Thursday, 31 December 2009

2010 +++Updated+++

No end of year lists, or predictions, or Top Ten's from me just a short video that I've put together for your enjoyment which is best viewed with the biggest pair of fuck off speakers you have, turned up to max ;-)

YouTube and DailyMotion have both been jerking me around with this video which meant that nobody has been able to view it. Bastards! I have now gone back to YouTube and reloaded it again so hopefully you can now actually watch the fucking thing ;-)

A Happy New Year to one and all!

Except, of course,  err . . . . .
(You know me well enough by now to realise who they might be)

2010, Election Year!
I can't fucking wait to get started ;-)


Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Gordon Brown's New Year Resolution

How do you fancy telling our Prime Minister mono eyed, pant pissing, testicle tickling, globally retarded, worldwide wally of a wankstain, what his New Year Resolutions should be?

You do!
Well then, you'll be over-fucking-joyed to know that you can email your suggestions, direct to him, via this handy little widget.

If by any chance you absolutely adore Gordon Brown (Fuck me! I guess somebody does somewhere although they must be in desperate need of a fucking brain transplant) then how about sending an email to one of the other party leaders. You can also choose from; David Cameron, Nick Clegg, Alex Salmond, Leuan Wyn Jones, Martin McGuiness and Peter Robinson.

Fuck it, knock yourselves out!

Why not send them all one . . .  I did ;-)

feel free to share your suggestions with us all, in the comments here!


Let's Keep Crime Down

A new Home Office campaign has been launched to urge members of the public citizens to keep their possessions safe from thieves via a series of posters (one example above) and a TV infomercial.  Have you seen it yet? Fucking patronising or what!

Judging from the way that this campaign has been pitched, it's we, the hard working tax payer, who are at fault here and not the low life thieving scumbags who keep stealing OUR stuff. It's all our fault? What the fuck is that all about then? Why aren't they doing more to apprehend the miserable little shits that steal our hard earned cash instead of putting the onus back on us?

Well, if that's the way Gordon and his less than honest comrades want to play it then how about this for an idea. Let's take their campaign one step further shall we by adding another poster which will also help us to keep crime down . . . .

Honour amongst thieves?

More like right honourable amongst thieves ;-)

Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Detroit Bomber Underwear Revealed

Security agencies in Britain and the US have been under increasing pressure to explain how Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was able to board an aircraft carrying explosives despite being on intelligence “watch lists” in both countries.

I can now exclusively reveal the answer.
He was wearing a pair of these . . . .

Full details and celebrity reviews
of the new Osama Bin Laden fashion lingerie range
can be found here

Monday, 28 December 2009

Jingle Balls Jingle Balls

So if you thought that Ed Balls banging on about his marriage to Yvette Cooper was fucking nauseating enough, in support of Gordon Brown's unbelievable u-turn on wedlock, wait until you watch the video. Have a sick bucket handy, this visual delight carries a severe 'You Will Puke Your Ring' warning ;-)

You're History

hat tip to D&C @ WE4 Productions

Sunday, 27 December 2009

David Taylor MP: Dead Loss

I do hope the thieving bastard managed to pay back all that money, before he stood down during his Boxing Day stroll. Still, at least there'll be no more taxpayer funded flats for his daughter.

Tracey Connelly: Christmas Day Menu

Tracey Connelly, the disgusting piece of shite that was the mother and murderer of baby Peter Connelly, has been able to enjoy the kind of merry Christmas that poor Baby P was never allowed to live, to see.

"They get treated to the Full Monty here," said a furious source at the top security Low Newton jail in County Durham.

Along with her close friend, Rose West, the pair of child killing scum were able to gorge themselves on a christmas feast, in jail, all courtesy of the tax payers.

Bacon and eggs for breakfast, a traditional lunch of turkey, stuffing, sausages in bacon, minted new potatoes, roast parsnips, sprouts, carrots, cranberry sauce and gravy. For dessert, there was a choice of Christmas pudding with white sauce or ice cream or fresh fruit. Then, after some festive fun and games, it was on to the jumbo triple chocolate muffins, christmas cake with marzipan, sandwiches, cheese and crackers, crisps, noodles, lemonade and chocolate biscuits. Finally the bloated beasts were able to round off their day with hot chocolate and mince pies.

During his all too short and tortuous life, Baby Peter had to scavenge for broken biscuits and eat dirt in the garden because his own mother couldn't be bothered to feed him.

It really does beggar fucking belief.

It's time to bring an end to these ridiculously unjust situations.

Bring back hanging.

That is all.


Saturday, 26 December 2009

Hangover Cures?

So what's the best cure for that Boxing Day morning hangover? Fucked if I know,  apart from my usual tactic of holding out until lunchtime when 'hair of the dog' seems to do the trick. Subrosa has done a bit of research on the subject and I know which idea I'd prefer to go with this morning, and it's not the fucking wallet draining, crush injury inducing ritual know as the Boxing Day twatting sales.

OR . . .  if you're looking for something a little out of the ordinary, how about this instructional video for an instant cure?

If you're actually brave enough to carry this one out, I guarantee that your mind will be so focussed on the matter in hand (ahem!), that all thoughts of the hangover will completely disappear. As for me? Just the very idea of it was enough to clear my head but I'm still off to have a late morning 'full english'. . . .  just to make sure, you understand ;-)

Friday, 25 December 2009

The Spirit of Grumpy Old Twatmas

Just about recovered from yesterday's annual man pilgrimage to the High Street, despite the best efforts of the Society of Twatish Drivers, and the big day is finally here. In fact I feel almost cheery as I sit here awaiting a hearty meal and the impending arrival of my very good friends 'Chablis', 'St.Emilion' and 'Islay'. My other good friend, 'Moet', arrived much earlier today but has already departed following a rather excellent Christmas morning bucks fizz fest!

A Grumpy Old Twat Mas to one and all, have a great day, eat drink and be merry but please spare a thought for the less fortunate.


Thursday, 24 December 2009

Snow Fucking Joke!

We don't all live within 6 fucking feet of a motorway or drive a big fuck off 4 x fucking 4. When the fuck are you grit shy Highways halfwits going to get your act together and clear the sodding snow and ice off the roads so that I can get my Christmas shopping done!

I've paid my car tax, I've paid my council tax. So I suggest that you bollocksy-piss-wank, lardy arsed, desk jockey jerk offs  get the fuck on with what I've fucking well paid you to do.

And don't give me any of that shit about "doing my christmas shopping sooner". I don't work for a government department therefore, unlike you, I have not been able to take the fucking piss and 'pop into town' to do my Christmas shopping when I was supposed to be working.

That is all.

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

HP Computers Are Racist

Time to reach for the PR crisis handbook?

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Shitty Fucking Christmas . . .

. . . to all the corrupt, troughing bastards of the 646 who think it's their God given right to continually fleece the fuck out of us . . .

BUT to all the people, over the last twelve months, who have read my offensive nonsense, followed my offensive nonsense, commented on my offensive nonsense and have generally given me their valued support for all my offensive nonsense activities . . . . .

. . . . I genuinely offer my grateful thanks and I hope that you, and your family, have the best Christmas that you can possibly have and I send you all my best wishes, for whatever your dreams may be, for 2010.


Monday, 21 December 2009

Grumpy Old Twat Doesn't Do . . .

. . . Christmas wrapping paper (celebrity or otherwise) but if he did . . .

Hide the decline by Phil Jones

Troughligate by The 646

Not until the bitter end by New Labour

X Factor fucktards by Jedward

Has she got a willy? by Lady Gaga

Global reputation by Gordon Brown

Grumpy Old Twat christmas wrapping paper . . .

. . . probably the best tasteless christmas wrapping paper in the world ;-)


Sunday, 20 December 2009

Andrew Gatward

Some of you may remember a post I did, back in October, where we had a rather entertaining encounter in the comments with a certain Andrew Gatward aka Doubting Richard.

His true identity was 'outed' in those comments by Barking Spider who has now been able to put a 'face' to the loathsome Labour lickspittle, by posting his photograph.

Aha, so that's what a genuine New Labour sneaky fuckwit looks like then.

Strictly Come Dancing Winner Shock

First official photo of the surprise winner,
who beat red hot favourite Ricky Whittle,
 in the final of BBC 1 Strictly Come Dancing . . .

Hat tip to Lorenzo

Saturday, 19 December 2009

Freakiest Advert of the Day

This advert for Diesel Helmets may seem a bit freaky to some but I found it funny as fuck! Really clever stuff all the way through but my favourite bit has to be at 3:03 ;-)


Friday, 18 December 2009

Climate Change Deal Reaches A Climax

Things are cumming coming to a head in Copenhagen as Gordon Brown manages a last ditch push, on a gonad global warming agreement, with Barack Obama . . .

Christmas Charity Appeal

click image to enlarge

Based on an original article written by
the excellent, satirical wordsmith, Dungeekin.
Check out his other work too, you won't be disappointed ;-)


Thursday, 17 December 2009

Sold To The Lowest Bidder

Guest post from Old Rightie:

Well done all of you who voted for the wreckers.
This pair of evil shites love how you have meekly handed over your lives for them to screw. Pensions, wars, soldiers lives and a minor issue of a scorched earth policy on the economy.

Go on, tell how great their regime is, has been and will be.

More rigged ballots, statistics, calling the big freeze/ice age round the corner a major AGW event. Lies, my God but these two are masters of that universe of deceit and nastiness.

All dressed up as Socialist Utopia.

Bastard Labour. No parentage other than the likes of Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao and even good old Adolf.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Anyone Seen Phil Jones? +++Update+++

via Soylent Green:

If anyone deserves a fucking Nobel Prize,
then it's the guy who dressed as a polar bear and paged Phil Jones,
with a megaphone, in the main hall at COP 15 Copenhagen.

Nice one mate, fucking brilliant.

Meanwhile, the President of the climate change summit resigns,
Copenhagen descends into chaos and is locked down,
police use tear gas to disperse crowds and
Gordon Brown gets himself arrested !

Block the Blockwarts

Old Holborn has an excellent idea

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Tesco Withdraw Offensive Christmas Card

Charlie Angels

And there was me thinking that Gordon Brown had snorted sorted the World banking problem single handed. Unless, of course, he meant something entirely different when referring to those vital 'cash injections' of his.

Monday, 14 December 2009

Gordon Brown Denies Failing Eyesight . . .

. . . after he mistakingly tries to shake hands with a Merlin Helicopter,
instead of President Karzai, on his arrival in Afghanistan.

Theft Report - The Follow Up

+++Breaking+++ Brown Bloodied By Attack

A court martial is out of the question
as there were no witnesses . . .

. . . and, after spending all day inside Karzai,
here is Gordon Brown pictured just hours before the attack . . .

Images courtesy of Lorenzo

Sunday, 13 December 2009

Labour Sneak Sharia Law Into Budget

Does anyone remember this post, that I did earlier in the week, where I said "I wouldn't be at all surprised if the sneaky bastards Government used Thursday to hide some bad news or slide some controversial legislation under the radar, whilst our attention is focussed on the champagne swilling shite wipes at the Whore Houses of Parliament."

Well, here it is.

THE Treasury plans to rewrite Britain’s tax rules to usher in a new wave of Sharia law for the country’s financial system.
That one-line revelation is in the 212-page pre-Budget report prompting fresh accusations that Labour is “burying bad news”. The Government wants to tap into the fast-growing Sharia finance market, set to top £205billion a year, and turn London into the “global gateway for Islamic finance”.

err . . . well ... what the . . . hmmm . . . .

No, sorry. I'm fucking speechless!

Here's what The Opinionator has to say:
Clearly the dhimmified Labour government will not be content until all the British people are living under sharia law. How can anyone feel anything but contempt for these traitors?
Supposedly a 'snap' election is coming soon. While May 6 remains the likely general election date, Labour’s recent bounce in the polls has meant that party chiefs are now preparing for an early March 25 poll.

Don't be late with the repayments

I have a better idea!
Anyone who is fucking brain dead enough to vote for islamic cock sucking shite wipes Labour should be put in a sack, thrown onto a fucking plane and shoved the fuck out of it at 30,000ft over Saudi fucking Arabia.

That is fucking all.

NBFF Caption Competition

My own offering for this week's caption competition is
'EU pair of CEUNTS'

I'm sure that you talented lot will be able to do much better ;-)

The winner of last week's
was OldRightie with
"Who said you can't fool all the people all the time"

Well done OR and your guest post awaits.
Email me at the usual address and we'll get the ball rolling ;-)

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Stephen Barker Attacked In Prison

Stephen Barker, the boyfriend of Baby P mother, Tracey Connelly, has been attacked by a fellow inmate at  Wakefield Prison. Unfortunately the injuries, to one of the scumbags that murdered baby Peter Connelly, are not life threatening.

A prison spokeswoman said: "On the morning of December 11, a prisoner at HMP Wakefield was assaulted by another prisoner. Thanks to the prompt and professional action of officers at HMP Wakefield who intervened, this situation was brought under control almost immediately"

You have got to be
fucking well shitting me!

How fucking, infuriatingly, ironic is that then?

What protection did baby p have from that murderous monster?

Hazel Blears Gets Divorced?

According to copies of her receipts, Hazel appears to have claimed a 25% single person discount on the Council Tax bill for her second home in London. Does that mean she has had a divorce? Or is this a really clever way of saving the over burdened tax payers some cash?

Just asking ;-)

Fashion Tip Of The Day

Friday, 11 December 2009

Griffin On Climategate and NWO

You may love him or hate him for his political views but I've got to say that, all things considered, I'm finding it hard to disagree with Nick Griffin on this one . . .

Justifying Theft by Austin Mitchell

Guest Post:
An excellent piece on MP expenses by The Lone Voice . . . .

In The Grauniad, Austin Mitchell explains how MP's need your money, yet he and most of the 646 vermin infesting the House of Commons just don't get it and boy does Austin piss the commentators off.

You see - I shall explain it for Austin - we the public pay them a wage, some £64 thousand quid for a back bench MP and even more for those who take up front bench positions and yet they think that they are worthy of picking our pockets for expenses to cover everything. In fact they see it as a God given right of the high office they hold.

They are public employees, paid by us and supposed to represent our interests and needs.

Mitchell jokes:

In fact, in my own case it hasn't. I discovered on looking through my claims that my wife is insane and has learned nothing from the row (and the jokes) produced by her claims for Branston Pickle and a bottle of Laphroaig. She has claimed £75.99 for a gleaming chromium kettle. A beautiful object, but certain to annoy people in Grimsby where a kettle is a kettle. Indeed, the last one I bought there cost about a fiver.
The kettle joins another claim of £438.65 for a replacement shower and £4,100 for a new boiler, both of which replaced comparatively new counterparts which went disastrously bust. Yet it's no use explaining to constituents that my inability to take a bath or a shower left me so smelly that no one would sit next to me in the public accounts committee.

Therein is the problem, most of us, those lucky enough to still have jobs have to buy our kettles from our wages. As for getting £4,100 for a new boiler, well we pray we are insured and unlike Austin can not shaft the taxpayers for a new one; or a new shower or kettle come to that.

The same argument go's for utility bills, we have to pay them. Electric, gas, council tax and no tapping the taxpayers for free money to cover them; it all comes out of our wages.

Food is another £400 a month allowance granted to MP's, which explains the lardy shape of many MP's. Yet many on low wages/benefits after paying all their bills and rent/mortgage can but dream of having a sodding food allowance that big. Maybe Mitchell might ask himself why so many people frequent the low end food stores?...

Alas we get no mortgage interest help, no cover for ground rent (also on his expenses which can be viewed here), no help with the cushy pension at the end of it; in fact fuck all is what we get compared to an MP.

The guidelines, written by MP's and others on the gravytrain, for the benefit of those say that things claimed are supposed to wholly, necessarily and exclusively for the performance of the MP's duties. A meaningless term that has come to mean this:
the MP can get whatever he/she wants and you unwashed plebs an proles will pay for it.

I have argued that in the main, most of our MP's provide piss poor value for money. They are not a profession like say doctors or teachers, they sit no exam to enter The Commons and yet earn a wage that most can only dream about. Even many professionals look at MP's earnings with envy.

They also get more time off than the rest of us in holidays.

Indeed lets have a look at 2 more things we have helped Mr Mitchell with, that he deems wholly, necessarily and exclusively for the performance of his duties as an MP. 

  • A washing machine, cost £478. 
  • Home Insurance, cost £109.79.

Why in the name of all that is holy, should I have to pay for an MP's home insurance? No one pays mine.

Oh the smug feeling of self entitlement comes across, I was waiting for him to utter the immortal words "Don't you know who I am?!".

The only good thing to come out of this, is that Austin has shown the belief that MP's consider themselves better than us, somehow deserving of all they can steal to be completely correct.

After claiming back all the utility bills, food and everything else I would imagine that your average MP is left with most of their money sitting in the bank.

They are paying less in overheads in real terms than workers bringing home £200 a week.

So take a look at the MP's. They are remote, out of touch, refusing to answer e-mails, censoring comments on their websites (if they even allow them), even their letters are often poorly drafted and little more than Pravda style party wank-speak, yet MP's still want our votes and wonder why many think a pox on all your houses and do not vote.

Now all of this theft would not be so bad if the MP's actually did a half decent job, but they don't. What is moreI can prove it as well. If they did, would we be in debt and with a nation falling apart at the seams?

So ask yourself this, are they worth even a fraction of what we pay them?

Hell if rather than being in debt, we had a trade surplus and decent standard of living we might turn a blind eye to the stink of ordure from on high. Instead the finances are fucked, millions are out of work and the infrastructure is falling apart, everything from the NHS to supplying the army with equipment is screwed.

Then for an MP to joke he is getting the same treatment as a terrorist, "under extraordinary rendition and subject to regular doses of waterboarding.", oh if only. The only problem being is I and millions of others would love to waterboard you thieves, right up until the bubbles stop.

This odious little man should try living on benefits for a while, see how he copes with no savings and just a single JSA payment every two weeks. He should try the humiliation of signing on and looking for non existent jobs. He should try juggling the bills like so many, wondering which ones to put off till next month.

Austin you and most of the 646, I can sum up in one word:


Act On Co2 : The Video +++Update+++

Act On Co2 : It's all just an act

Many thanks to everyone who is helping to support this campaign
and you'll be pleased to know that we are now starting to
climb up the google pages.

First page when searching Act On Co2
which has 10.8m returns :

Top 3 when searching Act On Co2 Advert
which has 78,900 returns:

Let's keep spreading the word
and see if we can get the video up there too ;-)

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Barack Obama Collects Peace Prize

I see that Bollock Obummer has flown into Oslo to pick up his Nobel Peace Prize, in person, this morning. Quelling rumours that he was going to send a predator drone to collect it.

The prize was awarded to the jug eared Kenyan for, and I quote, "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and co-operation between peoples". The presentation of the award comes only a few days after the war mongering wankstain sent another 30,000  troops to Afghanistan.

MP Expenses : Gordon Brown ++Updated++

It's 'snouts in the trough time' again this morning, as the latest list of MP perks expenses has now been published online. The alphabetical list, of each MPs handouts allowances can be viewed here.

One thing I did notice was that Gordon Brown seems very keen to let the tax payer regularly cough up for his dry cleaning and grass cutting bills, along with a little pruning, edging and weeding of course. Not to mention his regular Domestic Services visits every Monday. I'm surprised he hasn't claimed for a new Hoover. The fucking thing must be jammed with bits of ink jet printer and Nokia parts by now.

Oh, fuck it! Might as well get the piss stains out of the carpets as well, eh. That's only another 168 notes from the tax payers pocket. Oh, and I say! The summerhouse could do with a lick of paint. The fucking plebs can pay for that too, it's a bargain, only 500 quid.

Incidentally, what's with all those phone calls to the USA in the space of a few minutes? Perhaps Obummer just kept putting the phone down on him ;-)

One final thought.
You might also like to know that we paid for a Sky TV feed to be installed into his bedroom. Ahem, I know what you dirty fuckers are thinking but I couldn't possibly comment.

 ++++ Update ++++
If you can stomach it, Fido has further examples of the latest batch of troughing bastards, including a re-appearance by our old friend, Jacqui Smith, who seems determined to fleece the fuck out of us right up until the day she gets voted out of office. As for the expense claims of Quentin 'fat fuck' Davis, it's the Old Holborn favourite so far!

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Troughligate 2

I see that Troughligate 2 looks likely to kick off on Thursday morning. Yet more cash trousering, snouts in the trough, 'it was all within the rules', thieving bastards (sorry, I mean MP's) are set to release the details of their day-to-day ill gotten gains, for the past year

Apparently they will all be redacted, no fucking surprise there then, so the race will be on to find out what's behind all those big black, hide the fucking truth, lines.

And another thing.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if the sneaky bastards Government used Thursday to hide some bad news or slide some controversial legislation under the radar, whilst our attention is focussed on the champagne swilling shite wipes at the Whore Houses of Parliament.

Just saying ;-)

Socialist Double Speak

courtesy of Dazed @ We4 Productions

click image to read the small print

Monday, 7 December 2009

++Common Purpose Exposed Site Has Been Taken Down++ has been the subject of a take down notice!

Please spread the word as fast as possible . . .

This from John Walker: has been taken down by the web hosting company, Hostgator, as the result of a complaint by Common Purpose alleging copyright infringement.

The shut down notice from Common Purpose can be downloaded
from here

We are puzzled since all the documentation is in the public domain, and has been for some considerable time.

Maybe this has happened because we recently posted information from Common Purpose’s own website showing the links between the Scottish paedophile James Rennie and the Common Purpose organisation. Are we getting too close to the truth? How many other paedophiles are protected by Common Purpose networks and their secretive Chatham House confidentiality rules?

Spread the word. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. 

John Walker 


Independent Correction Facility

I don't know how many of you have seen the front page of the Independent newspaper today but it didn't impress Microdave too much. In fact he sent me a jpeg of it and asked if I could improve on it at all.

Well, I do like a challenge if the cause is right!

Hmmm, that's much better isn't it?

Microdave seems to think so.
Copies of the revised front page already appear to have a pride of place on the back of his, now infamous, Fiat Panda . . .

Nice work!