Wednesday, 29 July 2009


I went to buy a box of Weetabix.
What a fucking performance!

1. I don't like shopping
2. I don't like supermarkets
3. What's fucking super about them
4. I don't like change

First of all I have to avoid all the morons tear arseing around with their trollies - where's the fucking fire! Nobody told me that Tesco are on the F1 Grand Prix calender.

Then there are the kids, those snotty nosed little shits with no manners whatsoever, who just seem to do and say what the fuck they like. Its no wonder when you see their chav mothers, in velour shell suit bottoms, trying to decide how many cans of vodka Red Bull to buy. Those Katona lookalike bitches make no fucking attempt to restrain those twatting little Whitney, Britney and Shitney bastards. I fucking hate 'em, mainly because those brainless tossers have got loads more money to spend than I have because they're all on fucking benefits!

Coffin dodgers!
Dithering about the place whilst conducting a master class in how to be frugal. Have you ever seen them buying one rasher of bacon, half a sausage and 3oz of tripe? At least they don't need bog roll - they're still using a commemorative copy of The Daily Telegraph that was published the Sunday after The Titanic sank!

Finally I get to the breakfast cereal aisle! No shit!
There must have been ten different types of fucking Weetabix on those shelves. What the twatting, bollocksy, fuckwank is going on here?
I just want an ordinary box Weetabix!

Weetabix Gold
Gold? Gold what? Is that why it's so fucking expensive.
Weetabix Organic
Please don't tell me it's got cow shit and sheep piss in it.
Weetabix Fruit & Fibre
If we needed a good shit we'd have had a curry last night.
Weetabix Minis
Fuck me, they make small cars out of this stuff now.
Anyone seen one on the road?
I bet they're fucking useless in the wet!
Weetabix Bitesize
What tosser decided how big a bite is then?
Kids bite? Adult Bite? Love Bite, Fucking dog bite?
Weetabix Chocolate Crisp
A kids birthday party feast all mixed up together in a bowl.
That's sure to make the little bastards puke all over their Wii.
Weetabix Honey & Nut
For fuck's sake put honey on your toast, like any normal person and scratch your nuts whilst your eating it you tossers!

Then there's all the cheap shite Tesco versions
and the Oat-a-fucking-bran-a-nutri-wank-a-flake versions.
Don't even start me on Cornflakes, Ready Brek and Special K.
Talk about a head fuck!


Ahh, at last, that's the one I'm after!

Just need to go through the checkout now
(tell you about that another time).



Rab C. Nesbitt said...

You moaning old cunt!! ;-)

Try working in a supermarket, it's ten times worse. Thats why I went on nights to get out the road of the scumbags.

Wee tip, if you like bog standard weetabix, buy the own brand. Exactly the same, made in the same factory by weetabix and costs a few bob less.

Catosays said...


You'll get old one of these days...if you don't get twatted by a granny first......pmsl

subrosa said...

Cato he sounds worse than a coffin dodger as it is, goodness knows what he'll be like when older!

You must have spent a fair bit of time blocking the aisle G.O.T. to write down all the different varieties. Unless you took photos and in that case, it's a wonder you weren't arrested. :)

Rab are all own brand cereals made my the premier selling brand? You know what I mean lol.

Dark Lochnagar said...

G.O.T. The bitesize are fucking excellent. One can bite either one or any multiple there of. Don't be such a crabbit old cunt go to Aldi where there is no-one and get a big box of their own brand at £3.25 for 80 biscuits, excellent value! Fuck Tescos, the theiving bastards!

Gigits said...

GOT - I'm loving your "silly week" rants!

Lexander said...

FFS stop eating the gut rotting stuff. Move on to Oats and grow monster balls like me. Or get home delivery organised. Bloody hells bells. Toodle pip.

moorlandhunter said...

LOL. Love your rant. Pure bile, much like myself but I tend to keep it to mayself and just go red in the face.
Express your anger people say, I only wish I could be as free as you are.
Loved it. It cheered up, this (me) red faced angry bloke, a great deal.

vervet said...

No sympathy GOT - serves you right for shopping at fucking Tesco.

Anonymous said...

Guess that's why I'm a Grumpy Old Twat.
If that cap fits then I'd better fucking wear it eh ;-)

Thanks for the top tips, I'll send Pigsy to check them out. Don't think I'll be going myself though!

Barking Spider said...

Great rant, GOT - talking about fibre, the word verification, I kid you not, is "expellie" - sounds like a polite Scottish word for shite!

Tesco sucks said...

Asda are cheaper than Tesco. And they don't keep pestering you for a fucking clubcard. Even the Co op is starting to pester you to take out a card. Save buttons on your shopping with a clubcard in return for them monitoring your life and selling your details to shitloads of other companies. GTF.
Kellogs branflakes with slices of banana on top is quite nice in the morning. With full fat milk not that watery twatting semi skimmed gnats piss.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Subrosa, the vast majority of supermarket own brand cereals are made by weetabix. Kelloggs do not make own brand.

Robin B'stard MP said...

Fuck Tesco's. You want to go shopping in Sainsburys or M&S with all those silver topped walking corpse bitching about how their pensions go nowhere whilst gleefully paying £2.50+ for 4 tins of fucking baked beans....fucking coffin dodging hypocrites!!

JasonS said...

Don't eat Weetabix. It's like MDF, you're supposed to wear a mask when cutting it. Avoid breathing in the dust.