Monday, 6 September 2010

Tits 'n' Arse


Some days must be more entertaining than others when your sole job in life is to conjure up witty and/or  accurate headlines for a news story. Take this one for example:


Leaving aside the distressing facts that actually lie behind that headline, the writer who produced it must have had a fucking grin the size of an 18 stone cheshire cat after being handed the editorial for that story.

Then there's this one:


Whoa! Whoever was responsible for that, obviously decided to fill his fucking boots and just couldn't resist tagging on that extra piece of 'information over share' at the end. No wonder really, the actual story behind that one is jammed packed full of 'titterfest' moments.

Oh .... and I know exactly what you dirty bastards are thinking too. "What the fuck does she look like? Is she fit". Well, far be it from me to err. .... spill the bean, why not judge for yourselves, the 'lady' in question can be seen HERE.

Anyhow, there must be shitloads more of these out there, somewhere, that will surely amuse and entertain us all. Have you got any fine examples that you'd like to share? The problem is it's only Monday and I'm already as grumpy as fucking fuck, especially after seeing that video over at Cato's. It's fucking ages until TFIF so I could really do with something to make me break the fuck out into a smile.


Tip of the twat to Caratacus and Microdave for the two examples above ;-)

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60 comments:

Catosays said...

Thanks for the link Gotty.

Joe Public said...

"Half-Naked Cumbrian Woman Masturbated Whilst Driving On Motorway........"

After seeing the evidence, police dropped the charge of driving erotically.


If it'd been a 'knee-trembler' would she also have been charged with driving erratically?

Christopher said...

Hilarious! Love your blog.

Captain Haddock said...

Your daugher, who has a history of problematic pregnancies .. is pregnant again.

You son has been drafted to Afghanistan.

You've just had an unexpected piss in yer drawers.

So .. you think .. "I know, I'll just have one off the wrist" ..  Yeah right ... ;)   :)   :)

Captain Haddock said...

Here you go Gotty .. this should put a smile on yer face ... ;)  


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1X3Vyhm56Eo


I tried posting it on EyeTube .. but it doesn't seem to work .. (I know, It's my cack-handedness) .. :)   :)

Catosays said...

More like cock-handedness I'd have thought....pmsl

BRICKBAT said...

A normal lorry driver would have pulled her over in the next lay-by and stabbed her with a screwdriver?
On being pulled by the police "ee chuck ma boocket needs fillin" :-P
There was a train fire in the mid 70´s on the exeter line with so many injured  and if i can remember rightly it was between burnham-on-sea and chard?
:-D

microdave said...

Hers's some of my collection to cheer you up Gotty. I've plenty more, but need to keep someback for TFI Friday....

And for poor old cack (or cock) handed Captain Haddock:

http://eyetube.me/play/Politics/Chinese%20Miltary%20Parade

Captain Haddock said...

Know what you mean .. ;)

Trouble is, after an hour you feel like another one .. :)   :)

Dave said...

In the video on Cato's blog one of the cunts pulls the girls skirt down at the end. I wonder if he thought it would have been immoral and immodest not to do so?

Captain Haddock said...

Cheers MD ..

BTW .. love the pics .. especially the second one .. still laughing .. :)   :) :)

PJH said...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/24/the-funniest-headline-fai_n_474212.html

17 provided, amongst which:

Tiger Woods plays with own balls, say Nike.

Colleagues finger billionaire

Lady Jacks off to a hot start in conference

Chick Accuses Some of her Male Colleagues of Sexism

Captain Haddock said...

Which female Labour politician will own up to having lost this ???

microdave said...

Gotty let on that he's had some motorsport experience - let's see what he makes of this: http://eyetube.me/play/YouTwat/Audi_Drift

Gildas said...

Speaking from experience of my 1000 plus years as a monk in North, from Jarrow to Cumbria via keswick, I am shocked by this news. =-O  And angry at this slur! >:o  
No woman up here would ever masturbate!

She would "pull one off" or "go to flicky beany heaven" before having six pints, a curry and a "doorstep kebab"  ;) and a roll up. :-[

Brother Gildas 

GrumpyOldTwat said...

That vid really did give me a head fuck. Barbaric beyond belief.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

coat --> door -->

GrumpyOldTwat said...

In amongst all the anger we do know how to larrrf. Fuck me, if we didn't we'd be tearing our hair out. Bugger. I already have. Stop laughing.

Captain Haddock said...

And not necessarily in that order either .. ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Wife's dinged the car, Son's failed all his A levels .... Oh, I know ....... *fap, fap, fap, fap*

Catosays said...

I felt physically sick after watching that. I thought I'd seen everything but that made me heave.

Captain Haddock said...

Fair play to the bloke .. at least he didn't hit anything ..

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Can I have all of them Cap'n? All joking apart though, that marching is fucking awesome.

Catosays said...

I always thought they were called 'pavement pizzas'.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Great stuff BB! Sick but funny as fuck ;)

BRICKBAT said...

Thats the her that is ;) after she left the captains tabl :-D e

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Definitely raised a titter or two MD. Cheers!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Barbaric bastards ... the lot of them.

Fascist Hippy said...

I noticed that bit, how fucked up have you got to be to do that in such a situation. No better than cavemen though really and their likes are living here in Britain FFS.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Funny as fuck and thanks for that most excellent link. Hours of fun to be had there ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

What the fucking hell! Looks like Beckett's to me ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Great clip. Enjoyed that. Wouldn't possibly condone that sort of thing on the Queen's highway though ...  * cough *

Bucko said...

I was looking down my blogroll to see what to read next. There is a post from England Expects entitled "Proof perhaps that the purpose of climate taxation is not the climate but a power grab by the global elite".

Below that was "Tits 'n' Arse".

Good post GOT. I'll go and read EE's now.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Or 'paddle with the man in the boat' perhaps brother Gildas?

Catosays said...

Looks like something you might see if you googled 'Goatse' images.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Captain Birdseye a fudge packer! Fuck me. I've seen it all now. Those fish fingers will never taste the same again.

Captain Haddock said...

Absolutely Gotty .. both the "dressing" & the uniforms are immaculate ..

Mind you, I suppose the threat of instant death might just tend to concentrate the mind somewhat .. ;)

Captain Haddock said...

I was thinking more like Abbott's ... :)   :)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Great comment Bucko. It actually made me laugh out loud .... not an easy task ;)

Captain Haddock said...

Ferk me .. the Shore Patrol never looked like that in my day (middle picture) .. ;)

microdave said...

http://www.youtube.com/v/tieA5wfcgH4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="170" height="140

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Whaaat! Abbott's Goatse? I feel sick.

Bucko said...

Then my work here is done. Have a good evening. 8-)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Boner killing titkerchief .... worst fucking invention ever. PMSL!

microdave said...

"Police have arrested a woman motorist for apparently watching porn whilst driving. When they stopped Colondra Hamilton, 36,  they noticed her trousers undone, and a sex toy in her lap. She admitted driving whilst pleasuring herself and watching a porn movie playing on a laptop. Hamilton, of Cincinnati, US, has been charged with driving with "Impaired Alertness".

I guess that proves women are good at multi-tasking...

microdave said...

Another school related one:

GrumpyOldTwat said...

WTF! Anyone get the name of the porno? Was it 'Jack Off The Bean Stalk'?

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Love it!

Harbinger said...

GOT,

Couldn't watch the video. I can't watch this sort of thing. I don't need to watch it to understand as the description's are good enough. There are people out there who truly lose it when they see total wrong being done. I'm one of them. I mean literally if I saw shit like this I'd probably rip the culprit into two.
I remember a friend, while living down in London told me to watch the Ken Bigley beheading. I said never in a million years. He told me it made him feel sick and very angry. This sort of stuff literally makes people go out and kill should they watch it. If this video was played on a large screen to indigenous whites in London, guaranteed there'd be a killing spree on Muslims. It would be guaranteed. This sort of stuff can turn quiet people into psychopaths. I'd never watch it. I'm angry at many things in life as it is and this would probably send me over the edge. I hate seeing suffering, especially when victims are totally defenceless.

AnthonyS said...

You want "Tits 'n' Arse"?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wY7a02uhZQA&feature=related


Don't know about you, but I'm exhausted.

And better late than ever... so the lady's tell me. 8-)

Captain Haddock said...

'Kin brilliant MD ...

"Boob apron" .. the world's second worst invention after Tights .. the bastard who invented them should be strangled with 'em ..

Nothing could compare with the delight of arriving at & getting beyond the old "giggle-band" of stockings .. ;)

Captain Haddock said...

FFS ... "Colondra" ???

Bet she's well into having the back door kicked in ...   ;)

Captain Haddock said...

Mmmm .. Cheers for that Anthony .. works for me .. especially the lass in the leopard-print pants & shoes ... ;)   :)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Definitely one or two nice 'grooves' there Anthony. Thanks ;)

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Totally understand Harbi, and that's what sets 'normal' people apart from barbarians like that. The ability to draw the line and behave responsibly when the situation requires it. No less fucking angry though!

Caratacus said...

One last headline Gotty...

The famous antarctic explorer Sir Vivian Fuchs was headlined thus:

"Sir Vivian Fuchs Off To Antarctica"

microdave said...

Someone posted that last week (I can't remember where...) I took the liberty of extracting the best shots as jpegs, using VLC media player. I was surprised to find 2 single frame images amongst them. Neither worth keeping, but I wonder why they did it?  Maybe there's more subliminal advertising going on than we realise?

BRICKBAT said...

Old ginger minge´s fart valve is broken :-D

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Yep, it was supposed to have been banned long ago but I'm sure there's still plenty of it going on. Not necessarily in adverts ... if you get what I mean. I had a stab at it myeslf if you remember ......
http://www.eyetube.me/play/YouTwat/Subliminal_New_Labour

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Absolute classic!
Thanks ;)