This one is the result of a request in the comments section
over at NHS Blog Doctor.
with apologies to Johnny Cash
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Gordon Seeks More Drowning Street Rats?
Do What!
Why the fuck would anyone, in their right mind, want to swim back towards a sinking ship and be associated with a plague of Drowning Street rats?
Beats me.
Incidentally, Nick Clegg is still allowing unmoderated comments on his blog. Why not pop over there and tell him what you think?
Saturday, 30 May 2009
Jack Visits Jade
According to the Daily Mail, that nice boy Jack Tweed has been to visit lovely Jade's grave on the day that he was released from prison.
Aaah, isn't that sweet.
Old Bag isn't happy!
Friday, 29 May 2009
Thursday, 28 May 2009
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
Don't Fuck With Us Nadine Dorries
Well Nadine, I'd just like to say "Don't fuck with the blogosphere!"
So here it is again in all it's glory,
with another tug of the forelock to Tory Poppins.
Have You Seen This Cunt?
click pic to enlarge
Excellent work from Lawson Narse.
Get the full story and check out his other work here.
Old Holborn Is Issuing Warrants
Just in case you haven't already heard, Old Holborn is planning to execute Citizen's Arrests on some of those thieving scumbag MPs that have helped themselves to tax payers cash.
Details of OH's last visit to Parliament, which received coverage on National TV news, can be seen here.
Monday, 25 May 2009
Darling You're Taking The Piss
It just keeps getting worse.
There are two problems here. . .
1) Under HM Revenue and Customs rules, you are not allowed to claim the cost of employing an accountant to fill in a self-assessment tax form as a legitimate business expense. Incidentally, he's not the only one at it of course.
2) If the Chancellor of the Exchequer fiscal fucking fucktard can't even sort out his own tax affairs, where the fuck does that leave us with regard to this Countrys dire, debt ridden economy.
Thieving twat!
Sunday, 24 May 2009
Coming Soon . . .
Anyone remember
Well, I haven't quite finished working on my latest spoof website yet
but in the meantime I thought you'd like to take a look at the logo . . . .
Saturday, 23 May 2009
Old Holborn On TV News
Nadine Dorries Silenced?
What the fuck is going on?Irrespective of whether you agree with Nadine's recent comments or not, it appears that she has been censored. Her blog has been taken down. Her cache has also disappeared. Somebody has done a very thorough job.
Barclay Brothers perhaps?
++++ Update ++++
Thanks to a tip off from Henry,
the Google cache is still available here.
Plus, Tory Poppins has a copy of Nadine's offending post!
G.O.T's Blog is giving me a head fuck
Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'
'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never
moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his
entire life.'
'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.
'Brown's clock is in Jesus's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'
Friday, 22 May 2009
Baby P, Peter Connelly. Give Me Strength!
The sentences handed out for the murderers of
Baby P, Peter Connelly,
are totally, fucking inadequate. . . .
Stephen Barker
Tracey Connelly
Jason Barker
Sharon Shoesmith
Hang the murdering arsewipes
until they are dead.
Poor Peter.
Maybe one day he will rest in peace . . .
Jack Straw and Jacqui Smith.
Far more interested in fiddling their expenses
than seeing that justice is done
for a poor defenseless little boy.
I hope they both rot in hell.
Cunts.
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Labour Spin TV To Cost More
Labour MP's have voted against the Tory proposal
to freeze the BBC Licence Fee.
It will now rise by another £3.
Two quotes from Sir Michael Lyons,
the head of the BBC Trust, says it all really . . .
"The Tory plan was a recipe for
curbing the editorial independence of the BBC".
"It is very important that the BBC's horizons do not become
too closely entwined with the political cycle"
G.O.T. rests his case.
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Gordon Brown - All Words, No Action
Gordon Brown, all words and no fucking action.
G.O.T toys proudly presents . . . . .
A very limited edition that doesn't even have 'gripping hands'
in fact it has lost all grip on reality
and instead of having 'eagle eyes' it has only one eye
that can't even see what is staring it in the face.
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Monday, 18 May 2009
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Grumpy Old Twat Top Trio
Fido @ The Lone Voice
G.O.T. as an MP?
Having been tagged as a co-contributor of the ASE, with regard to the current MP meme bollocks that is doing the rounds, I have duly posted my reply there. However as that place is of non fucking sweary proportions I decide that I would post an alternative version of my answers here . . . .
1. Has there ever been an occasion when you failed to notice that you have paid your mortgage off months, possibly years in advance, and just had not realised?
Thankfully no. I am fiscally astute and therefore know exactly when my 17 buy-to-let RSfuckingB funded mortgages had been fulfilled. However my communications skills are worse than an unelected, testicle tickling, fois gras gorging, bogey bloated Prime Minister and I have no idea whether I've contacted the Fees Office to cease interest payment reimbursements but I'm sure they will inform me if I have omitted to do so.
2. Does your property contain a moat?
Happily no it doesn't otherwise my extortionately over-fucking-priced collection of persian rugs would be ruined, costing the tax paying public another 50k of their hard earned. However I do have a rather large expanse of water, that circumnavigates my humble 23 bedroom pied-a-terre shag palace in rural Norfolk, which is constantly patrolled by a Type 1 Destroyer, manned by olive skinned ladyboys, in order to repel the very same taxpayers that have been so unwittingly generous in providing for its upkeep.
3. Do you think you could in good conscience accept a salary and allowances whilst not actually attending your place of work or office?
Incredibly this situation never arises. On the rare occasions when I am unable to attend 'The House' I am usually in attendance at the house or somewhere en route between the other 6 houses that I have nominated. Although 'The House' is my main place of work I have also nominated the house as my second place of work which means, according to the rules, I am always in the house therefore completing my obligations towards adequate re-numeration.
4. If you were told that it was within the rules to go jump off a cliff, would you do it?
Everyone told me that I was fucking insane to try it but eventually I came to enjoy it. However I have now had to curb my tendencies for this rather risky activity since I lost my balance and trod on the orange that was wedged in Cliff's mouth and he had to have it surgically removed from his windpipe.
5. Are you able to tell the difference between a room in a house, and an actual house?
Very obvious to me. A house is large, tax payer funded object which you approach via a long driveway in your chauffeur driven Jagwaur whereas a room is a large expanse of luxuriously furnished living space funded by the tax payer.
6. Are you able to commute a distance under 35 miles for work purposes without the need for an additional house being provided?
It may come as a surprise to you but the matter has never arisen. This is due to the fact that my office, as luck would have it, is only 18 paces from my kitchen accessible via a short passage way leading from the utility room. I sometimes have to ask James, my long suffering 'give-us-a-quick-handjob' chauffeur to move the Jagwaur so that I can sit at the desk and watch 'Bangkok Chick Boys Do It Doggy Style' on the internet but otherwise I find the arrangement quite convenient. Cheap to run too although I'm not sure how much I get from the taxpayer towards the running costs but I dare say those tossers at The Telegraph will drop me in the shit by letting you all know shortly.
7. Do you know what an Iron is?
Now that one is easy, I have several of these contained in a large bag which is carried by George, my long suffering pink oboe playing Batman, who will then pass the appropriate one to me depending on where my balls have landed and how far away from the whole I am.
8. Is your TV or Stereo likely to need an upgrade in the next 5 years?
Good grief no. It's not really worthwhile upgrading any of my essential fetish porn watching equipment as I have found it impossible to locate a qualified technician who is capable of doing this. As a result I usually find it easier, more convient and more economically viable for me to replace my jizz splatered flat screen with the latest over priced 60inch from John Lewis and have it delivered to my home at the fucked in the arse tax payers inconvenience.
9. Do you have a warped sense of humour OR Do you have a helipad?
Can honestly say that I have both. (and you'll need to take a deep breath before reading this next sentence) Many a time I have laughed like an unelected, snot gobbling, pant pissing, fat fuck of a man munching Prime Minister, who is on speed filming a YouTube video, whilst I hop over to Jersey in my taxpayer funded Sea King to an all expenses paid non-fucking-working luncheon in my capacity as Fees Office watchdog.
10. If you did need two houses to live and work, do you think it possible to designate one as a main home, and stick by that decision for the duration of that employment?
Undeniably yes but it never quite seems to work like that in practice. The problem is that I have 6 big, fuck the fuck off sized houses to maintain which can become a 'flipping' nuisance at times.
11. If you work in a different place to where you live – do you find yourself, or could you envision, eating twice as much food as you would if you lived more locally to work?
Now, unfortunately I have a rare disease which only seems to affect the thieving cunts who are entrusted with the running the Country into the fucking ground. Its called DietrumFatCunticusEatMostest. This basically manifests itself by causing an uncontrollable urge to diet whilst in the work place and then conversely creating the need to stuff my over gorged, bloated physique with fois gras and truffles whilst relaxing in the stress free environment of my 23 bedroom tax payer funded pied-a-terre.
12. Do you know what a pergola is?
Tricky question this one? As Minister for Sport I don't often take much notice of the other overpaid twats that play football so I'm not too sure if he ponces for Chelsea or Arsenal but I'll ring my Russian 'cash for questions' friend on his big fuck off yacht. He'll know.
Incidentally, if I were considering replying to this MP meme bollocks in a Liberal Democratic Party kind of way, the answers to all 12 questions would be exactly the same . . .
"Err yes, err no, err not sure but I'll sit on the fence for now until I decide which way the fucking wind is blowing."
Saturday, 16 May 2009
MPs Selling On EBay?
It seems that at least one of our cash cowing Ministerial cocks is trying to offload his ill gotten Troughligate gains by flogging them on Ebay. The problem is it looks like this dumbfuck of an MP was in such a hurry that he didn't even have time to get dressed and forgot to check if the photo needed cropping before he uploaded it.
Friday, 15 May 2009
Let US Prey
Following a request in the comments over at Guido's, I've given Gordon a halo. It might not be the type of halo that the unelected Prime Minister would enjoy but I think that it rather suits him.
Sorry, couldn't find any piano wire but I hope that rope will do.
+++Update+++
Dungeekin has a theory why materials are in short supply!
At Last! Its a Balls Up
Guido has the breaking news that we've all been waiting for.
The Daily Telegraph has finally taken the plunge.
Can't wait for the fallout on this one!
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Jacqui Smith - The Troughtator
Jacqui Smith had to sit and listen while Frontline police officers told her that MPs' expense claims were enough to shame a dictator. They said that MPs were enjoying expenses that would not look out of place in a “Third-World dictatorship”.
Well, she should fucking know!
After all, she's an expert at troughing the tax payers money whilst at the same time turning this Country into a Totalitarian state.
Lest we forget, I would like to remind you all
that Jacqui Smith is still freedom fucking, cash thieving cunt.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Fuck The Fuck Off
It appears that I have been tagged by the Old Bag (thanks for fucking nothing) to tell you about the 8 things that I hate and because this is my 200th post (whoopee fucking doo so fucking what) I thought that I would do something a little bit different.
So I present the 8 Little Miss and Mr Men that I don't fucking care for much and that I'd wish would just fuck the fuck off. Any inference to an individual 'troughlitician' or any group of the troughing tossers, is purely fucking deliberate . . . . .
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