Friday, 12 June 2009

Call Centres. Aren't They Great!

Yeah right, like her name really is Tracey.

It's no wonder they put these call centres in another continent, is it?.  It's because when their employers fuck up your internet access and you have to resort to wasting your fucking time with endless calls to these so called 'customer-fucking-service-fucktard-advisors', all you want to do is throttle the fuckers. They don't listen, they stick rigidly to a bollocksy-fuck-wank of an inane script, written by a complete twat, and above all haven't got a fucking clue how to really help you.

All they CAN guarantee to do is to completely fuck you up until the blood vessels in your eyes start to pop. Then when they tell you they can't do anything to help you "at this moment in time", they have the brass neck to fucking well ask you . . . 

"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

Fuck off!
Just fuck the fucking fuckety fuck, fuck off!

That is all.

15 comments:

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Try dealing with the cunts when you have a west of scotland accent and you're trying your very best to speak the Queen's english.
Then try using the phonetic alphabet to spell out every bastard word!

Uniform Sierra Echo Lima Echo Sierra Sierra

Charlie Uniform November Tango Sierra

Shibby said...

Haha

Just wait til these people are calling you every day with unsolicited mobile phonecalls.

microdave said...

I assume you are referring to BT, if so have a read of this post at Bob's Head Revisited, and look at my comments - at least they didn't nearly kill you!

http://bobsheadrevisited.blogspot.com/2008/12/why-are-bt-so-utterly-useless.html

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Bloody hell Rab and I thought that I had problems! Btw, loving your phonetic swearing. It made 'oi larrff'!

Microdave, thanks for that. I was actually referring to Orange but B-fucking-T are just as bad. Was your experience of BT a fucking nightmare or what!
I've embedded the link here for anyone else who might like to check out your story.

Tory Poppins said...

lmfao . . .I feel your pain G.O.T!

I had a patronising "Charlie Uniform November Tango" on the phone from some back and beyond shithole talking to me as if I was about 5 years old last week. I couldn't wait to get off the phone - problem unresolved of course! ;-)

All Seeing Eye said...

Oh shit. If G.O.T. is on the loose again then TheEye is taking cover until the blood splatter has been wiped off the walls.

Fidothedog said...

I did my few years in hell working for a major bank spouting corporate shyte for a piss poor wedge each month.

Callcentres the nearest thing outside of New Labour to hell on Earth.

CryBaby said...

outsourcing to call centres. Whose bright idea was that?

Anonymous said...

Or simply do as I do and after an hour wait to get to someone who hasn't a technical clue but just reads off a prepared script and can't ennunciate clearly or understand clear questions being asked, scream as loudly as one can at the top of your lungs, thus blasting a hole in the earphones of whoever is "monitoring the call for quality control purposes", to make their ears bleed and causing "Tracy" to go silent, cry and run out of the room, permanently quitting her job in the process.

If everyone does that enough times and repeats, repeats, repeats, repeats - then soon there will be no more foreign call centers and they'll have to bring the jobs back to the countries for which the call centers are designed.

Call center rebellion.

call centres suck said...

I've worked in call centres. Their most important thing is call handling time ( CHT ) and is monitored by the bosses. Make them suffer by claiming to be partially deaf and could they speak up please. They will end up screaming in the call centre annoying the handlers around them. Lose your pen and say you're off to find it when they give you any details to write down. Tell them your 93 and isn't it marvellous that your still alive. Give them your life story aswell.
If they phone unsolicited and ask for the householder then NEVER say it's you. Say she's upstairs and could they please hold the line. Then carry on what you were doing and replace the reciever when the BT audio warning tone is heard.
Waste their time and they won't call back.

Old Bag said...

fucking wanking call centres!..as if i dont have more important things to do with my time than waste it on some indian cunt! they can all fuck the fuck off.
and virgin fucking media are the worst for this shite!..if your net develops a problem, then your fucked, basically.

Gigits said...

Fucking brilliant, mate. I had one the other day (obviously Indian) who said her name was Katie!

JasonS said...

I'm sorry but not even the horrors of dealing with an Indian call center compare to dealing with the ghetto twats who take the calls here in New York. My Time Warner internet service goes out regularly and these cunts don't stick to the script - they go "off-road" to make your experience even worse. There's nothing worse than trying to explain a technical problem to a 250lb gorilla named Shaquina who's painting her nails as she's talking. The worst of it is that this ghetto attitude is also just as evident when you call 911 with an emergency. I once called 911 to report a serious car crash and the hog on the other end did everything she could to fuck me around. She refused to listen, deliberately got the address wrong about 5 times, asked the dumbest questions imaginable ("exactly where on the sidewalk are you standing right now sir?") and then took a strop on me before saying "Ahh do not have to deal with this sheeit" and hung up. I actually had to call back to get an ambulance.

Maturecheese said...

Use UkOnline for broadband. Their call centre is in the UK,NI I think. They have been a refreshing change to the crap I've had to put up with from BT,TalkTalk(I know I should have known better)and Pipex once Tiscali took them over. 9 months with Ukonline and I'm still content with their service, a bloody record I reckon.

HeadsonPoles said...

I would.