Wednesday 11 August 2010

Speed Cameras +++ Updated +++

Road safety protestors have been thrown into an apoplectic rage by news that, across the country, speed cameras are to be de-activated as a cost cutting exercise writes Gildas Clarkson-Monk, our motoring correspondent.


“Road Safety GB”, a national road safety organisation that represents local government road safety terms across the UK, has criticised the decision as has top traffic cop Chief Cunstable of Gwent Mick Giannasi. It comes as the government cuts £38 million pounds off its road safety budget


“It will be the end of western civilisation as we know it,” said Giannasi. “Where will we be in this country if bossy little cunts like us aren’t able to watch your every move and fine you ridiculous amounts for arbitrarily imposed offences. Dear Christ, we might even use some of the money, ACPO makes for charging up to £70 a shot, for a quick perusal of the Police National Computer which actually costs us 60 pence instead. Children will starve, the land will be wasted and dead goats will spew from the very mouth of Satan”.


Meanwhile Norman Sensible, spokesman for the National League for Responsible Driving, said a more balanced approach should be taken. “There are always pros and cons,” said Mr Sensible “but in this case Giannasi is talking out of his arse, it's total shite. Good riddance to the tax raising, greed camera racket, perhaps we can just drive sensibly instead. Then I suggest that we burn the rest of the bastard things, rip 'em out of the fucking ground with a JCB and tip the fuckers through the window of the nearest cop shop.”

Additional reporting by Ayrton Senna.



+++ UPDATE +++

Following a request in the comments, here's my effort at an Apache helicopter cracking off a few rounds at the speed camera .......



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37 comments:

shep said...

bout kin time,good for peeing against though woof

Billy Blofeld said...

Oooh I like the pick-axe attack......  not sure it would put the camera out of action - but I'd feel very satisfied loding one of those in a camera.

Fucking speed cameras, they only get me at 5am in the morning, I'm out earning a living, typically on a road that is normally so congested you can't speed - when flash bang, I've been caught doing 36 in a 30.  

It isn't just the fine that gets on my tits, it is the bastard insurance companies who are also in on the scam and use it as an opportunity to slap an extra £100 on your bill. 

Ampers said...

It's not all bad.

They could remove the cameras from the housing and sell them on eBay - some third world country might buy them.

But what's more useful is that the empty housings could be left there for wild birds to make their homes in them.

Now that's a nice use for them.

Ampers

Billy Blofeld said...

They would become nested by magpies - whose love of shiny objects such as money, would pay a sort of natural homage to the greedy history of speed cameras.

Captain Haddock said...

Completely agree ..

The main reason that Andy Gianassi is talking out of his arse is because his personal career history proves it to be a successfully tried & tested formula ..

Once one has attended "Brands Hatch" (Bramshill National Police College) & had the necessary surgery to remove back-bone & brain .. the rest is a piece of piss ..

The sooner we have elected Chief Constables the better ...

GrumpyOldTwat said...

"<span>It isn't just the fine that gets on my tits, it is the bastard insurance companies who are also in on the scam". The cunts!</span>

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Thinking outside of the box about what should happen inside the box. NIce one!

microdave said...

"<span>Oooh I like the pick-axe attack......  not sure it would put the camera out of action"  - How about this method?
</span>

GrumpyOldTwat said...

The <span>Andy Gianassi CV in a fucking nutshell!</span>

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Best method of destroying a speed camera that I've seen yet!

Caratacus said...

You know what really pisses me off? The supercilious attitudes of the cunts in the Geheime Staatspolizei. They are obsessed with their own version of how things should be and forget that they are our servants and not the reverse.

In fact Gotty I would like to nominate Andy Gianassi for inclusion in ...isacunt.

Andy Gianaasi is a self-righteous supercilious fine-addicted overdue-for-impecunious-retirement cunt.

I do feel SO much better for that. Ta ever so.

Captain Haddock said...

ACPO = Association of Completely Political Orifices ...

microdave said...

<span>Julie Spence, chief cuntstable of Cambridgeshire is bleating as well.  
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1301463/Police-chief-blasts-middle-class-wont-abide-criminals-speed-cars.html  
 
I actually agree with some of her points, for instance "Unfortunately there are selfish, ignorant, antisocial drivers across all sections of society." But she completely misses the point that fixed cameras Can't catch these people - for that you need real coppers on patrol.  
 
At the moment it's hard to argue for more of them considering how they generally behave these days, but muggins here can remember being pulled over by the local "Bobby" and being given a right bollocking for driving like a prat...  
 
I can also remember when the sight of large rectangular headlights in my rear view mirror at night instantly put the frighteners on me - back then it could only mean a 3 litre Capri or Granada, and therefore a good chance it was the 'Bill....</span>

Gildas said...

There have been two good uses of cameras lately: both have recorded the rozzers going well over the top and behaving like storm troopers, grinding some drunks face into the ground or kicking the shit out of some old bloke's Rangy Rover in Wales. Both are all over the web 
Maybe the only people who should be monitored is the rozzers.
And no wonder ACPO don't like the idea of elected police; at the moment the police service is being run like a private franchise for profit!
G. Clarkson-Monk 
>:o

GrumpyOldTwat said...

'ello, 'ello, 'ello, what do we have here then? A pair of bent coppers!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Mick Giannasi has now been well and truly cunted

microdave said...

Note the position of the exhaust pipe.....

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Fucking priceless ;)

Caratacus said...

Now you know what they wear UNDER their uniforms...

GrumpyOldTwat said...

I wonder what Jack Reagan would say about that pair of police poofs ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

I wonder what Jack Reagan would say about that pair of police poofs ;)

Barking Spider said...

It might even be worth photoshopping in a couple of missiles approaching their target, mate. :-P

Barking Spider said...

The tutu's a real killer! :-D

Gildas said...

Yer nicked, slag!  :)

farker said...

It's not about "getting away with it". It's about appropriately setting the speed limit and prosecuting wilfully dangerous driving. I got prosecuted for doing 46 in a 40mph road works, when there were no workmen around on a quiet, dry Saturday with no other traffic around. 5 other people (out of about 15) on my speed awareness course got caught in the same place.

And that's the thing with speed cameras: They're just an occupational hazard now, a cost risk with driving. Decades ago, getting points for speeding meant that you'd been driving like an idiot. Now? It just means you missed the cameras, or forgot to get your TomTom database updated.

sadbutmadlad said...

"<span>The sooner we have elected Chief Constables the better"</span>

How will that solve things? All it will do is move the shit person in charge from one job to another. Do the elected councillors on Police Authorities make a difference. Elected chief constables will be exactly the same.

microdave said...

That's a job for our host!

microdave said...

Re "A pair of bent coppers" - I've found just the thing....

killemallletgodsortemout said...

There are cunts, and then to top being a cunt, there are Police Cunts.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Another example of Police Cuntitude.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Don't forget that they cause accidents themselves, too.

Dick Puddlecote said...

I'll get used to your comments prog one day, Gotty. ;)

Link is here http://dickpuddlecote.blogspot.com/2010/08/sound-of-silence.html

Bring On The Revolution said...

Good riddance to the fucking speed camera, cuntin fucking things,21st century Dick Turpins, that's all they are!! I love that photo of the Apache gunship about to blow one up posted by Microdave!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

OK then, I've had a crack at that, CLICK HERE to see the result ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

No worries Dick. Took me a while too but got there in the end ;)

Thanks for the link .... interesting to see that they appear to have caused more accidents than they've prevented (probably).

GrumpyOldTwat said...

... and now with added missiles ;)

Gildas said...

Come on, get off the fence! ;)
Gildas Clarkson-Monk