Speed Cameras +++ Updated +++

Road safety protestors have been thrown into an apoplectic rage by news that, across the country, speed cameras are to be de-activated as a cost cutting exercise writes Gildas Clarkson-Monk, our motoring correspondent.

“Road Safety GB”, a national road safety organisation that represents local government road safety terms across the UK, has criticised the decision as has top traffic cop Chief Cunstable of Gwent Mick Giannasi. It comes as the government cuts £38 million pounds off its road safety budget. 

“It will be the end of western civilisation as we know it,” said Giannasi. “Where will we be in this country if bossy little cunts like us aren’t able to watch your every move and fine you ridiculous amounts for arbitrarily imposed offences. Dear Christ, we might even use some of the money, ACPO makes for charging up to £70 a shot, for a quick perusal of the Police National Computer which actually costs us 60 pence instead. Children will starve, the land will be wasted and dead goats will spew from the very mouth of Satan”.

Meanwhile Norman Sensible, spokesman for the National League for Responsible Driving, said a more balanced approach should be taken. “There are always pros and cons,” said Mr Sensible “but in this case Giannasi is talking out of his arse, it's total shite. Good riddance to the tax raising, greed camera racket, perhaps we can just drive sensibly instead. Then I suggest that we burn the rest of the bastard things, rip 'em out of the fucking ground with a JCB and tip the fuckers through the window of the nearest cop shop.”

Additional reporting by Ayrton Senna.

+++ UPDATE +++

Following a request in the comments, here's my effort at an Apache helicopter cracking off a few rounds at the speed camera .......