Wednesday, 25 August 2010

No, No, No, No and Again No

Neighbourhood Watch stickers are a health and safety hazard.
So Thurrock Council will rip the fuckers off your door for you.

Romanian puts concrete blocks on railway line, we pay for translator.
Surely he understands "fuck off back to Romania".

Puppy bakes to death in a car.
Owners say they loved that dog like a child.

Bank worker dumps kitten in a wheelie bin.
"I thought it would be funny and it would wriggle free".

90 year old too frail to live alone but still faces eviction from care home.
Judge and jury council stop paying bills because they say she is too healthy.

* I'm going to scream until my lungs hurt then bang my fucking head up the wall and then go and sit in the corner of a dark room to suck my thumb and cuddle my teddy bear*

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Bring On The Revolution said...

What the fucking fuck is this fucking shit hole of a country fucking becoming? The lunatics really have taken over the asylum!

Dioclese said...

Don't do that Gotty - a dark room is a health and safety hazard.

Captain Haddock said...

Only if we let them BOTR ..

Just be plain awkward .. don't assist them, indulge in civil disobedience etc ..

For example .. only re-cycle glass bottles etc (because they "rattle" in bin bags) .. but as for the rest .. stick it all in one bag ..

And, if possible .. stick something which stinks highly unpleasantly in the bag .. to discourage further investigation ..

Its not our job to sort the rubbish .. that's what we pay them to do .. collect & sort it .. 

Whenever your local Council indulges in some crazy scheme .. challenge them by bombarding them with letters of complaint  etc ..

Make them earn the money they take from our pockets ..

ERM said...

That fucking Romanian needs to be put on a cross Channel ferry & dumped overboard without any flotation aid just past the halfway mark with an encouraging shout of 'swim you fucker, swim' and a cheery wave

Bring On The Revolution said...

Love your reply Captain Haddock, and as for fighting repressive and ridiculous laws from the evil EUSSR empire remember "No taxation without representation"! So EUSSR can fuck off and all!

Bring On The Revolution said...

I heard there is a hungry crocodile in the channel that needs feeding as well!!

Who me! said...

ERM....Don't forget to give him back his concrete blocks when you chuck him overboard.

Jayce said...

Just another normal day for the civilians of Airstrip One then.

When will this lunacy stop and by what method?

Captain Peacock said...

Romanian puts concrete blocks on railway line, we pay for translator.
Surely he understands "fuck off back to Romania".

Romania voted no 39 in the top 100 best places to live by Newsweek.
I kid you not!

Oldrightie said...

<span><span><span>Captain Peacock, pray, where is the EU Federal State of Britaincrap? 200th?</span></span></span>

microdave said...

It's quite common for tossers like him to pretend not to understand English, until someone tells them to sling their hook.....THEN they suddenly become fluent!!

Captain Haddock said...

Or tells 'em where there's a profitable scam going on .. or where to claim for everything under the sun ..

THEN .. they can speaak English no sodding problem ...

Bunni said...

He made it all the way to chicago, BOTR!
I just did a post about it.

Fascist Hippy said...

<span>I will not re-cycle anything until such time as the local council provides me with written confirmation stating that everything collected by their recycling vehicles is actually re-cycled and that none of it ever gets mixed up back together and ends up in ‘landfill’, until then I am not wasting time and effort doing it, all of my waste goes in the same bags - cornflake packets, bottles, potato peelings, newspapers and sometimes car parts etc., fuck them!</span>

BRICKBAT said...

I´ve got ten tons of tales of stupitidy of how fucking dumb the british police are:
I tore the wing off a ford fiesta outside of berlin and dumped it but kept the  english number plates!
I ended up buying a scrapper bmw 735 for a 1000mk got a GB sticker and put the number plates on the on the monster!
I stole some german number plates and bought a D sticker and did a pissed up james bond and changed them  in a layby in belgium !
I´d been driving around for weeks back home and got pulled on my way to a club
Plod said and i Quote"DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH" and i replied in broken bristolian german "YES A LITTLE BIT"cunts "IT IS YOUR LIGHTS THEY ARE NOT WORKING"in broken fuckwit english?
Cut a long story the cunts never even asked me for me passport!
that was about 97

BRICKBAT said...

Mind you i was shitting myself!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Being a pain in the arse works for me to ..... I put all my recycling into one bag, any colour, let the fuckers sort it from there.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Too late, tripped over a shit load of empties and knocked myself out. Feel fine now, although I seem to have the urge to roger the living daylights out of Beckett.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Nice touch ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Great story BB ...... dozy fuckers!

Captain Haddock said...

although I seem to have the urge to roger the living daylights out of Beckett.

You need urgently serious help Mate ... :)   :)   :)

BRICKBAT said...

A good one was when i was crashed out in a asda car park at 2?? in the morning with my bags on the back seat and  told the twats i had just arrived late off the boat for the computers at the supermarket for the millenium bug ?
I do not reckon i could getaway with it now!
But the best was "DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH"
Bit of detective work would have me booked in hotel :)
True as i die