I spotted an article on the Telegraph website the other day ... Green Gadget Guide it was called. What a load of fucking bollocks! Basically, it was just a way for some green spunk monkey or other to sound all fucking pretentious about so-called energy saving devices and provide a vehicle for Amazon to flog, to all those gullible green mongs, a shit load of twatting tat.
Here is a small selection of their 'Top Ten' ... with my Gotty Green Gadget Guide (money saving alternative) following each cash wasting 'energy saving' item:
Sits in your shower, recording the amount of water you use per wash. Using a system of traffic lights, it tells you when you’re using more than average and gradually cuts down the time until the amber or red lights come on. Cutting a shower from 22.5L to 18L uses one third less energy, but you probably won’t even notice.
Price : £7.25
Shower every other day. Uses 50% less energy and you probably won't even notice.
Price : Twat all
Works simply by allowing you to press it once to switch them into their most efficient mode. It connects to your computer via a standard USB port, and is an illuminated reminder of how easy it can be to save electricity. To waken your computer from its ecoslumber, however, just one key press makes it come back instantly. It can save you up to £50 per year.
Price : £8.25
Go to preferences control panel and select energy saving mode. When you're not using your computer it puts itself to sleep. To waken your computer from it's 'ecoslumber', just press any key ... or click the fucking mouse. It can save you up to £100 per year.
Price : Sweet fuck all
Wattson Silver Lining Energy Monitor
A clip attaches to your home’s main power supply, and then the main monitor itself can be sited anywhere to display your energy usage in power and financial terms. This information can precipitate 20 per cent savings.
Price : £123.45
Look at your electricity bill when it arrives, it will display your energy usage in power and financial terms. If it's a huge fuck off bill it can precipitate 35% savings.
Price : Bugger all
Dell Latitude E6510
Unlike many ‘rugged’ laptops, which confuse durability with bulkiness, this Dell Latitude is sleekly styled but incredibly robust, thanks to reinforced hinges and latches and an almost indestructible display. Longer-lasting laptops mean less recycling.
Price : £1959
Treat you current laptop with respect. Don't use it as a TV dinner tray or as a frisbee while you're on the beach. The hinges and latches will be just fine if your name isn't Gordon Brown. Longer-lasting laptops mean less recycling.
Price : Fackawl, innit
Breville Hot Cup
Kettles are fundamentally inefficient pieces of technology: you guess how much water to put in, then you boil all of it without reference to how much you’re actually going to use. Water heaters, while not looking too attractive in the main, work by dispensing the perfect cupful from their tanks. It’s a simple, elegant solution.
Price : £44.95
Take cup, or mug, fill with water from tap. Empty cup, or mug, of water into kettle. Boil kettle. Using same cup, or mug, make your preferred hot drink. Easy to multiply by number of hot drinks required. It's a simple, efficient solution. It could well be elegant too, depending on the design of cup, or mug, you are using.
Price : (you guessed it) Fucking fuck all!
Green fucking gadgets!
What a fucking load of absolute twatting bastard bollocks!
Or .... as 'crosswordkid' more politely stated in the comments of that article :
"Green gadgets". In other words, how can we assuage your misplaced middle-class guilt and at the same time extract as much money as possible from your wallets?
Oh, and these things are a waste of fucking time, money and energy too.