Saturday, 28 February 2009

It's Never His Fault


From the Daily Twatlegraph:

Brainless twat riding mobility scooter takes yet another wrong turn and ends up on dual carriageway
Apparently a senile fat twat from Westminster had popped out to pick up some incontinence pants and a tin of foie gras from his local paki shop but lost his way and ended up on a road to nowhere. Not an uncommon incident by all accounts.

Undaunted by everything going on around him the stupid old pant wetter continued on, regardless of anyone or anything around him, determined to reach his goal whatever the consequences.

He was eventually spotted by a well to do man who was riding in the back of a Rolls Royce at the time. The car pulled along side and the inappropriate looking chap wound down his blacked out window and beckoned him over. "It appears that you have lost your way again, can I give you a ride?" He said, looking over his spectacles. "I'm on my way to ManMuncher and I'll let you suck my lollipop if you like."

"Not now" said the half blind half wit " but I'll give you a ring, with pleasure, later."

The plastic police patrol were eventually called by a rather sour faced, fat bitch wearing jackboots and a small moustache, who was driving a panzer tank. "Get  this useless twat out of my way or I'll have you killed" she said "That's how much power I have. I'm very important. I have two properties paid for by anybody who is left working, you know."

The phoney cops followed the trail of piss up the road until they eventually caught up with the pathetic twat who had skidded on a pile of his own snot.

"It's not my fault!" protested the confused cunt, shaking with rage. "Somebody must have changed the road signs and made me go in the wrong direction, it's not my fault I tell you, it must have been somebody else!"

"It's not my fault!"

No, it never is your fault is it.
You one eyed, pant wetting twat!

10 comments:

Tory Poppins said...

I never fail to leave your fabulous blog without pissing my own pants . . (& I love it!) Absolutely bloody marvellous!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

My apologies for being the apparent cause of another Tory Totty knicker trickle and thank you for the kind words.

I'm not sorry about Gordoom though.
The piss poor pathetic pant wetting prick of a prime minister!

Christine said...

Nice new blog template. It's very GQ. I haven't read much of it, because you know Americans are more about looks than substance. It's for this reason that I was shocked and disgusted at Sunday Morning's tease about a Van Morrison feature to come. Twat the hell happened to him? I can't sing "Brown-eyed Girl" thinking of that fat fuck!

What's next-is Peter Gabriel going to lose all his hai--MOTHER FUCKER!

All Seeing Eye said...

Completely O/T

TheEye is fucking not happy. Happiness is not at home to this bastard to-fucking-night.

Being a non-corporeal being it is therefore sodding difficult to manage to be chased up a twatting set of (steep) steps by the ex-boyfriend of your female flatmate seeking revenge for fucking her. Even though they have broken up. And I haven't.

But I so would and that's what pisses me off most.

On the Cuntitude Scale of this twat we are registering a 9.3 here.

It would have been 9.7 if the Bar Manager and a fellow punter had not restrained him outside of the bar. TheEye doesn't play by the fighting rules when it comes to being attacked by a random pissing nutter and would have happily gone for the eyeballs straight away.

Richard you wankstain - my therapist says that I've got a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll fucking see about that you fucking cunt...

Sorry for O/T but needed to do it.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

The Eye is more than welcome to let off steam here anytime he chooses.

I am only sorry that you have been subjected to an incident of such cuntitude.

I can see that 'cuntishness' just won't cut the fucking mustard on this occasion!!!

All Seeing Eye said...

Cuntishness is a passing thing. Cuntitude remains deep in the bones.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Last comment duly recognised as outstanding and as a result has become the first in a new feature in G.O.T.'s revised blog template.

Welcome to 'G.O.T. Philosophy'.

I shall shortly be raising a large glass of 12 year old Speyside in honour of The Eye, to wish him better fortune and a lot less shit in the coming days

it's either banned or compulsory said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
it's either banned or compulsory said...

/|\ deleted by me, too many typos.

Shame, the rolls royce chap should have done a " Lord Ahmed " on the unelected retard who poses as our leader.

Eye, on the same basis as Papal Indugencies and carbon-offsetting I presume that you now have carte blanche to fuck the maid since Richard has pre-empted his revenge ?

All Seeing Eye said...

EBC, the flatmate is 100% fuckable looks-wise. Our cleaner is so ugly you wouldn't ride her in to battle.