Gigits Halloween Video

I thought that the Halloween Monsters of Mandelson, Brown and others, that Gigits has been doing this week, were so excellent I decided to produce a video which included them all . . . .

A Gigits Halloween
by GrumpyOldTwat

If you haven't seen the originals yet, pop over and have a look HERE. The descriptions that go with each Monster are well worth a read too.

Google Search of the Week

I have seen many weird and wonderful Google searches, on my sitemeter, which have resulted on the searcher landing on my blog. However, the latest one just has to be one of the best that I have ever seen:

fucking hell im so fucking pissed off for gods sake im fucked off bastard bitch and cunt hole

Unsurprisingly I appear to be 'top of the shop' for that one:

Good to see that I haven't lost my touch then ;-)

Barack Obama Beer

Two Boys, Aged 10, Arrested For Rape

If true, the rape of an 8 year old girl by these two young boys must be a terribly harrowing experience for the poor young girl and her family.

But how the buggering arseholes
does a 10 year old boy get a fucking lob on?

Answers on a postcard please to:

Baron Peter Benjamin Mandelson of Foy in the county of Herefordshire and Hartlepool in the county of Durham, First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills, President of the Board of Trade and Lord President of the Council,
The House of Lords
London
SW1A 0PW

Imitation Police. Genuine Cunts.

Yet more proof that PCSOs are a pointless waste of money

Figures recently released under the Freedom of Information Act have shown that over the last 12 months there were 60 PCSOs, working in the South Worcestershire division of West Mercia Police, which cost the tax payer over £1 million.

So, how many fines did they issue?

None.

Not one single fucking ticket has been issued by any of those 60 plastic cops in the last twelve months. Not one single fixed penalty notice for offences such as dog fouling, littering, cycling on a footpath, traffic violations, graffiti, fly posting, drugs & alcohol offences, throwing fireworks, shoplifting or being drunk and disorderly.

Fuck me!
South Worcestershire must be fucking crime free nirvana.
Let's all move there!

Or is it that your common or garden PCSO is just a useless, lazy,
does fuck all for 15 grand a year, plastic fucking pig?

'ello, 'ello, ello, nothing to see here

unless you click the image to enlarge it

Grumpy Old Twat Halloween Video

Labour Monster Mash
by GrumpyOldTwat

New Hatchet Job On Nasty Nick Griffin

Following hot on the heels of the CassetteBoy version, here is the latest piece of video wizardry mocking the Nick Griffin appearance on BBC Question Time . . . .

Fucking Hell! Have Labour Got It Right?

Surely THIS is a good thing.

Is it not.

Two Birds - One Stone

TheEye has always enjoyed 419 Scammer-baiting....replying to some fuckjob Nigerian who is offering you 10% of the stashed fortune of President Ombongo who has just died in a freak accident involving a blindfold and an industrial nail-gun, and stringing them along for as long as possible.

If you want to try it too, here's a quick tutorial to get you started.

1. Set up an untraceable and disposable email address. .
2. You need Nigerian spam quickly, and your new address may take some time to be harvested, so pick a Cunt.
3. Send this email:

4. The CWU will not reply, but they did sign me up to some rather pisspoor wank sites. Silent for weeks beforehand, within 24 hours the inbox is full of spam of all descriptions.
5. Select a 419 scam of your choice, reply, and happy baiting.

Cheers, CWU! It's the only helpful thing you've ever done. Cunts.

Baby P Mother Withdraws Appeal

The baby killing scumbag known as Tracey Connelly, of Penshurst Road, Tottenham, has dropped an appeal against her pathetically short sentence for the brutal murder of her 17 month old child, Peter Connelly.

Good.

Now I wish someone would drop that evil baby killing bitch, head fucking first, from the top of a tall building so that the child killing cunt's head ends up sticking out of her own cunt.

That good for fucking nothing Sharon Shoesmith can fucking join her too.

That is all.

New Stalker App for the iPhone

There really is an application for almost anything on the iPhone these days. Even when there shouldn’t be . . .

++Exclusive++ Minneapolis Flight 188

A Northwest Airlines Airbus A320, on a flight from San Diego to Minneapolis, overshot it's destination by over 150 miles because it's crew had apparently become distracted.

This EXCLUSIVE footage, from the in-cockpit camera,
reveals the reason for over an hour of radio silence
and for the Captain overshooting . . .

Jimmy Carr Amputee

Only one word from me.

Cunt.

TheEye has a few more here

Grumpy Old Twat Fascist Top Trio

@NOTW

@tb303

@TractorStats

Windows Se7en

Just saying.

Michael Savage on Gordon Brown

Thanks to Goodnight Vienna for giving me the idea ;-)

QT BNP UAF UAUAF

Whatever you may or may not think about the BNP, and the fact that Nick Griffin will probably be appearing on Question Time tonight, they are a legitimate political party. This obviously entitles them to air their opinions, when invited to do so, alongside the other political parties on the panel.

Ironically, the UAF appear hellbent on physically preventing this.

So, who are the fascists now then?

Breaking News from Praia da Luz

Courtesy of TractorStats

Someone in Ipswich Shoot the Fat Bastard!

He's already cost us over a £1 million!

This gut bucketing fat fuck is costing the taxpayer over £100,000 a year. Yes! We are paying for 6 or 7 healthcare (?) workers, on a 24hr rota, to fill this fat bastards face with chips, burgers and takeaways and now we are expected to foot the bill for his NHS 'stomach banding' operation. Oh, and then there's the cost of providing a reinforced ambulance/crane/forklift to transport the Ipswich Lard Mountain to the nearest hospital.

Why the fuck didn't the carers (?) just reduce Blubber Boy's food intake in the first place?

Give me fucking strength!


+++UPDATE+++
Here's another fat bastard that needs shooting!

Haloween with Anjem Choudary

A revolutionary broadcast on behalf of what New Labour have created . . .

Thanks to WE4 Productions for the video

Mail Online Reinstate Advertising . . .

. . . on THAT article. You know the one.

Smoking Makes You Gay

Smoking Makes You Gay
by GrumpyOldTwat

Bob Ainsworth, Defence Minister

Bob Ainsworth, the Defence Secretary, is among those set to make a repayment for wrongly claiming on his expenses. The Wig Wearing Wanker, who is in charge of  troop maiming and body bags, has apparently spent too much money on defence.

He is said to be returning a total of £1,526.50p which includes "an inadvertent duplication of a claim for fencing" which was paid for out of his second homes allowance. In an emailed statement an aide also said that Bob 'The Knob' had also "agreed to repay £575 in respect of a piece of furniture" and added: "Bob is extremely sorry for the two claims made in error, it was a genuine mistake."

I would say that's just like Gordon Brown's original appointment of Body Bag Bob to the post of 'Defence Minister' then. A genuine mistake complete and utter, weapons grade fuck up.

Oi Gordon, you blind fuck,
click image to enlarge

Welcome to the Department of Home Expenses

You couldn't make this up . . . or could you?
Watch how a typical MP puts in his claim for expenses using the new online site www.departmentofhomeexpenses.com . . . .

Would you like to have a go yourself?

Just follow this link and bang in your own expenses claim.

This will then be automatically emailed to  the Prime Minister, Gordon ‘Pass the fucking MAIOs’ Brown, the Leader of the Opposition David ‘I'm fucking cool coz I said twat’ Cameron, and the leader of the Liberal Democrats Nick ‘Anyone got a fucking clue what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing’ Clegg.

Have fun and enjoy!

I certainly did and here's a copy of my claim form . . .

Grumpy Old Twat New Labour Game

It's a New Labour jungle out there, so make sure you take a big fuck off gun with you and get ready for some target pratice. It's your chance to have some fun and get your own back on Gordon Brown, Bob Ainsworth and Peter Mandelson.

Go on, you know you want to!

Men That Look Like Old Lesbians

Following on from a recent post

here are a few more suggestions for those men who

bare an uncanny resemblance to an old lesbian . . .

Elliot Morely

Nominated by Houdini

Elton John

Nominated by Dark Lochnagar

Sion Simon

Nominated by Gigits

Gary Rhodes

Nominated by Dark Lochnagar

Jacqui Smith Petition

Oh dear, what a fucking shame, it looks like the residents of Redditch aren't too happy about a thieving scumbag representing them in Parliament anymore. The 'Jacqui Smith Must Go' campaign seems to be gathering momentum with 6,500 signatures on the petition already.

Mind you, you'll always find one deluded twat . . .

Gordon Brown Sends More Troops?

So, the "most unpopular Prime Minister in British history" has announced that he will probably be sending another 500 of our Armed Forces to Afghanistan. No mention of us staying there for another 20 or 30 years though, eh.

By way of a change I thought I would publish an email, that I received on the subject, from one of the regular commentators here. It's straight from the heart and I don't think I could have put it better myself . . .

GOT, I had to mail you because I'm feel fucking physically sick. How the fuck can Brown say he's sending more troops to Afghanistan - if key conditions are met, i.e. The troops are properly ( for once ) equipped. WTF has been happening for these past 6 or 7 years.The top brass at the military have been practically BEGGING for this, and now that cunt is saying they must have the proper kit before he sends them to war!

GOT, I cannot even begin to express my anger. I've literally got a headache through thinking about it. My head is banging because I'm SO fucking angry at this pompus twat. How DARE he? How the fuck has he the NERVE? What must the parents of our brave lads and lasses be feeling right now?

If I hadn't e-mailed you, I think I would have gone down the shops and battered to death one of the thugs down there. I needed to commit my anger to writing, and thanks in advance, because I know you'll understand. This prick PM has blood running out of every pore in relation to our troops. HE is responsible for body bags and coffins. I've never felt like this before, GOT. I'm usually a laid-back kind of guy...but this...I can't adequatley describe him...baffoon, is taking the military and the public as mugs. This monster is responsible for young kids loss of life, and a parents lifetime of sadness, THEN has the arrogance to ask/blame the military for proper kit.

Many thanks mate. Sometimes my command of the English language falls foul, but I hope you get my drift. I speak from the heart because I'm a parent.

Ansel

Gordon Brown Thief In Chief

Ok, so Sir Thomas Legg has sent letters out to some of the thieving bastards that have been helping themselves to the taxpayers' cash. Now, whatever you or I think about whether it's too little too late or we'd be better off having a General Election, to 'clear out' all the crooked cash cowing cunts, something has struck me about those letters.

So far, not one of the thieving bastards from the Cabinet, or the Shadow Cabinet for that matter, has come anywhere near the £12,415.10p repayment figure that Gordon Brown has officially stolen from the taxpayer.

That's fucking right!

The half eyed, unelected, prime-fucking-mentalist of this country appears, officially, to be Parliament's Thief-in-Chief. Head Hypocrite to the House of Commons. Duke Duplicity of Downing Street.

Gordon Brown has let us down. Yet again.

A man of questionable judgement, poor moral fibre and an inability to conduct himself beyond reproach. A man who has totally lost control.

That will be HIS legacy.

Richard Hammond

My thanks go to the ever entertaining Dr Dave for alerting me to an excellent picture blog entitled "Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians". It's fucking brilliant, and even though it's USA based, you can still have hours of fun spotting the British nominees too.

Oh and there's even the occasional "Men Who Look Like Young Lesbians" post, just so the likes of Tom Chaplin don't feel left out.

If you fancy nominating a few look-a-likes of your own in the comments, old or young, I'll do a post on them later. Now if we could combine that with a few politicians too, then so much the better, eh!

Jacqui Smith, Don't Forget the Porno

Third and final part of 

"Jacqui Smith is a piss taking porno provider" night, on G.O.T. . . 

Jacqui says: "I want to apologise unreservedly to the House - as I have to my constituents - for wrongly claiming for the cost of films alongside my broadband and cable connection".

I say:"What about the other £160,000 of taxpayers' hard earned that you've had your grubby, fat, lard stained fingers on" and "You seem to have left out the word porno when you mention THOSE films"

In a way though, I can't blame Flick Wrist Dickie for choosing to perform a five fingered shuffle on his festered ferret. Who the fuck in their right mind would want to play a ditty on the JS furry banjo? Christ, you'd have to spray the fat bitch in oil and throw a bag of flour at her before you'd find it anyway!

Just don't expect us to fucking pay for that as well.

What's that you say? "I'll pay the money back".  Fuck the fucking fuck off, you bullshitting, ball bag pimping, sleaze bag . . .

Jacqui and Hazel discuss their new exercise bike.

Apparently it's called the Harriet Harmoniser

Jacqui Smith, No Further Action

Part 2 of Jacqui Smith is a '£116k-troughing-twat' night on G.O.T.

No further action needed! What the fucking fucketty fuck is that all about then? For fuck's sake if that wobble bottomed 'these-are-all-the-pies-i'm-going-to-eat'*, thieving cunt had an ounce of decency left in that champagne swilling booty of hers, she'd ask me to lend a hand with her assisted suicide . . .

. . .  or, at the very least, perhaps someone will give the cash cowing cunt a dose of fatal swine flu. Good news! Looks like she's already infected . . .

*'these-are-all-the-pies-i'm-going-to-eat - H/T Captain Haddock

Jacqui Smith, Nothing's Changed

We've fucking heard it all before Jacqui, 'apologies' for doing nothing wrong, blah blah fucking blah. I have nothing to be sorry for but I'll still say sorry, blah, blah, twatting blah.

Well you'll be glad to know that my opinion of of the Jackbooted, husband-likes-to-jerk-off-at-our-expense, cash trousering, sleaze bag hasn't changed either.

So it's 'Take the piss out of Jacqui Smith night' on G.O.T., with a chance to recap on a few of those tasteful (?) images I've previously done for the kebab eating, slack jawed, thieving bitch.

Here's a couple to be going on with, more later . . .

Islamophobia +++Updated+++

Meet the Political Editor of the NewStatesman, Mehdi Hasan . . .

. . . and there was me thinking that other total fucktard,
that writes for the NewLabourman Statesman and LabourList,
was totally un-fucking-believable!


+++UPDATE+++

I see that the English Defence League are now
selling Burkha face masks on EBay

Out Now on the Torn Retina Label

Available to download now on iLunes

from the forthcoming album 'The Great Escape'

featuring special guest 'Tears for Fears'

Barack Obama & The Nobel Peace Prize

Thanks to Edgar
for alerting me to this new form of cuntishness

Gordon will soon be on Flexible New Deal

The New Deal Story

Latest Poll Results, Possibly

Click image to enlarge, you blind cunts

Taliban Outtake

Taliban Outtake
by GrumpyOldTwat

The Perils Of Alcohol

Sometimes I wonder what we pay the BBC for. We never hear about this sort of stuff. Or does it just happen in Sweden?

We've all done it...a few quick drinks after work in Umeå and then you wake up the morning after with a six inch cock tattooed on your leg.


After hitting one of the town's nightspots, our group of fuckwits headed for a hamburger joint where the lad Joel waxed lyrical about a tattoo of a moustache on a friend's finger. Pissed and stupid, he announced to all present that he too wanted a drunken tattoo. But the next booth was occupied by a tattoo artist, who offered to do it if given free rein to express himself. Which he did.

Joel said he was initially worried what his mother would think, adding that he did not bathe in public at all this summer. No shit.

At least he wasn't arrested. A couple of weeks ago, also in Sweden, a trucker overturned his lorry whilst high on drugs and furiously wanking. The brilliant bit is that he carried on pulling his cock during the police interrogation and so was charged with sexual molestation as well.

Come back #SillyWeek, all is forgiven.

Gordon Brown on Facebook

Click image to enlarge . . .

courtesy of Gigits

Arise Sir Tony Blair

What's the betting that, shortly after the war mongering two faced cash trousering twat is installed as President of the EUSSR, Tony Blair will be given a knighthood.

Arise Sir Tony and Lady Widemouth Blair.

Cunts!

David Blunkett Wedding Photo

Sarah Brown was a guest at Blunkett's wedding . . . .

  . . . and Gordon Brown came too!    



Feel free to add a caption of your own in the comments section;-)