Wednesday, 18 February 2009

How's My Driving

For many years now, to relieve the boredom of driving and of course to have some fun, I've been playing something called 'The Game'.

The idea is to piss off as many drivers as you can, in the queue behind you, whilst collecting as many points as you can. Sometimes it can be fucking hilarious especially when the innocent 'players' start leaning on their horns, gesticulating and going ballistic.

Fuck me, if they knew I was actually doing it deliberately they'd be catatonic.
Like I give a fuck!

This is how to play 'The Game':

1. Take a pivotal position and avoid being trumped.
2. Collect at least four cars in your wake.
3. Collect the following bonus points depending on which type of vehicle you are driving at the time. You can also collect bonus points for the type of vehicle that is five places behind:
Tractor/Farm Vehicle  10pts
Royal Mail Van  9pts
HGV  8pts
Milk Float  7pts
Van  6pts
Coach  5pts
Taxi  4pts
4x4  3pts
OAP Vehicle  2pts
Car  1pt

Further bonus points can be collected for the following:

• Going particularly slowly (good way to start The Game)  4pts
• Stopping for no reason with five or more cars in tow   10pts
• Every 30 seconds of being stopped without a car passing  3pts
• Stopping for a chat, with a car coming the other way  2pts
• Each hooter sounded behind you  1pt
• Indicate to pull over, slow down, then move off quickly whilst still indicating 4pts

4. In town centres pull over suddenly without indicating and park opposite another vehicle, thus stopping any other vehicle from getting through  4pts
5. Indicate to turn at a roundabout, then carry straight on  2pts
6. At a T junction or roundabout, for correctly guessing the intended direction of the vehicle behind and laboriously turning the same way  3pts
7. Parking in vehicle behind's intended parking spot  5pts
8. Leave one or both indicators on at all times  2pts
9. Trump another player (pull into pivotal position) 15pts
10. When pulling into trumping position, slow right down and then speed up suddenly (this is also an excellent way of counting the vehicles behind you)  5pts
11. Generally speed up and slow down continually  3pts
12. Swerve from side to side  2pts
13. Flash your headlights at someone to go through a gap and then go yourself  4pts
14. The game is over when a) you have been trumped or b) you have reached your destination.

Have a go.
It's a right fucking laugh and if you have a passenger, so much the better, they can keep score giving you more time to rev some fucks into the poor blood vessel bursting bastards behind you!

10 comments:

Cato said...

What a sooooooper game! I shall indulge myself a.s.a.p

BTW, re your tastes in wine...Have you tried Pinotage?
So full bodied you can almost chew it!!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Go for it Cato!
The skill is in creating as much chaos as possible without actually causing an accident.

I do enjoy the odd Pinotage for a change. However if I am particularly flush and fancy a really full, heavy red then Châteauneuf-du-Pape would be the lubrication of choice.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

You must be one of those cunts who drive around my city at 18mph, you have no obvious destination and usually appear when the School run is at its' height or in time to start the rush hour early.
I thought you were paid by a slush fund from a secret 'anti-drivers' black ops at the Council.
I'm going to up your game by slightly disabling my brake lights, slamming on the brakes for no reason so that you crash into me. I'll then sue your arse off, whiplash compo ! Yay !

btw, GOT
Try staying calm and rational after reading this which points the fingure at the latest group of NHS Resources ABUSERS.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/4636683/Loneliness-as-harmful-as-smoking-and-obesity-say-scientists.html

In outline this states that single people get ill because they lack companionship, they get as ill as smokers and the obese. Because they are single they lack self-control and are therefore more likely to 'comfort eat', give up on exercise regimes, have a second or even third 'comfort scotch ' to combat feelings of lonliness and depression.
The reason they are single is because they lack social skills
( which might be interpreted as being anti-social ).

Statisics show that the largest number of households by size = 1
They are easily identifiable because they will have signed up for single discount Council Tax ( ie data-base already in place, cunning huh !)


Single People, the New Jews.

Prodicus said...

So it was you, yer bastard.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

So it was you, yer bastard.
Ha ha. Maybe?

GrumpyOldTwat said...

EBC, I am certainly "one of those cunts" but I don't do a lot of city driving. Just a simple rural driver me. (Apparently Obnoxio hates rural drivers. Good).

BTW, read the article about loneliness and got as far as "perceived social isolation" and lost the plot!

Would like to post your comment as a 'guest'. Can I?

it's either banned or compulsory said...

By all means Grumpy

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Thanks, leave it with me.

Henry North London said...

Ah You dont have a fiesta in a particularly vile shade of maroon do you?

GrumpyOldTwat said...

Mmmm, no but it does sound like the mode of transport that Pigsy uses.

I heard tell that she likes to fuck around a bit, just as the mood takes her you understand.