A Summary Of The Main Characters
Andy : Andy is the youngest of the five, 3rd cousin once removed to Ed and his older brother Davey. Tall, thin and cheeky as well flouncy and immature, sometimes a bit effeminate. He is the weaker of the group and very protective and possessive of his eye liner collection. At the start of the series, Andy is 12 years old; the final book does not state how much the children have aged, but if you count the years in which the series run, then he will be 16 and three quarters. He showed his adolescence in Five Go Squabbling On The Hustings
Blinky (Ballsy or Ed): Blinky has a sick sense of humour, but is also untrustworthy and bossy in nature. He is three years older than Andy and one year younger than Davey. Blinky is very caring of no-one but himself and does his best to bully any fucker that gets in his way. He also has good truth gymnastic abilities which he has used in numerous dilemmas. He had a non-heroic role in Five On A Treasurey Island.
Davey : Davey is the eldest boy in the group, and generally shows an air of aloofness during the Five's various adventures with foreign types. He is more likely than the others to become Bliar like and famously dislikes the childish adventures that the Five constantly encounter. He is 16 years old in the first book of the series and 20 and a half in the last. He is known to be very forgetful sometimes and often walks around clutching a banana. In Five Have A Fuck Up To Solve, he acted as a brave and responsible person but let the others sort it out and took the credit. A known claustrophobic since he is frightened of being in encroached spaces with his own ego.
Ed (Eddie or Minor): Ed, sometimes called Minor, is Davey's younger brother. Ed is the archetypal wanker of a kid brother, very insignificant, undecided and sycophantic to the Five and to Davey in particular. He provides semi-intellectual deflection for the other children on multiple occasions. Ed's mummy adores him and thinks that he is the best little boy in the world. In the first book of the series, Five Go Off To Camp, Ed and Davey's parents have forbidden them to wear a traditional Polish dress. After the end of the Five's first adventure, their parents relent and also let them change their birth names.
Diane (Flabby) : Diane is single minded and insists that she is always right, despite her duplicity. With her big mouth and portly figure she is often mistaken for the World Junk Food Eating Champion, which displeases her enormously. Like her father, George Galloway, she has a fiery temper. She is fierce, headstrong and very abusive when cornered. She is sometimes extremely unmanageable and causes trouble during the Five's adventures. She is the oldest of the Five and in Five Have Plenty of Fun, she left the Blue Lagoon Club at 9.30pm, leaving the others to dance the night away. She said she was tired and wanted to go home to bed and flick her bean, whilst she still had a little energy left.
Aunt Harriet : Harriet is foster person to Andy, Blinky, Davey, Ed and Diane. Called Aunty Hatty by the InFamous Five (and 'devil's dyke' behind her back) she is married to Uncle Fagan, an equally nasty omnipotent piece of work. Through most of her Blighton stories, she is the principal maternal figure in the lives of the five children and treats them all equally. Although, during Five Go To Twat Cove, she did seem to have a soft spot for Diane. The four boys came home early one afternoon, after riding their bikes, and caught them munching the rug together in the front parlour. Nothing was said.
Uncle Gordon (McSnotty) : Uncle Gordon's private life, a rather sordid affair by all accounts, is kidnapped or held hostage in several of the children's adventures. He possesses a quick temper and has little tolerance for children on school holidays, but is nevertheless just as heartless as he may at first seem. In the third book of the series (Five Climb The Greasy Pole) it is established that Gordon is the one-third brother of Davey and Ed's father's 2nd cousin. This followed a rather unfortunate accident with an adult nappy and a miniature rocking horse, which had been discovered in Blinky's back passage. The rest of the Five carried on drinking ginger beer and eating chocolate fingers, turning a blind eye to Gordon's fondness for kiddy fiddling. As always.
I can't seem to remember any of the other titles in the 'Five' series. Can you?