A wind turbine was installed at Southwell Community Primary School, Portland, about 18 months ago thanks to a grant from the Department of Energy and Climate Change and, as John Shades imagines, it probably went a bit like this:
(1) We believed you when you said CO2 was a threat,
and that windmills were part of the answer.
(2) We believed you when you said children in primary schools
should be told of climate threats.
(3) We believed you when you said our wind turbine
would kill only one bird a year.
But then renewable reality reared its ugly head.
14 dead birds in six months.
Headteacher coming in early to clean them up before the children arrived.
Children being upset by birds killed during the school day.
So ...... the wind turbine is shut down.
"We've tried so hard to be eco-friendly but now we can't turn it on."
"We can't get rid of it either because when we bought the turbine we had to apply for grants and the grant from the Department of Energy and Climate Change states that it has to stay on site for five years."
Now perhaps the teachers, having realised that (3) was in fact a total lie, will review what they have done on (2), and that will hopefully lead them back to (1) and the dawn of a shocking realisation: Humanity's CO2 has a negligible effect on climate, but it does benefit plants, and thus in due course, insects, birds, bees, herbivores, and people.
To try and put things into perspective MicroDave was despatched to Portalnd in the GottyCopter to see if he could get a picture of the big green killing machine ...... and here is what he came back with:
This is the tiny turbine that has so far killed 14 birds, mentally disturbed a school full of children and also wasted £20,000 of taxpayers money. Oh, and let's not forget, they can't get rid of the fucking thing either!
Incidentally, if you're looking for that nice bit of irony, which so often accompanies a story like this, then believe me when I say that you're not going to be disappointed this time either. Another 'tip of the turbine' goes to MicroDave for discovering who awaits you when click on to the front page of the School's own website.
You couldn't fucking make it up!