Smoking Makes You Gay

Smoking Makes You Gay
by GrumpyOldTwat

Mandelson Caption Competition

Peter Mandelson Joker

Gay Pulls Out of 200m Sprint

Gay has pulled out of the big race due to a persistent groin injury and will now be unable to defend his title. Neither Gordon Brown or Peter Mandelson were available for comment.

Peter and Gordon at the Gay Bar

Tip of the Lube Tube to Dazed N Confused

Heatwave! Ice Cream Anyone?

"I'm Mandy lick me!"

Go on Gordon, you know you want to . . . . again.

Image by Lawson

Gordon Brown ++++ EXCLUSIVE ++++

This exclusive photo of the Prime Minister was allegedly taken in the servant quarters kitchen at Chequers, only hours before he was due to commence the all important, recent Cabinet re-shuffle.

Mario, 17, a disgruntled young man servant who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals, said "I've had enough of being fucked around by that cock sucking crackhead, I'm not standing for it anymore."

Apparently Gordon had promised Mario the World, if he were to carry out a couple of personal favours for him, but to date all Mario has received from Gordon is a bottle of minty fresh mouthwash and a preview of his latest YouTube gurn.

"That's when I thought I'd get my revenge, by taking a photo of the lying, twitchy faced, crackhead" said Mario "and then give it to someone I trust, someone who'd know exactly what to do with it."

"Well done, I know exactly what to do with that" said Peter "Now run along and hide in my wardrobe until I tell you it's safe to come out." 

Hat tip to Lorenzo for the excellent image

Grumpy Old Twat Top Trio

Once again I've picked a few of the excellent images from the blogosphere that have caught my eye and amused me recently.

Please click through on the links and check out their other work, you won't be disappointed . . . . 

@ dazed 'n' confused

@ flyingwarpigs

@ muffled voiciferation

@ gigits-gigits

OK, so there's four and there's no apologies for the Labour/unelected, monovisioned, urine stained, bogey feeding, testicle tickler theme either.

It's my blog and I'll do what the fuck I like!

A Gentle Hint For Gordon

Just in case you haven't got the message yet Gordon.

Gordon Brown Vs Susan Boyle

Gordon Contemplates His Options

Gordon Red Faced Again

Well would you fucking believe it.

More documents left on a train.

This time it was Gordon's make-up instructions!

Apparently some aide or other has compiled a list of what to use and how to apply it in case the old snot gobbler has to do it himself. Perhaps on those lonely nights when he is hoping Lord Manmuncher might pop around for a little pork. Lipstick around the nipple anyone?

Gordon Loves Ed's Balls

I first spotted one of these Jib Jab jobbies over at

the All Seeing Eye and thought "Fuck me I'll have some of that,

I'm sure that's just the thing for G.O.T. to have a dabble with!"

So here is my first effort . . . . 

It Could Get Worse

Spotted a story over at Tory Poppins, about the possible outcome of a Cabinet reshuffle in June by the unelected, snot chewing, piss puddling, cock eyed, pink oboe playing, ninny grinning Gordoom Brownfinger.

What really scares the shit out of me is that Lord SoreArse of Manmuncher (Gordom's favourite pink oboe tuner) is predicted to be our next Foreign Secretary!

Next stop for the tenacious testicle tickler?

The next unelected leader of  NuLabore because I can't see the worst Prime Minister since the war making it as far as the next General Election.

As for Jacqui Smith, no P45 for her then, (and why the fucking fuck not?)

she is predicted to be moved to Education!!!!

You have got to be fucking well shitting me . . . . . 

Gordon's Little Britain

Mandelson Blames The Treasury (Updated)

Fuck me it's getting contagious.

Isn't that what his bum chum Brownfinger normally does.

Blame every other fucker except himself?

Lord ManBottom of Man Muncher has apparently said that the much needed help for the British car industry (I use the term British loosely) is progressing far too slowly.

I, on the other hand, think that Lord ManBottom of ManMuncher is far to quick to behave like an egotistical twat who is far more interested in how he can readily line his pockets, and his rectum, rather than genuinely consider the welfare of this country as paramount.

Twat!

**Update**

Following a suggestion from The Eye, in the comments below, here is an alternative pic of Lord LickyBum . . . 

It's Never His Fault

From the Daily Twatlegraph:

Brainless twat riding mobility scooter takes yet another wrong turn and ends up on dual carriageway

Apparently a senile fat twat from Westminster had popped out to pick up some incontinence pants and a tin of foie gras from his local paki shop but lost his way and ended up on a road to nowhere. Not an uncommon incident by all accounts.

Undaunted by everything going on around him the stupid old pant wetter continued on, regardless of anyone or anything around him, determined to reach his goal whatever the consequences.

He was eventually spotted by a well to do man who was riding in the back of a Rolls Royce at the time. The car pulled along side and the inappropriate looking chap wound down his blacked out window and beckoned him over. "It appears that you have lost your way again, can I give you a ride?" He said, looking over his spectacles. "I'm on my way to ManMuncher and I'll let you suck my lollipop if you like."

"Not now" said the half blind half wit " but I'll give you a ring, with pleasure, later."

The plastic police patrol were eventually called by a rather sour faced, fat bitch wearing jackboots and a small moustache, who was driving a panzer tank. "Get  this useless twat out of my way or I'll have you killed" she said "That's how much power I have. I'm very important. I have two properties paid for by anybody who is left working, you know."

The phoney cops followed the trail of piss up the road until they eventually caught up with the pathetic twat who had skidded on a pile of his own snot.

"It's not my fault!" protested the confused cunt, shaking with rage. "Somebody must have changed the road signs and made me go in the wrong direction, it's not my fault I tell you, it must have been somebody else!"

"It's not my fault!"

No, it never is your fault is it.

You one eyed, pant wetting twat!

How Sweet Of Lord Levy To Think Of Us Like That

Mandy Gets the Decorators In

Lord Meddlesome has wasted even more of our taxpayers money by deciding to have his office redecorated AGAIN. Makeover Mandy, not content with the £20,000 already daubed on his walls prior to taking office, has spunked out another 57,000 of our precious pounds to have his Whitehall wank palace re-tarted.

Fuck me! (no not you Mandy)

The fucking nerve of the extravagant twat is beyond belief.

Frittering away our money on his turd polishers paradise whilst telling the jobless to fuck off to Europe and get work.

Incidentally, taxpayers have now forked out over £390,000 in the last year so that the man munching Meddlesome and his junior ministers can relax in luxury at the Department for Business Enterprise and Regulatory Reform.

'Changing Rooms', my fucking arse!

Quelle Surprise!

What did I tell you?

Lord Meddlesome of Man Muncher has indicated that tax payers money may be used to prop up the car industry in this Country.

That'll mean it fucking well will be then.

The Minister for Backdoor Agendas was quoted as saying "Commercial loans or guarantees from the Government to assist them to bridge a very difficult period may be needed but that is not what I would call a bail out"

What the fucking, buggery bollocks is it called then?

It's a fucking bail out you cretin!

Nothing more, nothing less.