Friday, 4 June 2010

I've Seen A Man With A Small Penis Today

A Professor has found, after extensive research, that there are two sizes of penis among English men. There are those that fall within the normal range and those which are less than two inches when erect.

The Professor has appealed for help to continue his research. So could all men in England, with extremely small penises, make themselves known over the next six weeks by flying a white flag with a red cross on it from the windows of their vehicles.

I thank you.


Oh, and while we're on the subject have you heard the wall to wall coverage on the radio today about this twat being ruled out of the tournament. No loss. Who needs an overpaid fucking 'bash street kid looky-likey' dinosaur dragging themselves around the pitch with the charisma of Gordon Brown, anyway.

Listen to me, for fuck's sake. I'm beginning to sound like I give a fuck about the World Cup. I hate bastard football and all it's over paid pre-madonna fucktards.

Fuck me, it's still 10 days away and the pundits are already wetting themselves over the slightest mention of it. Christ knows what it'll be like when it actually starts. Fucking sick of it and it's not like we're going to win anyway . . . .  not after this incident, eh.

33 comments:

RantinRab said...

I fucking LOVE the pic!!

JJ said...

You insensitive bastard...I've had to take my flags off the car!

Anonymous said...

Its the ones without flags we should really worry about,you
know ,the non committed type,the
ones who keep themselves to
themselves,the ones who do their
"own thing",the ones who dont like getting involved,the loners with
good typing skills and a surplus of opinons.

No Car
No Flags
Still English

Indyanhat said...

ROTFLMAO, well done GOT, I too hate the football tribe and all its stupidity...excellent post!!!

Anonymous said...

with any luck a volcano will erupt in blackland and they'll all be stranded south of the equator till christmas or beyond

Dazed And Confused said...

It's just fucking embarrassing to wear anything with your Country of origin plastered all over it, either here or fucking abroad, and Id rather eat razor blades than do so.

However, the Socialist left detest the English so much, that on the Internet only, I'm quite happy to bang the drum of being "English" just as so that these odious fuckers can shout their one sized fits all "Racist" allegation, that blindly follows the mere mention of where most of us are from.

Just think U.A.F. ,,,,,,Comrade Martin Smith brags that he sleeps soundly at night, under his Soviet flag eiderdown.

I do hope he never smothers himself.

rinky stingpiece said...

Well I'm a Scot, and the last Japanese girl who tossed my caber referred to it as "dekai"; I won't translate, it's bad enough you have to live in England.

On the upside, I'm putting money on England v Brazil for the final (South Africa tactfully losing to fellow darkies).
The reason is nothing to do with form or talent, but the blatent corruption and commercial interests of these international tournaments.
England has the next Olympics; Brazil has the next World Cup, ergo, they will be in the final for marketing reasons... Greece v Portugal anyone? I was in the far east watching the obscene bribed refereeing there in 2002... it's not about sport old bean; just money.

Anonymous said...

Dazed and Confused - why don't you just come out and admit that you are a fifth columnist lefty cunt?

You fucking quizling! Associating yourself with decent right wing bloggers when really you are nothing but a stooge of new liebour. You fucking wanker with your shit blog and pathetic videos and shit. Go fuck yourself cunt!

Who do you want as liebour leader? I bet you want Abbot, dont you you fucking little faggot cunt!

Dazed And Confused said...

Has McEgan found his way over here G.O.T.?

Holborns banned the cunt.

Ampers said...

Hahahah... Lovely...

No need to get involved. The Springboks will win.

Ag Man, Ek is nie "biased" nie, I just know the best team will win :-)

What amuses me is that there are thousands of tickets unsolved because the English are worried about South Africa being dangerous.

Here is a litmus test. If you have the courage to go to Hackney, Tower Hamlets or Neasden in the evening, then nothing in South Africa will phase you at all.

Like cities all over the world, if you are street wise and know where to go, then South Africa is as safe as Glasgow on a Saturday night...

Corrugated Soundbite said...

Don't worry Anon, I'm reasonably sure I can testify that D&C is no friend of New Labour.

Incidentally, I quite like football. Can't be fucked with the Premier League and the money grubbing cheating cunts at the top, but as someone who has played at a reasonable level in non-league amateur football, I do like to get around and watch a proper match (when I'm not working or watching cricket, anyway). Can't get decent grub at the big clubs anyway ;-)

Dazed And Confused said...

Anon:

Id fucking love Dianne Abbott to become New Labour leader, and failing that I'm backing Ed Balls.

They've got absolutely fucking no chance of winning an election with those cunts at the helm.

There again if you say that I'm a "Red", I must be......

Lord what you learn on the Internet these days.

Barking Spider said...

Great fucking pic, Gotty, I love it, mate, sums up my feelings on the subject perfectly!

I've got to agree with you CS, D&C a closet red? Someone's got the wind up them and that is just pa-fucking-thetic!

Dark Lochnagar said...

Gtters, great pic. It might reappear over on mine at some time in the next six weeks. Personally, I don't see what's wrong with flying your country's flag, even if it is a bit chavvy. That's what's wrong with the English, they have no pride in their country.

Anonymous said...

I have often seen middle aged men on tv dressed in football shirts and often wearing "funny" supporters hats being interviewed before and after a match. And each time I am amazed, puzzled and sometimes very envious that grown men can be so excited at the prospect of watching highly paid young men kicking a ball about.
On several occasions I have tried watching matches on tv, listened carefully to the pundits comments etc. but within minutes I have been wishing I was watching paint dry. A shameful confession I know, perhaps I should come out and seek therapy.

Conan the Librarian™ said...

Is there some sort of tournament going on?

Captain Haddock said...

Dark Lochnagar said...

"Personally, I don't see what's wrong with flying your country's flag, even if it is a bit chavvy. That's what's wrong with the English, they have no pride in their country" ..

I have no problem with patriotism, per se .. and consider myself an English patriot ..

However, these idiotic faux-patriots are purchasing & flying flags of a non-existent country called "Engur-land" .. where the fuck in the Atlas is that then ?

They get overcome by this peculiar desire to fly & wave flags, but only on a somewhat strange four year cycle .. most of these pretend "patriots" couldn't tell the difference between patriotism and parsnips ..

As for not having pride in one's country .. well, whose fault is that ? ..

When one's country, culture, identity and very right to exist has been ruthlessly stamped on & all but extinguished over the past 13 years ..

When one's country has been relentlessly parcelled out to every "Abdul", "Tomasz" or "Mohammed" who comes knocking ..

When English history i.e. 1066 & all that is no longer taught in English schools ..

When there are classes of children in English schools where English is the minority language & English children the minority pupils ..

I doubt more than 2 out of 10 of these so-called, flag-wagging "patriots" could name the date & location of the last battle fought on British soil ..

Furthermore DL (no personal offence intended) the root cause of all the things I've mentioned so far can be firmly laid at the door of people from your side of the border ..

I most assuredly have no pride whatsoever in what my country has been forced to become ..

Besides which, I reckon Football is a game played by Thugs, supported by the Brain-stem dead & financed by Villains ..

RantinRab said...

Captain,

If I may retort to your accusation that it is our (Scots) fault that the English have no pride in their country.

Wrong, it is your own fault. You allowed your country to be fucked up and it's about time you did something about it.

Captain Haddock said...

Rab ..

I do take your point .. but would respectfully mention that the government of the past 13 years has been predominantly of the "Caledonian" persuasion .. its they & the brainless wankers who voted them into and kept them in power who've fucked my country up ..

It was they who deemed that my country's patron Saint was null & void .. and so politicised the Police to the extent that people waving those very same St Georges flags in Boston, Lincs were arrested on the grounds of "aggravating racial tension" ..

The very same, Scottish dominated government who so hated the English that they did everything in their power to make us second-class citizens in our own country .. not a huge step away from ethnic cleansing in fact ..

I apologise if you drew the inference that I blame the Scottish people as a whole .. I don't & have spent many happy times in Scotland, both as a holiday-maker & whilst serving in my country's Armed Forces ..

Anonymous said...

Interesting blog, although I can't really say I agree with all of it. I decided to read this after being sent the link to this post by my father. I was amused to see the attitude that some people have towards football as a whole, and disappointed as well at the openly racist remarks added in, i assume, 'for good measure'.

I enjoy football, playing it and watching it. Do i think that people should be paid such high sums to play a game they supposedly love, no. Because I enjoy the sport I appreciate how some people are just gifted at it, like i appreciate how composers such as Bach are gifted.

I'm looking forward to the world cup, and a chance to see the multitude of games on TV for free. Not wanting to spend the money on Sky or make the trip to a sullen pub to get my fill at weekends (apart from to see Villa whom I have supported since a young boy) I welcome the chance to see some on normal TV.

I agree, to an extent, with the Captains views on patriotism and the fact that it has been bled out of the country bit by bit. The PC brigade caused it and I would have to lay the blame at the previous government for this, although I would say that it is also the fault of people that have complained about how we present our culture and when and whom to.

I don't believe that it has been an influence our Scottish neighbours that has led to this either, but more of incorrect reaction to the realisation that there is now a vast range of cultures in the country that has only increased in recent years. I don't believe that it should lead to English history and culture not being taught in schools, the schools are there to teach about the country they are in, otherwise how will these children ultimately understand the culture that they are entering?

My final point that I wanted to add was that of comments made with regards to race. Reading comments which openly suggest racism from the individual is surprising on a blog that seems to be read by many people, but also disappointing. I guess I should really take my HoD's view and lower my expectations of people to the lowest level so that I may be surprised if they are better.

Jeremy

Captain Haddock said...

What continues to perplex me is why do grown men insist on wearing a football shirt with another man's name on the back .. What's that all about then ?

winston smith said...

rinky i think your japanese is a bit rusty . the word t you were looking for is chitcha !!!!!!!!!!!! lol cdnt resist !!

thespecialone said...

I have just seen that Martin Smith clip. What a fucking dickhead. Who is he anyway? I was interested to read the list of other speakers. This included someone from the CWU. I wonder if your average postie knows that their leaders detest Britain? I also noticed that Smith mentioned the people of India whether they like the British flag. Well I live opposite a couple of families of Indian descent. They love it here and have a very good life. I also work with Brits of Indian descent. One young man in particular is a keen cricketer. Who does he support in matches between India and England? Smith you fucking twat he supports England.

Captain Haddock said...

Stupid drivers forced to display white flags with red cross

Under new proposals to improve road safety during the summer season when traffic levels on Britain’s roads peak, the government has rolled out plans under which the stupidest drivers in England will have to identify themselves by displaying distinctive red and white flags on each side of the car. In extreme cases, more than two flags will need to be carried.

‘This is not discrimination, it is common sense’ said new Transport Minister Norman Baker MP. ‘Some aggressive young men with brains the size of sweetcorn are a dangerous menace on our roads. With this requirement in place, at least other drivers and pedestrians will be able to see them coming.’

Emergency legislation has been brought in to require all those defined as boy racers, pillocks and half-wits to display the flags from today until the end of July. If successful, the safety scheme may be extended indefinitely.

Some commentators have questioned the government's legal definition of ’stupid drivers’ which a leaked memo reveals as ‘all builders, scaffolding workers, road diggers and delivery men, "Sun" readers and any other male who has a tattoo of any description’


In a separate development, the government’s clampdown on loutish behaviour has seen a clampdown targetted at young males wearing football shirts in public. The guidelines caused a delay to the kick off in the England friendly last night after twenty-two men were detained by police in the Wembley area.


P.S ... Just couldn't resist "borrowing" this from "Newsbiscuit" & suitably editing ..

Dazed And Confused said...

@ thespecialone

Martin Smith is the leader of the Socialist Workers Party, and along with Weyman Bennett, joint leader of the U.A.F.

A truly wholesome Comrade, I'm sure you'll agree.

Not!!!!

Anonymous said...

GOT M8 Barking and Japs eye!
Just hung a fucking massive union jacker off the end of my tiny flag pole(that makes me inverted and fisting), (and i am expecting a numb nut german cunt to knock on the front door to tell me i have hung it upside down)(surrounded)CUNTS!
I´ll be watching it with an old sweaty sock(bed and breakfast team) in a pub full of sausage eaters and having a crack!
As for the politicos on your blog m8 they can fuck right off! ;o)
PS Top man
BRICKBAT HAMBURG

Captain Haddock said...

Oh dearie, dearie me ..

I always knew that "Care in the Community" was doomed to failure ..

rinky stingpiece said...

@"Jeremy
5 June 2010 10:53"

Jeremy, you're a conceited shithead.

Don't try and allude to superior intellect by inserting "HoD" in there.
I've met plenty of idiots with PhDs, your delusions of intellectual grandeur will be your undoing.
Trying to wrap up your own agenda in condescending pseudointellectual blather is more than disappointing - it's pathetic.

There is nothing racist about anything, because race doesn't exist you plonker (and that is well-established academic consensus btw).

It is perfectly right and normal that indigenous culture and language is only what is taught at school, as it is anywhere else in the world.
As a school gavna in a school with many foreign pupils, I am intimately aware that their parents absolutely do *not* buy into (or even understand) the middle-class urban Guardianista self-loathing over pride in indigenous culture.
These people come here precisely because they want to experience that culture! They hate it when they arrive in the place and get the embarrassing barrage of focus on their culture... they are human just like you and I; and just like you and I they go abroad to experience something completely different from their own culture - that's what makes the experience interesting and worth having.
It's bigoted inverted racists (I'm only using the word because you will understand it) like you who are doing immense damage to our country and our identity by creating an atmosphere that makes people afraid to celebrate their ancient autochthonous (genetically haplogroup R1a & I) germano-ibero-celtic ethnic identity: their blood, in other words.
The damage you (and Billy Bragg, and the BBC and Labour party) do in destroying that identity that you so earnestly desire every single other of the 7,280+ unique ethnic identities on the planet, EXCEPT your own people, to celebrate, plays into the hands of corporate elites for whom culture and identity are economic inconveniences. Once you destroy an identity (as the Japs attempted in Korea; and as the Chinese and Indonesians are attempting today in their own remote colonies), you make it easier to dehumanise people and shift them about to suit grand plans as fascists like to.

You are in fact a crypto-racist, because you are essentially treating foreigners as different life-forms to your own people, because whilst you're happy to toddle off round Peru, India, and do charidy work in Malawi and Guatemala, you are seeking to deny foreigners the same experience of immersing themselves in a culture that they have probably fallen in love with from afar, by strangling it out of misguided and misconceived self-hate.

So in short... fuck off and die, you thick cunt.


"@ winston smith said...
rinky i think your japanese is a bit rusty . the word t you were looking for is chitcha !!!!!!!!!!!! lol cdnt resist !!"

Nope, your missus has been strokin' your ego.
I'm a repeat offender and recipient of a definite "Wa!...su-ge- De-ka-!" I've got the vid if you want it ;)

banned said...

It hardly needs saying that England flags are the preserve of white van man and his mates in cars, you never see one on a Porsche or a Rolls. What is even more obvious is that bedecking the house in one or several flags is only done in council estates, never in middle class suburbs.

This is not really to do with football at all but they have realised that just this once white working class men can make a last ditch stand to reclaim their fucked up country and neighbourhoods from the multi-culti-cunts and diversity mongers who, natch, don't live on council estates but use their Quango blood money to fund idle lifestyles in nice houses from which to sneer at any neighbour who might consider flying such a flag.

Incidentaly, I heard on the radio of a school that had attempted to put an England flag on its flagpole only to be told to take it down by some jobsworth prick on the grounds that it constituted "advertising", roll on Davenicks acadamies.

Anonymous said...

MAY THE BEST MAN WIN?

BRICKBAT

Anonymous said...

For old albert james?
OLD BERT JAMES and my pocket money!
VALIANT THE VICTOR AND THE TOPPER?
ALL FOR THE BURMA MEN?
FUCKSTICKS
FUCK THE KRAUTS
BRICKBAT
AND BERT JAMES

Sgt Pepperspray said...

I was walking home from the beer shop yesterday and a young tart was parked up, she did not have an England flag on her car but she had a Greenflag Sticker. Being a bit wankered I was confused and remembering this article asked her if she had a small penis. She told me to fuck off and her boyfriend got out of the car. I had no option but to defend myself and promptly opened a bottle of Nukey Brown on his head. I wish he would have been Martin Smith because I have nominated him on isacunt and so far have not had the opportunity to cunt the cunt. And that Rubberfaced Black fuckwit Bennett who is shagging Billy Ballbragg should fuck off with his nazi scum off our streets rhetoric, I wish I had a Tardis then I would travel back to 1939 in Berlin and see how he got on back then.

mark said...

Oh my!

http://www.expressandstar.com/news/2010/06/07/footballs-coming-home-to-daves-roof/