’t catch the gunman in the North East by Saturday, the rumour is that they are going to double the reward – it will be a “Raouleover” – Boom, Boom!</span>

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Terribly bad taste MD ..... and funny as fuck!

btw, how on earth did you manage to get your comment to appear in that rather fetching blue colour? Or is Echo going off on one again?

microdave said...

I just pasted it in directly from the email my sister sent me!  She works in an advertising & media agency, and doesn't like the default typeface. I wondered how it was going to appear....


<p>
</p><p><span><span><span><span>Here's a little Test</span><span>,</span> </span></span></span>
</p><p><span><span><span><span><span>And another, </span></span><span><span></span></span></span></span></span>
</p><p><span><span><span><span><span>This is supposed to be a joke...(i.e. It's jokerman font)</span></span></span></span></span>
</p><p> 
</p><p>OMG - what have I started???

</p>

microdave said...

O.K. so it won't deal with different fonts, but the colours are shown pretty much as I chose them.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

<span><span><span><span><span><span>Not quite the colourful language </span></span></span></span></span></span><span><span><span><span><span><span>that you normally see around here ;)
</span></span></span></span></span></span>

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Anyhoo, getting back on topic, I've just picked this up from over at D-Rex's place:

I understand that Raoul Mote has been <span>offered</span> a consultancy post with the <span>CRU</span>. It seems they want his expertise to help them HIDE THE DECLINE.

Barking Spider said...

<span>Good point, WoaR, I did hear that Jonathan's been sniffing around there, too - apparently David told him to get his arse over there after he'd been round and shagged her up the wrong 'un. :-P </span>

Barking Spider said...

I'm sure I've seen her before..... in a Wallace & Gromit film. =-O :-D

Jack said...

Not on the list. Michael Gove could maybe fit in at the minute, oh wait he's a Tory.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Oh FFS, he's in the original post ... or is that too subtle for you. Now either nominate whoever the fuck you want Moat to wipe out or fucking do one. Either way, stop fucking whinging!