We Are Clearly Most Primitive

The Smash adverts are still absolute fucking classics and can still make me laugh like a fucking ninny, even today!

Don't know about anyone else but I just can't bear to watch I.T.fucking V. anymore. Haven't watched it for years. The fucking adverts drive me mad. They're all crap and there's just far too many of them.

Back 'in the day' though they were brilliant. They were often clever, entertaining and most of all they could be 'pant wettingly' funny. Literally sometimes.

Ok, so there where some dreadful ones too like 'Shake 'n' Vac' but we can still all recall it though can't we? I can remember my mother using the stuff.  Wiggling and jiggling around the house like some demented fucker with rickets. She even had the same fucking Hoover as the stupid bint in the advert, probably still got it now. Tightarse!

Anyhow the 'stuff' looked like fucking talc powder if you ask me. In fact, one time, I caught my baby brother trying to shove some between the cheeks of his arse in an attempt to soothe some 'plastic pant rash' or other.

Didn't work of course. He just bawled his fucking head off until 'mummy' gave him a pink wafer.

Had to laugh though, next time he farted a little puffy white cloud appeared from under his corduroy shorts and sprinkled onto his brown Startrite sandals!

"Great cars and a great deal more"

British Leyland cars, wow, they were the dogs bollocks in those days. I adored the Dolomite Sprint and always aspired to having one. Alas, I never managed it but a friend of mine did have one when we were about 18, cream with a black vinyl roof it was. Jammy bastard! What a fanny magnet that thing was come Friday night. A right pair of 'Jack the lads' we were. Always on the look out for a couple of 'Jill the girls'!

And what about Kia-Ora.

Another classic advert of the time but fuck me though, a stereotypical black kid singing?

Christ, Nanny would probably have a stroke if that aired today, coupled with violent anti racist protests too, I shouldn't wonder.

"I'll be your dog."

Good times!