Showing posts with label tesco. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tesco. Show all posts

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Tesco Twat Of The Week

We can only admire the resourcefulness and determination of Tesco who managed to build a brand new store from scratch, and have it open for business, in just 13 days. Ok, so it wasn't all about helping those poor Cumbrians, Tesco did stand to lose a shit load of cash ... fair fucking play though, all the same:



Hmmm ... but I still can't help but wonder where the fuck they find some of their staff from though. Most of us have been subjected to the twattishness of a Tesco Twatco twat from time to time, haven't we?


Killemallletgodsortemout recently dropped me a line to pass on a 'jobsworth experience' that his lad had the other day in Tesco. He'd just used a self-service checkout to scan two packets of paracetemol ...

Fat slut-bitch waddles over and says:
"You're only allowed two packets of paracetemol."

Killemall Jnr says:
"I've only got two packets."

FSB:
"Yes, but just so you know, you're only allowed two packets."

Killemall Jnr:
"You've just wasted your breath in saying that, haven't you?
I'VE ONLY GOT TWO PACKETS.
Anyway, what are you, the paracetemol police?"

FSB:
"There's no need for that."

Killemall Jnr:
"There's every need for that.
Keep your interfering, jobsworth beak out of my life."

FSB:
"I'll call the manager."

Killemall Jnr:
"Call who you like. You'll be calling them for absolutely no good reason, won't you, and I'll take great pleasure in letting them know how you harassed me for no good reason. In fact, I think I might sue the company. In fact, come to think of it, calling the manager might be a good idea and I might end up with free groceries for a year or two, all thanks to you interfering unnecessarily in matters that are of no concern to you whatsoever ... and harassing shoppers as they go about their lawful activity of spending money in the store for which they are responsible, the customers of which pay your wages."

No manager, no free groceries ...
but his lad now DETESTS the legacy of New Labour as much as he does.
..

Saturday, 29 November 2008

Weetabix


I went to buy a box of Weetabix.
What a fucking performance!
  1. I don't like shopping
  2. I don't like supermarkets
  3. What's fucking super about them
  4. I don't like change
First of all I have to avoid all the morons tear arseing around with their trollies - where's the fucking fire! Nobody told me that Tesco are on the F1 Grand Prix calender. 

Then there are the kids, those snotty nosed little shits with no manners whatsoever, who just seem to do and say what the fuck they like. Its no wonder when you see their chav mothers, in velour shell suit bottoms, trying to decide how many cans of vodka Red Bull to buy. Those Katona lookalike bitches make no fucking attempt to restrain those twatting little Whitney, Britney and Shitney bastards. I fucking hate 'em, mainly because those brainless tossers have got loads more money to spend than I have because they're all on fucking benefits!

Coffin dodgers!
Dithering about the place whilst conducting a master class in how to be frugal.
Have you ever seen them buying one rasher of bacon, half a sausage and 3oz of tripe? At least they don't need bog roll - they're still using a commemorative copy of The Daily Telegraph that was published the Sunday after
The Titanic sank!

Finally I get to the breakfast cereal aisle! No shit!
There must have been ten different types of fucking Weetabix on those shelves.
What the twatting, bollocksy, fuckwank is going on here?
I just want an ordinary box Weetabix!

Weetabix Gold
Gold? Gold what? Is that why it's so fucking expensive.
Weetabix Organic
Please don't tell me it's got cow shit and sheep piss in it.
Weetabix Fruit & Fibre
If we needed a good shit we'd have had a curry last night.
Weetabix Minis
Fuck me, they make small cars out of this stuff now.
Anyone seen one on the road?
I bet they're fucking useless in the wet!
Weetabix Bitesize
What tosser decided how big a bite is then?
Kids bite? Adult Bite? Love Bite, Fucking dog bite?
Weetabix Chocolate Crisp
A kids birthday party feast all mixed up together in a bowl.
That's sure to make the little bastards puke all over their Wii.
Weetabix Honey & Nut
For fuck's sake put honey on your toast, like any normal person and scratch your nuts whilst your eating it you tossers!

Then there's all the cheap shite Tesco versions
and the Oat-a-fucking-bran-a-nutri-wank-a-flake versions.
Don't even start me on
Cornflakes, Ready Brek and Special K.
Talk about a head fuck!

Weet-a-fucking-leave-it-as-it-was-you-tossers-
I-don't-like-fucking-change-you-twats-abix.

Ahh, at last, that's the one I'm after!

Just need to go through the checkout now
(tell you about that another time).

What-a-load-of-twats-abix!