Tuesday 30 November 2010

Bizarre Police Report Of The Week

Melissa Lee Williams has uttered a line never previously recorded in a police report before. Well, not one that the Grumpy Old Twat has come across before anyway. The West Virginia woman faced assault and weapons charges after allegedly waving a knife at two men who declined her demands to engage in sexual conduct.

"Eat my pussy", she demanded of the two men before she "commenced to undress herself". One man "declined said invitation" but the other man told cops that he "agreed to perform at her request." However "he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odour emitting from Melissa Williams" and, understandably, "declined to proceed any further."

Fair enough.

It was as this point that Williams allegedly "produced a lock-back folding knife," opened it, and then uttered the line never previously recorded in a police report before:
"Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat."


I take it that she was pretty well gagging for it then but unfortunately for her though, by all accounts, the poor chap involved was gagging at it rather than for it.

Further details of the incident, if you're feeling brave, and that all important photograph of the sleazy seductress are available here.

Enjoy!

Free pack of *ahem* odour eaters goes to Joe Public for the tip off, just in case Williams should ever corner him in a Hotel somewhere ;-)

46 comments:

Captain Ranty said...

Well, one doesn't look at one's manklepiece whilst one is poking the fire, does one?

I never had you down as a cunnilingus snob, Gotty, but today my flabber is gasted.

Harumph!

CR.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Poking the fire is one thing but tasting the soot from a smelly old chimney is altogether a different thing ;)

Catosays said...

Jesus Christ, that woman is ugly....an smelly, apparently.

After you Claude!

Captain Ranty said...

I carry one of those tiny cans of Febreeze for just such events. A wee squirt of "Dandelions in Summer" usually does the trick. Apparently it is non-lethal in small doses.

Growling at the badger shouldn't be so complicated. You just adopt the position and carry on until you can't feel your tongue. All this nonsense about odours is misplaced.

The folding knife was a nice touch, though. Eleventeen beers would have a secured some action from me. Well, that, and possibly a peg.

CR.

Captain Haddock said...

Jesus Gotty ..

I must be getting choosy in my old age .. but I'd sooner have cut my own throat than muffed that rancid old dog ..

I bet it stank like a month old bag of prawns ..

Catosays said...

<span>I bet it stank like a month old bag of prawns ..</span>

I'll bet it wasn't as good as that!

Ranter said...

Some good comments under that article SMELLIN' OF TROY was one!  Good old West Virginia!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

"Smellin' of Troy" < "the face that launched a 1000 ships." Priceless!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

"<span>Eleventeen beers would have a secured some action from me" < or probably 3 bottles of Merlot, in my case ... and a peg ;)
</span>

Captain Haddock said...

If you plated that .. it'd be more like "the twat that launched a thousand shits" ... Lol

GrumpyOldTwat said...

<span>"the twat that launched a thousand shits" < </span>Now why didn't I think of that? Doh!

Caratacus said...

Wot if you're poking the mantlepiece?   :)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Might be a bit risky in this case. By the look on her face I'd say she's just bitten the head off a venomous snake ;)

NFN said...

Zero genital hygiene. What do you expect from a nation that routinely genitally mutilates its infant males because Americans can't get their heads around complex technical things like soap and water?

NFN said...

This comment was pertinet, I felt:
Just imagine how the story would have read if the sexes had been reversed: ..."Danny Lee Williams sits in jail today under a $2,000,000 bond for attempted First Degree Sodomy, Attempted First Degree Rape, and Attempted Assault With A Dead Weapon. Police say a violently drunk Williams tried to break into his estranged wife's residence and, while brandishing an unregistered butcher knife, threatened both her and a young female she was tutoring with death unless one or both of them submitted to being violated orally. Police quickly arrived at the scene and repeatedly tasered the beastly sex criminal into unconsciousness. There will be a rally in the community tonight for friends and residents to express support of and solidarity with Ms Williams and the young honor student, as well as all female victims of male sexuality."... That's hardly an exaggeration. We've been indoctrinated by the gender warriors into seeing all men and boys as potential violators, and all women as victims. The mainstream media has felt a duty to re-educate us into accepting this bias without a word. Shame on us.

Captain Haddock said...

Just saw this link ...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1334437/Boatman-permanent-sinking-feeling-building-ship-looks-like-going-down.html

Maybe we ought to put this geezer in touch with old foetid snatch ? ...

Catosays said...

Doctor: God, your breath is bad. Eat two shit sandwiches straightaway.

Patient: Will that cure it Doc?

Doc. No but it'll tone it down a bit.

I know it's old but I like it.

FH said...

West Virginia eh?  So that's where Hazel Blears moved to.

Oldrightie said...

What a disgusting post, Gentlemen. I will have no truck with ugly women, or even attractive ones that smell less than fragrant. There is a reason why gentlemen prefer blondes!

Captain Haddock said...

I bet she eats with her legs wide open ..

To keep the flies off her grub ..

Killemallletgodsortemout said...

I thought you were a rug-muncher, OR! You said so the other day!!!!From the comments:There was a lady from the AzoresWhose snatch was infested with soresThe dogs on the street would eat the green stringy meatThat hung in festoons from her drawers!

Bring On The Revolution said...

She is a fuck ugly old witch and all!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oi captain matlots rules IF IT FUCKING STINKS,LICK IT TILL IT DOESNT
keep spitting on itLOL

All Seeing Eye said...

Just as I'm eating cheese and biscuits. Thanks Gotty you utter utter bastard  >:o

Captain Haddock said...

I think even a scurry old 3 badge Stoker would draw the line at that ..

Especially as there's no Tot-Time anaesthetic these days .. Lol

james higham said...

Sounds a lovely lady.

BRICKBAT said...

come on her feet and let the flies do the rest =-X

ArtCo said...

Been wi worse, but fuck me they never had a stinky snatch.

Joe Public said...

Have you no sympathy for a young lass at the wrong-time-o​f-the-month?

nomine said...

only if her ass looks like the one in the red dress or this one m8

Joe Public said...

Practising with the Pont l’Eveque eh?

http://blog.hotelclub.com/top-10-stinky-cheeses/

Caratacus said...

There was a young Scotsman called Dave,
Who found a dead whore in a cave,
He said, "It's disgusting,
It only needs dusting,
And look at the money I'll save...!"

MTG said...

I must feign a triple. The story is an extract from a horror novel; I didn't read this extract and I share the company of gentlemen.

SadButMadLad said...

Nor is that often you see the tag "horrible vaginal odor"

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Nice link Cap'n and I couldn't resist a quick 'shop of that boat ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Ooh yes, I do like a piece of Stinking Bishop . . .  said the actress ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

ASE - apologies for that ... never a good idea to be eating or drinking when you open up a new post here. Having said that, I didn't fancy anything much for dinner tonight after posting it ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

I've suddenly regained my appetite!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Time to reach for the mind bleach, eh ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

That has got to be the front runner for the blog tag of the decade award!

Barking Spider said...

Two pegs - in case the first one fell off! :-P

Barking Spider said...

Apparently, even Marilyn Monroe was a bit lax in the hygiene department - another illusion shattered! :(

Barking Spider said...

When I saw her picture, I swear I could smell the old fucker from here! =-O

banned said...

Don't fancy yours much mate :-P

Anonymous said...

Standard chat up line in barnsley!  :-[

nomine said...

Thought you might somehow!