Saturday, 3 January 2009

Celebrity Bollocks Big Bollocks Brother Bollocks


What an utter load of bollocks!
Televisual trash watched by all those good for nothing chav* twats, sat on their big fat lardy arses, staring at a 50" plasma paid for with their benefits, stuffing their faces with fags, Carling Black Label and pizzas. Spending 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, rubbernecking at a group of talentless fucking has beens parading around the place in an embarrassingly desperate attempt to revive their pointless careers. (That's if the fuckwits even had one in the first place)

What astounds me beyond belief is that this gaggle of dysfunctional non celebrity dickheads get cold, hard cash for appearing in this bag of shite chav fodder.

Ulrika Jonsson - £175,000
Only famous for having 4 kids by 4 different fathers (see above*)
Lucy Pinder - £150,000
Apparently she is what is called a glamour model. That'll be a dumb pornstar then.
Verne Troyer - £136,000
His parents were famous for throwing the alphabet into a hat and picking out 11 random letters before naming him. Later changed his name by deed poll in a sponsorship deal with Mini One.
LaToya Jackson - £100,000
Michael Jackson but with tits and a lady front bottom.
Mutya Buena - £75,000
Same parents as the Mini One. Very scary ex member of the Sugarbabes. Nothing more unlike a nice sweet sugary baby that I could imagine.
Terry err... um... errr... Christian - £75,000
Word has it that he takes hours to err. . finish a sentence. Problem is that you can't understand a word that the fucker says anyway. His name, roughly translated, means Mancunian Twat.
Michelle Heaton - £60,000
An ex lip syncing bimbo from some modern music combo, or other, who made their claim to fame via another one of those vote rigging bags of shite fronted by that high trousered twat, Simon Cowell.
Tina Malone - £30,000
A shameless foul mouthed, head butting Liverpudlian (no change there then). Learnt her craft at the Obsessive Compulsive School of Disorders and Dramatics. Favourite food, spit roast.
Coolio - £30,000
A fruit based ice lolly, nice in the hot weather, which usually comes with a rather distasteful, nonsensical kind of wrapping.
Ben Adams - £20,000
Often seen on the 409 mile trunk road between London and Edinburgh miming into a karaoke microphone. Also available for rent.
Tommy Sheridan - Worthless
Politician turned nonentity. Favourite hobby, committing perjury. Favourite attire, jockstrap.

Whatever next?
Celebrity Colonic Irrigation?

Fucking sad twats!

2 comments:

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Oddly I have never heard of any of these celebrities and neither have I ever seen their show except once when I went into our companys office and it was on the telly there.
So much for circuses, where's the fucking bread ?

GrumpyOldTwat said...

I confess to a little google action.
I hadn't heard of half of these spotlight jockeys either.