Friday, 23 January 2009

Many A True Word

Picture from TractorStats

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. This will certainly make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of the letter 'k'. This should klear up any konfusion. It also means that komputer keyboards kan have one less letter.

Publik enthusiasm for the new language will be growing in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with the letter 'f'. This will make words like fotograph 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplicated changes are possible.

Our Government will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and should b removed.

By the 4th year people wil b reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan b dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensible riten styl.

Zer vil b no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

You may laugh but if Lord Meddlesome gets his way it won't be long before he ditches the pound for the fucking Euro.

This will then leave the way clear for Gordoom Brownfinger to complete his obvious quest to turn Great Britain into a fascist state by ultimately introducing a new language.

Spreken ze Deutch?

3 comments:

Ming TM said...

I think Hitler and the Third Reich actually interfered less with their subjects than Brown Trousers and co - and they had a plan and stuck to it....Cunts the lot of 'em

it's either banned or compulsory said...

The whole sorry mess will be used by mendleman to scoop us begging into Euroland which is why he scarpered back from Brussels as he noticed what a balls up Brown was responsible for.
Coming soon, Chairman The Lord Mandelson, Commisar For The English Regions Of The EU. Direct Rule via RDAs.
"Elections ? Give them elections but I will rule ha ha "

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Seriously.

Mandelson worries me.

He is far more devious and intelligent than Gordoom.
And, unlike Gordoom, he has manouvered himself into a position whereby it is impossible for the voting public to remove him.

Dangerous times ahead.