Or. if you prefer, 'Gotty's Piss Boiler of the Week'.
It appears that Norwich County Council have the perfect solution to help bone idle teenage students achieve educational greatness, and deliver outstanding results, in the ever competitive arena of university places and/or full time employment.
The City Academy Norwich, or CAN as it's now become known.
So what the fuck will be going on in this CAN which, incidentally, is set to cost more than 24 million quid to implement? More hard graft? Longer hours? Improved discipline? Better teachers?
Nope.
They're going to give the lazy little bastards even more lie-ins and turn the classroom (oh, sorry that should be 'learning space') into a "well motivated child's bedroom" by chucking out the traditional school desks and chairs and kitting them out with bean bags, round tables and sofas. (No mention of half eaten bits of toast, dirty underwear, shit loads of make up, a roll-on deodorant mountain or soiled tissues - as yet)
And if that wasn't enough, they're not even going to bother teaching the little scrotes anymore either. Staff will 'delivering the lessons' with a 'project based approach to learning' with the aid of 'learning spaces' that have flexible walls (what. the. fuck.) and a giant 30ft interactive screen that students, staff and parents will use to access the internet and check on timetables and lessons online gaming forums.
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| click on image to read more - if your blood pressure can take it |
I don't know about anyone else but my piss has all but boiled dry, after reading that, and there are definite forehead imprints appearing on my desk as I finish conveying it in this post.
Twenty four fucking million quid! For what?
Give me fucking strength.
47 comments:
Oh, I had to link to this one :) It was six of the best with the plimsol in my day if you misbehaved, not being banished to the Naughty Sofa.
They´ve missed out a ten bag of smack and a tracksuit uniform ;)
"And if you the little ones are naughty you miss out on your ten bag and eat cold turkey sandwichs at lunchtime" =-O
ase modern punishment
According to the Telegraph, there is soon to be a GCSE in sex.
According to the Telegraph, there is soon to be a GCSE in sex.
According to the Telegraph, there is soon to be a GCSE in sex.
What the fuck! Literally. Pass mark 69%, no doubt, and an upturn in popularity for the aural French exam ;)
I don't know why they don't just cut out the middleman and hand them all pass certificates anyway. Then the poor little darlings can fester in their pit without having to bother correctly writing their name, and exam date, at the top of an A Level paper .... which appears to be all you need to do to pass these days.
*sigh*
I expect they'll be doing away with the 'Tuck Shop' and replacing it with some kind of pill popping pic 'n' mix counter. FFS!
"Learning spaces" "Delivering the lessons" "Project based approach to learning" Nothing fucks me off more than this Guardian speak Labour leftie multi-fucking-cultural diversity awareness bollocks. And now in modern shit hole muzzie-loving socialist multi-fucking-ethnic Britain Christian assemblies are being abandoned in favour of fucking diversity brainwashing trips to those hideous terrorist meeting rooms that are also known as mosques so the little shits can "learn all about Is-fucking-lam. Then in the afternoon it's more fucking lefie brain washing with them learning that it's "ok to be gay" and "you MUST NOT be homo-fucking-phobic" or "Islamo-fucking-phobic" Then on Tuesday it's learning all about "Climate fucking Change" and what fucking terrible "enviro crimes" car drivers commit! So real education is totally abandoned in favour of namby fucking pamby leftie mult fucking ethnic diversity brainwashing shit, and they say "the children are the future" Well God fucking help us!!!
Ohh yes I remember it well. The black plimsoll known as the Black Wasp because after just two it would sting like fuck for the rest of the day.
That's the timetable summed up nicely BOTR. All fine and fucking dandy if you want a New Labour promoting 'career' at the Guardian or BBC but what about the 'real' world.
This country shows no sign of becoming unfucked, anytime soon.
I took the course as a lad and now am a leading authority in fap fap fap and give self lectures to a skool of 5 (not year olds) regulary ;)
After years of practise the wife burst in and caught me at a seminar?
I said " do´nt worry it´s not about you" thats why i live alon =-X e
I know Gotty, the general population are just so fucking brainwashed and blinded by the constant diet of Labour leftie lovie political establishment propaganda that is spewed out daily by the BBC and and that toilet paper muzzie-loving rag that is the fucking Guardian "newspaper" and other controlled media!
There is a sign outside another one of these academies praising the pupils for achieving a 100% improvement in exam pass rates!! Maths was never my strong point, but it occured to me that this may simply mean 2 of them passed this year....
Too much sex causes blurred vision, and trembling fingers - is this why your posts have started repeating again?
@ <span>sixtypoundsaweekcleaner</span> - Too much sex causes blurred vision, and trembling figers - is this why your posts keep repeating??
<span>@ <span>sixtypoundsaweekcleaner</span> - Too much sex causes blurred vision, and trembling fingers - is this why your posts keep repeating??</span>
More likely to do with the amount of chardonnay I drank last night.
More likely to do with the amount of chardonnay I drank last night.
More likely to do with the amount of chardonnay I drank last night.
Everything's in triplicate? Is this a sign?
Everything's in triplicate? Is this a sign?
Everything's in triplicate? Is this a sign?
BOTR - you speak for us all, Old Horse.
The days when schools could be regarded as "seats of learning" are long gone. Crosland started it back in the sixties and every fucking one of the political shitbags who came after him has followed in his direction. And I'm allowed to say "fucking" because he did: ""If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to destroy every fucking grammar school in England, Wales and N. Ireland". The blinkered, socialist, marxist, treacherous cunt.
Huddersfield University are giving away, sorry, selling a first in welcoming aliens to the planet. Yes Gotty, welcoming aliens - and it never occured to this dumbest of all Universities that we have enough aliens in the Town already.
I understand that there will be a degree in teenage pregnancy - seems fair.
education education education, oh and a nice fucking half a million quid pad aswell.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-11309920
<p>And that fucking wanker Roy Jenkins was another one from those blinkered, socialist Marxist and treacherous stable of cunts that contributed to making this country the fucking leftie neo Stalinist shit hole it is today!
</p>
Another example of totally misleading and meaningless bollocks to enable inadequate fucktards to feel good about themselves.
At the risk of sending this conversation into the gutter (like that's ever bothered me before), are you sure you didn't mean 'semenar'? ;)
Christ on a fucking bike, whatever the fuck happened to concentrating on the 3 Rs? Oh ...... err ...... yes ..... I see now :(
An one in claiming the relevant amount of benefits too, no fucking doubt. *sigh*
This is fucking ludicrous.
A similar scheme was carried out in Kansas City, where billions more were spent "improving" the schools.
After they did that, the schools performance declined.
Which proves that simply pissing away money does nothing to solve a problem.
And beanbags? Sofas? What the fucking fuck?
<span>
<p>"The university said it had offered a "competitive package" to recruit what it described as a "top class academic and leader" as the college's new head."
Well, if he's a "top class academic" then surely he would have accrued enough cash from all his previous ligging activities to pay for the house himself. What the fucketty fucking fuck is wrong with these people? Oh, I know lets cut back on frontline policing, NHS and fire fighting staff and buy some nerdy geek a half mill house so that he can stash the cash for his retirement at aged 50.
Aaaarrrggh! Nurse, nurse, NURSE!</p></span>
<span>When will these socialist cretins realise that there is no easy way to success. Hard fucking work is what it takes. Talk about the tail wagging the twatting dog .... if I'd had suggested bean bags and sofas to my old HM, I would have had a swift 'six of the best' across the arse and told to buck my ideas up ... in no uncertain terms.</span>
I´m the steven hawking of wank science and i have cum to the conclusion "sex is good but you cannot beat a roll of toilet paper and a monitor" :)
But gotty the land is fucked =-X
Larff or cry
The Mail have the questions if you want to check your knowledge:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1313126/School-children-face-GCSE-sex-test--age-11.html
Now lets see how many times this fucker gets repeated.....
Good old six of the best. Job done, pain over, forget it. I did get twelve once for insolence:
HM: Where is your cap, boy? (Grammar school, see)
Me: Do you know sir, I've been asking myself that very question ALL morning.
Nothing was said, just an outstrecthed arm, draped partially in the black gown, finger pointed towards his office. I would say it stopped me from being a sarcastic bastard, but I rather suspect it didn't.
"'delivering the lessons' with a 'project based approach to learning' " I thought Cameron and that cunt Gove had promised to put an end to this sort of shite?
They seemed to make a good start by relabelling the derisory "Dept. for Children Schools & Families" back to the more proper Dept of Education.
did´nt we have a lovely time the day we went to bangor
a beautiful day we had lunch on the way
and on the way back i cuddled with jack
LEFTY UTOPIA
even the fins are calling the euro the eurouble
FUCKSTICKS =-X
<p><span>As multiple choice questions appear to be the accepted way in the EUSSR education cistern (no, I really did mean cistern).</span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p><p><span>Test one for lazy pieces of shit,</span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p><p><span>Question one.</span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p><p><span>Would your prefer:</span>
</p><p><span> </span>
</p><p><span>a) Cane</span>
</p><p><span>b) Public birching</span>
</p><p><span>c) Gas chamber</span>
</p><p><span> </span>
<span>Make your fucking mind up quickly or I will choose for you, if you have learning difficulties or your mum is a lesbian please go straight to c).</span></p>
Is everyone missing the point? What's the point of even having the school in the first place. it's Norwich for goodness sake! :-E
And it's not like they don't already have one Gildas. This one opened recently in Norwich at a cost of 20 million!! Have they got money to burn over there? Hmm, be interesting to know how much, for instance, their police farce budget is being cut by. Bet it's less than the total combined cost of £44 million, for these two academies ;)
These commie cunts think that kids will learn for themselves? Give me a break, when they get into the world of work from shop to graduate all the employers spend the first year getting them up to grade as their education is shit. It is staggering to believe that we have allowed this to happen and I wonder if you wanted this country to fail would you do it any differently?
GCSE in getting contraception behind your parents back
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/8008994/Teenagers-to-be-awarded-GCSE-in-sex.html
Couple of years back I was completing the Mechanical and Electical side of two new buildings for a certain Northern University. Everything was of the best, no expense spared, as is usual when it isn't the Clients money, but even the Main Contractor (the Builder) was taken aback when the deliveries of chairs commenced.
What do you mean, taken aback?
Well, each chair, designed by a team of ergonomic scientists, of course, were of the Aeron make, costing some £750.00 each, and there were three hundred and fifty-five delivered.
The General manager queried the delivery with one of the University staff, and the reply snapped back, "What do you want the students to do, sit on orange boxes?"
I started working in a school in 2001 and it was the first time I'd set foot in one in 18 years. I spent the first three weeks with my chin on the floor when confronted with the swearing, disrespect, lackadaisical attitude and poor behaviour. Attendance was so poor that rather than deal with the lazy little bleeders, the governing body moved registration to mid-morning. This meant that fewer of those who couldn't be arsed to get out of bed to get into school on time would be marked as 'unauthorised absent' on the official figures that go to the government.
Most of the teachers I came across were decidedly left of centre in their political leanings. I remember all the kids being asked to write out, on cards, what they were most proud of so it could be included in a display. One lad wrote "My Country". His tutor binned it.
No room for patriotism for the youth of Labour's Brave New World.
Don't get me wrong, teaching is a difficult job and I wouldn't do it for all the peanuts in monkey world but they have, in a lot of cases, only themselves to blame. Too many teachers want the kids to call them by the first names (to break down barriers), abhor any form of effective discipline and obsess about class sizes. Every Child Matters is the new mantra. Don't get on the wrong side of the Student Council and of course, chucking money at education like it's only just been invented is the answer to everything.
Condoms anyone? It's OK we won't tell your parents even though you're only 14...
Do you think kids are happy with all the allowances, privileges, kindness and understanding in modern education? I asked a kid once whether he liked school his answer was "Nah, it's crap. Haven't learnt anything."
Pretty much sums it up really doesn't it?
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