Tuesday, 24 February 2009

BBC News Impartial - Fat Chance



Another day of hard graft saw me 'flat out like a lizard drinking', paying attention to detail, taking pride in my work, customer is king (or queen) etc, ethics which are standard issue to all of us normal 'work-fucking-hard'-for-a-living-and-you-shall-be-rewarded' types.

Anyway, whilst I was doing this, my customer happened to switch on the TV for the BBC news.

I was absolutely fucking well astonished!

The 'top story' was all about fat fucking chavs getting diabetes because they were all so lardy arseingly fat! Sitting around on their doughnut infested bulging buttocks is apparently the main cause for 'catching' type 2 diabetes. 41,000 of the fat fucks in the last few years.

Makes fucking sense to me but who gives a fuck? Eat + no excersise = fat fucker. Why is it headline news? And why did they spend at least ten minutes discussing it? Well, when I say discussing I mean interviewing five a day green grocers, doctors who hadn't eaten for 10 years and humungous whale looking wankers with half a cow and a sack of king edwards in their fat chav gobs whilst drinking 'atlantic' sized Pepsis sucked through a hosepipe.

Anyway, I'll tell you why, and this was the reason my astonishment was absolutely fucking. Further down the list of news items was the story about Jack Straw refusing to release the Cabinet minutes relating to the start of the Iraq war!



Yes that's right. The British Broadcasting Cunteration were literally burying an item of 'actual importance' under a pile of jelly on a plate, gut bucketing, lardy cake snaffling lardy arses that feed their fat fucking faces with lard fucking sandwiches all day whilst claiming benefits instead of working for a living.

That's why I was fucking astonished.

I just can't tell you which, out of the three useless wankers, I was most cross about.

  1. The BBCunteration for trying to distract me from/fucking bury the 'real news'
  2. The junk food jerk offs who get diabetes just because they are all lazy cunts
  3. Jack 'zip it' Straw for vetoing the release of the Iraq war Cabinet minutes which immediately leads you to think, 'what the fuck are you hiding you untrustworthy bunch of Nulabore nonces?
My conclusion?

Another classic case of the British Broadcasting Cunteration helping Gordoom Brownfinger, and his band of useless tossers, to bury news that they'd rather we didn't know about.

Oh and fat, benefit blagging chavs are all cunts.

That'll be all three then.

Twats!

14 comments:

All Seeing Eye said...

Yes, and the BBC having an 'all-black' episode of Eastenders.

TheEye doesn't have one of those fucking licensing thingies. Thank Christ for that, because he would have been have been forced to wipe his arse with it and post it back to them.

Hopefully it would not have been glossy.

Actually, that'd give the cunts a DNA sample, so maybe not a good idea.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Neither do I have a telly or pay telly tax so was not disturbed either by the beeboid 'news' and the all black Eastenders, fancy a guess at the audience figures for the next episode, Ha Fucking Ha. Ratings will plummet and the Righteous will get all in a tizz about the 'racist' audience.

BBC Radio 4 news had much the same priorities though someone did suggest that far from being a one-off exeptional ban it could possibly be the thin end of the wedge before such bans become normal; we are advised to 'wait and see'.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

All Seeing Eye Shitting on Government stationery is fine, your DNA would be comingled with the bacon, lettuce, fish and anything else that you had eaten to produce it.

Houdini said...

Business section. Ashcroft has been the most prominent video story there for almost a week. Almost unheard of for one story.

Screech said...

All Seeing Eye, i wouldn't worry about your DNA, they'd only put the details on a disk and lose it anyway.

All Seeing Eye said...

So, Screech, you're saying that I've spent my whole life trying to donate my DNA to women (usually with the assistance of alcohol), but the only one who actually wants it is Jacqui Smith and she's just going to leave it on the fucking 3:45 train from Waterloo?

You have just destroyed my entire reason to exist in a single post. Bastard.

Tory Poppins said...

G.O.T . . . .you're a fucking- fuckety-fuck-fuck-wank-wank-GENIUS my friend! Absolutely spot on the money as usual. The BBC are a mass of hideous smelly wank-stains and I refuse to watch them on principal!

GrumpyOldTwat said...

And mine.

The thought of Jacqui Smith being interested in 'storing' my DNA has turned my hard disk into a floppy.

All Seeing Eye said...

TheEye assumes that GOT's DNA storage equipment is not a 3.5 inch antique version.

TheEye has standards at his orgies. Invitations have been fought for with drawn swords, Sir!

Corrupted Hard Drive said...

***Smutty Toilet Humour Alert***



Would that be pork swords?

All Seeing Eye said...

TheEye declares a broadsword as his weapon.

If no assistance is available, with a broadsword two hands are required for effective use.

Small Letter Opener Shaped Like A Sword said...

That made I larf !!!

Thank you, I needed it.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Crikey, on the Beeboid radio today, confirmed, 30% more fat cunts admitted to hospital for being fat bastards !

Cure, staple their mouths and put them to work on a treadmill linked to the National Grid.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

That's fucking right!
Fat bastards sorted.