Nick Clegg To Sack Danny Alexander?

Bearing in mind the latest story in The Telegraph regarding Danny Alexander's aversion to paying CGT, I thought I'd remind Nick Clegg of what he said on the subject during the 1st Leaders' Debate.

The key phrase is at 1:01 .......

Fuck me, this is getting way beyond parody.

Over to you then Nick.

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+++ Breaking Bye Laws +++

What a fucking shame, it appears that David Laws has been outed for the second time within 24hours. Sky News has just reported that 'get the fuck out' letters have been exchanged this evening between the 40k gay trougher and 10 Downing Street.

Once again, cue the 'fat poof' who is terribly sad apparently.

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The Laws According To David

A spouse is not a spouse when you are paying your 'landlord' £950 a month (of tax payers' money) to rent a room in a house where you live with your gay partner...... who is also your 'landord'.

Don't worry though, now that David Laws has been found out he has of course immediately declared, in traditional honour amongst thieves fashion, "I regret this situation deeply, accept that I should not have claimed my expenses in this way and apologise fully."

Change the fucking record you thieving bastards!

Come on then Cleggeron let's see if you can grow a pair of balls between you, let's see if you really want to clean up Parliament then shall we. David Laws must be sacked immediately. No dilly dallying, no waiting to see what David Lyons has to say, no pontifi-fucking-cation while you wait for the fuss to die down, just fucking do it.

New broom, sweep clean ...... or the whole miserable lot of you really will be tarred with the same sleazy brush. No second chances, prove us all wrong. Show us that we were wrong, all along, in thinking that nothing has changed except the names in charge of what IS STILL a sleaze ridden and corrupt Houses of Parliament.

If you don't, there'll be a fucking riot.

Incidentally, was it a coincidence that David Laws pulled out of QT last week? Oh, and it appears that the fat poof is playing the 'gayer' card again. Why else would he 'come out' in full support of a duplicitous dick sucker?

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Now That's What I Call A Mind Fuck

+++ Diane Abbott Leadership Campaign Poster Launch +++

Do you know, I found myself beginning to feel a bit sorry for Diane Abbott this morning. Not too much, just a tiny bit you understand, after all she is your typical left wing Labour fucktelle. Even so, she appears to be lagging well behind in the 'race' to become the next leader of the Champagne Swilling Socialist Party.

Bringing up the rear, Diane has only received 2 nominations so far out of a required 33 if she is to make it to the ballot paper. Way out in front are the two Miliprat boys with Banana Custard on 59 and Little Big Brother's Even Littler Little Brother on 48, so plenty of fans down at the school tuck shop for that pair of snotty nosed kids then. The remaining cuntenders are filling in the gaps with John McLefty on 5, Maybeliene Man on 15 and Gordon Brown Balls with 25.

So, as I was saying, I felt a tiny weeny bit sorry for the London Loon and decided to try and give her campaign a shove from behind with the benefit of suitably 'outside of the box' campaign poster. All FOC and everything. I do hope she likes it and doesn't find it too sexist or racist or anything ........

click image to enlarge it but it's probably big enough already

No need to thank me for all my hard work Diane, that's just the kind of guy I am, always thoughtful of others and willing to help out whenever I can. Oh, and you might find this catchy slogan rather useful too, whilst you're out on the hustlerings........

Butt Not Balls!

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Facebook Launches Simplified Privacy Settings

More here

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++Helen Newlove To Be Given Tory Peerage++

What the fuck is all that about then?

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Fergie Fun

Following on from the Sarah Ferguson sting,
by the NOTW, here's a couple of 'sympathetic'
images that you might enjoy ;-)

click to enlarge

via GOT blog regular ..... Microdave

www.prezza.org.uk

The Eye that sees all, recently sent me a tip off that soon to be Lord Prescott of Pies, Chips and Mushy Peas has just launched a brand new webshite, to promote his nomination for Treasurer of the Labour Party.

Basically it's a blog* where Pork Pie Prezza can spout shite, between mouthfuls,  and which also allows for mentally sub normal Labour types to hit the "Nominate Me" button. Comments are on but rather predictably so is the moderation. I've had a couple of attempts at using my right to freedom of speech but without any success so far. See if you can do better here.

Failing that, if you have a Twitter account, why not drop him a 140er using his shiny new hashtag #prezza4treasurer, he's very proud of it and I'm sure he'd like you to get in touch ;-)

Meanwhile, here's my typically gottish take on Prezza's webshite front page:

click image to read the small print

If you fancy having a go at the pie troughing cunt yourselves .....
here's a handy blank template:

Leave a link to your versions in the comments or email them in to me and I'll post a few of the best ones. By best, of course, I mean the most fucking insulting ;-)


* A blog set up by those nice people at GameChanger, who mainly consist of MD David Prescott (??) and that familiar pair of 'failed-to-be-elected-as-a-Labour-MP' fuckwits Alex Hilton and Tom Miller. Wonder where the funding came from for all that then?

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Lib ConFused.com

Is it just me or does anyone else feel a bit confused dot com, about the political leanings of the 'cure all coalition' of Dick and Dom  Ant and Dec  Laurel and Hardy  Morecombe and Wise  The Chuckle Brothers Dave and Nick?

We appear to have a Conservative PM who thinks he's Tony Blair 2 and who is quietly leaning further to the left than my Aunty Eileen (whose left peg is 3 inches shorter than the right), and then there's the Deputy Dawg PM. For a so called 'more-in-common-with-Labour' Liberal Democrat he seems awfully Conservative these days ...... dontcha think?

Don't get me wrong, I'm damn well over the fucking moon that Gordon 'the cuntry fucker' Brown has had his fingernails removed from the No.10 door jambs with a plasma cutter. So ...... perhaps I'm just being a grumpy old twat ...... ungrateful and a bit over critical, about the early efforts of Duplicitous Dave and Notonyernelly Nick?

Maybe it's a question of wait and see because, after all, if I was really disillusioned I might have considered checking out another comparison webshite instead ......

Incidentally, my lovely old gran once told me that .....
'two wrongs don't make a right'.

Now she was a proper Conservative ;-)

I miss her.

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Coalition Repeal Bill

On May 19th, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg announced what has been dubbed 'The Great Repeal Bill' with this promise:

"And as we tear through the statute book, we'll do something no government ever has: We will ask you which laws you think should go."

Dicky P would like to make sure we that we have as many people as possible, ready to roll, just in case Nick totally astounds us by actually turning his words into actions.

Please consider joining this Facebook Group.

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Everyone Draw Mohammed

Well apparently everyone's talking about 'Everyone Draw Mohammed Day' but fortunately, for the pig shy prophet, I just haven't had the fucking time to come up with anything new..... so this old one will have to do instead ;-)

Alarmist Headline of the Decade

The headline in question was written nearly 3 years ago and considering it's the most fucking ridiculous piece of global warming, alarmist, scaremongering bollocks that I've ever seen, I can't believe it didn't come to light a tad sooner:

Over 4.5 billion people could die from Global Warming related causes by 2012

It carries on to say "..... as planet Earth accelarates [sic] into a greed-driven horrific catastrophe"

What the fuck!

So let me get this right, there are 6.7 billion people in the World and 4.5 billion of them are going to die because we've had the odd barbecue summer or two (or not as the case may be). All those people are going to die within 5 years because they couldn't be fucked to drive a Prius* or switch their Sky+ box off standby?

The not-so-easily-shockable Anthony at WUWT
ain't too fucking impressed either.

Shit! I've just remembered that this story is 3 years old so now we only have 2 years left to pay all those billions of pounds of green taxes to our Governments because that's the only thing they say will save us.

Quick! Quick! Run the fuck around now!

Yeah right.

*I reckon more people have died just because they HAVE bought a Prius.
Take this example for instance ..... death by 13amp plug ;-)

Asking A Stupid Question . . .

. . . will invariably get you an equally stupid answer. I heard a perfect example of that today courtesy of Victoria Derbyshire on her BBC 5 Live radio program today, at about 11.15:

You gotta larrf aintcha!

Now I'm not that bothered she asked a stupid question or that she had a crib sheet for Mastermind, or that she stole her best friend's husband and then her job . . . . Victoria is hot ;-)

The Coalition Tankard

I first caught sight of this 'check it 3 times it looks like a fucking wind up' advert for a coalition commemorative tankard wankard mug, over at Lakey's place, a couple of days ago. He kids us not that this is a genuine product and not one of his excellent photoshopping efforts .......

I was still not convinced. It's a joke right? I mean, who the fuck in their right mind would want one of these vomit inducing pieces of china on their sideboard? It's just so fucking wrong on so many levels, not least the jaw dropping price of £29 -fuckin-95, plus p+p of course.

I was so fucking nauseous that I couldn't even be arsed to do a pisstake 'shop' of the thing, on the grounds that I didn't care too much for picking the carrot chunks out of my keyboard whilst I was working on the image.

However, all that changed when Anna posted a copy of the original advert and with it an invitation to submit an alternative version of the gruesome twosome tankard. A challenge is a challenge, right?

grab a sick bag before you click the image to enlarge

Don't even talk to me about photoshopping the Gordon Brown wankard, the strapline was enough to send me into orbit. Anyway, I've done more than my fair share of that twat already and I just can't take anymore of his ugly mug.

True Lies

click image to enlarge

Inspiration from Fausty via TBY

Sexist Advert of the Week

The righteous PC brigade can fuck the fuck off!

It 'made oi larrf' and that's all that matters here ;-)

via MicroDave

Arise Lord Pies

Gordon Brown has yet to decide when his resignation peerages will be published but a close ally has said "The Team Gord list of Lord and Lady fuckwits includes John Prescott and Sue 'blame me for bigotgate' Nye. it's just a question of when McSnotty feels like taking the piss and releasing it".

Other names rumoured to be included are Ruth Kelly, Des Browne and Anna Healey. Ms Healey, who has most recently fagged for Harriet Harman, is the wife of John Cruddas who is expected to join the Labour Party leadership contest. Oh, and let's not forget that Ms Nye's husband, Gavyn Davies, is a former investment wanker banker and chairman of the BBC and a one time landord of Gordon's partner in grime .......... Lord Lob On of Fondleboys.

Give me fucking strength!

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Ed and David, Which Is Which?

Rather predictably, Ed Miliband has thrown his twat hat into the ring for the race(?) to be the new leader of the New/old/progressive/dead in the water Labour Party. He joins his brother David, the jug eared creator of wet dreams for the slack jawed Hilary Clinton (*puke*).

I say predictably because the Labour Party desperately need to raise some sort of interest in an otherwise 'no one gives a flying fuck about Labour anymore' leadership election. So.... which is which when it comes to the brothers twat? Here's a handy cut out and keep guide for you to pin up on the pub dart board tonight, before it closes due to the smoking ban and the hike in alcohol prices .......

Personally, I'm looking forward to Ed 'blinky' Balls joining the battle to replace the one eyed fuckwit (what is it with Labour and eye probelms?) and I hope he wins. I really do. That'll guarantee that the next election is as good as lost already.

Oh, and look out for a dark horse coming up on the rails. Nick Clegg likes to cover all eventualities so it wouldn't surprised me if that flip flopping fuckwit decided to run for Labour leader too. Just in case.

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Filthy Rich and Cat Flap

"Will I ever join with the conservative party?

No. I refuse to be merely an annex of another government."

Nick Clegg 2008

Today's Guardian Front Page Typo

original here

Any Final Words For Gordon . . .

. . . before I start on Dave Cleggeron and Nick Camerlegg who are currently involved in a 'let's-see-if-we-can-grow-a-pair-between-us' love in. There's got to be a caption or two in this picture somewhere..... Snotty, the wicked witch, two little boys (fnarr) plus Balls, bad Al and Lordy Bumcheeks who are clapping and gurning like the fuckwit fucktards that they all are, until the bitter end ......

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John Terry Injury ++Exclusive Photo++

England defender John Terry's participation in Saturday's FA Cup Final, and the World Cup, could be in jeopardy after the Chelsea captain suffered an injury to his right foot during training. Exclusive pic taken by a WAG who was watching at the time......

Ouch! That's going to sting a bit

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Theresa May Jacqui Did

David Cleggaron has been busy announcing his new Cabinet this morning and Theresa May is only the second ever woman to be appointed as Home Secretary . . .

Gordon Brown : The Very Best Bits

+++What The Fuck++++

 

Rumours that Paddy Pantsdown to be new Defence Secretary.

 (Ross Kemp unavailable due to SAS commitments)

So that'll be fuck you then, Liam Fox.

 Coalition going well so far then.

Who won the most seats?

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Gordon Quits As PM : Fire Up The Quattro

Gordon Brown is all set to resign as the unelected, snot gobbling, mono eyed, pill popping, pant wetting, economy fucking, war mongering, bully boy of a prime mentalist.

About fucking time.

Word has it that he will be making an official statement this evening and, within 24 hours, he will quit politics altogether just like that other lying fuckwit Tony Blair did. Harriet Harman is set to be caretaker leader of the Labour Partyin opposition.

So...... Dave Cameron will be off to the Palace and Nick Clegg will be, err, um, well fuck knows what he'll be doing but I can't see Georgie Boy letting Vince Cable anywhere near Number 11.

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Lib Lab Con Coalition

David Cameron Launches New Poster Campaign

The fence sitting Nick Clegg has done nothing but flip flop all over Westminster, for the last few days, in an attempt to have the entire electorate dictated to by the winners of 50 odd seats. Now, we are faced with the real prospect of Gordon Brown remaining as a prime mentalist for another 4 months followed by yet another unelected Prime Minister when David Milliband or Harriet Harman take over. David Cameron (not for the first time) needs to grow a fucking pair and take control of this ridiculous situation. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fan, but his party did win the most seats didn't they? I'm sick of Nick, Dave must be sick of Nick and we're all fucking sick of Labour.

Get it sorted Dave... and quick.

h/t lawson for the  poster

Adam Boulton V Alastair Campbell ++Video++

Car crash TV as Alastair Campbell winds up Adam Boulton, live on Sky TV, who then totally loses it. Real anger as Adam gives Alastair both barrels after he puts words in his mouth.

Well worth a watch .......

Gordon Brown Resigns ++Video++

Gordon Brown has started the scramble for a new leader of the Labour Party and left the door wide open for a Lib Lab coalition.
My bet still looks safe then ;-)

More later ........

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Rare Unbiased Edition of BBC News

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sky News Is Shit

So they say, and "Sack Kay Burley, watch the BBC", are the chants from protesters, during a live broadcast on Sky News this afternoon. Who are these protesters and why are they doing it? Have a look at the following clip and keep an eye open for the placards in the background. That'll give you a clue.

'Fair Votes Now'. Yes, that's right. The very same people who were involved with the protest outside the LibDem meeting in Smith Square today. The very same people that were part of the #takeitback demonstration, that confronted Nick Clegg, insisting that Proportional Representation is included with any Conservative Party negotiations. Now why would that be? And who is that woman interviewed during the demonstration, by the BBC?

Her name is Pam Giddy, she is a director of Power 2010. You remember them don't you? They're were the supposedly democratic reform group that contacted everyone in the right wing blogosphere, telling us to get involved. Pam Giddy's boss is Helena Kennedy, a good friend of Julia Middleton. Yes, she of Common Purpose infamy. Then there's the 'old friend' of the conservative and libertarian blogosphere, Neil Lees (aka UKFightback), a UAF and New Labour communist who is also heavily involved in Power 2010. Here's a screen grab of a comment that he left on this post today:

Two other names of note, that are associated with Power 2010, are Billy Bragg and BBC reporter fuckwit Robert Peston. 'Nuff said. Oh, and Billy Bragg was also clearly visible at the 'Fair Votes Now' demo, today. Since when has that lefty fucktard been a LibDem then? 

So where does that leave us?

In conclusion, I'm going to stick my neck out and say this......... it is a blatant and well co-ordinated attempt by the Labour Party, and their supporters, to deliberately disrupt the 'hung parliament' discussions between the LibDem's and Conservatives. They are hoping to force the issue on PR, hoping the talks will break down due to the fact that Gordon Brown has already offered it and David Cameron is very reluctant.

As for Sky, we all know that the the Labour left have a mutual hate for all things Rupert Murdoch and the BBC aren't going to complain either. After all, David Cameron wants to abolish the licence fee, doesn't he?

As for me, I would like to see true Democracy in this country and some sort of PR must surely be the way to go, but at the price of jumping into bed with lefty commo fuckwits? I don't fucking think so.

However, there are always two sides to an arguement and OH has a very different opinion on the matter.

What say you?

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I've Won The National Lottery Jackpot!

Dear Mr Camelot

Myself, my son and my neighbour all bought lottery tickets for last Wednesday night's draw. Unfortunately none of us had sufficient winning numbers to be declared the jackpot winner. However we each had 2 winning numbers. By pooling the numbers on our tickets we have between us all 6 winning numbers.

I have spoken to my son and my neighbour and we have agreed to share our numbers. When can we expect to be declared the winners and receive our winnings?

Yours
Deniersaurus-Rex

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Incidentally, if you do manage to win a few quid on the lottery this week, then why not think about investing in one of these handy ballot machines ;-)

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Gordon Brown Begs Clegg In Downing Street Speech

click pic to see Gordon Brown's speech notes

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Highlight of Election Night ++Update++

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

General Election Results +++LIVE BLOG+++ Come And Join Us

The Death of Gordon Brown and Labour

The excitement is building, here at G.O.T. Towers, as the big day has now finally arrived. The day when the unelected, snot gobbling, mono eyed, pill popping, bigot baiting, prime mentalist, Gordon Bully Boy Brown finally gets wiped out. Along with his beloved and much hated Labour Party.

The smell of political death is in the air and the stench gets ever more pungent as the day goes on. Bwaahahahahaha, not long to go now until the Big Sleep . . . . and then there's the funeral tomorrow.

Now that'll be fun.

I'm off to vote/write something suitably Gottish on my ballot paper and will no doubt be my usual self, if any of those clip board fuckwits approach the Grumpy Old Twat after he exits the polling station. Cue the now customary 'tut-tuts' from Pigsy when she has to accompany me on such occasions.

Never mind, I'll make it up to her later ...... I'll let her pop down to the Wine Shop with a shopping list so that she can pick up my vital supplies for tonight. Now where did I put my wallet. Oh dear, sorry luv, can't seem to lay my hands on it at the moment. Good job I'm in an excellent mood today ..... I'll even let her pay as well.

I'm just too fucking nice sometimes ;-)

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Election Night LIVE BLOG

It's almost here...the night that should see only the second change of a ruling party in the UK since 1979.

We'll be hosting another LiveBlog; this time starting when the polls close at 10pm and finishing when the last Moderator expires from alcohol poisoning or falls asleep in the early (or not so early) hours of the morning.

Will Balls get castrated?
Will Jacqui get porned?
Will Hazel get squirreled away?
Will Gordon finally fuck the fucking fuck off?

Oh, and just out of interest, you can find the declaration times for 2005 right here.

This mega election night 10 blog 'chat' collaboration will be hosted by All Seeing Eye, Barking Spider, Biased-BBC, Corrugated Soundbite, Dick Puddlecote, Governmentitus, GrumpyOldTwat, Man Widdecombe, Subrosa and The Red Rag, - all excellent and highly recommended blogs. Check 'em out!

Join us for a night of high drama and hilarity tomorrow night at 10.00pm, as soon as the polls close.

Nigel Farage Plane Crashes ++Update++

Sky News are reporting that a light aircraft carrying Nigel Farage, has crashed in Northamptonshire. He has been injured but apparently walked away from the crash. The pilot is being cut from the wreckage.

What the fuck is going on?

Unlucky coincidence or something else?

+++UPDATE+++

Guido is reporting that Farage has been taken to the Horton General Hospital in Banbury. The pilot is being taken to a specialist spinal injuries hospital in Coventry.

Eyewitnesses told how the pilot and Mr Farage were in the front seat of the plane when it banked and the promotional banner became tangled around the tail fin causing it to plummet to the ground.

Sky News report here.

G.O.T. sends his very best wishes for a speedy recovery

++ It's Official : A Hung Parliament ++ UPDATED

Why else would Nick Clegg suddenly need to have his official security detail so dramatically upgraded? In this short clip, which I captured from the BBC News Channel this evening, I counted at least five of them (that's the guys in the dark suits and the left hand lapel badges). Two in front of him and three following behind. They weren't there yesterday.

Anyone seen if Dave has had his security personnel upgraded yet?

These are the kind of indications that give us a clue as to what people in the know are thinking. So ...... presumably Gordon Brown's spooks have fucked off down the pub ;-)

Oh, and don't forget .......

++++UPDATE++++

There were six !

Katabasis was there and he had one of them with him the whole time. Find out why in the comments below ........

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Leaders' Wives Election Special

Samantha Cameron, Sarah Brown and Miriam Gonzalez Durantez star in this ELECTION SPECIAL pisstake which has clever "choose your own" endings... so that you can see what happens if Labour wins, the Tories win, the Lib Dems win (yeah right, like that's gonna fucking happen) or if it's a Hung Parliament.

My favourite ending has got to be the Tory one where Sam Cam tells the other wives to 'fuck off'. No. Really.

Thanks to Isabel Fay, from Clever Pie,  for sending this in.

She's the one that plays Mrs Cleggover ;-)

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Election Debate Rap

Come Home To Labour

During a speech desperate plea in Manchester yesterday, Gordon Brown has urged people to "come home to Labour" because under 13 years of their Government the country has changed "for the better and for ever".

Is that fucking right!

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Balls Of Steal ++Updated++

How well do you know Ed Balls?

What do you really know about Gordon Brown's bully boy in chief

and Labour candidate for Morley and Outwood?

Claiming £33 for poppy wreaths is fucking disgrace!

The Sunlight Centre for Open Politics has bought advertising space in
the Yorkshire Post, Yorkshire Evening Post, Morley and Outwood Observer
and Wakefield Express, attacking Ed Balls for expenses abuse.

More details here.

The Votes Are In The Post

Unsurprisingly, postal vote fraud during this election appears to be rife.

It's so bad, that for the first time ever, a group of Commonwealth Election Monitors have been dispatched to scrutinise the UK Election results. These people are more used to supervising election results in banana republics.

That says it all really.

As is usual in New Labour Britain, we won't hear the official result of any postal vote fraud investigation until after the Election. By which time it'll be too late but that, of course, is just what Gordon Brown and his desperate band of 'win at any cost' Stasi stormtroopers want. 

Isn't it.

And another thing ........